How often does your 4 year old have a tantrum? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 42 Old 06-10-2010, 12:08 PM
 
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My 4 year old (will be five in a couple of months) has multiple tantrums a day. Screaming and crying, hiding behind a chair and saying he'll never leave his grandparents house because I wouldn't play baseball in the rain with him when it was time to go home last night is one example. My 7 year old never did things like this. He is much more of a whiner and can more easily be reasoned with. I always just assumed it was my middle child being a bit difficult at 4 years old. I don't think anything is wrong with him. He is stubborn and strong willed. He is not delayed at all and has had an amazing vocabulary since he was a lot younger. I don't think he ever acted like that in preschool and definitely saves up the tantrums for me. He has been making a long transition away from naps and can often reach the melting point when he is really tired. Almost anything can set him off, but I'm trying to pin down when he has more tantrums and try figure out ways to keep them from happenning so much.

Marie-Mom to two boys and a girl.
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#32 of 42 Old 06-11-2010, 07:57 AM
 
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I have three children and the youngest is now 4. Oldest never tantrumed, at any age. Middle could throw a serious fit at 4, and did, at least a couple of times a day. Youngest probably has 3-6 tantrums every day, mostly revolving around not getting her way or being overly tired. I think your DS sounds well within the realm of normal.

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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#33 of 42 Old 06-11-2010, 04:06 PM
 
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Mine (4.5) has them very rarely. Like maybe 6 times a year and they all coincide with him being tired. His sleep patterns are changing as he's sleeping less at school during the short nap time, but he will usually saw a few logs during the weekend, but if he doesn't get that, it can get ugly around bedtime. That said, he's ALWAYS been a very easy going little guy.

My friend who has a little guy the same age, he has a few tantrums per week, so I don't think it's abnormal, and certainly not if there has been a major change. I'm expecting tantrum city when my third arrives, which is within a week of school starting after a week or so break. Fun fun!

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
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#34 of 42 Old 06-12-2010, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks again for all the feedback!
I've been keeping track and his freak outs have gone WAY down since our guests left. He's having 1 or 2 *actual* tantrums a day, but they are always when he's over-tired or hungry or being prodded by his older sister or something equally stressful.
Getting in and out of the car hasn't been an issue at all. I'm also working to anticipate his needs and telling him what I expect before we even begin a task. He likes to explore new things and play adventurously (like climbing up the outside of the slide which I would not have allowed before), and granting him more space and independence is helping his disposition. I've also found that giving him more "real" jobs where he can help me is making him calmer.

It's a process. We'll get there.

DS 6 DD 8
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#35 of 42 Old 06-12-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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My high needs 8-year-old had TONS of tantrums at 4. They started before she turned 1 and kept up just as strong through 4. They started letting up a bit at 5, and by late 5 to 6 were just occasional. She doesn't do that anymore, but it sure was normal for her at 4. Now, she was fine at preschool. Her teachers thought she was a dream. They save the best for their parents.
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#36 of 42 Old 06-13-2010, 08:43 PM
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LOL, is your BF ____ ? my brother's GF, who along with DB stayed with us for a week year for holidays.... and said the same about my then just 4 yo (now 4.5).

I felt so bad, and talked with DH, over and over, about how I was failing my kids..... They would grow up a mess..... etc.

YK, I had already known that ds1 doesn't do as well at home when we have stay over night company. Those added emotions and people disturb our family millieu.

but when we have company for a dinner, he's perfect. Quiet, polite, sits up ramrod straight in his chair (and I have not yet ever corrected his posture), eats his whole dinner.
A couple weeks prior to that I had brought him to a design showroom. As I went from suite to suite, he was perfectly behaved for 3 hours.

But to answer your question.... depends on the day. Yesterday, maybe 1 meltdown lasting 3 sentences. Today..... maybe every 15 min. To the point that dh and I both did our LION cry " EEEENNOUGHHHHH!" on at least 2 occasions. Fortunately, my hand did not fly.

At the last parent conference of the year, ds1's Montessori teacher said she wasn't sure "what" was going on, since ds started to refuse to cooperate sometimes. In response to requests for circle time, or clean up, his response was a nonchalant "NO."
My response was nothing was "going on," except that now after 8 mo, he is finally comfortable enough with his teacher to be himself.

**********

Kids are .... well, kids. Uncultured, impulsive, rambunctious. I think it takes a lifetime of learning, culture, society, and teaching .... to turn out a well controlled, even tempered person.

For many years, I practiced primary care medicine. Most every person has some degree of crazy. Really.
The ones that don't look like it, like that well groomed, perfectly composed mom in your kid's Montessori? She is probably the worst. Just hides it well. Or is on meds. Or both.

*********

America is full of overweight adults. People in debt. People divorced. Or in bad relationships. Or in affairs. Why do some women find themselves in one bad relationship after another?
B/c people make mistakes. They can't control themselves. Can't control their emotions. Can't control their budget. Their desires. Their appetite.
Doesn't matter if you are super smart. Or President of the US. Or governor.

********

My point is that... I personally (fwiw) think your kid is normal. Presumably: he's growing, he has some friends, he can play (even sometimes) with his sister, sometimes remembers to clean up after himself.
Becoming perfect (LOL!) takes a lifetime.
Why do we expect so much of kids in America?
I know I am not perfect (oh oh oh, far from it). My kids certainly are helping me (in accelerated form) become more of the person I ought to be. Meanwhile, my job is to help them become ...... ______ well, they'll fill in the blank.
goodness knows, wouldn't be fabulous if it only took 4 years.
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#37 of 42 Old 06-13-2010, 09:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Mamazee! You have me looking forward to 6.

p.s, you are my favorite today and you are absolutely right. We're all nuts.
I'm doing my best and I'll keep working to improve as a parent and a person. I will also be very excited the day this kid picks up after himself and possibly declare it a holiday.

Yesterday we made the enormous mistake of giving DS a snow cone and he completely lost his sh!t for nearly an hour. I think being in public made it all worse. It also seemed to carry into this morning. Yikes. Never again.

I have a whole stack of books on the way, so I'll get reading soon. He's doing well with potty learning, so that's huge. Yay!

DS 6 DD 8
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#38 of 42 Old 06-14-2010, 12:16 AM
 
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Oh my goodness- there is a huge range of normal for a 4 yr old kid. My dd maybe had one tantrum a month at age 4. My DS has at least a dozen or more small tantrums a day. He also doesn't do well with explanations. He needs to let it out and then he is fine (eating and sleeping helps too). It is SOSOOOO annoying when an outsider to the family makes a call like this, especially not having experienced parenthood themselves.
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#39 of 42 Old 06-14-2010, 12:29 AM
 
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daily,sometimes multiple times a day. 'the explosive child' hadhim pegged
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Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#40 of 42 Old 06-14-2010, 12:52 AM
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Dreaming,

also re: the BF >> LOL... at least, I smugly note, (pre-kiddo) I had the good sense to keep my mouth shut when I saw a misbehaving child.... fully realizing in no way can one predict the behavior of one's future progeny.
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#41 of 42 Old 06-14-2010, 01:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbieB View Post
DD had daily, sometimes multiple, raging tantrums from 3.5 to 4.5.

She is a spirited child and has a hard time with transitions. I also see her behavior deteriorate if she has eaten a lot of junk, not enough, or had a rough night of sleep.
This is my experience with DD1. She freaks out about something nearly every. single. day. She is spirited and stubborn (I say this with love, of course ), and she has no qualms about letting others know when she has a problem with something. It's exhausting at times, but we deal with it.

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#42 of 42 Old 06-14-2010, 12:05 PM
 
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I think that 4 years from now your friend will be eating her words.

Nik! Mama to Evelynn Rose 08/19/08 and Autumn Lily 11/02/10
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