How much to tell 3yo about adult relationships - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-09-2010, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a friend who is angry with me and doesn't want to see me. My 3 year old daughter has known and loved this woman her whole life, and regularly asks to see her. I don't know if our friendship will ever be repaired. I am trying to decide how to respond to my daughter's questions. At this point I have basically said, "We can't see her today, but maybe another day." I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences about this kind of situation.
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Old 06-09-2010, 02:55 PM
 
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I think you owe your daughter the truth in a version she can handle. "Mommy & X had an argument, and X is mad right now, and doesn't want to see me." When she asks why, you can either say you don't know (if you don't) or that she needs some time to cool down.

It's healthier to model getting this out into the open. I wouldn't tell her the details of the argument or try to lay blame one way or the other. If she presses for details, I'd tell her "that's grown up stuff".

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Old 06-09-2010, 03:45 PM
 
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I agree with the pp and believe we shouldn't shield our children from all negative aspects of adult relationships. I have tried to be truthful (in an age appropriate way) with my kids regarding most of these situations. "Mom and X are mad at each other right now. Everyone gets mad sometimes... it doesn't mean we're not friends or don't love each other. When you're mad a me, you still love me, and I still love you even when I'm mad at you." I decided to be more open about emotions - good and bad - after dd had her first "fight" with a playmate. She actually believed that the other girl would never be her friend again! (Dd and the other girl are still friends, 3 yrs. and many arguments later!)
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Old 06-09-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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same here. just do it light and easy just the way kids do it.

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