Potty learning-- when did they really GET it? - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: How long did it take for your child to independently and consistently keep his underwear dry?
less than a month 25 50.00%
less than 6 months 11 22.00%
6 months to a year 6 12.00%
more than a year 8 16.00%
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#1 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 07:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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(I'm posting this here instead of toddlers because I want input from people who have really actually finished potty training/learning.)

I just feel like she's never going to get it!!! My daughter started pooping in the toilet (EC, obviously) when she was 6 months old, and she's been in underwear full time now for over 6 months. But she still can't (won't?) read her body's signals in time to get to the potty. If I don't directly tell her to go, which I only do if we're about to leave the house, or out in public, she will usually wait until she is actually peeing before she says, "I need to go potty!" I would say her underwear is wet 80% of the time, and there is a full-on accident several times a week. Really? STILL???? I am getting seriously frustrated, and I KNOW that is unproductive and doesn't help, but... I mean.... What can I DO????
We've tried charts, direct rewards for going potty and having dry underwear, rewards for having underwear dry all day, but nothing seems to work for more than a couple of days. And really, should I still be bribing her? Doesn't that have to end at some point?

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not alone in this.

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#2 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 08:50 PM
 
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I didn't do EC so I may not be the demographic you would like to hear from.

All three of my kids decided when they wanted to be done with diapers and all of them only had a few accidents. My oldest ds turned 3 and decided within the month that he wanted underwear. He never had an accident. My dd decided at 2 years 4 months that she was done and had maybe three accidents, all of them because she didn't want to use a public restroom. My youngest ds was 3 years 4 months and he didn't have any daytime accidents but wore pull ups at night for a few weeks. He has had a few nighttime accidents.

I tried bribing, doing stickers, reward charts, etc for my youngest ds at 3 because I really wanted to be done with diapers but it didn't work. Otherwise, all I did was make a small toilet available for them and then encouraged it. For all of them, it was only when they decided it was important to them that they went to underwear.
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#3 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 09:11 PM
 
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My personal opinion is that it's at least to some extent a physical development thing that kids will get when they get it, just like they'll learn to walk when they can walk and there isn't much you can do about it. I kind of think that kids might have two good windows of opportunity for potty learning, and if you EC (full disclosure - I didn't) you can catch that first window between about 1 and 2, but when specifically that happens isn't up to you so much as when your dc hits that developmental point. And at some point if you don't EC they'll just figure it out without a lot of effort, but that seems to be more like between 3 and 4, and it's still less up to us than them and developmental issues, and at the older age there are potential power struggle issues as well.

I don't mean to come off as anti-EC, because I'm not. I just think whether you EC or not, the power is with the child and not the parent. So it isn't about how long it will take because the answer will be different for every child.

I wouldn't pesonally use bribes or stickers or rewards or anything because it backfired for us. I'd just stay consistent and be patient.
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#4 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 10:14 PM
 
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One of my kids started training at 2, the other two were a little over 3, all three of them were fairly reliably dry at 3 1/2.

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#5 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 10:26 PM
 
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My kids were less than a month, but then we didn't EC. Dd 'got it' at about 2 1/2, and ds was close to 3 1/2.

I agree with the pp, there is a strong developmental readiness component to this. In addition, a 2 1/2 year old isn't developmentally ready for reward charts -- it's too long distance for them.

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#6 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 10:32 PM
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We didn't EC, but both my boys potty trained at 20-21 mos. and I don't remember either of them having a poop accident after the first couple days and only had rare pee accidents after a couple weeks.
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#7 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 10:56 PM
 
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I didn't EC, but my dd got it when she was 2 and a half and it took half a day. I ran out of diapers while shopping at the mall so I bought her underwear and that was the last day she wore diapers during the day, she wore a night diaper for about a month then was completely dry at night also. She had three accidents the first day then she was able to tell when she needed to pee on her own after that and rarely had accidents afterwards (except when she drank juice or had bubble baths). It may be that your dd just isn't ready yet. I used to pull out the potty and invite my dd to sit on it for a few days each month once she was about two but I put it back when she became resistant. When it happened it just happened though. I suggest backing off some and going back to whatever method you used when you were doing EC stuff or using cloth diapers so they soak up some of the moisture while still letting her tell when she is peeing. Cutting out any sugary drinks and baths to see if that helps also.
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#8 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 10:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you guys for the input, even though it's a bit discouraging. :/

Also, unrelatedly: MJB, I vote for little Edith arriving on August 2nd, as that is my birthday and we really wanted to and were *this close* to naming our second girl Edith, until we were convinced that we couldn't (for valid family history reasons).

Me , him , and the two most beautiful little lovey girls in the world: 3/08 and 1/10. Planning our escape from the treadmill!
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#9 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 10:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Cutting out any sugary drinks and baths to see if that helps also.
That's very interesting. What do you think sugary drinks have to do with it?

Me , him , and the two most beautiful little lovey girls in the world: 3/08 and 1/10. Planning our escape from the treadmill!
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#10 of 27 Old 06-28-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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I didn't do EC with either of my girls and it took DD1 9 months. It turned intoa power struggle more than anything. She was 2 1/2 when she finally got it 100%. DD2 was a completely different story. She wanted to wear big girl panties like sister, started refusing a diaper and I had to tell when to go for about a month. Now at 22 months she is completely trained, though she still wants me to help her on and off the potty.

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#11 of 27 Old 06-29-2010, 12:34 AM
 
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We did EC starting at 7months


2 weeks and he never pooped anywhere but the potty again
by the time he was a 12months old he was dry 80% of the time durring the day, and 100% of the time at night, by 18months he was 100%.

Now he ONLY has pee accidents if he has a food allergy issue (which is rare), and he gets so upset with himself - and those are not his fault!
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#12 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 12:21 AM
 
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For ds it took about 6 months. Probably about 3 months for at home and with us out and about without accidents. But it took him a bit longer at daycare. He's very reserved and I think he wasn't willing to talk to his teacher to tell her when he needed to go and the potty wasn't accesible unless he spoke to someone.

We didn't EC and he showed interest right before he turned 2. He was 100% by 2.5. We didn't do stickers or rewards or anything like that. Dumping his potty out into the big potty seemed to be reward enough for him.
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#13 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 08:58 AM
 
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For all my kids I did the same thing...we waited till they wanted to use underwear and they just stopped with diapers and used the potty in less than a month, but they were older, though. DS1 and DS2 were 3 years old and DD1 was almost 3.
It was really accidental potty learning with DS1, lol. I just didn't know how to initiate it so I procrastinated and he did it himself! Since it worked well, we just did the same thing again.

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#14 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 10:04 AM
 
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We didn't do EC.

Mine got it really quickly. Once I knew they were ready, we spent a weekend in undies/naked and went potty alot. By Monday, they were back at daycare without a diaper and were consistently dry from then on.
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#15 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 10:15 AM
 
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EC is great but EC is not knowledge, it's more like rote memorization. She's still young honey. We didn't EC but it was work with my boy for a year with regressions during that year. Sometimes wet just isn't a bother and playing is more fun--especially for a two year old.

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#16 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 10:26 AM
 
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Your dd is still so young! I really wouldn't worry or stress about it.

(Disclaimer- we did not do EC with ds)

I followed ds's lead with the potty. He wanted nothing to do with it (wouldn't sit on it or go near it) until he was almost 3 1/2. Then, one day, I caught him playing with a toy train in the bathtub, making it pee. I just said to him "You know, you're a big boy so I bet you could pee in the potty just like Percy can!". Nothing more. He got out of the bathtub and peed in the toilet. I went to put a diaper on him (he'd refused underwear up until then) but he freaked and wanted underwear. He wore it all day and stayed dry! At bedtime I went to put a diaper on him and he refused, again wanting the underwear. I let him wear it, and he stayed dry. He's had maybe 3 accidents since that day. I voted less than a month, but really it was 1 day that he totally transformed and went from "never sitting on the potty or attempting it at all" to pretty much completely potty trained night and day.

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#17 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 10:31 AM
 
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More than a year. DS started using the potty (both pee and poop) by about 26 months. Not consistently, but that's when he understood what he was supposed to do when I took him. By the time I had DD, he was going on his own some of the time, other times I took him. He had occasional accidents. But when DD was born (went into NICU, came home with a gtube, equipment, and in home nursing) he regressed big time. He finally really "got it" about 3 years 7 months I think. That's when he quit having accidents and was able to take himself to the potty (vs me reminding him all the time). He stopped using diapers overnight shortly after.

I was SOOO frustrated by the time DD was 8 months old. I really thought 8 months was too long to fix the regression. But you really do just have to be patient.
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#18 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 10:50 AM
 
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I'm not anti-EC, but it must be so hard having your kid in underwear for so long and they still don't get it. With mine, I tried at 2, no interest. Tried at 2 1/2 and he got it and there were no accidents after about 3 days. With my second it was trickier, because he had an older brother, so he became interested before turning 2, but I don't think his body was quite ready. But since he was interested I was SO insistent that we get.it.done! But after a few weeks of frustration, soaked underpants, I gave up and put him in diapers and he just went when he was nakey and felt like it--no pressure. He would consistently go at bedtime because he was always naked and big brother would go then. At 2 1/2, I tried again for a week of consistent potty efforts and it took. He had more accidents than his brother, but it probably wasn't for more than a couple weeks. The difference was night and day between when he was ready and when he wasn't. It just clicked.

ETA: I am currently babysitting a girl full time who is 3y4mos and is still in diapers. I really don't think she's quite ready. We started yesterday really trying, but she always tells me after she goes that she needs to go potty. It's harder at this older age, because she is VERY stubborn and argumentative about all of it. She doesn't take to traditional rewards like younger kids do, so i'm not sure how we're going to do this!

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#19 of 27 Old 06-30-2010, 01:34 PM
 
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For us, it was just a day or two. But, I didn't really DO anything. It just happened.
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#20 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 10:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by cicely_m View Post
That's very interesting. What do you think sugary drinks have to do with it?
I am not sure but we rarely had them and she only had accidents when she had those or the soaky baths, and we didn't have these two things together at any point so it was definitely both causes. My mother is the one who suggested it because she has to go quickly if she drinks juice or soda.
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#21 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 03:46 PM
 
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dd2 has been undies for almost a year. Full time undies, at school, at night, all the time. She still has frequent accidents and often has wet undies when she goes potty. We did EC. She will go in spurts with no accidents, then spurts with lots of accidents. She will be 3 in September. about 4 months ago, I asked the director at her preschool about it. She said yes, she is potty trained, she just doesn't always choose to use the potty.

My dd1 we did not do EC. A couple of months before 3, she potty trained and withing a few weeks was pretty consistent. Until she had an issue with poop, and that took a while. We traveled internationally by airplane a few months after she trained, and she did great waiting for airplanes and trains and everything. Yesterday in the SACC at our daycare center, she had 2 pee accidents. She is 6. WTH is up with that, I don't know. I guess I am just trying to say she is normally consistent, but wasn't yesterday. Yesterday, the 2 year old did not have any accidents - lol!
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#22 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 03:57 PM
 
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We started EC at 2 months, but I always used diapers as backups. Her consistency ebbed and flowed. Sometimes she'd be dry for days, sometimes we'd go days without catching more than 1 or 2 pees. Using diapers as backups worked great for us because there was no pressure on either of us. I had underwear for her if she wanted it, but she wasn't interested. It stressed her out. By the time she was 2, she rarely had misses. By the time she was 2.5, she decided she wanted to wear underwear and almost never had accidents except for at night. Now that she's 3, she's always dry and hasn't wet the bed in ages. My DD did great naked and great with diapers, but underwear just didn't work for her until she was ready. There's no need to make pottying stressful for either of you. If underwear isn't working, try something else.
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#23 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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I had never heard of EC when ds was a baby but now that I am with dd I realize that we applied the basic principles when he was about 18 months. He asked to try the potty one day, refused a nappy, and voila he went pee in the toilet.

We spent the rest of the week with diapers off in the house, just a t-shirt, and he got to the toilet every time. With clothes it tooks a few more weeks to get consistent, but I still carry a change of clothes in the car now at 5 years old because SOMETIMES he gets so engrossed in having fun he forgets to go, or he nearly makes it but struggles with the snaps or belts...For poops, he was not at all down with pooping on the toilet at first (we didn't have a potty just an adapted kids seat), until I figure out that it was because his feet couldn't touch the floor, so I got him a stool for his feet and that was that (except for occassional accidents during illness) I just watched his cues and reminded him at logical intervals (upon waking up, after snacks and meals, after 90 minutes of intense play)

He still needed a diaper at night until he was almost four and he still has accidents now and then, but that's perfectly normal for his age.

Why not try training gear from the EC Gear shops? Waterproof pull ups?

The most important thing I think is to not stress out and get a bottle of that green earth pet mess spray. like this one: http://www.odorandstainremover.com/store/homepage.php

I have a similar product I use on a regular basis with a 5.5 mo old and a 5 yo old...pee happens and sometimes poop does too.

FWIW my midwife ECed her daughter from birth and at 2.75 wears undies and uses the potty like a proper big girl and has done for just about the last year
or so.

I just saw the independantly part of the poll...I still have to remind ds to go pee before bed, before a party, etc...that's not a big deal really, is it? EC really only works if you're in communication with the child, they don't tend to fully graduate from EC until the C part is fully developed between 3 and 5 years from what I have read.

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#24 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 06:12 PM
 
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My DD was 3. Now i'm waiting for my 3 yr old son to be ready. He knows when he has to go, but doesn't care about going in the potty chair. We tried earlier this week and he would rather pee where ever he was then go in the potty.

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#25 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 06:46 PM
 
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My DD was 3. Now i'm waiting for my 3 yr old son to be ready. He knows when he has to go, but doesn't care about going in the potty chair. We tried earlier this week and he would rather pee where ever he was then go in the potty.
Maybe it has something to do with the innate ability to aim, but that is true for almost every male I know.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#26 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 07:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cicely_m View Post
That's very interesting. What do you think sugary drinks have to do with it?
I notice even with my 5-year-old DS, drinking sugary drinks makes him pee WAY more often than normal. He usually drinks water and milk, and goes pee every few hours. But every time I give him something like lemonade, he pees every half hour for a couple of hours afterwards!

To answer your original question, my DD (born a month after yours in 4/08) isn't ready yet -- she sits on the potty for practice but still wears diapers. My DS announced that he wanted to wear underwear at 28 months and that was that -- he was dry all day and also for naps and nighttime with no accidents -- he was just ready!

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#27 of 27 Old 07-01-2010, 08:50 PM
 
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ds (he'll be 3 in August) has been wearing underwear everyday for 2 maybe 3 months now (as soon as it started getting warm enough to be pant-less at home) he still pees and poops in his pants everyday. I would say that if he has on no underwear or pants he does really well. But once we are doing anything remotely cool, or he is out of the house, *I* have to be really on top of it, or he'll pee in his pants.

He was doing great with poop and just the last few days he has had multiple poop accidents a day! He always says, "ooooh I have to go potty" and by the time we get there the poop is already out!

He wants to wear underwear, but really it's still my job to make sure he goes potty.
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