7 year old DD infatuated w/my breasts - Mothering Forums
The Childhood Years > 7 year old DD infatuated w/my breasts
mamacassafrass's Avatar mamacassafrass 04:16 PM 07-05-2010
I am currently pregnant (due this month...yay!) and my DD, age 7, has recently taken interest in my expanding bust. I am not modest around her- she she sees my breasts and backside often when I am dressing. She has been feeling my breasts a little commenting that they are squishy and big and soft. Once she did it in public and I told her to stop and she did, but at home she says "i can't help it". I nursed her for over two years and have explained to her that my breasts are getting ready to make milk for the baby. She even uses the term "colostrum" correctly when referring to our mama cat who just had kittens. Tha fact that she touches my breasts doesn't bother me much, I figure it is likely a short phase; however, my boyfriend comments in front of her that its wrong and innappropriate. Is it? He compared it to his "sons playing with my nutsack". Ok when put like that it makes me wonder. Thoughts anyone? Thanks

basje's Avatar basje 04:51 PM 07-05-2010
Personally I think it makes sense, she's processing the massive changes that your body is going through right now which she seems to find very interesting. I am of a similar parenting philosophy to let children see nakedness in a nonsextualized context, as something normal, and healthy. I do think that her comment "I can't help it" offers a good opportunity to teach a little further about consent, how we each have a right to have our bodies feel comfortable and boundaries. I feel it is important for all children to learn that they must have another consent before touching their bodies, it is necessary to teach children not to rape whatever their gender. It seems like she does have a lot of wonder about the changes you are going through, and I would ask her questions when she brings it up about what is interesting to her and maybe have some books around the house that show naked pregnant women so that your new body becomes a little more normal. I might also be more purposeful about being affectionate with her, with cuddles, rocking and hugs letting her feel your body and explore it's new cushy changes in a less invasive way without shaming her.

I think the comment your boyfriend made was interesting, and indicative of the idea that breasts are inherently sexual. Children seem to learn mother's bodies in a very different way than fathers, partly because they come our of our vagina, and then are sustained by our breasts. A politically correct body touching policy is rather difficult to teach while you are also breastfeeding into toddler-hood as mother's bodies are "shared" with their children for years without an boundaries.

My vote is it's not wrong nor is it inappropriate as long as you're comfortable.
craft_media_hero's Avatar craft_media_hero 05:01 PM 07-05-2010
My almost-7yo dd is pretty interested in my prego breasts these days, too. Very similar situation; she was nursed about two years and we are pretty open about nudity in our family. She likes to cuddle them and will comment about how they're bigger or I must be making a lot of milk there. She has even said she wants to nurse again or asks if I will let her try my milk when the baby comes I don't know how to feel about that!

But I think what your dd is going through is normal. I think that allowing her to touch or cuddle them will just help her adjust and maybe be less jealous of the baby nursing?

Your bf's comment is inappropriate, and I think that him saying that in front of dd is more likely to have a damaging effect than allowing her to explore your pregnant mama breasts as they develop. I don't think her curiosity is sexual at all and it's nowhere near on the same spectrum as anyone feeling his sack. I would make sure to correct him and defend her if he makes comments like that in front of her--she may start feeling bad about her natural curiosity, kwim?
moonyoungi's Avatar moonyoungi 06:12 PM 07-05-2010
I think it's totally fine, if she is being gentle and you don't mind her doing it. If you felt uncomfortable, then you could just tell her so.

I think you bf may be sexualizing this behavior, when it is most likely a comfort/curiosity thing. How does he feel about people brestfeeding for extended period, like people nursing till 4, 5, 6?

I don't mind my almost 5 year old son snuggling against my chest for comfort. If he wants to nurse, then I'm like NO...Not that I'm against extended breastfeeding at all, but I personally don't feel comfortable physically and emotionally nursing my 5 year old. So anyway that was OT
sparklefairy's Avatar sparklefairy 06:18 PM 07-05-2010
Uh, nope. Nutsacks don't nurture nobody -- breasts do.
meemee's Avatar meemee 07:05 PM 07-05-2010
i dont find anything wrong. its just plain curiousity and if you turn it into a science game it would probably make your bf fee better.

at 7 my dd gave my breasts characterizations and made them do a comic play.
D_McG's Avatar D_McG 09:15 PM 07-05-2010
I would not be comfortable with that. I have a 4 year old and would not let him touch my breasts. I don't let my children touch my breasts once they are weaned but everyone's comfort level is different.
goodygumdrops's Avatar goodygumdrops 09:47 PM 07-05-2010
I find your boyfriends comment really appalling. I hope he didn't make that comment in front of your child....yech!
One_Girl's Avatar One_Girl 12:06 AM 07-06-2010
My dd likes to lay her head on my breast which I am okay with because it is just like her laying her head on my tummy. I don't personally want my child playing with my breasts though and I gently redirected her away from doing that when she was younger. For a while that was where she gave me a kiss because that is what she could reach so we talked about where she could give me a kiss instead and how to get my attention so I knew what she wanted to do.

I think that your boyfriend put it crudely, but I agree with the sentiment. Even if a child was just curious about what a mans private body parts look like groping them with a non-sexual intent would be still be incredibly wrong. I don't think kids should be groping and playing with their parents private body parts. I don't think that you have to be harsh to set a limit on this, butt and boob grabbing are normal stages that kids go through and it is possible to redirect them gently and effectively at the same time. Since she is seven I think you should try talking to her about private body parts, your limits, and getting her books to satisfy her curiousity about why your body is changing.
EMsMom06's Avatar EMsMom06 02:36 AM 07-06-2010
I wouldn't be comfortable with my child grabbing my chest at any age.
mamazee's Avatar mamazee 08:50 AM 07-06-2010
Your breasts nurtured her for two years, and even if she doesn't remember, a part of her still has that memory. And now you're going to nurture another baby with your breasts. I think it's normal and wouldn't worry about it, and your bf might have some adjusting to do when learning with this baby that breasts are not inherently sexual and are at that most basic level for babies.
mamazee's Avatar mamazee 08:51 AM 07-06-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by EMsMom06 View Post
I wouldn't be comfortable with my child grabbing my chest at any age.
Even a baby or toddler who is still nursing? That's how my toddler indicates she wants to nurse. I have to think a lot of babies and toddlers indicate they want to nurse by grabbing what they want.
beckyand3littlemonsters's Avatar beckyand3littlemonsters 09:17 AM 07-06-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
Even a baby or toddler who is still nursing? That's how my toddler indicates she wants to nurse. I have to think a lot of babies and toddlers indicate they want to nurse by grabbing what they want.


and to op, i also see it as normal curiosity, however if it makes you uncomfortable just tell her gently about boundaries and how it's not always appropriate to touch people.

mom2happy's Avatar mom2happy 09:39 AM 07-06-2010
My 7 yr old dd thinks my nursing boobs are big and fun too, but it just comes naturally for me to kindly brush her away and say that it feels annoying. It does feel annoying. She totally understands and even laughs and says "but they are so big mom". There is nothing sexual about it. They are just right there and out all the time and milk shooting out of them is funny and interesting to children. They all had there turn to be babies.
EMsMom06's Avatar EMsMom06 01:57 PM 07-06-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
Even a baby or toddler who is still nursing? That's how my toddler indicates she wants to nurse. I have to think a lot of babies and toddlers indicate they want to nurse by grabbing what they want.
Ok, let me clarify..I wouldn't be comfortable with a child grabbing my breasts at any age who isn't breast feeding. I've known other mothers who breastfeed and their children do the same thing. Those same babies have also grabbed mine a few times and I just have to move their hand and say "I'm all out." ^_^
laila2's Avatar laila2 06:10 PM 07-06-2010
sometimes they try to stroke or touch my breast and I tell them please do not touch my private parts. For me I am afraid to get let down. they are very sensitivitive. I also nursed passed two for each.

But I do not like bf's reply
ledzepplon's Avatar ledzepplon 06:27 PM 07-06-2010
I personally would be uncomfortable with being groped by my child past the age of nursing. And I think 7 is old enough to understand you saying "That makes me uncomfortable. Please don't touch my body that way," or "Breasts are a private part of the body, and it's not polite to touch without asking."

I also nursed my dd past two, I don't really think that's a factor in this.
mamacassafrass's Avatar mamacassafrass 09:28 PM 07-06-2010
Wow so many different responses! Thanks everyone. To clarify, I wouldn't say my daughter GRABS my breasts, she kinda lifts one up and says "ooh its big!" Anyway, my bf and I read the comments together and I think he realizes his comment was out of line. We had a good laugh together at the poster who said something like, "a nutsack doesn't nuture anyone" My daughter told him when she heard him say he thought it was wrong "its HER body!" By the way my bf's ex didn't breast feed.
Black Orchid 09:32 PM 07-06-2010
My 6 YO DD is like this. I am not pregnant (that I know of). She has always been like this. I weaned her at 3.5 YO when I was touched out from tandeming. I thought it might be connected to that. At any rate, when it bothers me, I ask her not to do it, otherwise I just see it as snuggling.
Viola's Avatar Viola 07:04 PM 03-09-2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacassafrass View Post

 He compared it to his "sons playing with my nutsack". Ok when put like that it makes me wonder. Thoughts anyone? Thanks

 

A daughter playing with your breasts is not comparable to a son playing with his nutsack.  It's comparable to his son playing with his breasts.  His nutsack is his scrotum which is the thing that surrounds his gonads.  Your breasts are not gonads.  I only point this out because I find it frustrating that breasts are always compared to reproductive organs when they are secondary sexual characteristics...not that you necessarily want your children touching your secondary sexual characteristics, but still.

 

It sounds like you've already resolved this issue.  I will say that when I was around this age, I was fascinated with breasts.  Not the naked ones, I was just really surprised that women had these things protruding out of their chests under their sweaters.  I wondered about them, if they were soft, etc.  One time when I was sitting on my sister in law's lap, I pushed her breast.  I knew, somehow, that I would be tossed off her lap after that, so I waited until I was ready to get down anyway.  I also knew I couldn't ask...I think I had tried asking my mother once before and was given a resounding no.  I was probably younger than 7, actually, more like 5 or 6, but I had no clue if the breasts were hard like plastic or firm like my chest, or what, you know?  So I went for it, pushed a breast, found out it was soft, and then got put down.  


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