DD saying some strange things - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 07-06-2010, 05:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This may be a bit long but I want to try and explain it all, so here goes....oh and my dd is 5.5 yrs old.

On the fourth we went to a friends block party. My dd knows and goes to preschool with a couple of the kids there. Once we got there she got very shy, cried during the bike parade (but wanted to do it). Then she wanted to go play with the kids at one of the houses. I took her over, she was nervous and didn't want me to leave. I stayed a bit and both dd1 and dd2 (younger) stayed to play while I went to tell dh where we were. I come back a few minutes later and she is crying and the other kids have gone outside to play. This is totally not like her. We got her to go home and nap (with me) and we went back in the eve (she wanted to). Same thing, she seemed scared and wanted us with her. Later that evening I used the bathroom in that same house and dd was with me.

Ok, now fast forward to last night. I come home and dh tells me she's been upset and saying she has a crazy thought. I go and snuggle with her and we start talking. After a long while she tells me she's afriad "someone is going to poop on my head" and she just wants that thought out of her head.

I push her a bit and she tells me that at the kids house yesterday there was an older girl (who I had seen, and Indian exchange student, reading in the livingroom) who scared her. She says when she was crying the girl was looking at her (which to me is probably normal). Anyway, she finally tells me she is afraid of this girl and is afraid she will poop on her head. She is shaking her head and hiding her face with her hands.

Ok, so now I'm totally alarmed. This is bizzare behavior for my dd. I ask her serious questions like "did she try and touch you?", "did she say anything to you?", and dd says no. Finally I give her a back rub and teach her how to physically use a motion of pushing with her hands, to help her get rid of the thought, she goes to sleep.

I don't know what's going on? Is she just scared of this girl because she looks different? She said she knew she was from a different country. I'm just not understanding why it would get twisted into this whole bathroom scenario? Both dh and I are worried. I called the babysitter today and she said dd has mentioned a few times she needs to get the crazy thought out of her head help!

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#2 of 15 Old 07-06-2010, 06:12 PM
 
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Is it possible that another kid(not the girl who was looking at her) called her a PoopyHead, possibly because she was crying? It sounds like your dd was acting off before she even saw this girl so I doubt she has anything to do with it.
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#3 of 15 Old 07-06-2010, 06:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, she was off before any of this happened. Maybe she just combined a bunch of different things together and it all made one bad thought.

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#4 of 15 Old 07-06-2010, 07:08 PM
 
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Strange indeed. Sorry she's going through this. Would talking to this exchange student help? Replacing the current thoughts and associations of her (wherever they came from!) with new, nice interactions with her? Maybe arrange to visit in some subtle way, and learn a bit where she's from, look at a globe with her, that kind of thing. I realize it's probably not really about this girl, but it's an idea.
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#5 of 15 Old 07-06-2010, 11:24 PM
 
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I wonder if this could be some kind of developmental thing? I say that because within the last few months, my son (who has just turned 5) has also asked me to help him "get a crazy/scary/bad thought out of his head." I can't now remember exactly what the thought was, but I know it was some kind of scary "what if" scenario that he had invented in his imagination. Maybe someone who has more knowledge of child development than I do can chime in here, but I wonder if 4-5 is the age at which they start to develop hypothetical reasoning skills (differing from pure imagination in that the scenarios they think up would involve actual people and situations rather than, say, talking animals or other such imaginary/magical things.) If that is the case, I can see why it would freak them right out that they are suddenly able to conjure these types of scary or disturbing thoughts about people that actually exist and could potentially act out the very situation they've imagined.

Maybe she felt intimidated because there was a new, older girl at her friends' house (which she wasn't expecting?), who looked different than anyone else she knows, and who saw her crying. Add that to the fact that she was already having a difficult day, and possibly a developmental leap, and it was all just too much for your sweet girl.

I think your idea of teaching her a physical pushing motion to help her push the thought out of her mind was really great. I'll definitely remember that if I run into this situation again!
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#6 of 15 Old 07-09-2010, 01:00 AM
 
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I am wondering about developmental stage too. Dd turned 5 in Feb and recently told me she "has nightmares all the time with bad things". It was really worrying me, but maybe it is something to do with something that is happening at this age??
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#7 of 15 Old 07-09-2010, 01:04 AM
 
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If she continues to have intrusive thoughts, I would think an OCD evaluation would be in order.
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#8 of 15 Old 07-09-2010, 01:32 AM
 
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At age five, kids have weird thoughts. At this age, fears are very real. Even if we would never think such things, a five year old does, and there's no telling how they get those ideas. Your daughter probably heard something and misunderstood it, then created this "poop on my head" scenario. Even if you just tell her "Honey, nobody is going to poop on your head" She's not going to feel better..... cuz how do you KNOW??? It's better if you empathize with her, and talk about it, instead of telling her it's not going to happen. (of course you still have to tell her it's not going to happen... but, discuss it first)

Don't you remember at that age thinking of those off the wall crazy things, but it seemed like it was possible? I remember being absolutely SURE the St Louis arch was following me, because no matter where we were in St Louis, it never got smaller. It seemed as if it was moving, and since nobody else seemed alarmed that something so huge was relocating it'self, I assumed it was trying to kill me. I sat on the porch and watched it for (what seemed like hours) trying to catch it moving. I imagined it walking like a giant Gumby.
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#9 of 15 Old 07-09-2010, 10:48 PM
 
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I just had to post because my 3yo boy's current favorite phrase is "poop on your head." And he tells everyone that he is going to do that or someone else is going to do that (in a silly sing-song little boy voice). Might one of the younger kids have said something like that about the Indian girl and the thought just stuck? Just an idea.
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#10 of 15 Old 07-10-2010, 12:46 AM
 
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My son is 5, and he has the shyness at new places coming up a lot recently. It's like he wants to be with his friends, but if he hasn't been to their house before or there are new kids there, it is really tough for him.

My son says some crazy things too. I would call the exchange student's host and ask what was going on when the kids were playing the room. Maybe the other kids were telling her that she would get pooped on.
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#11 of 15 Old 07-10-2010, 12:56 AM
 
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did she see the kids she knew before or after she started the crying/shy bit?

Is it possible that one of the children has talked about pooping on heads (in any way - you poopyhead! or the aforementioned 'I'm going to poop on your head!' or even in terms of experience as awful as that would be) and she was scared of it, and with this new and different looking girl watching her while she cried, she applied that same fear she got one of the other children to her because of heightened emotions and confusion?

based on the fact that she started behaving abnormally prior to seeing the indian girl and based on the fact that she stayed near her rather than following her friends, I'd guess the issue stems from the other children more likely than from the indian girl. It could even just be something she created up completely in her head... but I wouldn't be surprised that there is an issue with the other kids, even if it is a seemingly harmless one she has made out to be much more awful.
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#12 of 15 Old 07-10-2010, 02:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkimo View Post
If she continues to have intrusive thoughts, I would think an OCD evaluation would be in order.
I'm sorry, but are you serious? I think it's perfectly normal for people to get an unpleasant image stuck in their heads. I certainly do sometimes, but I am an adult and have the skills I need to clear my head. A 5-year-old probably does not.

OP, I wouldn't worry that anything specific happened that day that was troublesome. What I would do is focus on strategies for getting rid of negative thoughts. I'm not sure what the best approach is for your dd, but I think the issue here is simply that.
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#13 of 15 Old 07-11-2010, 01:41 PM
 
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My 4.5 yo boys have started a "game" where they say they poop on each others head. the one who gets "pooped on" gets VERY upset, which is the point for the "pooper". Maybe one of the kids said something to this effect and your dd heard it? I love your idea of pushing the thought out, I'm putting that one away for when I need it.

Good luck with everything.

~helen~ mama to 5 yo twins jonas and micah and my 2 yo baby boy eli
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#14 of 15 Old 07-13-2010, 11:03 AM
 
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I would agree that it sounds like a lot of things got jumbled in her head in that moment where she was possibly already uncomfortable and she just doesn't know how to sort it out.

I also, randomly, know of some kids calling Indian women "poop-heads" because of the henna they use to color their hair which can, well, kinda look like poop in the process.... Maybe there's something like that involved in there?

I'm sorry for your daughter's distress, but it does sound reasonably normal to me.

And I don't think you have cause to worry about OCD. I actually have OCD, and this sure doesn't sound anything like it(though yes, there's lots of variations).
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#15 of 15 Old 07-13-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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What is it about kids and poop games? My boys who are almost 4 and 5 do the "I'm gonna poop on you!" thing constantly! They think it's hilarious, and so do I until DS2 actually sticks his butt in my face, laughs like a hyena, and proceeds to fart Maybe someone took the game a little too far??

Kids really do say weird things. I was trying to get DS1 calmed down before bed and he was getting mad at me. I said "I'm just trying to help you." and he replies with "I don't want your help and I don't want to be like you!" Well allllllrighty then! He might be just shy of 5 but sometimes I feel like he's an emo teenager. I just let it roll because I was exactly like him, heck I still am!

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