Opposite sex locker room: age limit? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 07:30 AM
 
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i took my 7 year old in the locker room with me.  the family locker room only has 2 showers and they were both taken so we used the women's locker room.  he changes in the curtained area there though.  there are curtained areas to change, i have never seen a naked person in the locker room there before


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#62 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 07:49 AM
 
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This is why we come and leave in swim trunks when we go swimming. My kids don't care being a little wet and if we go somewhere afterward, nbd, swim trunks look like shorts anyway. My older son, because is he tall for his age, has been mistaken for 1-3 years older since he was a toddler. Because I want to be respectful of other women/girls we don't use the women's changing room together. I personally don't have an issue with changing in front of boys say under the age of 10, but that's just me and I understand everyone has different feelings on this.

 

To the OP, I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter was molested. I hope she is healing from her experience hug2.gif

 

This thread has been a fascinating read for me. I was molested by a female friend of mine when I was 10 and she was 11-12, had begun to develop, whereas puberty was still a couple of years away for me. It definitely made me uncomfortable with nakedness/the female body for quite some time. I therefore didn't feel like a female changing room was a safe space devoid of sexuality. That said, as a kid I was still more comfortable changing in front of other girls than boys. As other PPs have mentioned, male changing rooms make me uncomfortable because let's be honest, it is MUCH more likely that an older male will look at a young boy in a sexual way than an older female would a girl.  In this country, I think more so than many other comparable countries, the female body is sexualized by society at a young age and this in turn makes young girls more aware of nakedness as something other than just plain nakedness, ykwim? Because we can't just POOF change our society into one that separates everyday nakedness from sexualized nakedness, it's important that everyone has a safe space to change.   


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#63 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 08:39 AM
 
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This is why we come and leave in swim trunks when we go swimming. My kids don't care being a little wet and if we go somewhere afterward, nbd, swim trunks look like shorts anyway. My older son, because is he tall for his age, has been mistaken for 1-3 years older since he was a toddler. Because I want to be respectful of other women/girls we don't use the women's changing room together. I personally don't have an issue with changing in front of boys say under the age of 10, but that's just me and I understand everyone has different feelings on this.

 

To the OP, I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter was molested. I hope she is healing from her experience hug2.gif

 

This thread has been a fascinating read for me. I was molested by a female friend of mine when I was 10 and she was 11-12, had begun to develop, whereas puberty was still a couple of years away for me. It definitely made me uncomfortable with nakedness/the female body for quite some time. I therefore didn't feel like a female changing room was a safe space devoid of sexuality. That said, as a kid I was still more comfortable changing in front of other girls than boys. As other PPs have mentioned, male changing rooms make me uncomfortable because let's be honest, it is MUCH more likely that an older male will look at a young boy in a sexual way than an older female would a girl.  In this country, I think more so than many other comparable countries, the female body is sexualized by society at a young age and this in turn makes young girls more aware of nakedness as something other than just plain nakedness, ykwim? Because we can't just POOF change our society into one that separates everyday nakedness from sexualized nakedness, it's important that everyone has a safe space to change.   

 

But by age 10 many boys are starting puberty and may see the females in the gym in a sexual way! And what about my 9 year old daughter, who is starting to develop, shouldn't SHE have privacy from same age boys?

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#64 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 09:17 AM
 
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I just said what *I* was personally comfortable with (and really just threw an age out there that was before *most* boys go through puberty-- maybe 10 is too old for that estimate, you're right) and ended my post with saying that EVERYONE should have a safe space. I should've elaborated. I just don't have a "solution" to this problem-- unless every dressing room has several personal/private changing rooms. So we're on the same page.


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#65 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 09:22 AM
 
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The pool here you are not allowed to leave the pool area/locker rooms in swim clothes. you are expected to change before leaving because you have to go through the entire building, including up the stairs to leave.


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#66 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 04:21 PM
 
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I just said what *I* was personally comfortable with (and really just threw an age out there that was before *most* boys go through puberty-- maybe 10 is too old for that estimate, you're right) and ended my post with saying that EVERYONE should have a safe space. I should've elaborated. I just don't have a "solution" to this problem-- unless every dressing room has several personal/private changing rooms. So we're on the same page.

The culture has changed.  I went with my dad or brothers in the their locker room with them until I was 9, but today that would probably be considered lewd.

And would definitely want boys that age around when I am showering.

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#67 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 04:30 PM
 
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This hits fairly close to home for me because my son is now 6 and the place where I take him for swimming lessons does not have a family changing room.

I take him to the women's bathroom if it's just me and him and if we're with DH, he goes with DH of course.

Just a couple of weeks ago, he asked why there had to be a separation between men and women when it comes to bathroom and I frankly did not know how to answer other than, "as we get older, we tend to get more modest about our bodies." - of course this does not explain why women aren't that modest in the women's locker room.

But he accepted that explanation for now.

 

But to answer the OP, I absolutely DO NOT feel comfortable with DS going into the men's room by himself. We try to be as quick as possible in the women's locker room and try to situate ourselves in a corner.

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#68 of 69 Old 07-13-2012, 04:53 PM
 
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Just yesterday we were guests at a friend's pool and the posted sign said that all boys over 3 must use the men's locker room.  I had my 3 kid with me, 10 and 7 year old girls and 4 yo boy.  My older girls saw the sign and were all "DS can't go in there, what do we do."  I told them, it wasn't safe for him to go in the men's room by himself, so we would just walk quickly through the ladies room (we were already changed).   I wasn't worried about molestors really...just him getting lost and not finding his way out..  The locker rooms there are big, and there are some turns and to find the pool you have to follow the signs.  He obviously can't read, and we had never been there before, so I wasn't about to send a 4-yo into an unfamiliar place to find his way through a pretty big locker room where you'd have to follow signs.   No one said anything to us, but I did feel bad breaking the rules in front of  my kids, but I felt it was unavoidable.  We were with friends, but they were all moms/daughters ..no other boys at all that could have walked him through the men's locker room, so I felt I had no choice.

 

Personally, I feel like a more fair rule would be for no kids under 8 to be in the opposite sex locker room, as by 8, I think I  would feel more coming a child into the men's room alone, but of course that could depend on the child as well..
 


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#69 of 69 Old 09-28-2012, 02:00 PM
 
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As a guy I have been in restrooms and public showers when men have brought their daughters in. It is somewhat unnerving especially if you are undressed or standing at a urinal. The university where I went to school has an aquatic center adjacent to the p.e. building. Families of students, faculty and staff are allowed to use the pool on the weekends. The lockerrooms are designed for students so the mens lockerroom has a shower area that is not private. There are showers along one wall and stalls along the other that have no curtains. In the middle are four columns with four showerheads. Most guys simply shower in the middle area. Sometimes dads will walk in with kids in tow including girls from toddler age to about 8. There are naked dads with naked daughters around other naked men. I had never seen anything like that until I started attending school and using the lockerroom. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't subject my daughter to that scene if I had one. I think people who use their assigned lockerrooms or restrooms should have some expectation of privacy. I don't think it's right for people to impose their will on others because of their own precautions or paranoia. A 10 year old girl or grown woman shouldn't have to worry about beeing seen undressed by a 10 year old boy in a womens restroom or shower. Afterall it is designed for females. Same applies for men. If a parent doesn't feel comfortable sending their child into the restroom or lockerroom alone the onus is on them to make other arrangements, or at the very least get an ok from the people who may be in there at the time. To just say I'm bringing my opposite sex child in here and I don't care what you think is wrong to me. I don't ever recall going in the women's restroom with my mother. I would not have wanted to. I thought the boys who did were soft and real mamas boys. A 10 year old boy does not need to be in the restroom with his mother. I would have gladly liked the opportunity to see some of the women I knew and girls that I had crushes on at that age undressed which is why I would have had no business being in there. It would have been like being in a candy shop. Just being honest as a male for those who think their sons are so innocent at that age and were talking 25-30 years ago. That would have been weird for me especially because I was beginning to show interest in girls at that age. As for women who peek in the men's restroom or glare at men who are entering because their sons are in there, how would you like it if some man were standing outside the women's restroom glaring at you because his daughter was in there or peeking inside talking to her, or better yet going in to check on her? You would be on the phone calling the cops to report a strange man lurking outside the women's restroom.

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