Quote:

Originally Posted by zmom2010
But, IMO, I think that until a kid is old enough to be home by himself, he's not old enough to go change in a locker room by himself.
I know you are worried about your DS, but in my mind the risk of what could happen to him alone in an adult male locker room is much more serious that a 7yo possibly seeing each other naked. Plus, it sounds as if the mother and the boy were being respectful with him facing the wall and all.

 

Luckily every pool we go to has a large family change room. This is it's own change room that has more than enough stalls for everyone to change in. These change rooms are reserved for anyone who has children 3 and over of the opposite sex with them. I have 2 daughters so we have only used them a couple times when my husband was with us and we wanted to stay together. What does irk me is a few times there have been 8-9 year old boys in the women's change room with their mom's. I don't understand that because they have access to the family change rooms which are actually newer and better equiped. A couple times when this has happened I have seen other mom's say something. Both times they have been mom's with daughters who look to be 10-12. The daughters look pretty awkward about trying to change in front of a 9 year old boy. It's too bad all pools aren't required to have an adequate family change room. At least here there is an option... Personally I think parent's should use their best judgement.

I do agree that 5 is very young to be going into a change room alone. My DD is just about to turn 5 and is very independent but I could see her getting confused or lost in a change room on her own.

Not sure who said it but I agree about boys in the women's washroom. I mean everyone is in a stall... I could care-a-less who is in there as long as they aren't in the stall with me.

 

Huh--we always just dry off as best we can and get in the car in our damp suits with towels under us! is that weird? I've just never wanted to mess with it. Our pool does not have family locker rooms. I've never seen any signs regarding age.

I guess I should add that the pool is very close to our house so it's not like we ever have to go from the pool to another stop. Never really paused to appreciate this before!

 

This is a tough one. MY DD is 9 and she is MORTIFIED when she sees a boy 5 or older in the changing room. I think it's because if they're old enough to be in her school, they feel like a peer. she's had sex ed and is starting puberty, but is still little. She is very uncomfortable seeing naked boys, and is horrified to even be in the room with them when she is getting ready to change! Plus, there is often not an open family changing room or stall for her.

As a mom though, I probably would not let a young son of mine go alone into a boys locker room, no way. But it always bothers me when this happens and I wish that moms would send boys into a stall to change - or more importantly, we need to have stalls and family changing rooms in abundance.

 

I have boys, but I don't want a 7 year old boy in my locker room when I'm changing. That's way too old to be changing with women. And I am modest. Fine if you're not, but I am and it's a ladies locker room. Boys who are seven are capable of dressing themselves, so I do think the child could go to the men's locker to change. But if there's a concern, the boy should come in his suit, and leave in his suit. Or he could go with his mom to a ladies restroom after she checks that no one is in there and change in a stall. I don't think it's the responsibility of every other woman and girl at the pool to have to deal with the boy.

 

I wish they'd just put a bunch of stalls in places like this. I don't want to change in front of a bunch of strange women either!

 

I came across this problem just yesterday in a private hotel complex. We walked in and an elderly woman asked my sister if she knew the rules and pointed at her 5 year old son. She said no she didnt, and the woman said ..well he shouldnt be in here he has to go next door to the gents. This woman was fully dressed...the only person in there..and just leaving...she had no reason to worry or question us. There are 2 cubicles which my sister makes her son use. The hotel has no family sharing facility.

I would NEVER put a 5 year old into a changing room with strange men without his father or family member with him, its opening him to to anything !!! You never know who is in there !!! Would you leave your 5 yr old son???? ok ..you may want to protect your daughter from seeing an 8 yr old naked, thats fair enough...but that 8 yr old should have been in the cubicle, you could have pointed that out to him, but id never insist anyone put a little boy in with strange men to strip naked to go swimming, and i dont think any other mother would. I think if the facility doesnt have a family room you should be able to take your child in up to primary school age, as long as they change in the cubicle. And if any woman are worried about little boys checking them out, show a bit of decorum yourselves and change in the cubicles, i can change outside the cubicle using a towel and not show an inch of skin !! (im good at that at home too)

 

Well I guess I don't believe there are child molesters waiting around every corner in gym locker rooms, just waiting for a child changing in order to hurt them. At the gym we went to when my oldest was 5, they had a rule where 5 and over had to use the same sex locker rooms. I'm not sure if it was actually enforced, but my son had no problem going in the locker room, changing, and coming out. All the boys did this and I can't remember any of them having a problem. There was a sign posted saying that they would send in a same sex employee of the gym to supervise or w/e if you wanted.

At the gym we use currently, a ymca, they have a nice set up. I'm not sure the actual age restrictions, but they have an adult men, adult women, boy, and girl locker rooms. So 4 separate locker rooms. I guess this is so you can send your opposite sex child into their own locker room and not worry about adults? I'm not sure. Then they also have about 6 family changing rooms. Those do tend to get crowded after swim lessons. The child locker rooms only have one exit, and while roomy, are not as large and maze like as the adult ones. All 3 of my boys have used the boy changing room without a single problem, except maybe being too slow. They are 9, 6, and 4.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by mkksmom

To me, the solution is to have stalls with curtains or doors for people to change. That's what we have at our pool. Who knows who a little boy might encounter in a men's locker room. I only have girls, so it's easy for me, but I think it would help if there were private changing areas for those who want privacy.

A little boy would encounter men changing to get ready to go swimming...that's it.

 

i took my 7 year old in the locker room with me. the family locker room only has 2 showers and they were both taken so we used the women's locker room. he changes in the curtained area there though. there are curtained areas to change, i have never seen a naked person in the locker room there before

 

This is why we come and leave in swim trunks when we go swimming. My kids don't care being a little wet and if we go somewhere afterward, nbd, swim trunks look like shorts anyway. My older son, because is he tall for his age, has been mistaken for 1-3 years older since he was a toddler. Because I want to be respectful of other women/girls we don't use the women's changing room together. I personally don't have an issue with changing in front of boys say under the age of 10, but that's just me and I understand everyone has different feelings on this.

To the OP, I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter was molested. I hope she is healing from her experience

This thread has been a fascinating read for me. I was molested by a female friend of mine when I was 10 and she was 11-12, had begun to develop, whereas puberty was still a couple of years away for me. It definitely made me uncomfortable with nakedness/the female body for quite some time. I therefore didn't feel like a female changing room was a safe space devoid of sexuality. That said, as a kid I was still more comfortable changing in front of other girls than boys. As other PPs have mentioned, male changing rooms make me uncomfortable because let's be honest, it is MUCH more likely that an older male will look at a young boy in a sexual way than an older female would a girl. In this country, I think more so than many other comparable countries, the female body is sexualized by society at a young age and this in turn makes young girls more aware of nakedness as something other than just plain nakedness, ykwim? Because we can't just POOF change our society into one that separates everyday nakedness from sexualized nakedness, it's important that everyone has a safe space to change.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by loveandgarbage

This is why we come and leave in swim trunks when we go swimming. My kids don't care being a little wet and if we go somewhere afterward, nbd, swim trunks look like shorts anyway. My older son, because is he tall for his age, has been mistaken for 1-3 years older since he was a toddler. Because I want to be respectful of other women/girls we don't use the women's changing room together. I personally don't have an issue with changing in front of boys say under the age of 10, but that's just me and I understand everyone has different feelings on this.

To the OP, I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter was molested. I hope she is healing from her experience

This thread has been a fascinating read for me. I was molested by a female friend of mine when I was 10 and she was 11-12, had begun to develop, whereas puberty was still a couple of years away for me. It definitely made me uncomfortable with nakedness/the female body for quite some time. I therefore didn't feel like a female changing room was a safe space devoid of sexuality. That said, as a kid I was still more comfortable changing in front of other girls than boys. As other PPs have mentioned, male changing rooms make me uncomfortable because let's be honest, it is MUCH more likely that an older male will look at a young boy in a sexual way than an older female would a girl. In this country, I think more so than many other comparable countries, the female body is sexualized by society at a young age and this in turn makes young girls more aware of nakedness as something other than just plain nakedness, ykwim? Because we can't just POOF change our society into one that separates everyday nakedness from sexualized nakedness, it's important that everyone has a safe space to change.

But by age 10 many boys are starting puberty and may see the females in the gym in a sexual way! And what about my 9 year old daughter, who is starting to develop, shouldn't SHE have privacy from same age boys?

 

I just said what *I* was personally comfortable with (and really just threw an age out there that was before *most* boys go through puberty-- maybe 10 is too old for that estimate, you're right) and ended my post with saying that EVERYONE should have a safe space. I should've elaborated. I just don't have a "solution" to this problem-- unless every dressing room has several personal/private changing rooms. So we're on the same page.

 

The pool here you are not allowed to leave the pool area/locker rooms in swim clothes. you are expected to change before leaving because you have to go through the entire building, including up the stairs to leave.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by loveandgarbage

I just said what *I* was personally comfortable with (and really just threw an age out there that was before *most* boys go through puberty-- maybe 10 is too old for that estimate, you're right) and ended my post with saying that EVERYONE should have a safe space. I should've elaborated. I just don't have a "solution" to this problem-- unless every dressing room has several personal/private changing rooms. So we're on the same page.

The culture has changed. I went with my dad or brothers in the their locker room with them until I was 9, but today that would probably be considered lewd.

And would definitely want boys that age around when I am showering.

 

This hits fairly close to home for me because my son is now 6 and the place where I take him for swimming lessons does not have a family changing room.

I take him to the women's bathroom if it's just me and him and if we're with DH, he goes with DH of course.

Just a couple of weeks ago, he asked why there had to be a separation between men and women when it comes to bathroom and I frankly did not know how to answer other than, "as we get older, we tend to get more modest about our bodies." - of course this does not explain why women aren't that modest in the women's locker room.

But he accepted that explanation for now.

But to answer the OP, I absolutely DO NOT feel comfortable with DS going into the men's room by himself. We try to be as quick as possible in the women's locker room and try to situate ourselves in a corner.

 

Just yesterday we were guests at a friend's pool and the posted sign said that all boys over 3 must use the men's locker room. I had my 3 kid with me, 10 and 7 year old girls and 4 yo boy. My older girls saw the sign and were all "DS can't go in there, what do we do." I told them, it wasn't safe for him to go in the men's room by himself, so we would just walk quickly through the ladies room (we were already changed). I wasn't worried about molestors really...just him getting lost and not finding his way out.. The locker rooms there are big, and there are some turns and to find the pool you have to follow the signs. He obviously can't read, and we had never been there before, so I wasn't about to send a 4-yo into an unfamiliar place to find his way through a pretty big locker room where you'd have to follow signs. No one said anything to us, but I did feel bad breaking the rules in front of my kids, but I felt it was unavoidable. We were with friends, but they were all moms/daughters ..no other boys at all that could have walked him through the men's locker room, so I felt I had no choice.

Personally, I feel like a more fair rule would be for no kids under 8 to be in the opposite sex locker room, as by 8, I think I would feel more coming a child into the men's room alone, but of course that could depend on the child as well..

 

As a guy I have been in restrooms and public showers when men have brought their daughters in. It is somewhat unnerving especially if you are undressed or standing at a urinal. The university where I went to school has an aquatic center adjacent to the p.e. building. Families of students, faculty and staff are allowed to use the pool on the weekends. The lockerrooms are designed for students so the mens lockerroom has a shower area that is not private. There are showers along one wall and stalls along the other that have no curtains. In the middle are four columns with four showerheads. Most guys simply shower in the middle area. Sometimes dads will walk in with kids in tow including girls from toddler age to about 8. There are naked dads with naked daughters around other naked men. I had never seen anything like that until I started attending school and using the lockerroom. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't subject my daughter to that scene if I had one. I think people who use their assigned lockerrooms or restrooms should have some expectation of privacy. I don't think it's right for people to impose their will on others because of their own precautions or paranoia. A 10 year old girl or grown woman shouldn't have to worry about beeing seen undressed by a 10 year old boy in a womens restroom or shower. Afterall it is designed for females. Same applies for men. If a parent doesn't feel comfortable sending their child into the restroom or lockerroom alone the onus is on them to make other arrangements, or at the very least get an ok from the people who may be in there at the time. To just say I'm bringing my opposite sex child in here and I don't care what you think is wrong to me. I don't ever recall going in the women's restroom with my mother. I would not have wanted to. I thought the boys who did were soft and real mamas boys. A 10 year old boy does not need to be in the restroom with his mother. I would have gladly liked the opportunity to see some of the women I knew and girls that I had crushes on at that age undressed which is why I would have had no business being in there. It would have been like being in a candy shop. Just being honest as a male for those who think their sons are so innocent at that age and were talking 25-30 years ago. That would have been weird for me especially because I was beginning to show interest in girls at that age. As for women who peek in the men's restroom or glare at men who are entering because their sons are in there, how would you like it if some man were standing outside the women's restroom glaring at you because his daughter was in there or peeking inside talking to her, or better yet going in to check on her? You would be on the phone calling the cops to report a strange man lurking outside the women's restroom.

 

The boy is probably 15 now. It's a very old thread.