death - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 08-04-2010, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
Peony's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,952
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
DD2 is almost 4, she is a sensitive child, and has health issues so she is frequently ill. ER trips are commonplace in my house. On the 4th of July we were in the mountains with my family, my parents large dog was poisoned and died very suddenly. Before we knew what was going on, the dog went missing, we found her, it wasn't a pleasant scene, the kids were running around helping us look.... we said she was sick and needed to go lay down, because she was ill. We kept the kids away and she died a short time later, DD2 never saw her after the time that we first found her but it obviously was traumatic.

DD2 has been ill twice since then, the last time she very calmly told DH that she was sick and was going to die. Poor thing. I've talked to her about it, that the dog was very ill, but DD2 does get really sick as well so she doesn't get the difference. She is also always sick, she gets several viruses a month on average, winter is months of never ending illness. I was hoping that time would help. Only I just received a text from DH at the hospital saying that his dad(well, not his bio dad but a very close friend of DH's family and really the only family DH has now) is on life support right now and not expected to make it. We see him frequently, he was just over Sunday night, but she also wasn't that close to him. He never had children and while he liked our kids, he never knew what to do with them and therefore never spoke to them or did anything to them. What do I tell her now? She already has it in her mind that when she gets sick she is going to die and now someone else is sick and is going to die.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 6 Old 08-05-2010, 12:41 PM
SaraC's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Shreveport, LA
Posts: 855
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would tell her that sometimes when people and animals get sick they die. That it doesn't happen everytime but it can happen. I would try to explain to her that there are different kinds of being sick and that you don't normally die from a cold or a tummy bug. It really sucks that you have to explain death to her but I would try to make her understand the difference.

I love my girlsMadaline(9), Mary-Grace(7), Georgia(3), & Evelyn(1)
SaraC is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 08-05-2010, 02:41 PM
meemee's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,633
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
i guess for her seeing is believing.

if anyone you know is sick and in hospital and then comes out fine, i would visit that person with her and then visit later when they go home.

she has already seen that everyone who gets sick dies. she really hasnt seen anyone get sick and get better.

 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 08-05-2010, 02:47 PM
lyterae's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,105
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I also think that there is something about the age as well.. DD is 4.5 and is.. well, quite frankly rather morbid. She however is very logical about it rather than sensitive. I'm hoping that she'll develop some tact regarding topics as she gets older.

I agree with SaraC and would just reiterate that sometimes when people or animals are very sick they die.
lyterae is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 08-05-2010, 04:00 PM
Tjej's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: a beautiful place
Posts: 1,562
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There is a book called "Lifetimes" that is good and simple. It just talks about how everything has a lifetime and that they are different lengths.

I'd probably also follow up with the idea that sometimes sick means dying but that is rare, most of the time we get sick we get better. There are different kinds of getting sick, perhaps.

I'd also probably explain the poison to your DD - the dog ate a poison - something that is not safe to eat - it made him the kind of sick that he couldn't get better from.

Tjej is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 08-05-2010, 04:32 PM
LynnS6's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pacific NW longing for the Midwest
Posts: 12,447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
You might also call and talk to the social workers at the hospital. A lot of hospitals have a 'Child Life' or other social worker that can work with families whose kids are in the hospital a lot. Since you have a family member in the hospital, they may be able to connect you with some resources (maybe a counselor, maybe just some good books to read or a good way to explain to her in ways she can understand).

Lynnteapot2.GIF, academicreading.gif,geek.gif wife, WOHM  to T jog.gif(4/01) and M whistling.gif (5/04)
LynnS6 is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 14,535

35 members and 14,500 guests
aparent , beedub , BirthFree , davidgreek , Deborah , Dovenoir , emmy526 , Fluffer , Gandhi Warhol , girlspn , hakunangovi , hillymum , IsaFrench , jamesmorrow , Janeen0225 , lab , lauren , mama24-7 , Michele123 , moominmamma , mumto1 , NaturallyKait , PeaceLoveandLucy , rightkindofme , RollerCoasterMama , rubelin , samaxtics , sciencemum , Skippy918 , Springshowers , sren
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.