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#151 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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If true, then I don't even know what she's doing posting about him helping out and taking vacation and whatnot. There should be no focus on anything else but leaving, in that case.
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#152 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 01:24 PM
 
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If true, then I don't even know what she's doing posting about him helping out and taking vacation and whatnot. There should be no focus on anything else but leaving, in that case.
There is no "should" in abusive relationships. She is making strides even complaining about him, and planning an escape, it's farther than a lot of women get.
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#153 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 01:38 PM
 
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Lazy and uncooperative do not equal abusive. I haven't read anything that indicates her husband is abusive. Yes, she is to blame for her husband's behavior, she is allowing him to continue to behave that way. You teach people how to treat you. She can stand up to him or walk. She has the ability to get a better paying job, she has a credit score of 800, she has the ability to get financing and loans; thats a lot more than most women have when they leave their marriages.
You really don't know a lot about abuse. If you did, you wouldn't blame the victim of it. I hope she does get away from him and soon, but it's not as simple as you might think. I hope you'll educate yourself on abuse before saying anything more about it.
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#154 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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Can someone please post links to some of op's old threads? I would like to get more info before I respond.
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#155 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 02:23 PM
 
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Can someone please post links to some of op's old threads? I would like to get more info before I respond.
I dont think you can do that. I think the only person who can post a link to other threads in other forums is the OP of the thread or an admin.
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#156 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 02:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OP, I know that you don't believe us, but PLENTY of people don't have a village. It's really insulting to continue to insist that you have it harder than everyone else because your in-laws don't dote on your child. You may have it harder than others because you don't insist that your DH pull down his fair share, but that doesn't actually make you a single mother and I would suspect that actual single mothers with no family help (and, yes, you may not believe this but there are plenty) resent that. It just means that you don't advocate for yourself with your husband.
For the record, I never said that, nor would I ever say such a thing. I don't make that claim.

I can't make my husband do anything nor should I have to to advocate for myself.

Believe me, I have insisted. It is not a lack of insisting or advocating.

At any rate, this thread has taken a very disillusioned and caustic turn with the last couple of posts, and I would ask, respectfully, to please not link to my other posts, as requested, and to please close the thread, if possible.

I am not a side show.

Thank you very respectfully.
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#157 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 02:25 PM
 
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Can someone please post links to some of op's old threads? I would like to get more info before I respond.
you can click on her name and look at 'statistics' to see her posts.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#158 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 02:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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you can click on her name and look at 'statistics' to see her posts.
Really? Wow.

I'm done with this thread.
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#159 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 02:33 PM
 
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Nice, you can PM a mod and have them delete the whole thing.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
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#160 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 02:44 PM
 
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In regards to your comments about the idea of "it takes a village", I don't think any of us are saying that it doesn't but for many of us that don't have family we have made a concerted effort to create a community for ourselves and our children. Many people either don't live near family or don't have family support so have built a support system within the community through friends. I have no family within 800 miles of us yet we have a rich "village" of people who love and support us.
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I don't understand why you haven't done that?
Yikes, and she is supposed to do this in her "spare" time? What store do you go to in order to just pick up a village? It would be great if it were that easy folks, but it is not. So don't be so flippant about it please.

The OP has an awful lot on her plate as it is.

And since I am ranting, how on earth do those of you with this proverbial village acquire it? I'm guessing it takes years and an extroverted personality. Going to a single church and having your kids in school, or a homeschool group probably help too. Not everyone has those elements in place in their lives. In my own case its just me and my husband. It is hard and sometimes it sucks, and let me tell you folks who tell me that I just need to go out and make some friends so they can watch my kid just flat out don't understand. Its .

OP your situation is extremely frustrating. I wish you peace, and in the future I wish for you someone you can count on. Being the only horse who is pulling the cart is not good.
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#161 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 03:10 PM
 
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You really don't know a lot about abuse. If you did, you wouldn't blame the victim of it. I hope she does get away from him and soon, but it's not as simple as you might think. I hope you'll educate yourself on abuse before saying anything more about it.
Actually, I am a volunteer domestic abuse counselor and as such have had extensive training on domestic abuse and have spent countless hours with domestic abuse victims and I grew up in a domestic abuse household. Nothing, I repeat, nothing she has posted in THIS THREAD says anything that indicates her husband is abusive, and in fact she posted that she never claimed he is abusive. You saying that the OP's husband is abusive does not make is true.
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#162 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 03:18 PM
 
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TIN, I'm sorry if I offended you by wanting to go back and read your other threads. I don't want you to think I think you are hiding things or not being honest or whatever. I just didn't feel like I knew enough about your situation yet to be of any help. I'm sorry you're going through all of this.
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#163 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 03:20 PM
 
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TIN, I'm sorry this thread hasn't been helpful to you, but in case you're still reading it, to answer the ? you posted, I personally think my ILs have an obligation to their children and grands, but I can't make it happen. I"ve tried guilt, sweetness and light--they just don't care. So for me, it's not worth getting myself all worked up about (although I still do on occasion). They're the way they are. They treated DH w/ benign neglect and they're carrying on the tradition. I think you would do better to let this go. You'll never change them, and it'll only hurt you more to try. They're jerks, end of story.
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#164 of 164 Old 08-11-2010, 03:33 PM
 
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Based on the borderline UAV's that are going on in this thread, it is now closed to further commenting. If the OP wants to start up a new one, she is free to do so however. Thank you for your understanding.

Cat - Mother to Jonathon (1-24-1987) ; Lola (3-24-2003) ; Xiola (9-27-2005) : 8 wks (4-2008) ; 11 1/2 weeks (9-2008); and 7.5 weeks (5-2010) Nana to William (3-27-2009) Blog: AmLo Farms
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