Gender Identity - Sort of an updare in post 35 - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 08-14-2010, 01:51 AM
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Way cool.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#32 of 37 Old 08-14-2010, 09:22 AM
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boy clothes fit better :x Girl clothes have to hug all the wrong places and be tight and scoop necked to the belly button and jeans pre curve formed. Boy clothes hang straight and don't hug you in funny spots. I don't need my but hugged in jeans nor zipped under my bra. I like them to hang UNDER my belly button and loose. I still wear a lot of boy clothes :/ I also did not play with dolls but looked for adventures in the wooded areas and built forts.

What worries me is that she wants to KILL and DESTROY all females including her mother. I hate to put the Debbie Downer in but.. could a female have done something to really hurt her and create a resentment in females? I would ignore the boy clothes and try to discover why such hatred for females.

I don't think lesbians or transgendered want to KILL all of a certain gender to prove they are not that gender.

Is there a way for you to build a trust with her? That not all females are evil and that some are worth loving like her mom or aunts etc.?
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#33 of 37 Old 08-14-2010, 11:44 PM
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The anger that can be felt is pretty damn intense. In some cases it can be directed at the people of their biological gender because those people have something they don't, a body they are comfortable with that aligns with who they are. It's not about wanting to prove what gender you are, it's just a general frustration with the world in general.

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#34 of 37 Old 08-15-2010, 10:39 AM
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I've been lurking. I have not directly experienced anything closely related to this topic, so I haven't felt compelled to comment yet.

I do know a boy who is 5 or 6. He wears tights constantly; I think they are his favorite garment. I have seen him at dances in a dress. He likes plenty of girly things and is a sweet boy. His parents love and support him and apparently let him decide what he wants to wear inside and outside their home. He does not attend public school, so I guess the "danger" in dressing strangely or as a girl in public is mitigated by the presence of one or both of his parents.

I actually live in a community where it is not uncommon to see children of all ages dressed in very wild, unconventional outfits...lots of supportive, home schooling parents around. I love to see it.

I have enjoyed this thread and found it enlightening; thanks to all who shared stories and ideas.
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#35 of 37 Old 09-01-2010, 01:57 PM - Thread Starter
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Sort of update

Thank you all for the relies and links.

School started today, I'm holding my breath to see how things went. DD was not a happy camper this morning though.

I've spoken to someone recommended by our local PFLAG chapter. She tells me I'm doing all the right things. She doesn't want to speak with DD at this point (worried that unless this reached crisis, seeing a shrink (her words) will just make her feel more broken than she already feels). She has recommended that we take a wait and see aproach as we work through the beginning of the school transition and if her anxiety increases or decreases once she's settled with her new teacher and friends.

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#36 of 37 Old 09-02-2010, 01:04 AM
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Just keep on fighting and we all get a little more free.

And just because I love it

Awesome, and double awesome.

I so admire the parents who have commented on this thread, the OP and PPs alike.

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#37 of 37 Old 11-26-2011, 04:05 PM
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Seeking counseling for your child is NOT going to be harmful. I'd say wait and see, too, except for the anger--that anger needs to be dealt with, the sooner the better. It could go a couple of ways--your child could hit puberty and settle in to being female. OR, puberty could make it worse, hormones can amplify the anger, and that anger could be focused outward leading to struggles and serious discipline problems, or turned inward with serious consequences (cutting, eating disorders, even suicide attempts).


Or, you child could settle for being female when puberty comes along, only to have the whole mess rear its head again a couple of decades later.


Professional counseling with someone experienced with gender issues, esp. in children, can help you help your child deal with that anger.

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