What worries me is that she wants to KILL and DESTROY all females including her mother. I hate to put the Debbie Downer in but.. could a female have done something to really hurt her and create a resentment in females? I would ignore the boy clothes and try to discover why such hatred for females.
I don't think lesbians or transgendered want to KILL all of a certain gender to prove they are not that gender.
Is there a way for you to build a trust with her? That not all females are evil and that some are worth loving like her mom or aunts etc.?
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.
I do know a boy who is 5 or 6. He wears tights constantly; I think they are his favorite garment. I have seen him at dances in a dress. He likes plenty of girly things and is a sweet boy. His parents love and support him and apparently let him decide what he wants to wear inside and outside their home. He does not attend public school, so I guess the "danger" in dressing strangely or as a girl in public is mitigated by the presence of one or both of his parents.
I actually live in a community where it is not uncommon to see children of all ages dressed in very wild, unconventional outfits...lots of supportive, home schooling parents around. I love to see it.
I have enjoyed this thread and found it enlightening; thanks to all who shared stories and ideas.
Thank you all for the relies and links.
School started today, I'm holding my breath to see how things went. DD was not a happy camper this morning though.
I've spoken to someone recommended by our local PFLAG chapter. She tells me I'm doing all the right things. She doesn't want to speak with DD at this point (worried that unless this reached crisis, seeing a shrink (her words) will just make her feel more broken than she already feels). She has recommended that we take a wait and see aproach as we work through the beginning of the school transition and if her anxiety increases or decreases once she's settled with her new teacher and friends.
Just keep on fighting and we all get a little more free.
And just because I love it http://www.crimethinc.com/tools/posters/gender_subversion_front.pdf
Awesome, and double awesome.
I so admire the parents who have commented on this thread, the OP and PPs alike.
Lovin' my four-pack: M, S, a different M, and me.
Seeking counseling for your child is NOT going to be harmful. I'd say wait and see, too, except for the anger--that anger needs to be dealt with, the sooner the better. It could go a couple of ways--your child could hit puberty and settle in to being female. OR, puberty could make it worse, hormones can amplify the anger, and that anger could be focused outward leading to struggles and serious discipline problems, or turned inward with serious consequences (cutting, eating disorders, even suicide attempts).
Or, you child could settle for being female when puberty comes along, only to have the whole mess rear its head again a couple of decades later.
Professional counseling with someone experienced with gender issues, esp. in children, can help you help your child deal with that anger.
breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!