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#1 of 52 Old 09-02-2010, 09:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just got back from soccer practice with my 6 year dd. I am crying right now because she is so horrible for me. Dh talked her into playing, she hadn't really wanted to... And I wanted to coach because I loved playing soccer as a kid. So, its the third practice tonight, and again, dd misbehaves the whole time. She won't do anything I ask her to do, so I say fine, then please go sit on the sidelines if you aren't going to participate. But no, she takes her shoes off and lays in the field, she runs away and climbs trees, she throws cones out on the field during drills, she hits me...
I have cried two weeks in a row now. She says she hates it. She wants to quit, just like she wants to quit everything else she tries, ballet, tae kwon do, even swimming(which she loves to do on her own, but didn't want to do lessons because they were structured). I think I should make her finish the season because she said she would play and because it would be letting her team down. We only have one sub as it is. But I don't know how I can get through it. It is so embarassing, and I feel like I must be the worst parent in the world. Why is my child the only one who acts like this.
She has been misbehaving at school too. Making noises, laying on the floor, saying she hates it. She wants me to home school her, but after she does stunts like tonight, there is no way I could homeschool her. I don't want to even look at her right now. I would be fine with her sitting on the sideline, but she won't even do that. She is rude to me and messes up practice.
What the heck is wrong with her!?!
I feel like I really messed up with her. Why in the world would she think its okay to act like that?
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#2 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 12:35 AM
 
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Hugs, mama. It sounds like she's longing for fewer structured activities, and more time to just... be. Which is totally normal for a 6-year-old!

What I hear in your post is that she didn't really want to play soccer; she had to be talked into it. You wanted her to play soccer because you enjoyed it so much as a kid, and because you now want to coach-- and I think it's great you want to share your interests with her. But according to your own words, soccer is not something she has ever wanted to do. And that's okay!

What really jumped out at me in your post was this:

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Originally Posted by catinthehat View Post
I would be fine with her sitting on the sideline, but she won't even do that.
I say this as gently as possible, but it sounds like you already know that this soccer stuff is more about you and your enjoyment of the game than hers.

However, you also know that she enjoys unstructured swimming. Consider going with that, letting her show you where her strengths lie. As for you, are there any adult soccer leagues in your area you could join? If not, maybe you could start one-- you clearly have leadership skills if you're a coach! Then you could each pursue your own passion and cheer each other on. They're both wonderful sports in their own way, and just being athletic in general will give you some more common ground.

Also, I'm betting all her misbehavior (both at school and on the soccer field) is just her way of communicating to you. Is it maddening? Yes. Is it normal for her age? Absolutely. She might not have the words/reasoning skills to tell you why all these structured activities are making her unhappy, so it comes out in a physical way. Look at this situation through her eyes, and remember how it feels to be that little and frankly powerless-- and how important it must feel to her to make you, her precious mama, happy. I bet that's why she finally consented to play soccer, even though she didn't want to: because she loves you so very much.

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#3 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 12:44 AM
 
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She wants to quit, just like she wants to quit everything else she tries, ballet, tae kwon do, even swimming
Well...she's six. Not every six year old needs or wants a lot of (or even one) structured activities. School is enough. Extras are great if a kid wants to try them, but what is the point if everyone is miserable? If she is active otherwise, she has PLENTY of time to decide if she's interested in team sports.

I wouldn't make her finish the season on a sport she was talked into playing. To me, it's not that important.

Also, there's a reason that kids don't usually get to play on the team their parent coaches - they almost always listen better for someone else. She's old enough to know that she's got you in public where you probably won't risk a scene, but young enough to want all your attention. If she has to keep playing, can you let her play on someone else's team?
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#4 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 01:47 AM
 
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dd had reverse bob with bangs at 3. it suited her uhmmm way tooooo much. other moms adn dd's went and copied her hair cut it looked so good. the hairdresser was awesome.

however i didnt continue that cut because dd was starting to be sassy and that hair cut with her body stance made her look 'toooooo' sassy.

little girls with reverse bobs are soooo cute. esp. if their hair has been cut well. dd could sit quietly so she got a total adult cut with layers and everything.

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#5 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 02:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by meemee View Post
dd had reverse bob with bangs at 3. it suited her uhmmm way tooooo much. other moms adn dd's went and copied her hair cut it looked so good. the hairdresser was awesome.

however i didnt continue that cut because dd was starting to be sassy and that hair cut with her body stance made her look 'toooooo' sassy.

little girls with reverse bobs are soooo cute. esp. if their hair has been cut well. dd could sit quietly so she got a total adult cut with layers and everything.
Huh?

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#6 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 02:21 AM
 
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I would take dad to the practices too. Then if she acts up, there is someone there to take her aside while you can still go on with your coaching duties. Right now she knows that your attention is focused elsewhere and you can't spend the whole time chasing her down.

I think the idea of doing sports/classes is appealing to some kids, but when they find out what it is all about it's not as appealing. My dd2 wanted to take gymnastics after seeing all the neat equipment in the gym, and after seeing dd1 do it. But in the actual class she had to wait her turn and do what the instructor wanted instead of what she wanted to do. It didn't help that the instructor mispronounced her name half of the time, so dd didn't understand that the lady was trying to get her attention! I think she thought it was going to be just like running around the playground and playing on the equipment. We did finish out the class but didn't re-enroll. She wanted to play soccer last year like dd1 but spent more time picking dandelions off the field than actually playing!

FWIW DD1 has played soccer for 5 years and this will be dd2's second year, and all the teams they have been on have had the coach's kid on them.
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#7 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 02:21 AM
 
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I've got a six year old. I would: Let her quit soccer and keep coaching yourself. Go have fun with the kids who want to be there. In our rec league, 6 year olds play 3 on 3, and rotate in every 5 minutes or so. For the slightly older kids, the other team will play a person down if your team is short. I would not worry about leaving your team short if it's making your child miserable.

If it helps, our ds did not want to do anything organized during 1st or 2nd grade. In 3rd grade he wanted to do soccer, and liked it OK. He tried baseball and loved it. He's now entering 4th grade and is doing soccer again. He really enjoys it this time.

IMO, 6 is too young for organized sports for many kids. Ds didn't play t-ball or lower level little league. He was a bit behind the other 9 year olds at the start of the season. He was solidly in the middle of the pack by the end of the season. He's not athletically gifted. What this tells me is that there isn't a huge advantage to starting at 6.

Don't sign her up for anything else for a year. Then see where she is.

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#8 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 03:02 AM
 
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uh oh!!! replied to the wrong thread. gosh i should go to bed. thats what happens when you have multiple windows open.

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#9 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for all the replies. I really appreciate it. FYI, my dh is the one who convinced her to try soccer. I asked her several times after he did this if she was SURE she wanted to play and she said yes. So, I gave her a chance to change her mind.
Honestly, I would love for her to quit, but there are only 5 kids on the team as it is, and 4 play at a time. So if she quit we would have no subs. I guess I feel like it isn't fair to her team.
My dh was supposed to come to practice last night, but they wanted him to do something at work, so he never showed.
I talked to her before practice about not acting up. I let her know its fine if she is tired and she wants sit on the sideline, but to please not disrupt the drills, etc. But no, she couldn't even manage that.
I just feel totally stuck.
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#10 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 09:44 AM
 
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My son (a very intense difficult 7 y/o) just finished his soccer season. Honestly - as others have said - your daughter doesn't seem to want to be at the game. She is only 6 and perhaps she really does dislike soccer - so why force her to be there. I know there are only a few kids on the team but with only 1 sub - is it really going to be that different? My son's team was larger but there were games when only half the children showed up and there were no subs. It was good in a way - they got a lot of exercise! And sometimes children, halfway through the game, just walk over to their parents and say, "I don't want to play anymore ... I'm too hot." It's okay. The child is just a child ... they weren't reprimanded for not wanting to play anymore. I hauled my son off the field halfway through a game ... there were thunder clouds and it was hailing ... the coach insisted the kids play ... my son said, 'this isn't fun ... i don't want to play' . Fair enough. We left the field. Did we "let the team down"? I don't think so. It's not high level soccer we are talking about ... these kids have the rest of their life to learn about "not letting down the team". For now, if she is misbehaving this much - she's likely trying to tell you she just doesn't want to be there.
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#11 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 10:20 AM
 
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I don't think it is fair on your daughter to prioritize the needs of the team above your daughter's. She might have said "yes" to joining because she perceived that it was what you and your DH wanted. In my opinion it is not fair to force her to stick with it.

I very much admire the previous posters for managing to write such nice, nuanced posts. I'm not really able to, I can see no gain in, and no reason to, force her to play soccer at all.
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#12 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 10:22 AM
 
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Well, if nothing else, for the rest of your team, you should let her quit. You are coaching to be with your daughter, but she hates it and it ruining it for the rest of the team. They are YOUR team now. So, even if she's not there, they are still your team. Let her quit, leave her home and enjoy coaching. You love it, there's nothing wrong with loving it without your daughter.

If you CAN homeschool her (meaning you are at home, and can work this out), maybe you should wait til this summer and see how it works for you both. She may hate work completely and want you to home school so she can bully you into letting her sleep in and watch tv all day instead of learning. Or she may genuinely want to stay home to learn and she might do really great.
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#13 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 10:51 AM
 
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My DD did great in all the structured activities that she did except the one that I coached. I've decided that sadly, it's better that I don't be involved in her activities. It's a fact of life that some (most?) kids will accept instruction better from non-parent adults. Maybe that's part of the problem, or maybe soccer just isn't her thing.
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#14 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 11:04 AM
 
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It sounds like your dd never wanted to play, was talked into it and felt the need to please her parents so she accepted... but actually doing it is crossing her line... forcing her will just have negative consequences on everyone involved.

 
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#15 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sounds like I am in a minority here thinking she should finish what she started! Maybe I wrong.
I feel like people are really coming down on me here though for even coaching her team. I am not coaching her because I am really intensely wanting her to be this awesome soccer player and I have really high expectations for her. I simply wanted to do something to help out in the community. I wanted to teach kids about good sportsmanship, teamwork, and maybe some skills. I am not some crazy hardcore coach pressuring my child to play!
Maybe I am going about dealing with my child all wrong in general. She is really tough. I am the first to admit that I still don't understand her. The thought of homeschooling her terrifies me. She is so stubborn. She won't do a thing that she doesn't want do. So everything would center around her wants, needs, and desires. She dominates every conversation, and demands constant interaction and attention(I know most children do, but she is even more intense about it).
I just feel really frustrated right now with her, with myself, with the situations we are in and the lack of options...
And I guess I was hoping for some support because I don't have any here.
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#16 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 11:35 AM
 
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We "made" our 6 yo finish out a session of karate lessons, because he is a perfectionist and we know his 'dislike' of it was because it was no longer easy for him as he moved up in levels and he was making mistakes, and he HATES making mistakes, but needs to learn to work through that as a life skill. So stopping because he wants to be perfect is not an acceptable reason for us. And he's GOOD at it, like, had several instructors come up to me and say they don't often seen a kid with his ability at his age. And he clearly enjoys it once he gets into class and stops obsessing over whether he's going to make a mistake or not. So I get the committment/finish what you started thing, even at age 6.

However...your daughter is not only not enjoying practice, BUT she's also disrupting the other kids. As you said, if she would just hang on the sidelines that would be one thing, but I feel like it's not fair to the other kids to be disrupted. When the whole team is being affected by her misbehavior, the "finish what you started" thing goes out the window IMO. If she's misbehaving on purpose to get out of being on the team, at 6 yrs old, I'd address that with discipline at home, but not force her to stay on the team and make everyone miserable. Maybe I'd have her come and sit with DH way off on the sidelines, but not in uniform, in regular clothes. I'd figure out some way to get the point across that not wanting/liking to do something is FINE, but disrupting others is NOT and that she MUST be respectful in her refusal or there will be some kind of consequence. But I wouldn't make the other kids suffer for it. And I'm pretty sure most 6 yos have enough energy to not need a sub for recreation level soccer. At least the 6 yos in our local rec league had plenty of energy .

I have a very feisty 4 yo girl, and we work a lot on appropriate expressions of her often negative feelings. So I get the intensity/negativity.

I really understand the "finish what you started" thing, and do agree it is appropriate with a 6 yo in many cases....but not when other kids are being negatively impacted.

I would also agree with not signing her up for anything structured in the next year, but try to find some unstructured physical activities, like free swims, so she can stay active. No sense in setting her up for failure, KWIM? She may not be a team or group type person, she may be into more individual things; and she may not be really athletic - not everyone is.

For now, I'd really shift my focus on helpign her learn how to express her negative emotions more appropriately; by 6, she should start to have a better handle on it IMO...not be perfect, but better than throwing things on the field and hitting you. Come up with some options that are OK for you and help her practice.

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#17 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 11:51 AM
 
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It doesn't seem fair to make her "finish what she started" when it doesn't sound like she really wanted to start it in the first place. You said you had to talk her into it. If you have to talk a kid into an activity, it's the wrong activity for that kid, IME and IMO.
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#18 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 11:56 AM
 
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I totally agree with finishing what she started. But, she's ruining the experience for everybody. I really think that since she's ruining it for the other kids, that you should still coach, but at least leave her home for a while. Even if you keep her on the team for now.
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#19 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 11:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by catinthehat View Post
The thought of homeschooling her terrifies me. She is so stubborn. She won't do a thing that she doesn't want do. So everything would center around her wants, needs, and desires.

I wouldn't be able to homeschool her for that reason alone. I know my own limits, and that would be WAAAY past my limits.
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#20 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 11:58 AM
 
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I feel like people are really coming down on me here though for even coaching her team. I am not coaching her because I am really intensely wanting her to be this awesome soccer player and I have really high expectations for her. I simply wanted to do something to help out in the community. I wanted to teach kids about good sportsmanship, teamwork, and maybe some skills.

It is hard when you don't get the advice that want to hear, but I don't think anyone here said that you shouldn't be coaching but were just stating that coaching your own child's team can be hard.

I think that is great and I think that you should definitely follow your passion and not give up yourself... the kids that want to be there will benefit greatly when the coach loves the game and wants to be there.

What I hear is being said though is that it is counter productive to force a child to stick to do doing an activity when they they were forced into the decision in the first place. It is supposed to be a fun and positive activity, she doesn't find it fun or positive, she did not want to do it even though someone tried to convince her.

As much as you like it, and it is not wrong for you to do so, your dd doesn't enjoy it and that is not wrong either.

Your dd sounds like my oldest ds. He has never been able to do anything structured. If he feels constrained, he will push back hard. He excels at doing things by himself on his own terms. He also rather be alone, or with his brothers and doesn't enjoy groups. I can't imagine him going to school!! Does it mean that he makes the rules... yes, within our limits and as long as it doesn't negatively impact those around him. It is possible but you have to change your expectations...

 
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#21 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 01:07 PM
 
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Sounds like I am in a minority here thinking she should finish what she started! Maybe I wrong.
If she were 9, I'd agree with you. But there's a world of difference between a 9 year old and a 6 year old.

What people are telling you that's hard to hear is that she just isn't ready for this sort of thing right now. You need to separate your feelings of responsibility from your daughter.

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I feel like people are really coming down on me here though for even coaching her team. I am not coaching her because I am really intensely wanting her to be this awesome soccer player and I have really high expectations for her. I simply wanted to do something to help out in the community. I wanted to teach kids about good sportsmanship, teamwork, and maybe some skills. I am not some crazy hardcore coach pressuring my child to play!
That was clear to me. That's why I suggested that you leave her at home and go coach. You can do something you want to do, and she doesn't have to do something she hates.

Can you bring a babysitter with you if your dh can't be there?

I would recommend the book:
Kids, Parents & Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

It's got a lot of the same information as her earlier book: Raising Your Spirited Child but it's a bit more up to date.

You might also read Playful Parenting. My stubborn intense (aka spirited) 6 year old responds really really well to playful things.

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#22 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 01:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone for your posts. Thefourofus, your post was really helpful. Thank you.
I want to clarify, that no one forced her to do soccer. My husband had a conversation with her and convinced her to try it. I asked her several times if she was sure she wanted to. So she was not cooerced into it. She chose to try it. And yes, I understand we all make bad choices, so I give her the option to sit out.
I am willing to hear what I don't want to hear, but I am not willing to be accused of doing things I didn't do.
And on most young peoples teams, the parents coach the team. I don't see it being an issue on other teams. And I think a pp was right, that part of it may be her being jealous of me giving attention to other kids as well as just not liking soccer. Who knows. But certainly as a pp suggested, working on constructive ways to express emotion is a good place to start.
ON a different note, I just called the principle to see about gifted testing and LD tests, and the principle was very surprised when I said that dd was hating school. She said, "she looks so happy in the halls everytime I see her." This is coming from a woman that I like and trust and would have no reason to lie to me. So dd is apparently not as miserable, at least most of the time as she would have me believe. I sometimes really feel like she just knows how to put ME through the wringer, kwim. She takes it all out on me.
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#23 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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I sometimes really feel like she just knows how to put ME through the wringer, kwim. She takes it all out on me.
Kids do that to the ones they love the best.

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#24 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 01:41 PM
 
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I sometimes really feel like she just knows how to put ME through the wringer, kwim. She takes it all out on me.
That doesn't get much better. Wait til you get the pre-teen drama. It's SOOO draining.

My daughter is pretty easy going, but SOOO dramatic some days. When she was young, she'd tell me a story and I was never sure if I should call the school and defend her. Then I'd ask one of the other kids she played with about the incident, and they'd tell me a much less dramatic story. So, I'd take both stories and assume the truth was somewhere in the middle, but most likely closer to the other kid's version. It's hard at first, but eventually you have to take a "Suck it up" approach.
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#25 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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I don't think you did anything wrong at all.

First, your DD sounds like she's a handful. And I think that "handfuls" are mostly born, not made. We parents can help bring out the best or worst in our kids, but they are who they are.

Next, I am one of those who do fall on the side of not really holding little kids to "commitments" in most cases. My DD is 5, not 6, but I know that my DD is not old or experienced enough to be able to 1) reasonably accurately predict what "being on a soccer team" or other unfamiliar activity will be like or 2) understand in a meaningful way what a commitment entails beforehand. Next, I would hope that the lesson "stick with your commitments" would have some sort of positive effect. But I don't see how it will do anything in this case except lead her to continue pushing your buttons (which is really her only possible option, she does not have the option of saying "I thought I would like soccer but I don't, so I would like to not go anymore"), decide she hates soccer, and maybe be reluctant to try new things in the future.

Put another way, what do YOU see as the logical end to pushing her to follow through on her commitment? Do you think she will feel pride in finishing out the season, for example? Or just feel like life is just not fair?

Just some things to think about.

I do wholeheartedly agree that people need to follow through on promises and commitments. I just don't think most 6 year olds can realistically make that kind of commitment, and therefore I don't think it will naturally lead to the desired conclusion. In fact, a lot of pressure on such things might even lead her to break promises later, just because she doesn't see them as being initiated internally ("*I* committed to this") but externally ("argh, people are so touchy about this stuff, life is so unfair, I hate it when people ask me to make promises").

Also, in the spirit of your DD being who she is, she is unlikely to suddenly like structured activities (at least this year) just by virtue of being made to stay in them. I think some kids really thrive in structure. Most can deal with structure. Some have a hard time tolerating it. And I think that teaching our kids to figure out how they fit in the world is a great thing. People who don't do structure CAN figure out ways they can thrive and be responsible without having to submit to the structure. I know, because I'm married to one of those people - and he works for himself and can self-impose only the kind of structure he wants (and frankly, can tolerate a good amount of structure, since it's self-driven, not externally imposed!).

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#26 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 01:53 PM
 
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ON a different note, I just called the principle to see about gifted testing and LD tests, and the principle was very surprised when I said that dd was hating school. She said, "she looks so happy in the halls everytime I see her." This is coming from a woman that I like and trust and would have no reason to lie to me. So dd is apparently not as miserable, at least most of the time as she would have me believe. I sometimes really feel like she just knows how to put ME through the wringer, kwim. She takes it all out on me.
aaaah mama i can soooo relate to this. my dd is going thru this for all her life - dc and school.

"she looks so happy in the halls everytime I see her."
both your dd AND your principal are correct. of course your dd is HAPPY. man she is out of the boring class. she gets a break. she gets to get up and walk around. she gets to DO things. so what your principal is seeing and what your dd is feeling at THAT moment is correct.

but no one sees your dd in class. perhaps she is like mine - who knows she has no choice so she 'tolerates' school. perhaps she daydreams because she knows otherwise she will be in big trouble. my dd scored above average in everything except follow directions. hah! why? she was lost in lala land making up her own stories because school was so boring.

I sometimes really feel like she just knows how to put ME through the wringer, kwim. She takes it all out on me
this could be a direct line of conversation between my dd and me. and yes its true.

and the fact she takes it out on me i consider it a great compliment to me. yes it makes it harder for me - but omg what an honour. it almost reduces me to tears when i remember as my dd's tantrums. i am so profoundly moved that she opens up to me.

it shows my dd's complete trust in me. a complete acceptance of me. no one NO ONE in the world - not even my parents with whom i have a loving relationship - open themselves up to me to see their inner most feelings as my dd does.

in my case a lot of it comes out because i am a single mom. her dad parents her quite differently and she has NO Place to vent. NO ONE except me to show her true colours, her true innermost feelings.

so do i get taken thru the wringer? ABSOLUTELY. is it hard? YES!!!! but at the same time i see it as a mommy award. its like my mommy nobel prize. no one, no one except me has ever seen the tantruming image of my dd.

can you imagine her poor life. that she cannot be who she wants to truly be anywhere? that she always has to be on her best behaviour?

my dd also is a PRO at showing herself to be what others want to be. i am getting ready to demand stuff from school but i wont have her father's support. why? because dd shows what a wonderful time she is having in school. and guess what? yes she is. for an hour and a half during lunch and recess she loves it. the rest of the time she is miserable. and she is doing all she can to cope. my dd is in 3rd grade so she has learnt to cope. at K and 1st the teachers would help her by giving her some tasks to do and i volunteered too. many many hours. which made a huge difference to dd and i understood what was going on in class.

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#27 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 04:03 PM
 
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ON a different note, I just called the principle to see about gifted testing and LD tests, and the principle was very surprised when I said that dd was hating school. She said, "she looks so happy in the halls everytime I see her." This is coming from a woman that I like and trust and would have no reason to lie to me. So dd is apparently not as miserable, at least most of the time as she would have me believe. I sometimes really feel like she just knows how to put ME through the wringer, kwim. She takes it all out on me.
This sounds so familiar. Some kids DO put on a good front and save it all for home, the intense, sensitive ones. When at mid year conference we brought up with DS's teacher if she had noticed any of his perfectionist tendencies coming out in class, she was shocked. At home, if things didn't go well the first time he tried them, he'd fall apart and tear things up and swear he'd NEVER try ANYTHING again (and then 4 hours later do it and do it just fine ). At school, he kept it together, and then fell apart over something completely unrelated and minor (like, he stubbed his toe) when he got home, just because he had to get out the stress of the day. The entire year, he had one small breakdown at school towards the end of the year when he misheard a set of instructions and completed a worksheet incorrectly. The rest of the time he coped temporarily until he could let it all out, at us at home. Lucky us. But in all seriousness, lucky us that he knows we love him even when he's falling apart.

So I've got one sensitive perfectionist, and one angry badger. Lucky me.

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#28 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 04:16 PM
 
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My DD was also really intense, and we started and dropped several programs. I'm not into tormenting my child if they truly are upset, although I DO make her finish the odd ones where I know it's her perfectionism rather than her total dislike of the activity.

You said that your DH 'convinced' your DD to play. He obviously gave her the sugared-up version of soccer, and the reality of what it was hit her once she got on the field. In theory it probably sounded fabulous. I think that she's allowed to make the decision that she dislikes something - maintaining her integrity and personal power. Jeez, as an adult I've started and dropped things when they did not match my expectations.

There is a reason that many activity places for young kids have contracts: they KNOW kids end up hating stuff and try to get out of them.

FWIW becuase of the fact that we 'shopped around' with our activities, DD has now found one that she is truly passionate about which makes the process of going so much sweeter for everyone involved.
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#29 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the comments. It is really helpful for me to "talk" about this so I can work it out and feel okay about it all.
I am beginning to see now that it is not going to be beneficial for any of us to make her finish the season. She hates it, her behavior is nothing personal towards me, it is just her way of letting me know she is really unhappy. Laohaire- I see your point. There is no way she could have predicted what soccer would be like, having never done it before.
I guess my next question is, how do I prevent this from being the norm in the future. If I let her quit soccer, she will never forget. Then everytime she is doing something and it is hard, or uncomfortable in some way, she will say..."well remember the time I stopped doing soccer..."
How do I make that distinction with her in the future?
Obviously I won't sign her up for anything structured for a long while, and I will only sign her up for things that she wholeheartedly wants to do. But chances are, knowing her, when it gets a little boring or difficult she will come home and say..."I hate it mom, I want to quit, you let me before..."
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#30 of 52 Old 09-03-2010, 05:22 PM
 
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Sounds like I am in a minority here thinking she should finish what she started! Maybe I wrong.
I feel like people are really coming down on me here though for even coaching her team. I am not coaching her because I am really intensely wanting her to be this awesome soccer player and I have really high expectations for her. I simply wanted to do something to help out in the community. I wanted to teach kids about good sportsmanship, teamwork, and maybe some skills. I am not some crazy hardcore coach pressuring my child to play!
Maybe I am going about dealing with my child all wrong in general. She is really tough. I am the first to admit that I still don't understand her. The thought of homeschooling her terrifies me. She is so stubborn. She won't do a thing that she doesn't want do. So everything would center around her wants, needs, and desires. She dominates every conversation, and demands constant interaction and attention(I know most children do, but she is even more intense about it).
I just feel really frustrated right now with her, with myself, with the situations we are in and the lack of options...
And I guess I was hoping for some support because I don't have any here.
Is this is a general behavior problem? Putting the organized sports debate aside, a 6 yo should still be able to listen to Mom and Dad and take simple instructions. Does she have any consequences to her behavior?

Crunchy Christian Wife and Mommy to awesome DH and DD1 (4/25/07) and DD2 (8/13/10)
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