I rec'd a call from the principal today and she explained that DS and another boy were arguing in the lunch line and then it escalating into calling each other names (not sure what yet, I haven't seen DS). Then on the way to the lunch table he told a different little boy that he couldn't sit with him and his friends at lunch because it was the cool table and he wasn't cool This breaks my heart to hear that this is my DS. It hurts even more because I was the uncool kid and I remember having those things said to me in school and it was hurtful. It makes me so angry at him and dissapointed in him at the same time. I don't know if it's an age thing, boy thing or just a general adolescent thing. Am I taking this too personal and making this bigger than it seems? Any thoughts or suggestions on how to handle this situation tonight???
I'm sorry this happened. Assuming this is the first incident I would give your ds a chance to explain what happened. Let him know you are sad and disappointed and how you expect him to act in the future. He should also know the future consequences at school and home. If he shows remorse I would probably leave it at that.
It's really hard to get past your own childhood experiences with bullies if you see your own child acting as the aggressor, but try to keep your cool and remember that usually the biggest bullies are the most insecure. Maybe he is trying to mask his own insecurities of being "uncool" by drawing attention to other people that he thinks he can pick on. IDK - I don't know your son, but I guess I'm saying to consider other angles and have a very frank conversation with him. Hugs!
Actually the thinking about bullies has changed from the "they must be insecure." Most elementary aged children have bullied and have been bullied. I would have a good talk with him, and there are some awesome books on bullying. Things like excluding, teasing, etc. can all be considered bullying.
He might have been bullied, or copying behavior he has experienced/seen before. Or he might really have a need that isn't being met, but bullying doesn't always mean low self-esteem.