Book recommendations for strong willed child - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 09-30-2010, 03:36 AM - Thread Starter
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Can someone please recommend a book for raising a strong willed child? My 4 year old DD needs to be constantly in control and has emotional meltdowns every time she feels thwarted. I don't want a book that emphasizes punishment.
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#2 of 10 Old 09-30-2010, 10:31 AM
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My DD has this personality too.

Ive read so many books over the years that I dont remember which ones I liked or didnt. I think a variety is good, so you can choose ideas that you like and have a few different views. Even if you read a 200 page book and only get one good paragraph its worth it.

These are some books I read
The Strong Willed Child - I dont remember it being anything special
THe Highly Sensitive Child- GReat
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen SO Kids will Talk
The Secret of Parenting
Siblings Without Rivalry
Playful Parenting - there are two authors with the same title- read both
Hold On to Your Kids

The Most recent one which I felt I agreed with every page was
Parenting Without Power Struggles by Susan Stiffelman

The only problem with that book is that the author has an only child and doesnt have any first hand experience with sibling problems.

Oh my gosh, Ive read so many more but this is all I have in my brain right now and baby needs to nurse.

Im sure you'll get tons of titles and good advice here.
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#3 of 10 Old 09-30-2010, 10:42 AM
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I"ve got one very strong willed child and one easy-going one.

I read a ton of books on strong willed children and my favorite was Setting Limits with your Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries, by Robert J. MacKenzie, Ed.D. It greatly improved the family dynamics.

Now she's a teenager and I'm in search of something similar for teens.
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#4 of 10 Old 09-30-2010, 11:22 AM
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Also try Raising Your Spirited Child. It was a godsend at our house.

SAHM to DD (6/07) and DS (10/09); happily married to DH since 2/04 .
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#5 of 10 Old 09-30-2010, 10:42 PM
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i also have a STRONG willed 4 y.o. dd who has crazy meltdowns. i realized ( 9 months into 4) that she really needed more sleep, that she needed a nap agian in the afternoon. she doesn't nap everyday, and to get her to sleep we hav to go for a drive, but even 20 minutes every other day seems to really improve her ability to handle situations without a meltdown. and this is a kid who dropped naps at 18 months.
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#6 of 10 Old 10-01-2010, 02:53 AM
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Originally Posted by spmamma View Post
Also try Raising Your Spirited Child. It was a godsend at our house.
Yup, I like that one too, along with 'How to talk so your kids will listen. . . '

Mama to my two sweet monkeys - DD '04 and DS '06
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#7 of 10 Old 10-02-2010, 12:42 PM
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I've been reading many books lately

I really liked The Difficult Child, although it doesn't really give credence to sensory processing issues, which we have. However it *does* have excellent help in understanding the underlying issues and how to work toward success in a very respectful manner.

Just started reading Naomi Aldort's book, and I'm loving it, and it does include sibling stuff.

I have playful parenting on my desk waiting for me.

Heather, mama to Harriet, Crispin, in with Tom and 2
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#8 of 10 Old 10-02-2010, 01:49 PM
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IMO, it is a stage.

I've got a really laid back DS, who went through this stage of everything had to be exactly his way, his plans, him first... from about age 4.5 to 5.5. Luckily it is a stage. He is almost 6 now and realizes the world does not revolve around him and rules are not always black and white.

I've got a DD who will be 4 in 47 days (yes, she is counting down) and she is so strong willed it makes me cringe. I am not looking forward to the fours. Then again, she is also independent and confident, so you gotta take the "good with the bad" kwim?

IMO, if this has developed around age 4 for your DD, and she wasn't so much this way beforehand, then I would skip the books and just ride out the stage. If she was always this way, and it is just more exaggerated now that she is 4, then some of the pp's books might come in handy.
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#9 of 10 Old 10-02-2010, 03:40 PM
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One of my favorite books is: Kids, Parents & Power Struggles. I need to re-read it for our strong-willed 6 year old. It's by the same author who wrote Raising Your Spirited Child, but it's a little more updated, I think.

I'll also say that Playful Parenting and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen REALLY work with our daughter.

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#10 of 10 Old 10-02-2010, 03:51 PM
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Originally Posted by AllisonR View Post
IMO, it is a stage.

I disagree completely. While some kids may go through stages where they are on a control binge, some kids are just more strong willed than others, period.

I've got two who are night and day. One is my attorney in training, and she's been tough from day one. She's now 13 and it's not getting any prettier. She wants to please--herself. The other is my little ray of sunshine, and she does want to please us. It's their personality, not a stage.
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