Single Mom Getting No Privacy but son expects some - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 10-03-2010, 01:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, my boy comes on in see me nude talks to me , he likes to LOL at me , he more likely just likes to say Hey I see Boobs after all he was nursed up until he was 5 then stopped at his 5 yr old b-day .

So now he's 6 yrs old and he even goes LOL I see your butt !

I go I really have no problem except when it's time I want to relax to have my peace just for the moment .

I will shut the door he will open it and come in see me either in the bath, shower , or on the toilet .

Now just recently he says to me don't look at me when I'm gettin Dressed , do not come in to the restroom because i'm going pee or poo . do not come in while I'm showering .

So I respect his wishes so if he wants privacy and knows of privacy so why doesn't he give it to me
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#2 of 14 Old 10-03-2010, 01:52 AM
 
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Can you lock the door? I think this is typical, but kind of frustrating. I think you if you want the same kind of privacy that he wants, you need to keep restating the boundary. Every time he comes in, remind him that he didn't knock or he didn't get permission and tell him to leave, and I may just keep restating the limit over and over. I do this sometimes with my kids who are 11 and almost 7 and usually I get the, "I was just...wait, I just have to, I'm going, I said I'm going, I just need to...I'm GOING, FINE!!!!" then a loud door slam and maybe some other things said. Today I was taking a little nap in my room, after throwing my kids out, and I locked the door. I woke up to banging and a "You suck!" The 6 year old, of course.

Anyway, I think sometimes we just have different boundaries. I'm not as protective of some of my privacy as they are, and so I think it's about getting him to understand your own limits and what is acceptable to you, and maybe there are times when you are OK with him around. Like the shower, my 6 year old will sit on the toilet and read to me, and I'll let them come in and talk to me in the bathroom even though they lock the door when they are in. It's not always going to be fair, and that works both ways because he may want and expect certain things that you won't be willing to give him. Like today my 6 year old was really ticked at me because I made her clean her fingernails and she was yelling at me that she doesn't tell me when to take a shower or clean my fingernails. And I was all, "Yeah, 'cause I'm the MOM!!!" Today was a bad day, btw.

It's really annoying when they come in while you are on the toilet, and then tell you you smell...but my kids are getting to the point where they really don't want to see me naked or spend too much time in the bathroom with me, although now the dog follows me everywhere.
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#3 of 14 Old 10-03-2010, 02:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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No door lock because it used to have a lock but when Brendan was a wee young one he locked himself in and wasn't able to be old enough to know how to unlock it so then I ended up requesting knobs with no locks
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#4 of 14 Old 10-03-2010, 06:01 PM
 
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I would just start with something small and then build from there. Like, you want to close the door when you're in the bathroom. Or when you're in the shower. then when he's used to that you can insist on dressing in private - whatever time alone would help you the most.

after being so intensely close for years it doesn't seem fair to spring it all on him at once
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#5 of 14 Old 10-03-2010, 06:19 PM
 
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Let him know you respect his privacy and you would like him to respect yours. He's old enough to understand that.

Lynn, wife to Jason  SAHM to Nate, Riley and Jon
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#6 of 14 Old 10-03-2010, 08:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by starbuckmom View Post
Let him know you respect his privacy and you would like him to respect yours. He's old enough to understand that.
I agree with this, also let him know how it makes you feel I find that always gives my son something to think about. But of course nothing changes overnight. Good Luck
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#7 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 12:21 AM
 
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So I respect his wishes so if he wants privacy and knows of privacy so why doesn't he give it to me
Because that isn't his wish!

It sounds like you were expecting a connection between him wanting privacy, and him naturally respecting your privacy. But, in his mind, while he is uncomfortable having you invade HIS privacy, he is still very comfortable invading yours

It doesn't matter, though. At 6, he doesn't NEED unlimited access to you while you are using the bathroom. He may want it, but he doesn't need it. It is ok for you to draw and enforce a boundary, even if he protests. Your needs are important, too!

Id tell him when I am about to use the bathroom, and ask if he needs anything before you do. Then remind him that you'd like some privacy--please knock if you need something. If he comes in, say firmly "I am in the bathroom right now. I will talk to you when I am out. Please close the door."
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#8 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 12:27 AM
 
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How about buying a sliding bold lock to put on the doors or even a hook and eye?

Or getting new door knobs with locks put back on.

I dont mind my kids coming in to talk to me when I am in the bathroom taking a bath or using it but I do mind very much inappropriate comments like haha I see your butt. That is something I wouldnt like at all.

 
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#9 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
How about buying a sliding bold lock to put on the doors or even a hook and eye?

Or getting new door knobs with locks put back on.


Not walking in when the doors are closed (without knocking and getting permission to come in) is something I have to constantly reinforce with my 7 & 4 year olds. I think it can just take a looooong time for them to remember this courtesy.

If you can't switch the door knobs or install a lock, how about getting one of those plastic wedge door stoppers (usually to hold a door open) and use it when you are in the bathroom to keep the door closed?

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So I respect his wishes so if he wants privacy and knows of privacy so why doesn't he give it to me
Because he's only 6.
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#10 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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Put a lock in the door. Maybe I'm a hard-ass but I wouldn't accept that kind of behaviour from a 6 year old. Technically you shouldn't have to even lock the door. All 3 of my children (ages 4, 7 and 9) know you do NOT come in the bathroom or my bedroom when the door is shut and if they do they get in trouble. But I'm one of those parents who doesn't think my kids desires trump everyone else in the family.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#11 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 10:15 PM
 
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Hook and eye lock. Plus a reinforcing talking to every time he tries to enter the bathroom while you are in there. That is totally unacceptable at his age, he is old enough to understand that respect is reciprical.
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#12 of 14 Old 10-04-2010, 10:35 PM
 
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Hook and eye lock. Plus a reinforcing talking to every time he tries to enter the bathroom while you are in there. That is totally unacceptable at his age, he is old enough to understand that respect is reciprical.
Agree.
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#13 of 14 Old 10-05-2010, 06:44 PM
 
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Maybe I'm a hard-ass but I wouldn't accept that kind of behaviour from a 6 year old. But I'm one of those parents who doesn't think my kids desires trump everyone else in the family.
Guess that makes me a hard-ass too. My three year old has learned to knock and wait for an answer, but then, we started that lesson when he was about 1.5 and loved to knock on doors. It seemed like a good time to teach those manners.
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#14 of 14 Old 10-05-2010, 06:50 PM
 
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Have you actually said to him to him that he needs to knock and gain permission before entering, and then reinforce any slips by telling him to "get out!" ?

He has grown up seeing you naked and comfortable with it, just because he is discovering the need for privacy will not make him think you have also discovered the need for privacy.

We do not have locks on our doors, they just were not there when we moved in. Dd gets it(after I explained my expectations), with only the occasional reminder when she has something exciting or important on her mind.
I give her the same respect.

Decluttering 500/2010
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