What options do you offer when kids refuse main meal you cook? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#121 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 10:21 AM
 
UnschoolnMa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Trying to release my cows..Join Me!
Posts: 15,152
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

 

Quote:
Presumably your husband can go into the kitchen and prepare something else if he wants it, though, or drive to the store. If you're fine with your kids doing the same and they're able to do so, then I don't think you'd need to offer...

Yes, this. ITA.


"The true measure of a man is how he treats a man who can do him absolutely no good."
peace.gif  Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!    
UnschoolnMa is offline  
#122 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 10:27 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post

Oh, OK.  Thanks for the diagnosis. lol.gif 

 

Now it sounds like we parent exactly the same way and are getting different results due to something that isn't genetics.


I guarantee you that we don't parent the same way. Nobody does.  As for the "diagnosis", as you put it, were you not the one who said that your child has texture issues?  Is that not sensory?

Sure he's sensitive but according to you he is out of the realm of neurotypical.   As I must also be for not liking to wear wool.  And my dad for not liking to go swimming and having to wear a wet suit.  And my brother for throwing up after eating tough meat.  And my mother for not being able to watch scary or emotional movies.  And my other brother for being very aware of smells.  It's all part of being highly sensitive.  Or maybe I just don't know enough neurotypical people to recognize that we aren't. lol.gif
 


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#123 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 10:32 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post

Oh, OK.  Thanks for the diagnosis. lol.gif 

 

Now it sounds like we parent exactly the same way and are getting different results due to something that isn't genetics.


I guarantee you that we don't parent the same way. Nobody does.  As for the "diagnosis", as you put it, were you not the one who said that your child has texture issues?  Is that not sensory?

Sure he's sensitive but according to you he is out of the realm of neurotypical.   As I must also be for not liking to wear wool.  And my dad for not liking to go swimming and having to wear a wet suit.  And my brother for throwing up after eating tough meat.  And my mother for not being able to watch scary or emotional movies.  And my other brother for being very aware of smells.  It's all part of being highly sensitive.  Or maybe I just don't know enough neurotypical people to recognize that we aren't. lol.gif
 

 

You're putting words in my mouth, as I have not said anything regarding you, your father, your brother, your mother, or your other brother, now have I?  You are making these leaps of generalization on your own.  You said your son has texture issues.  Fine, don't use the word "neurotypical".  He still has an issue with food.  We were talking about children who do *not* have sensory issues with food and who are picky.  Period.  I've made my point, and I will move on.  We will never agree on this.
 

velochic is offline  
#124 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 10:54 AM
 
Spring Lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Velochic, I already explained to you that there is a range of what "neurotypical" means.

You obviously went through a very difficult time related to food, and of course that is going to influence how you see this. But unless you are a doctor, please stop telling other parents what diagnoses their kids have.

You can't earn a medical degree from reading message boards.
One_Girl likes this.
Spring Lily is offline  
#125 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 10:56 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

 

 

You're putting words in my mouth, as I have not said anything regarding you, your father, your brother, your mother, or your other brother, now have I?  You are making these leaps of generalization on your own.  You said your son has texture issues.  Fine, don't use the word "neurotypical".  He still has an issue with food.  We were talking about children who do *not* have sensory issues with food and who are picky.  Period.  I've made my point, and I will move on.  We will never agree on this.
 


Just like you are making leaps of generalizations such as picky kids are that way because they are fed McDonalds.  I label ds have having texture issues.  The next person would just say he was picky.  Much of it is how it is viewed.  There isn't a hard and fast line between personal preferences, texture preferences, taste preferences, and a lack thereof.  To me pickiness has more to do with being in a power struggle or wanting to assert independence.  There can be other reasons for having a selective palate .  It could be due to having sensitive tastes, a gag reflex that makes swallowing certain textures difficult or unpleasant, or perhaps a subtle allergic reaction or food sensitivity causing something difficult for a parent to notice like an itchy mouth or a vaguely upset stomach.  My only reason in posting on this thread was to advocate that it can be more than a power issue and simply being firm and insisting the child eat what is served can be cruel in such situations.  Then my points kept getting discounted because either I created his pickiness by indulging him (by expanding his food palate to include fruit headscratch.gif) or he wasn't neurotypical to start with.  rolleyes.gif


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#126 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 10:59 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Lily View Post

Velochic, I already explained to you that there is a range of what "neurotypical" means.

You obviously went through a very difficult time related to food, and of course that is going to influence how you see this. But unless you are a doctor, please stop telling other parents what diagnoses their kids have.

You can't earn a medical degree from reading message boards.


And I already said, "fine, don't use the term".  I was just using the term used in this thread, and I never "offered" a "diagnosis".  I was using common terminology.  My point is that there is a difference between "issues" (or whatEVER term you want to use) and plain old pickiness, which can be a learned behavior.  This thread was about kids with no physical reason to refuse certain foods.  (Is it O.K. to phrase it that way, or it that implying that I'm acting as a doctor and giving diagnoses?? eyesroll.gif)

velochic is offline  
#127 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 11:08 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

 

 

You're putting words in my mouth, as I have not said anything regarding you, your father, your brother, your mother, or your other brother, now have I?  You are making these leaps of generalization on your own.  You said your son has texture issues.  Fine, don't use the word "neurotypical".  He still has an issue with food.  We were talking about children who do *not* have sensory issues with food and who are picky.  Period.  I've made my point, and I will move on.  We will never agree on this.
 


Just like you are making leaps of generalizations such as picky kids are that way because they are fed McDonalds.


I absolutely think that kids can become picky from being indulged with McDonalds all the time and it's not a generalization because I've seen it happen to several children in my family.  These are mostly grown adults now that still eat fast food once or twice a day every day.  I didn't say that it applied to ALL picky children.

velochic is offline  
#128 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 11:19 AM
 
Spring Lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You do keep bringing up "sensory issues" and qualifying your statement about kids who do and do not have them. But the problem is that MANY people have those issues, to varying extents. So you can't just rule out all the people who are picky for those reasons as having "issues." Sensitivities are not "issues" in the way you're suggesting.
Spring Lily is offline  
#129 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 11:20 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)


The trouble is not all parents are omniscient and know how their children experience food at all times.  Addressing "pickiness" as being only a learned behavior to be discouraged leads to a closed minded approach which does not allow for other possibilities.  Food sensitivities can develop at any age.  Sometimes allergies have a threshold that must be reached before a reaction occurs.  For instance, I react to feta cheese during rag weed season but can eat it without a reaction at other times of the year (unless I'm around cats, lol).


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#130 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 11:44 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
and plain old pickiness, which can be a learned behavior.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4evermom View Post


The trouble is not all parents are omniscient and know how their children experience food at all times.  Addressing "pickiness" as being only a learned behavior to be discouraged leads to a closed minded approach which does not allow for other possibilities.


I did not say that pickiness is only a learned behavior.  I said that it is one way kids become picky.  Please reread my post.

velochic is offline  
#131 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 01:28 PM
 
Smithie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 4,529
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

 

"Presumably your husband can go into the kitchen and prepare something else if he wants it, though..."

 

He can. But he doesn't, because that would be disrespectful to me, the cook, and to our family time, which is what is happening at the dinner table. Dinner is for nourishing your body and talking about your day, not for discussion of the relative merits of the food served or interrupting the social interaction for field trips into the kitchen to find foods other than what's on the table -  or destringing a 3rd grader's orange. 

 

I'm glad we've gotten over the "clean your plate" phase of American food culture, but there's a whooooooooole lot of gray area in between that 50s approach and a mindset that "dinner" is whatever you want, whenever you want it. Especially in our world of caloric superbundance and processed junk everywhere, grazing on only-your-favorites isn't a coherent food culture. It's an absence of culture. ("Culture" is this instance meaning "behavioral guidelines that sustain personal and social health," not "classy behavior." I'm sure that grazing can be done in a very classy manner. orngtongue.gif)

 

Smithie is offline  
#132 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 01:40 PM
 
Spring Lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

 

"Presumably your husband can go into the kitchen and prepare something else if he wants it, though..."

 

He can. But he doesn't, because that would be disrespectful to me, the cook, and to our family time, which is what is happening at the dinner table. Dinner is for nourishing your body and talking about your day, not for discussion of the relative merits of the food served or interrupting the social interaction for field trips into the kitchen to find foods other than what's on the table -  or destringing a 3rd grader's orange. 

 

I'm glad we've gotten over the "clean your plate" phase of American food culture, but there's a whooooooooole lot of gray area in between that 50s approach and a mindset that "dinner" is whatever you want, whenever you want it. Especially in our world of caloric superbundance and processed junk everywhere, grazing on only-your-favorites isn't a coherent food culture. It's an absence of culture. ("Culture" is this instance meaning "behavioral guidelines that sustain personal and social health," not "classy behavior." I'm sure that grazing can be done in a very classy manner. orngtongue.gif)

 


I'm curious, do you take into consideration what your husband likes when you're shopping or meal planning?

I know that if I make a new recipe that I like and DH isn't into it, I don't make it again. Unless he's out of town. There are certain foods he doesn't like, so I substitute for those or chose recipes without them. The kids don't get that level of respect; if we like it, they're expected to eat it, too. They're expected to try new foods. If they're a little picky about how I'm serving it, that's fine with me and I'm not going to make a big deal about it.

Control issues are a big factor in eating disorders, so I think it's fine to set limits and let them have a say so within that framework.

Also, I don't think it's quite fair to compare adults and children, because adults have a very different palate and more developed taste buds, besides a better understanding of nutrition and health.
Spring Lily is offline  
#133 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 01:55 PM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

I did not say that pickiness is only a learned behavior.  I said that it is one way kids become picky.  Please reread my post.


Oh my last post was just a general pulling some final thoughts together.  Just trying to encourage people to keep a balanced approach and an open mind to the possibility that other people don't experience food the same way as they do.  Enough people advocate the "they'll eat what I serve if they get hungry enough" approach that I feel compelled to balance it with another pov.


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#134 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 01:56 PM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Lily View Post

You do keep bringing up "sensory issues" and qualifying your statement about kids who do and do not have them. But the problem is that MANY people have those issues, to varying extents. So you can't just rule out all the people who are picky for those reasons as having "issues." Sensitivities are not "issues" in the way you're suggesting.


I disagree.  I don't think that MANY people have sensory issues.  I think that people have preferences for food.  If an entire class of food is discounted for a physiological reason (texture, color, food group, for example), then I would call that a food "issue".  I do see a difference between picky and sensitive.  You are splitting hairs for the sake of argument.  Please leave me out of that argument.  I agree to disagree and leave it at that.

velochic is offline  
#135 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 03:13 PM
 
happysmileylady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,216
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I do the grocery shopping and the cooking in my house.  I make sure that I buy healthy stuff-no twinkies, pop tarts, etc.  And I try to cook things that most of the family will eat.  For example, DH and DD1 don't like chili, I love it, so although it's perfect for this time of year, no chili for us.  But, I never want food to be a big deal for my kids, so, I don't make it a big deal.  That means that anyone can have access to anything at any time.  The only exception is if I have bought something I don't normally buy, specifically for a specific recipe.  For example, I only buy enchilada sauce if enchiladas are on the menu for a dinner, that means DD1 (who is 15) cannot use it to make her lunch for school. 

 

DD2 is only 2 and has the verbal abilities of most 12 to 15 month olds.  She can't tell me if she likes something or not.  I have only seen her react with active dislike of anything a few times.  However, she regularly takes just a few bites and is done.  It's hard to adjust my "system" to her because I can't tell why she wants out of her chair...if she doesn't like the food all that much, if she is full, if she is just more interested in playing, I dunno. 

happysmileylady is offline  
#136 of 148 Old 01-14-2011, 05:44 PM
 
Spring Lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

I disagree.  I don't think that MANY people have sensory issues.  I think that people have preferences for food.  If an entire class of food is discounted for a physiological reason (texture, color, food group, for example), then I would call that a food "issue".  I do see a difference between picky and sensitive.  You are splitting hairs for the sake of argument.  Please leave me out of that argument.  I agree to disagree and leave it at that.
I agree, "many" people do not have sensory issues. I did not say they did, if you read my post.

What I have said in this thread is that 20% of the neurotypical population has sensitivities, though. Which to me is "many" people. We do not need to argue. You obviously have your mind made up about what everyone is like and what categories they fit in, whether that is indulgent or with a sensory disorder. I'm done trying to help you see that your view of people is over simplistic on this topic. I did not want to get into an argument on it in the first place, I just don't like hearing that you think my kid has a sensory disorder because she doesn't seem to fit into your schema.
Spring Lily is offline  
#137 of 148 Old 01-15-2011, 05:45 AM
 
PrettyButterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 16
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)



I've got to say I love this "The4of us"!

Quote:
Originally Posted by The4OfUs View Post

I know lots of families say cereal or a sandwich or whatever the kid could get themselves, but we got burnt out on even that idea going on at our house, when my kids were similar in age to yours.  We had a series of conversations about food, food as fuel and food as fun, and talked about how you *don't* have to like everything you eat...for instance, my DH does not like rice (which baffles me, but whatever :lol:), but when I make a dish with rice in it, he eats it.  Or, he makes chili totally different than I do and I like mine a lot better, but when he makes it, I eat it.  We have plenty of opportunities to have foods we love throughout the week, so that when foods we're not crazy about come along, we just eat them anyway because they are good for us in a well rounded diet.   The kids each get to choose their breakfast and lunch, and each kid gets to plan one dinner a week.  The other 5 dinners are DH and my choice (keeping in mind everyone's preferences), and it's eat what's there, eat what's there as a snack before bed, or wait until morning (because not eating dinner then having a yogurt before bedtime is a pretty good trick, dontcha think? ;) ).   My kids have no sensory issues, and will not starve themselves or make themselves sick, so this is a pretty straightforward thing for us - I understand other people have issues to contend with, but for us it was just pickiness, basically created by us over a long period of time.  There is always at least one item they like on the table, even if it's just the salad; but that's the only option, there is no getting up from the table to get something else.  The only time now we make the kids separate items is when it's something they find truly objectionable (they both nearly gag when they see casserole/stew/soup consistency foods and it's a texture/flavor blend thing I totally get, so those we don't push - we'll give them maybe one or two bites of it and then something else they do enjoy, so we're slowly working them into it).

 

I think, *for kids that don't have actual medical/sensory reasons to reject things*, it's kind of an entitlement kind of thing to get to make yourself a separate meal from everyone else just because you don't want what's being served....it's a real privilege to be able to do that, and it makes me feel kind of squicky.  I understand everyone has things they truly, truly do not like and that's fine, and we meal plan around that (for instance, DH and I cannot stand seafood so we don't have it in the house - we keep trying it a couple times a year, but none of us like it at all) - but largely, not being "in the mood" or "not liking" something isn't enough of a reason to not eat it, to me.  Having a few things you really can't stand eating is one thing; wanting a sandwich 4 nights a week because you "don't like" dinner is completely another IMO.

 

I imagine if I put out the "if you don't want this, you can make yourself something else" my kids would live on the same 4 or 5 foods, and then wouldn't have started liking all the wonderful things they truly do like now.  Sometimes, giving a gentle but firm nudge past comfort zones really does work out well. 

 

 

*** When we started this "this is what's for dinner, take it or leave it" thing after a few days of conversations/prep, I started slow and easy - like, 2 bites of the things they weren't used to on their plates and plenty of stuff they did like.  Then I just worked the "new" stuff up and brought the old reliables back so that the portion sizes of each were reasonable.  For us it was mostly veggies that were the problem, and we slowly worked from 2-4-6-8 bites to normal serving sizes for both of them.  We don't usually have a problem with meats or starches in this house (though DS isn't crazy about mashed potatoes, likely a consistency thing, he still eats a small portion of them usually together with whatever meat we're having).  I had to teach the kids basically to pick around whatever it is they didn't like, a skill I developed apparently on my own as a kid - I could leave a pile of diced sauteed onions on my plate after a meal that would amaze my mom, they were all rooted out and I'd eat everything except those onions in a neat little pile to the side.  whistling.gif



PrettyButterfly is offline  
#138 of 148 Old 01-15-2011, 07:06 AM
 
Tumble Bumbles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 741
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

I don't know why people even care so much what other people's kids are eating and what other parents do with their children. It's ridiculous.

 

Don't worry, if my kid ever becomes friends with your kid and comes to your house for dinner and says "I find sauce too spicy, can I please have some pasta before you've put the sauce on? Thank you." (which is pretty verbatim to what she says now at 5), you can feel free to berate her about starving children in Southeast Asia, tell her how spoiled and indulged she is, tell her she gets no other food until she eats what's there, and that her horrible mother created her pickiness because she actually respected her preferences. If that would make you feel better, that is. eyesroll.gif

 

Until then, I'll continue to offer easy, healthy alternatives, teach her to listen to her body/belly/palate, model consideration for those we love, teach her polite ways to advocate for her preferences without offending people, and take virtually NO time or extra effort at ALL to reserve some pasta free from sauce while also gently encouraging new foods with no pressure or coercion. Additionally, mealtimes will continue to be pleasurable times of connection for all involved with very little extra work on my part. How terrible. eyesroll.gif

One_Girl and MusicianDad like this.

Christ-centered loving wife & mama to 2 unschooled miracles! One & one . We live simply and mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015 Praying for another
Tumble Bumbles is online now  
#139 of 148 Old 01-15-2011, 07:11 AM
 
geekgolightly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: on top of a very lovely mountain
Posts: 1,707
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I used to offer alternatives but it was resulting in my child refusing anything healthy and only eating what we consider to be junky food. So we stopped that. And he adapted quite nicely. He now eats salads, all sorts of vegetables, meats of all kinds. I try to serve mostly what I know he and my husband like and tolerate, but I am also continually introducing new foods. We require that he tries the food, and he can absolutely refuse the food, but he no longer receives an alternative and can wait for the next meal or snack. He won't dry up and blow away for refusing one side or entree of one meal.


Momma to DS 1, age 8 and rainbow baby DS2 4-21-11.
geekgolightly is offline  
#140 of 148 Old 01-15-2011, 07:39 AM
 
kittywitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 13,493
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by geekgolightly View Post

I used to offer alternatives but it was resulting in my child refusing anything healthy and only eating what we consider to be junky food. So we stopped that. And he adapted quite nicely. He now eats salads, all sorts of vegetables, meats of all kinds. I try to serve mostly what I know he and my husband like and tolerate, but I am also continually introducing new foods. We require that he tries the food, and he can absolutely refuse the food, but he no longer receives an alternative and can wait for the next meal or snack. He won't dry up and blow away for refusing one side or entree of one meal.


This is what we've had to start doing, as well. My kids got to the point where they wouldn't eat a single thing we cooked. I don't make them eat all their food by any means, and we eat meals often enough they won't starve. But they can't live off of Boca chick'n patties and pb & j forever.

AP Mom to 5 knit.gifhomeschool.giftoddler.gif
 
  

kittywitty is offline  
#141 of 148 Old 01-15-2011, 12:00 PM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,438
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post

First of all, Russia now is not NOT Russia during the upheaval and the beginning of democracy.  It's a completely different country.  Your dd had it EASY compared to the way life was when Yeltsin became president.  The months around the fall of the Soviet Union (August 1991) were nothing like most anyone here has ever experienced.  The few years following were the most painful the country has every experienced.  Thrown into democracy with no experience being democratic turned the country on its ear.  Also, I was there as a working adult, supporting myself.  I was not a student.  Another huge difference.

 

Secondly, I *didn't* adjust well.  It took a year and I became anemic and was undernourished from a lack of variety.  I lived off of bread and cheese for the first year.  Food was still government issued for a while after 1991.  I didn't have access to the foods you mention above.  Everything was new to me.  Eventually things like pasta became available, but not at first.  I was lucky to make a friend in my apartment that started to teach me how to cook.  It was cooking like I had never experienced before, and I still had to get used to the flavors.  It took a very long time.  I suffered for my lack of adaptability.

 

Nope, I did NOT adjust easily.  It was one of the most difficult things I ever did in my life.  And it wasn't just food that I had to adjust to.  I was a spoiled American.  That move really opened my eyes.  I've been back since then and Russia is completely different.  Life is easy there now.  No comparison between when I lived there in the early 90's and when your dd was there.  None.

 



I never said anything about the country being the same - that would be silly -  but you, as a working adult, had the ability to shop for and prepare the meals you wanted from the things that were available, limited though they may have been. Rain was there as a dependent child whose only option was to eat what her host family or school cafeteria prepared. Apparently you had regular access to cheese, anyway, which just for the record is something Rain rarely found where she was living last year, and when she did it was a particular kind of cheese that was like nothing she'd eaten before. It's a huge country, and what's happening today in Moscow and Petersburg isn't necessarily what's happening in the rest of it. I know she would have preferred bread and cheese to pasta and ketchup, anyway, and she did come back to me pale as a ghost (her whole group was) and unhealthy. No, she didn't have it easy, in more ways than food, but that's a whole other post.

 

It seems sort of ironic today that I took her to Tunisia for the next month and she was able to eat lots of good healthy Tunisian food and sit in the sun and get healthy again...

 

Maybe the real problem is that you went as a "spoiled American" and Rain didn't. She grew up understanding that we do what we can to help people out and make things better for them when we can, and deal with it when we can't. Being sensitive to a child's food preferences doesn't equal spoiling them.

 



Of course I'm giving our child-rearing techniques credit.  But like your ds, my dd did not even want to taste solids until she was over a year old.  She was still getting most of her nutrition from BM at nearly 2 yo and didn't wean until she was 4 (although the last 6 months were few nursings far between).  She was picky as hell her first couple of years.  You are saying your ds has a texture issue.  Therein lies the difference.  That is not what I would consider to be neurotypical.  That's a sensory integration issue.  My dd was just lazy - she has no sensory issues.  BM is sweet and was instantly available and that was her preference.  But once she started eating, I never fed her processed or fast food and the food she ate was not the same thing all the time (and she was exposed to world cuisine from the age of eating solids).  Heck yeah, I'm going to give my child raising technique credit.  I could have given her crap McDonalds all the time and she would have gotten used to the processed, salty, fatty food instead of healthy home-cooked, from scratch with lots of spices food.  She would have ended up picky.  The factor of her father's side of the family is that they live in a 3rd world country and have no luxury for pickiness.  It has nothing to do with genetics, it has to do with what's available.  And again, we're talking about kids who do NOT have sensory issues.


So, what about those of us who offered our kids a variety of foods and didn't do McDonalds and didn't wind up with 4 year olds who enjoyed new foods and would eat anything? Because I'd venture to say that a lot of us fall into that category... and I'm also throwing in a kid who was prone to meltdowns if she didn't eat, so not having a backup food that she would eat would have been basically setting her up for a crisis. I think you were lucky to end up with a kid who eats a variety of food without a fuss, but with one data point it's easy to assume that your good luck is because of something you did.

 

The thing with most kids in developing countries is that they don't eat a wide variety of foods - they generally eat the same things day after day, maybe changing a bit seasonally but basically the same, because that's what they have available. Actually, some of the aid programs have run into problems for exactly this reason - the food they've brought into countries isn't what the people are used to eating. 


 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
#142 of 148 Old 01-15-2011, 08:38 PM
 
octobermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Yuma AZ
Posts: 5,566
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

I had to slightly giggle at all the refrences earlier to orange slices. I've hated those dumb strings and skins on oranges for as long as I can remember they taste super bitter to me DH says they are tasteless but I don't think so.

 SO the ONLY way I've even served an orange to my kids is by sectioning it which removes all skin and white stringy things I can section an orange in the same time it takes my DH to peel one. SO I dont do it cause I'm catering I do it cause it is how I happen to make it for ME. LOL


Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
octobermom is offline  
#143 of 148 Old 01-16-2011, 09:36 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by octobermom View Post

I had to slightly giggle at all the refrences earlier to orange slices. I've hated those dumb strings and skins on oranges for as long as I can remember they taste super bitter to me DH says they are tasteless but I don't think so.

 SO the ONLY way I've even served an orange to my kids is by sectioning it which removes all skin and white stringy things I can section an orange in the same time it takes my DH to peel one. SO I dont do it cause I'm catering I do it cause it is how I happen to make it for ME. LOL


lol.gif  They are super bitter!  I happen to like bitter, however.  Ds... not so much.  So I understand what he is tasting and that he doesn't like it.  It surprised me how many fruits have a bitter undertone once I started paying attention.  Plus some of them have tough parts and he doesn't like trying to swallow a glob of fiber.  It's really a multifactor thing with the taste, the gag reflex, and possibly teeth issues since he has had a lot of dental work and recently broke a tooth while eating (though maybe I should use the word concern, rather than "issue" since that seems to be loaded with extra connotations of diagnoses when I merely mean this definition: "a misgiving, objection, or complaint").  Running into a hard bit, like a small seed, is disturbing.  If it was just texture, he'd happily eat canned mandarin oranges, or those "cup of fruit" things.  But he thinks they have a strange flavor and I have to agree with him.


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#144 of 148 Old 01-17-2011, 01:02 AM
 
onyxravnos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Fairbanks, Alaska
Posts: 2,539
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

my rule is : eat it or don't.

 

 DSD wont eat anything with a vegetable in it on it or near it (and I'm a vegetarian) so we had this fight a lot. in the end i ended up pretty much cutting out all snacks and very rarely is their desert at all because i didn't like how it turned out to be a tit for tat with the veggies eaten but only if there was desert.

 

 if you don't eat what i make you can wait until the next meal. 

 

 I do always offer cereal for breakfast because i know she will eat that so at least she eats once a day but often she chooses to skip lunch and dinner. I just repeat to my self "eat it or don't"  & "she'll grow out of it"


transtichel.gifAk Hippie mama  ribbonpb.gifYamia  DSD '03 blahblah.gif  DS '07 ribboncesarean.gif  DS2 '09  hbac.gif & DS3  uc.jpg '12

homeschool.gifwinner.jpgfamilybed2.gifnovaxnocirc.gifcd.gifgd.gif

 

onyxravnos is offline  
#145 of 148 Old 01-17-2011, 02:19 PM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,478
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

If the kids won't eat what's for dinner, they can have an apple and a peanut butter sandwich.


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
#146 of 148 Old 01-17-2011, 02:28 PM
 
frugalmum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 503
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

My kids are EXTREMELY picky, to the point you would all be shaking your heads and clucking your tongues.

 

The alternatives we offer cannot require much, or any, effort from me if I have already cooked. 

 

cereal with milk (rice krispies, cheerioes, corn flakes, nothing ultra sweetened)

plain homemade (white) bread that is always on hand

slice of cheese

piece of fruit

any non-dessert leftover that is lying around (I might heat up homemade pizza after I am done eating)

when we had a working toaster-- toast

veggies (most don't eat them)

 

We tend to always have homemade dessert on hand so there are times they sneak that in, instead of something non-dessert, if I am not paying attention.

 

crackers, apples, yogurt all day doesn't sound bad.

 

I am a very picky eater too and I regress during times of stress-- right now I have eaten the same thing for every meal for nearly a month and it doesn't look like I'm going to change any time soon.  It's fairly healthy with the exception of including the homemade white bread. 

frugalmum is offline  
#147 of 148 Old 01-19-2011, 07:27 AM
 
ProtoLawyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,004
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Our recent alternative has been a sandwich or cereal that my stepdaughter makes herself. I work more than full time, my husband's running for office, and we have a 6-month-old. We do not have time to cater to her pickiness (which, she is neurotypical and does not have textural issues--I think it's mostly peer pressure and control issues), nor do we want to be eating nothing but pizza and macaroni all weekend and all summer.

 

And what happened this weekend? She refused to eat anything we served (we made a shrimp stir fry, rice, and pineapple, and she didn't even touch the rice or pineapple), AND she refused to make anything herself. (She's 8, not sick, injured, or otherwise disabled. She's capable.) So, she went hungry, and started demanding her dad make her macaroni and cheese right before bedtime. He refused, told her she could get herself a small bowl of cereal if she was hungry, and she grumbled about liking Mom better and decided to moan about starving to death. This repeated all weekend. I'm not sure what else we could have done.

 

We're down, pretty much, to white carbs, ground beef, and tomato sauce, but not if there are any chunks in it. "Pick them out." "No, YOU pick them out. I didn't ask for them in the first place."


ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
ProtoLawyer is offline  
#148 of 148 Old 01-20-2011, 03:03 PM
 
Lisa1970's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I used to be a short order cook for my family, but now..I tell them if they want something different, they have to make it themselves..meaning PBJ sandwich or bowl of cereal.

Lisa1970 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off