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#31 of 52 Old 01-25-2011, 10:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by NicaG View Post

Okay, I'm starting to feel like everyone thinks I'm raising a sociopath.  Just to clarify, my ds doesn't insist on cheating, mostly he just likes to change the rules of games halfway through, but the rules change for everyone. 

 

I think all this has clarified a couple things for me:

-ds is very much a rule-follower at school, and he is happy to play board games at playdates or with our babysitter, and he follows the rules and doesn't get upset when others win.  I think part of what is going on is that he feels competitive with dh and me, and winning games (by whatever means necessary) is a way for him to assert dominance sometimes in a low-stakes way

 

-I think we started games ( like Candyland) when ds was a little too young to follow rules and play a whole game, so we didn't focus much on the rules, we just played for fun and stopped when we got tired of playing, even if we hadn't finished.  Now that ds is old enough to follow game rules, we're having trouble adjusting to the idea that we don't just play fast and loose like we used to.

 

-I think ds finds a lot of games boring, and changing rules makes the games more interesting for him.  He has recently started learning chess, and he has no interest in changing the rules and has no problem with other people winning--he seems much more interested in seeing how strategy works on both sides of the game.

 

-Playing most board games is not something I enjoy, so I tend to tune out a little while we're playing, and I don't much care what ds does while we're playing.  Maybe I should care more. Maybe I need to either change my attitude or stop playing games with ds.

 

Thanks, all.


I also don't tend to take games all that seriously.  I mean, most times I've insisted on rules being followed, but I like for the games to be fun, too.   

 

When DS2 (3) and DS1 (6) play Memory, DS2 often gets so excited that he'll keep turning over cards to find his match.  Then DS1 wants to do this.  They think it is funny to watch me say, "Hey, you can't do that!"  When we count out our pairs, I will announce that DS2 has 8, DS1 has 7, I have 4...but that I'm the winner because I've disqualified them both for cheating.  We all then have a good laugh. 

 

Honestly, it does pay to have a sense of humor and perspective. 
 

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#32 of 52 Old 01-25-2011, 11:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by amcal View Post

I never allow cheating.  But, like others, I do sometimes allow them to win.  Especially at games that require skill because as an adult, I have a lot more skill and experience at these games so, I'll always win.  But, in games of luck, I don't usually set it up so they win.  I think loosing teaches way more than winning. 


I remember my dad never allowed me to win at anything, ever...so I basically stopped playing chess against him.  It just wasn't enjoyable to have my butt handed to me again and again.  So, remembering this, I also will give my kids a frustration-break at games that involve a lot of skill.  Games that involve little skill, I play them straight.  And with games that involve memory, my kids will kick my butt with no assistance from me.  The acts of being pregnant, giving birth and experiencing post-baby sleep deprivation permanently impaired my memory. 
 

 

 I totally could have written this! It was awful and demoralizing, and he was so much better than I, I never really learned to get better at it either. I just became more and more discouraged.

 

I take the same approach you do. Memory Match - I'll sometimes flub a few to give the little ones a chance to beat me. My six year old can beat me fair and square, though, so I play my best against him. For other skilled games, like checkers or chess, I'll throw a game here and there to give them a chance. And for something lthat involves little skill, whoever wins, wins.

 

We don't allow cheating. If I catch it once, I give a reminder. If I catch it a second time, the game is over.

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#33 of 52 Old 01-25-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lookatreestar View Post

this thread reminds me of how much i dislike games lol.gif



Seriously!   lol.gif


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NicaG View Post

Okay, I'm starting to feel like everyone thinks I'm raising a sociopath.  Just to clarify, my ds doesn't insist on cheating, mostly he just likes to change the rules of games halfway through, but the rules change for everyone. 

 

I think all this has clarified a couple things for me:

-ds is very much a rule-follower at school, and he is happy to play board games at playdates or with our babysitter, and he follows the rules and doesn't get upset when others win.  I think part of what is going on is that he feels competitive with dh and me, and winning games (by whatever means necessary) is a way for him to assert dominance sometimes in a low-stakes way

 

-I think we started games ( like Candyland) when ds was a little too young to follow rules and play a whole game, so we didn't focus much on the rules, we just played for fun and stopped when we got tired of playing, even if we hadn't finished.  Now that ds is old enough to follow game rules, we're having trouble adjusting to the idea that we don't just play fast and loose like we used to.

 

-I think ds finds a lot of games boring, and changing rules makes the games more interesting for him.  He has recently started learning chess, and he has no interest in changing the rules and has no problem with other people winning--he seems much more interested in seeing how strategy works on both sides of the game.

 

-Playing most board games is not something I enjoy, so I tend to tune out a little while we're playing, and I don't much care what ds does while we're playing.  Maybe I should care more. Maybe I need to either change my attitude or stop playing games with ds.

 

Thanks, all.


You sound like you are doing great, then.  I can't believe how seriously people take this game playing.  If your ds plays well with others but wants to work some things out when playing with you, who cares if you don't? thumb.gif

 



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Originally Posted by DidiToo View Post

I also don't tend to take games all that seriously.  I mean, most times I've insisted on rules being followed, but I like for the games to be fun, too.   

 

When DS2 (3) and DS1 (6) play Memory, DS2 often gets so excited that he'll keep turning over cards to find his match.  Then DS1 wants to do this.  They think it is funny to watch me say, "Hey, you can't do that!"  When we count out our pairs, I will announce that DS2 has 8, DS1 has 7, I have 4...but that I'm the winner because I've disqualified them both for cheating.  We all then have a good laugh. 

 

Honestly, it does pay to have a sense of humor and perspective. 
 


Yes!  Humor and perspective, people, please!  upsidedown.gif

 

Ds was recently frustrated when he visited a friend with one of those LEGO games, the Harry Potter one.  His friend refused to let him check out the game and play it because he couldn't find the rules.  Ds said to me later "What's up with that?  We could have made some up and had fun."  I didn't really have a good answer beyond some people find following rules so important that they don't know when it isn't important and have no practice being flexible during those times...


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#34 of 52 Old 01-25-2011, 05:14 PM
 
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I think the info that he plays one way at home with mom and Dad and plays another way with peers changes the perspective a lot.  I stink at games so loose to my kids a lot, even when they were little so I have been a stickler for rules because then, I might win a few.  I would not have wanted my kiddos to cheat or change the rules so that they could win because I wouldn't want them doing it with their siblings or friends.  But if he gets that that part isn't socially acceptable - don't change a thing.

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#35 of 52 Old 01-25-2011, 08:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NicaG View Post

Okay, I'm starting to feel like everyone thinks I'm raising a sociopath.  Just to clarify, my ds doesn't insist on cheating, mostly he just likes to change the rules of games halfway through, but the rules change for everyone. 

 

I think all this has clarified a couple things for me:

-ds is very much a rule-follower at school, and he is happy to play board games at playdates or with our babysitter, and he follows the rules and doesn't get upset when others win.  I think part of what is going on is that he feels competitive with dh and me, and winning games (by whatever means necessary) is a way for him to assert dominance sometimes in a low-stakes way

 

-I think we started games ( like Candyland) when ds was a little too young to follow rules and play a whole game, so we didn't focus much on the rules, we just played for fun and stopped when we got tired of playing, even if we hadn't finished.  Now that ds is old enough to follow game rules, we're having trouble adjusting to the idea that we don't just play fast and loose like we used to.

 

-I think ds finds a lot of games boring, and changing rules makes the games more interesting for him.  He has recently started learning chess, and he has no interest in changing the rules and has no problem with other people winning--he seems much more interested in seeing how strategy works on both sides of the game.

 

-Playing most board games is not something I enjoy, so I tend to tune out a little while we're playing, and I don't much care what ds does while we're playing.  Maybe I should care more. Maybe I need to either change my attitude or stop playing games with ds.

 

Thanks, all.

 

Oh gosh, see, for me, it came down to a language issue. I wouldn't even consider this cheating at all! We change rules all the time, and make up new ways to play. I thought you were talking about one person really trying to be sneaky and pull a fast one on the other player (without that being part of the game). This just sounds fun. :)
 

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#36 of 52 Old 01-26-2011, 07:11 AM
 
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I haven't read all the replies, so forgive me if I am repeating here.... my 5 year old was a terrible loser ever since we started playing games with him around age 4.  So much so that we didn't play games for a long time and I thought he would be better when he matured a bit.  Trying again around age 5, he wasn't any better at losing.  The thing that made him better at losing was practice.  he needed some practice at losing!  And some coaching on how to be gracious about it.  It also helped to play alot of games for a period of time, so that he could see that "you win some, you lose some."  If we played 10 games of candyland, he soon figured out that he would win about half of the games and his brother would win half.  Then it's ok to lose, because he knows he'll win one soon.

 

I don't find anything wrong with a mom letting her kid win or changing some rules every once in a while.  But you have to remember that they aren't always going to be playing games with YOU.  Though you might not mind that your kid changes rules and fudges his way to the finish line, those peers out there certainly will mind.


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#37 of 52 Old 01-26-2011, 12:23 PM
 
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If we're playing a game by the rules, then no cheating and no letting anyone win. If it's a game that, due to acquired skill or physical size, I am virtually guaranteed to win, I may not play my best, but I won't deliberately throw the game (I guess you can compare that to handicapping myself). As my stepdaughter is capable of beating me outright in most sports and also games like checkers and chess, this is not much of an issue anymore. We'll see what happens with my son.

 

However, occasionally we play wacky rules (Calvinball!), in which chase cheating and win-shifting is rampant. And, truth be told, more fun.

 

Oh, one big thing: I never EVER alter my play with Scrabble. I learned to play from my grandmother, who will kick anyone's butt several times over in Scrabble (she's 83). She never ever let me win or threw a move--the only age-related accommodation she made was that we could use dirty words once we were 14. She'd good-naturedly tell me what I did wrong in my moves. I never, ever beat her--until one day,  I did, and it was the best thing in the world, for both of us. (This sort of play is definitely a "know your kid" thing--some kids would use this sort of game play as an opportunity to learn and do better, and some would find it frustrating and like they were getting bullied, in which case, don't.)


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#38 of 52 Old 01-26-2011, 12:36 PM
 
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We don't do cheating, unless we are getting bored of the game and get silly. It was a slightly hard concept for dd to grasp, but she gets why cheating at a game is pointless.

 

I rarely 'let' her win a game, but I don't play games where I have the unfair advantage and she is set up to loose based on her inexperience.  The only way I let her win, is if I hold myself back a bit. Sometimes I can see she is really trying, but stuck, so I give a bit.  Mostly, if she wins, she wins on her own.

 

I don't know what to do about a child who HATES loosing. I would eithe r stop playing games with that child or figure it out with them.


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#39 of 52 Old 01-26-2011, 12:42 PM
 
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I was reminded this morning, there is one game where we allow cheating... It's called "Cheat" though and the object is to get rid of all your cards first, lying where necessary to get it done.


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#40 of 52 Old 01-26-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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I have let my kids win -- if we're playing a game of skill and I will wipe up the board with them (let's face it, I will ALWAYS beat my 6 year old at Boggle), I will often not play as hard as I could sometimes. I try to let them win some of the time. Let's face it - it sucks to lose all the time.

 

We follow a similar philosophy for the same reasons. DH or I will win at Scrabble or chess. We're adults with a lot more experience in strategy and bigger vocabularies. We're more likely to let up on how competitively we'd play with other adults than to "allow" winning.

 

We don't allow anyone to win with games of luck. We just explain that winning is more about luck than skill, and they've both been able to accept that. (Plus, the same person won't always win or lose in those games, so it works out.)

 

Both DH & I are competitive, and we hope that our children are as well. I don't believe that you shouldn't care if you win or lose. If you're playing chess, you should care. Otherwise what's the point of playing? Yes, I do lose, but if I'm not even really invested in the outcome, then I don't get the purpose. That's what we teach our children. Winning can be enormously important to you, but you still should learn to lose gracefully. It's not as if the only people who can be good sports are people who don't care about winning.


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#41 of 52 Old 01-26-2011, 01:11 PM
 
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For a while, when she was about 4, my DD wanted to play by whatever means would allow her to win the games.  I simply started asking her before we started the game if we were playing by the official rules or the "Katherine Cheater Pants" rules.  If she choose the Katherine Cheater Pants version, she could spin or roll until she got what she wanted.  Over time she quit choosing the cheater pants version and just played by the regular rules.  shrug.gif  It made her happy and I really didn't care - we were just passing the time, not making every second of the day an important life lesson.

 

If she never grew out of it, I'd be concerned, but she did.

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#42 of 52 Old 01-26-2011, 05:52 PM
 
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I haven't read all the responses, but I think that a parent playing full-force against a child is kind of like the parent cheating.  It shows the parent as a poor sport who doesn't want to lose against a child, IMO.  My goal in playing games with children is not to teach them to be good losers by creaming them every time we play, but to guide them, teach them strategic points, evaluate every possible move, etc.  I may say "I think there's a better move.  If you look again, you may be able to do xyz."  I don't necessarily outright allow them to win, but I even the playing field, so to speak.  I may not pay close attention when playing memory.  I may chose a different move in Sorry that does not involve sending my child back to start.  Now, there are times when DD says "let's play until I win" and I can only play so many hand of Uno before I go insane, so yeah, I let her win.  And I know for a fact that she lets me win sometimes :)  I cannot legitimately beat her at Mancala, no matter how hard I try, so she lets me win.  I appreciate it love.gif  Even though I know she is letting me win, I love that she cares more about me than about winning.

 

I will be honest, here, though.  My step-grandmother is a notoriously bad loser, to the point of jumping up and down and throwing a fit, and laughing brutally in a child's face when she does win.  It's really quite disgusting.  My opinions are very heavily colored by my experience with her.  I am sure that there are many people who manage a way to not allow their child to win in a caring and nurturing way.  Sore losers are a very huge pet peeve of mine, as well as poor winners (I hate grandstanding of any kind in professional sports so.much!).  So anyway...feel free to write off my opinions all together LOL!

 

I absolutely do not allow cheating ever.  Ever.


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#43 of 52 Old 01-27-2011, 04:44 AM
 
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My kids--especially my almost-6-year-old--LOVE to play board games.  I wouldn't allow cheating, although it's not an issue because my son is a stringent rule-enforcer when it comes to games.  Occasionally, I've tried to take back a move when I realize that it's going to cause his early defeat or ruin a big play he was planning, but he'll always stop me and say, "No, that's cheating if you change it now."

 

If we're playing a game that I have a distinct advantage at--mostly speed-related games (we have one where you have to flip over tiles really quickly, and I can turn then over at about 5 times the rate he can) I might self-impose some limitation on myself, with or without telling him (such as only allowing myself to use one hand to turn the tiles)--but this is as much to make the game fun for me as it is to give him a chance at winning!

 

I've noticed that my son doesn't get upset when he loses strategy games, but can get a little upset when he loses "luck" games (Chutes and Ladders type games).  Also, we've playing Apples to Apples Jr. with him and a sort of similar(ish) picture-based game called Dixit, and these types of games (where there's no objective right-or-wrong, just someone choosing what they think is the "best" card, or whatever) are the one type that seems to really set him off.  When his card isn't getting picked, he seems to get his feelings hurt or feel like he's being conspired against or something.eyesroll.gif  So we've put those games away for a while and play a lot of Carcassone, Kids of Carcassone, Sleeping Queens, Moose in the House, Tier Auf Tier, and several others (we have quite a few games).  

 

If I were you, I wouldn't allow cheating, but I might modify the rules to "level the playing field" a little.  If you're playing games like Candyland, I'd try a different type of game--one where you can actually affect the outcome of the game with how you play.  

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#44 of 52 Old 01-27-2011, 05:25 AM
 
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 This is an area where I refuse to give even an inch. You play by the rules or we don't play. And if you are getting angry that you aren't winning and can't handle it with some grace then we shouldn't be playing. My son has loved games since the age of 2 and has gone through many different phases since then when he tried to cheat, change the rules in the middle of the game, or got so angry about losing that it ruined the game. But I have stayed the course, cleaned up many games in the middle (or walked away to let him get his feelings back under control) and it got a lot better after age 4. He is now 7 and will occasionally try to cheat but it is more with a sense of trying to be funny. He does love to try different rules for games and my policy is that if we agree on the new rules at the beginning then it is okay, but no changes after the game starts.  I should add that when we are playing a strategy game and my son is not yet familiar with the strategy I will do 2 things. I will talk out loud about my own strategy and I will help guide him if it looks like he is making a really bad move. My goal is to get him thinking. But he is quite good at strategy games and one time kicked my butt badly in Travel Blokus, to an extent that I didn't even think was possible. We still talk about that game and it was 2 years ago. So once he understands the strategy fully I play my hardest against him.

 

As to your son rigging the cooperative game, my brain is still puzzling over how (maybe you explained in another post). We have a ton of the Family Pastimes cooperative games (though not Max). They all just require taking turns, and then making a decision as to how to work toward the mutual goal. Noone is collecting anything for themselves. If he is trying to take more turns than he should or save the most exciting moves for himself, then I would put an immediate stop to it.

 

At age 6 he should be able to talk about the game before you start. Discuss the rules together. If it is a game of chance, discuss that concept and talk about how sometimes one of you will do better based on the roll of the dice. If it is a cooperative game play up the excitement of accomplishing the goal TOGETHER and that you feel left out when he tries to control the game. If it is a game of skill, I do think it is appropriate to plan a handicap. For example, my son's electronic chess board will start to make worse moves if he starts making really smart moves (when on the beginner setting), but if he makes bad moves the computer will not hold back. Also talk beforehand about how he feels inside when he isn't winning, let him become more aware of his reactions by putting words to them.


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#45 of 52 Old 01-27-2011, 11:08 AM
 
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This is a tricky subject.  My ds5 also feels this way about losing.  I mean, nobody likes to lose, and everyone has to learn how, but it offends my son to his very core.  It makes the game not fun for him to play, because he is so worried that he might lose.  We have some cooperative games that we play as a family (Break the Safe, Castle Panic, and Pandemic-- these are great games for older kids or with help.)  We also play competitive games, like Uno.  It seems like for my son, it is too big of a step for him to take right now to just bite his lip and lose nicely.  One thing that has helped us is playing a competitive game against imaginary players.  We play against our cats.  When the cats lose, sometimes they stomp around meowing and swishing their tails, and sometimes they are very civil about it.  I think this sort of role playing has helped.  Sometimes when we play against each other, and it becomes clear he is losing, he will want to join my team, and the cats will take over for him.  As he gets older, I think the cats will be less willing to take over for him, and I think they will start to make smarter moves.  This is a way of gradually easing him into losing.

 

When ds plays games with dd7, they often set the rules easier at the start.  For instance, if you are supposed to set the timer for 15 minutes in Break the Safe, they'll set it for 22, as if it was a three player game.  Then they don't have to rush and scurry so much, and they enjoy playing the game even more.  Castle Panic and Pandemic also have rules for how to make it easier to win.  As they get tired of winning every time, they will start to want to make it harder.

 

I think that when you are the youngest, people are often bigger, smarter, faster, better jumpers, better climbers, able to reach stuff, able to do things you are not allowed to do.  It is a frustrating time.  You might not have a lot of skills that people value.  Sometimes losing a game just proves to them that they are in fact not smart, strong, lucky, or whatever.  Winning, especially against a grown-up, can make a kid feel like even if the grownup is bigger, faster, stronger, and whatever, at least he can sometimes beat them at Uno...  I feel like I can give my son this pleasure while also teaching him to play an honest game, and we are both happy.

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#46 of 52 Old 01-28-2011, 11:37 PM
 
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No cheating allowed, and no poor gamesmanship. When ds was younger, I'd adjust my play to his level if needed. Sometimes we have house rules, so we can be flexible if we all agree. Some of the games we play have rules made up on the fly (for example, ds invented "Chesskers" which is played with both chess pieces and checkers--fun, but still evolving!).

 

We have a "winner cleans up the game" rule. So if ds loses, Mom or Dad is cleaning up, which takes the sting out of the loss (and we don't mind, 'cause ds cleans up when he wins).

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#47 of 52 Old 02-01-2011, 03:55 PM
 
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We have an odd approach. DS is allowed to cheat, if he asks to do so and the other players agree. Sometimes, if a game has gone on, we are too happy to let him cheat to speed to the end. Mostly, I want him to know that he's changing the rules. Other times, when he asks, we say no, today someone wants to keep playing by the rules.

He hasn't yet seemed to stress about losing.
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#48 of 52 Old 02-02-2011, 12:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by its_betty View Post

No cheating allowed, and no poor gamesmanship. When ds was younger, I'd adjust my play to his level if needed. Sometimes we have house rules, so we can be flexible if we all agree. Some of the games we play have rules made up on the fly (for example, ds invented "Chesskers" which is played with both chess pieces and checkers--fun, but still evolving!).

 

We have a "winner cleans up the game" rule. So if ds loses, Mom or Dad is cleaning up, which takes the sting out of the loss (and we don't mind, 'cause ds cleans up when he wins).


I like this idea!


Sarah, partner to J and mom to DD1 April 30th, 2002 and DD2 May 5th, 2012. love.gif

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#49 of 52 Old 02-04-2011, 07:30 PM
 
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I am pretty casual about games. I don't really like board games, but I enjoy spending time with dd, who is almost 7, and she enjoys them now. We have a version of Trouble and one rule is that you have to roll a 6 in order to start a new game piece on the track. It can be very frustrating if, through luck, you just don't get a 6 and everyone else has game pieces on the board. So I recently established a rule that if after a certain number of turns you don't pop a 6, a 5 or a 4 will get you going, too. Also, if I pop a number where I can send one of dd's pieces back to start, I sometimes don't take it. Sometimes dd knows, sometimes she doesn't.  Sometimes she will ask me to "spare" her and sometimes I will offer to.

 

I think she's pretty good at losing now, though she wasn't for a long time and we did simply stop playing competitive games for a while. I have never liked them anyway, I am cooperative to the core. Now I think there is some evolving healthy competition in the family. I am relaxed about games because, like another pp, they are pastimes. Yes, they hold some life lessons and I want dd to be able to lose; but she's doing a good job and I have never been strict about following rules in games. I think it's good for dd to see me show compassion and that I care how she feels if she's about to lose her third game in a row. I think she's very aware that her friends are not likely to give her a break and I see her playing very well with the other kids.

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#50 of 52 Old 02-05-2011, 04:43 AM
 
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We handicap most games.  This allows for everyone to have fun, and we can include both parents, and an 8 year old and a 5 year old with very different skills and strengths.  My 8 year old DD has extraordinary difficulties in emotional control, so we work hard to make games fun, accessible, but also an environment to practice losing graciously.
 

We review rules for appropriate behavior every time - no trash talk, gracious winning, gracious losing.  On games that largely involve chance, we consistently remind ourselves through the game of the importance of luck in the game.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

I have let my kids win -- if we're playing a game of skill and I will wipe up the board with them (let's face it, I will ALWAYS beat my 6 year old at Boggle), I will often not play as hard as I could sometimes. I try to let them win some of the time. Let's face it - it sucks to lose all the time.

 

<snip>

 

The other thing we've done is to give the kids a handicap. I figure if they do it for golf, why not for board games? So if we're playing Boggle, then the grown-ups can't use 3 letter words, but kids can. It evens things out a bit.

 

<snip>

Nod.
 

Handicaps: 

Max:  Animals can take the short cuts, Max cannot.

Chess:  I get no queen or rook when playing against DS.  DH gets no queen, neither rook, and neither bishop.

Sorry:  DS can choose to declare at the beginning of the game if pieces can get knocked back to home.

Checkers:  I start with 10 pieces to DS's 12.

Chronology:  DD needs to get 8 cards to everyone else's 10.

Bananagrams:  DD needs to use all tiles but they don't have to be connected.


We also need to fade the handicaps --  I play my best in checkers (cuz I go bonkers if I have to hold back - it just doesn't work for me).  If I win three times in a row, next game I start with one more piece down.  If DS beats me 3 times in a row, then I start the next game up one.  We started this system with 6 pieces vs DS's 12, and I'm up to 10.  I've lost quite a bit graciously in this way, as has he.  We also constantly remind ourselves that DS has gotten so good that he can beat me at an almost fair game when a few months ago he couldn't.

 

Good cooperative game that's actually fun for everyone with built-in handicapping:  Forbidden Island.  (Sorry Max fans, I find that game mind numbingly dumb)

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by NicaG View Post

Okay, I'm starting to feel like everyone thinks I'm raising a sociopath.  Just to clarify, my ds doesn't insist on cheating, mostly he just likes to change the rules of games halfway through, but the rules change for everyone. 

 



The emotional control required to lose a game graciously is actually a fairly high-level function and 6 years old is still young enough not all kids can do it for a charged game.  Losing is hard.  Just look at how people behave when their local football team loses.  Review expected behavior, but also set it up so that the poor kid can win occasionally.  I certainly would never want to play a game where I lose every time.  Indeed, I quit a soccer team where we lost every game.  I just wasn't having fun.  While it was great exercise, and good for my soul and character building and all that jazz, it just wasn't fun.

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#51 of 52 Old 02-06-2011, 07:26 PM
 
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I haven't read all the responses so at the risk of repeating someone else's ideas...

 

No we do not let him win, no we do NOT allow cheating, and no we do not permit pouting.

 

So far DS enjoys it much more when he wins, obviously, but can gracefully congratulate others when he loses.  He will be 6 in March.

 

That being said, we play age appropriate games with him (focused slightly more on luck than strategy) and probably go easier on the strategizing than we would if it were just DH and I playing.  We also let him make up games and create the rules, but he has to say all the rules before we start the game, no changing in the middle!

 

His favorite game now is Qwirkle.  He has yet to win a game, but he has come close, and I know that when he does win he is going to really relish it because it will be a real win.  

 

I will never forget the time I beat my dad at Scrabble for the first time (and possibly the only time)  I was chuffed to bits, and felt so very grown up and confident.

 

TBH, I think allowing kids to win or looking the other way when they cheat is condescending.  I'd hate it. 

 

ETA:  I do not think showing a new player all the possible moves and discussing which will A) lead to more points B) provide less opportunities for the next player or C) set themselves up for a winning move, is letting them win.  I would do that for any friend of any age when playing a new game.  Once the child understands though I let them make their own decisions.  Ocassionally, for whatever reason DS chooses to make moves that offer him fewer pointsa, most of all because he wants to be in charge of the move, even if it's not a winning move it;s HIS move, and that is much more important to him, for now.


Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#52 of 52 Old 02-07-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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Generally, no. Well, I sometimes don't pay much attention when I play memory games. This is more my being lazy more than anything.

I don't completely kick her ass at Scrabble and Bananagrams--I ramp it down a bit--but I don't make myself lose. However, I help her and congratulate her on awesome moves. I set her up for good moves, too--like I'll leave the triple word score accessible.

If she is getting really bummed, I ask if she wants to play the cheating way so she can win. She used to choose this when she was younger but doesn't anymore.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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