5 yo Will NOT poo in potty - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-11-2011, 02:14 PM
 
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Hi, I just wanted to add to my post that I also did not mind changing his diaper at that age.  He was my only kid, and that part of it was just not a big deal for me.  A big part of me just wanted to let him continue until he was ready; and go at his own pace.  However, both  my husband and I were starting to feel concerned  that  he may be thinking that he couldn't do it. He was also saying things like "well, maybe next year."    I realize that it was about two to three months after  we started focussing more on it (talking to him more about it, and introducing the video. (Even that was dicey, as I didn't want to talk to much about it, yk) to when he was able to use the toilet.  Also, after he first used the toilet, he still wanted to use his doppey a few times. He then changed over to only using the toilet. 

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Old 07-12-2011, 01:44 PM
 
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I agree with the majority here that it's time to push the issue.  A typically developing 5 year old is just too old to be in diapers!  I have 3 kids, my oldest is 5 and I agree with whoever said that once you start changing a small baby again you really get the heeby jeebies about changing older kids.  I am PT'ing my 2 year old now actually even though that's less than ideal with a newborn.  I also just stopped wiping my 5 year old because he's just too old to have his mommy wipe is bum.  Or, I guess what I mean is he's too old to not be working on it, YK?  Of course these things can take time and that's fine.  But really there is a case being made for child-led pooping-in-the-toilet'ing?  
 

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I'm going to have to disagree here. It sounds like you have waited it out way beyond what most people are comfortable with and that doesn't seem to be working out. I don't think this is anything like extended bf. When we choose to bf for years, it is because we (parents and children) are specifically benefitting from it. We know that bm has health benefits for our children and consciously choose to do it. But what is the benefit to letting this continue? Not rocking the boat? That alone is not a good enough reason. She is 5. She is independent and resilient and can communicate clearly. She can handle her mother lovingly teaching her how to manage her body functions in an age-appropriate way. She can handle change. I know this is what you are both used to, but you can do this. 

 



 



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I will say that when my daughter got to the other side of this, she was a much happier person.   What was at the heart of her reluctance was fear, according to her.  I never could understand that fear or really help her with it, but when she overcame it, she felt wonderful.

 

 



 

^^ITA with this.  My 5 year old can be v. anxious about change and really has to be pushed through things (PT'ing was one!  Also, eating most than 5 things, falling asleep alone etc).  But with every gain in skills and independence he is happier.  Really what 5 year old wants to wear a diaper?

 

Time to rip off the bandaid, I would say.

 


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Old 07-12-2011, 02:54 PM
 
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I don't think that you are helping your dd by continuing to facilitate this.  Your dd cannot still use diapers if you don't buy them, which may sound harsh to you, but I think it's worthwhile to look at your own role in this.  There are going to be times in life when your dd may feel uncomfortable, or may feel nervous or anxious.  Those emotions are part of the full spectrum of emotional life.  I don't think it's particularly useful to shield your daughter from emotional experiences, esp. given that you sound like you are well able to support her.

 

It also sounds like there are a lot of assumptions going on, including that your dd will be incapable of toileting herself because she hasn't yet chosen to, or that the experience will be fraught with stress or anxiety.  Perhaps, or perhaps not.  Sometimes our kids live into our expectations of them, both positive and negative, so it might be helpful to believe that, at 5, she is capable of not using diapers.

 

I have known other moms facing "stuck" issues to take a break from the situation and let someone else take over for a bit, even just for some momentary perspective.  I don't know if this is something you could think about?  Or, as a first step, perhaps using the diaper and then being cleaned up, could be less of a passive activity.  5 y/o's are capable of some self care, and could certainly particpate in throwing away the diaper, cleaning themselves, bringing clothing to the laundry, etc.  Not in a punitive way, but rather as a way to help her assume some responsibility for her choices.

 

Good luck.

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Old 07-13-2011, 06:41 AM
 
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Maybe some of the posters who say you are enabling her haven't dealt with a kid who WILL NOT poop on the potty.  I mean keep trying sure, but if your dd is anything like my 4 year old ds it is very frustrating! 


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Old 07-13-2011, 06:54 AM
 
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Maybe some of the posters who say you are enabling her haven't dealt with a kid who WILL NOT poop on the potty.  I mean keep trying sure, but if your dd is anything like my 4 year old ds it is very frustrating! 



That's not the issue here though.  And my oldest was very reluctant.  This mom isn't willing to push her child at all.  She even says that she won't stop buying diapers because her child would get 'really upset'!  This is a child with little exposure to other children, no media exposure and a mom who isn't willing to let the child know that a typically developing 5 year old in diapers is not normal.  I find it quite upsetting, really.  


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Old 07-13-2011, 09:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by D_McG View Post





That's not the issue here though.  And my oldest was very reluctant.  This mom isn't willing to push her child at all.  She even says that she won't stop buying diapers because her child would get 'really upset'!  This is a child with little exposure to other children, no media exposure and a mom who isn't willing to let the child know that a typically developing 5 year old in diapers is not normal.  I find it quite upsetting, really.  



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Old 07-13-2011, 12:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Magali View Post

Maybe some of the posters who say you are enabling her haven't dealt with a kid who WILL NOT poop on the potty.  I mean keep trying sure, but if your dd is anything like my 4 year old ds it is very frustrating! 



How is the OP's stance not enabling?  As far as we know, the child is NT, and because OP hasn't sought any health care advice that we know of, the assumption is that there is not a medical issue.  I'm not unfamiliar with strong willed children at all.  My point is that it's usually worthwhile, as the adult, as the parent, to examine what you are doing, as well as what your child is doing, when you have a tough situation.  It is not blame, it's examination of how the family might be working together, and what change might or might not help the process along.  So, mom could say,  this issue feels "stuck" to me, I'm uncomfortable enough to post on MDC about it, what might I do myself that would be different in this situation?  She cannot force her child, but she can think about what could be different from the approach that's happening now.  

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Old 07-13-2011, 01:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by D_McG View Post





That's not the issue here though.  And my oldest was very reluctant.  This mom isn't willing to push her child at all.  She even says that she won't stop buying diapers because her child would get 'really upset'!  This is a child with little exposure to other children, no media exposure and a mom who isn't willing to let the child know that a typically developing 5 year old in diapers is not normal.  I find it quite upsetting, really.  

I agree. Being able to get out of your comfort zone and deal with change is a very important life skill that isn't being taught to this child.

 

 

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Old 07-13-2011, 02:34 PM
 
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Lux, my daughter is 4, and i cannot tell you how frusterating it is seeing all other children going potty by the time they are two.

i start looking at my daughter like ok what am i doing wrong.

Does she understand its time to potty or that we have to do this? what am i doing wrong.

So, dont feel that way, it will only cause you my situation which is self doubt, and wondering whats wrong?

ive been told by some other moms their children werent ready, and the more you push them to do it sometimes can be adverse reactions, such as refusing to or plain out going in there pants.

i too am wondering why my daughter doesnt continue to potty. I do NOT have the option to let her poop or pee on the floor.

this isnt my house and id never have her do that to any domain we live in. Its a health issue and ruins carpets.

i literally just posted about my daughter on another thread, one of my concerns was about her potty training.

she has been potty training for a while now, for months it seems.

every 15 mins to a half an hour im telling her its time to potty, i give her a lollipop if she stays dry and goes in the potty.

at first this did not work, but seems it does now somewhat.

however she has only pooped in the potty once. at four years old im wondering how much she understands me when i say at school they are not going to change you, and you cannot wear pullups.

she just says no pullups? cant? sigh.

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Old 07-13-2011, 05:16 PM
 
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This is an old thread and the OP hasn't even posted anywhere on MDC in the past couple of weeks.  It seems a bit mean spirited to continue criticizing her parenting choices when she isn't here.


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Old 07-14-2011, 02:32 PM
 
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This is an old thread and the OP hasn't even posted anywhere on MDC in the past couple of weeks.  It seems a bit mean spirited to continue criticizing her parenting choices when she isn't here.


sorry wasnt criticizing her, this came up as one of the first threads in a list, i didnt even see a date. i to suffer from potty issues with a child.
 

 

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Old 07-14-2011, 07:29 PM
 
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Maybe the issue has resolved by now?
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Old 07-15-2011, 08:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XGypsyX View Post
sorry wasnt criticizing her, this came up as one of the first threads in a list, i didnt even see a date. i to suffer from potty issues with a child.


I know, someone else with similar concerns posted and the thread got knocked to the top.  It might have been better for her to start a new thread and just read the old one for ideas.  Then, people kept addressing the first poster instead of the person with the similar current concern.  It happens all the time and I usually only notice if it's a thread I previously posted in because it will be highlighted when I know I haven't written anything about that in a while. smile.gif

 


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Old 07-17-2011, 02:20 PM
 
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Edit, former member

 

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Old 07-17-2011, 02:21 PM
 
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I didn't notice the date either......

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