Help! Anger Issues With Daughter - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-14-2002, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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any experience with angry four year olds out there? my dd is 4 (almost 5) and we seem to butt heads all the time. I try my best to offer as many choices as possible, she seems to not like my choices i offer her and gets so so angry! Anytime I ask (or tell) to to do something she needs to (brush teeth, get dressed for school, clean up, not squeeze her new baby bunny, help me out, whatever) she screams at the top of her lungs (and she is loud!) and sometimes even throws things at me or tries to hurt me. I am so sad that she seems not to be happy these days. I want to please her and at the same time I want to be consistent and have her realize her behavior will not be tolerated by anyone else in the world. I run a small home daycare so I can be home with her and she seems angry at the kids, but at the same time wants them to be around on thw weekend, too, when I'm closed. Her behavior is embarrasssing at best, especially in front of other parents when she may hurt their child. Can anyone out there help us? I have all the Dr. Sears books and have read and re-read them. I'm looking for gentle, and effective advise. My Mom has stated how concerned she is with how angry she gets when she does not get "her way" : Thank You! Julie
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#2 of 4 Old 05-14-2002, 02:53 PM
 
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I feel for you. I went thru this with my dd, now 5.5, and it was very difficult. For her, I found that I had to be more of a disciplinarian than I was being. The thing that struck me about your post was that you said you want to please your dd. I think that may be the trouble. I'm the same way. I want her to be happy, not uncomfortable, etc. I'm finding it's better to make sure her problems are not my problems and that she bears the responsibility and consequences. I really had to make myself, "be the parent", and I swear she almost seemed happy after I'd enforced some consequence, after she was done throwing a fit, of course! ( I would do a roll eyes smilie here, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet!)

SMC to Sophia, age 15, and Eleanor, age 9, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!

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#3 of 4 Old 05-17-2002, 03:28 PM
 
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Julie,
What about giving her a safe alternative for expessing her anger. My ds was doing the same thing when I started to watch other kids. I would say "you are really angry right now, aren't you?" "

"YES!"
"Why don't you show me how angry you are with this pillow( blanket, etc.) " I would even get in a couple of good kicks and hits myself
After he got his anger out we would talk about why he was mad, ways to avoid that same problem from happening again, and what was okay to do with when you are mad and what is not okay. I think that is okay, and even important for them to be able to work through their feelings and figure out how to deal with them a productive way.
Another good way to deal is anger art. Let her draw paint etc. how she is feeling and why she is feeling that way.
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#4 of 4 Old 05-17-2002, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you! I will try giving Zoey a pillow to punch or kick. I have used drawing & play-doh to help her work out how angry she is. Thanks for responding! Julie
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