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#31 of 47 Old 10-08-2011, 07:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JayGee View Post

OP here smile.gif

 

DH's feelings about dogs are just that they are too much work.  Walking, training, etc.  Cats are pretty self-sufficient.  Feed them, clean the litterbox, give them scratches under the chin and they're good to go.  Plus, when we go on our vacations in the summer, we can just pay a neighbor girl to come over and do the above for the cats for pretty cheap.  Boarding a dog, or hiring a dog-sitter, can run big money.

JayGee your dh has some v. valid points. my parents got my brother a dog because when we moved he had no playmates in the neighbourhood and was lonely. but yes it cut down on our travelling time a LOT. we were travellers that travelled every holiday. we still travelled, but we only did it if we could take our dog. which meant it really limited our travelling. 

 

after our dog passed, my dad swore that he would never keep another dog because he prefered travelling to having a dog (he was the traveller in the family - yet he was the most sensitive who loved that dog to pieces and loved taking care of him eyesroll.gif). however for my bro he'd rather have a dog than travel to far off places. 

 

i am so happy to know dd is doing better. i am so happy to hear the mama spoke to her little girl. i can also understand the little girl. when you get something new one becomes so much possessive over it. 


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#32 of 47 Old 10-08-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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#33 of 47 Old 10-08-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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#34 of 47 Old 10-11-2011, 05:31 PM
 
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OP, I'm glad to hear you DD is doing better. It sounds like you have handled it well and so has T's mother. These type of situations happen in life, and we all have to just work through them.

 

I am seriously shocked at the discussion that has taken place about the OP's husband being unreasonable about not wanting a dog. Pets are a big responsibility, just like a child. Maybe not as long lasting, maybe not quite as expensive, but pets certainly are a part of the family, and deserve to be a welcome addition. DH's feeling on the matter certainly out weigh his young child's desire on this. He is one of the 2 adults ultimately responsible for the family's welfare, and if he feels a dog is too much, why is he cruel for not changing his mind? The OP listed some very good reasons for not getting one too. I think already owning 3 cats is very valid. Sure cats and dogs can get along, but it's not a guarantee, and the OP and her husband already have a commitment to them.

 

Having a pet, dog, cat, goldfish or otherwise is not something that everyone is guaranteed at birth. A child is not going to be damaged by not being allowed to have one.

 

I would really be pissed at my partner for needling me to get a pet I was uncomfortable with, or worse getting one anyway. Seriously pissed. It would absolutely affect our marriage. I would not be comfortable being disrespected that way by my partner. I would never dream of doing something like that to him. A dog is just too big of a decision to make without absolute unity on.

 


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#35 of 47 Old 10-11-2011, 05:52 PM
 
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I am seriously shocked at the discussion that has taken place about the OP's husband being unreasonable about not wanting a dog. Pets are a big responsibility, just like a child. Maybe not as long lasting, maybe not quite as expensive, but pets certainly are a part of the family, and deserve to be a welcome addition. DH's feeling on the matter certainly out weigh his young child's desire on this. He is one of the 2 adults ultimately responsible for the family's welfare, and if he feels a dog is too much, why is he cruel for not changing his mind? The OP listed some very good reasons for not getting one too. I think already owning 3 cats is very valid. Sure cats and dogs can get along, but it's not a guarantee, and the OP and her husband already have a commitment to them.

 

Having a pet, dog, cat, goldfish or otherwise is not something that everyone is guaranteed at birth. A child is not going to be damaged by not being allowed to have one.

 

I would really be pissed at my partner for needling me to get a pet I was uncomfortable with, or worse getting one anyway. Seriously pissed. It would absolutely affect our marriage. I would not be comfortable being disrespected that way by my partner. I would never dream of doing something like that to him. A dog is just too big of a decision to make without absolute unity on.

 


Thanks for agreeing with me. Some people seem very adamant that the Op not getting a dog amounts abusing her child in some way. Jeez.

I wanted a pony and didn't get one. A lot of young girls do. I lived.

Some kids want pythons, poison dart frogs and koala bears,too. That doesn't mean they should have them.

Rainbow, thank you .. I'm well versed in gentle discipline and my kids are turning out fine. GD does not mean that our kids get everything they want. Your crusade to get this girl a dog against her father's wishes seems untoward.

Oh, and you are using the wrong breech. Breach is better when talking about agreements or contracts. I was talking about marriage, so using breach was correct. . You are using breech which is more about babies being foot first or about pant legs or being backward in some way.
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#36 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 10:50 AM
 
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#37 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 11:16 AM
 
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#38 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 11:40 AM
 
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DH doesn't like dogs?  He doesn't have to interact with it, you could keep it in a different part of the house.

. Never disrespect the wishes of a loving spouse and father. And no matter how well you cared for said dog.. there would be some moment where your dh would have to see for its care and be incredibly resentful.

Offer her love and affection but no dog. Life is unfair.



Are you serious? Never disrespect the wishes of a loving spouse or father? WTF?

What about a parents responsibility to teach the child that sometimes you dont get what you want, ADULTS INCLUDED? She has wanted a dog for five years. He is a big boy. He can freaking deal with it. Its a dog. Not a pony. Not a snake.

Why is it that he gets what he wants because he is the adult but she doesnt get what she wants because she is a child?

And the idea that "life is unfair?" Yep. It sure is. Life is a bitch when your littler girl has been praying for a dog every night for five years and you finally have to let her have one and get over your own issues.

FWIW, Im not a "dog person", never have been. That being said, Ive had a dog for almost 10 years, a couple of dogs actually. DH loves dogs, and he would have 5 if I would let him, but I have said one is the limit and it cant jump, pee in the house, or bark constantly. We have had to adopt older dogs who are already trained to meet my demands, but I fully know and understand one day that as a parent I will likely have to put up with my son or daughter wanting a lizard, hamster, snake, puppy, ect. and I dont like any of those things. But Im a big girl, and Ill learn to deal with it, because my kids will only live at my house for so long, and I have the rest of my life to live a lizard-free existence.
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#39 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 11:58 AM
 
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#40 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 02:49 PM
 
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I'm weighing in on the no dog side of things. The OP in her initial post specifically asked for "Any suggestions on helping her deal with this (other than getting her a pup!)?" 

 

I don't understand how it is helpful to the OP to repeatedly suggest the one thing she very politely requested not be suggested. 

 

This would be a very helpful thread to many parents if actual constructive suggestions were made for how to help a child get over not being able to have her heart's desire. Sometimes kids (and adults) just can't have what they want—be it a dog in this case or a kitten or a pony or a tarantula or a trip to Disney, etc, etc. If the OP specifically asked for suggestions other than getting a dog I think it's disrespectful and argumentative to keep harping on it. 

 

"Why is it that he gets what he wants because he is the adult but she doesnt get what she wants because she is a child?"

 

That's like a child asking why does mom get quiet because she's the adult when he wants to run and scream in the house. Yes, it's fun to be noisy and crazy, but it's unkind to others who can't tolerate that level of noise and energy. Dogs are great, but if someone can't deal then you need to not have a dog. 


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#41 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 02:50 PM
 
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Life is a bitch when your littler girl has been praying for a dog every night for five years and you finally have to let her have one and get over your own issues.

No, you don't.

I think many of us have covered that dogs are expensive to feed, doctor and care for. They must be housed or treated differently when vacationing and they must be walked and exercised regular. That's far too much inconvenience for a 7 year old to place on her family. The 7 year old is unlikely to scoop the poop, walk and feed the do regular.. these jobs will end up falling to the parents.. one of whom does not want a dog.

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#42 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 03:03 PM
 
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#43 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 03:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JayGee View Post

Any suggestions on helping her deal with this (other than getting her a pup!)?  It breaks my heart to see her so consumed and I don't want jealousy to destroy a very good friendship.



yeahthat.gif That's all.

 

This thread is like a homeschooler saying, "just homeschool" to someone who is saying, "what can I do to help my child feel better about school?" Not helpful! 


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#44 of 47 Old 10-12-2011, 06:08 PM
 
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#45 of 47 Old 10-13-2011, 04:01 PM
 
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I didn't read through all the replies, but I do think volunteering with the local humane society as a dog walker, and going with dd may work (if it's allowed in your area). This way she can get her fill of dogs, without having to bring one home to dh.

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#46 of 47 Old 10-14-2011, 07:59 PM
 
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Generally under 12's are not allowed to volunteer.  I think it's fine to address the root of the problem.  It's not her friend getting the dog.  That's just the icing on the cake, that's just one more unfair glare in a little girls eyes.  I asked DD1 and DD2 about this question 8 and 6.  Both agreed that it is hard to care for their pets but they love doing it.  They both know what needs to be done and do it.  Old dog needs his eyes cleaned.  He's my dog but dd2 is not squeamish and he likes her so she wipes his eyes daily.   Thinking the girl won't do most of the leg work?  Maybe, if she's told it's a job and she better do it.  Teaching her the importance of proper care generally leads to a kid feeling the need and enjoyment of caring for their pet. 

 

While I would respect DH's wishes if he was adamant about not having a certain kind of pet.  I would put my foot down if we decided he could have a pet he liked only.  DH wanted a cat, I had specific demands about having a cat.  As in he would relieve himself outside and he does.  We researched introducing a kitten with dogs and took the time and it worked out.  I still don't like cats but this guy knows that and leaves me alone.  We trained him to stay off counters and beds.  He's doing good and he seems very happy around the dogs.
 

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Originally Posted by familycastle View Post

I didn't read through all the replies, but I do think volunteering with the local humane society as a dog walker, and going with dd may work (if it's allowed in your area). This way she can get her fill of dogs, without having to bring one home to dh.



 

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#47 of 47 Old 10-15-2011, 04:54 AM
 
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I didn't read through all the replies, but I do think volunteering with the local humane society as a dog walker, and going with dd may work (if it's allowed in your area). This way she can get her fill of dogs, without having to bring one home to dh.

yup i agree its an excellent idea, if the family has the time since it will be the mom volunteering and the child following. and OP i think said she works full time. 

 

dd's bf does exactly that. she would looooooooooooooooooooove to get a cat, reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally wants a cat but can never have one. her dad is way too super allergic to cats. they have a dog and he is fine with it. at 9 she finally does understand but it doesnt make her stop yearning for a cat. 

 

so since mama cant volunteer due to lack of time, often they go to the SPCA shelter and help out once in a while basis.

 

but it also means we have regular sleepovers at our place so she can play with our kitty. thumb.gif

 

 


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