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#91 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 07:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post

And by the OPs own admission her kids and others have been mean and poorly behaved towards these new children, have been hurtful and exclusionary, the neighbourhood has been unwelcoming in general to this new family, and one family has gone far enough to list their house in order to avoid these neighbours. There is MORE than enough to go around and seeing as the OP is the only one we can address, most of us are saying that she needs to see how her initial perceptions and behaviour could have started this whole ball rolling. And so she has both the responsibility and the capability to turn the bus around.

I appreciate that the OP has come back to this thread, which is no doubt a hard one to read, and that she has been willing to say that the perspectives offered, even those which were framed unkindly, have helped her to see things differently.

The fact of the matter is that a family is HURTING as a result of the actions of this neighbourhood, and that within that context, the behaviour of these new boys makes sense.

It's immature and unkind and a whole host of other things at this point for the OP not to take some responsibility and do what can be done to repair those relationships and see if there is a way to start over.

Your continued assumption that the OP has no responsibility to try again is short sighted and frankly impractical, given that she wants to create and sustain the kid friendly, free range type of community she is accustomed to.


I'm really wondering if there are other things going on besides simple exclusion of some kids from neighborhood play. The fact that a family would go so far as to list their house for sale to get away from the new neighbors raises a big red flag to me about the possibility of there being more to this story than the OP has time or inclination to type out. 

 

I don't think I would go so far as to say she has a responsibility to turn things around with the new family. If she wants her old neighborhood dynamic back then maybe she should make the effort but her responsibility is to her own children and family first and if the new neighbors are creating a toxic play environment that neither she nor her children are enjoying then for the time being she might have to try to right it for her her kids before tackling bigger neighborhood wide problems.

 

I see two sides to this. The OP's kids were not as nice or as welcoming as they could have been. The new kids should not have behaved the way they have, part of being the new kid on the block means going along with how the play already is and not complaining that it's not the game you want or not running down the street at the first sight of another child. Part of the problem is that the OP didn't talk with her kids about how to incorporate the new kids into their group or her kids didn't handle that task correctly. Part of the problem is the new kids not being very nice and being allowed by their parents to constantly be around whenever other kids are out, going so far as to walk into the homes of other neighbors. I really do think that the mom of the new kids should be trying to make things right and talking with other parents when she's in a place where she can do so without breaking down and crying. I see a lack of communication on all sides.

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#92 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 07:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Karenwith4 View Post

I didn't read any of those comments directed at you specifically and more as a general you.  I have to say though I find your continued assertions that these particular children in this particular situation are unworthy of more compassion and consideration quite sad. They are just kids -lonely excluded uprooted kids. And I think your last line speaks volumes. If you want to be treated nicely, it has to start with treating others that way. In this case the old timers have far less adjusting to do than the new kids, and are able to give the gift of friendship and inclusion in a way the new children aren't. Why not encourage our kids to do their best, rather than what is easy.  

 



Some of that poster's comments I felt were directed at me, I don't think she liked what I was saying. That's ok, we all have different opinions, but nasty comments should be directed at the situation and not another poster. I was 'speaking' respectfully and I expect that others 'speak' respectfully back, if she had a not so nice comment it shouldn't have been directed at me personally.

 

I never said the new kids in the OP were not "worthy of more compassion...." but I do think it's unrealistic for those here to expect the OP to brush aside her own feelings and those of her children to continue to endlessly pursue friendship with kids their family doesn't want to be friends with.

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#93 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 08:12 PM
 
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In my world,"speaking kindly" includes not being condescending towards others smile.gif I read the whole thread. I see no need for an apology, as I feel like I said how I felt as kindly as possible. Honestly, I feel a lot more passionately about the OP and people who share the general "why should my kids have to play with the new kids? Its not fair." mentality than I have let on. Quite honestly, Im not going to apologize for asking people to act like grown ups instead of teenage girls snubbing people in the lunchroom. I dont understand what the problem is unless you dont give kids multiple chances. I specifically said that I thought you would be a slightly awful person if you dont give kids second chances. Are you, in fact, that kind of person? If not, then my comment doesnt apply to you. If so, then I'm sorry that I feel like you are a slightly awful person for expecting children to behave, make a good first impression, and not giving them multiple chances.

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#94 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 08:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

 I believe the OP also started a thread about what to do about her mortgage that their family could no longer afford. 



???  Respectfully, you have me confused with someone else.  I have started 60 threads in my time at MDC.  Never discussed our ability to pay our mortgage??? You had better believe I won't be rushing to post in the future.  Go ahead and re-do your military-grade research before you insult me with falsehoods.

 

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#95 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 08:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mods...I am done.  I can't believe people have the time or interest to post things like this.  Was I really just accused of being a jealous passively racist jerk?  Wow. I thought people were not supposed to post such overt hostility.  I think I have reached my limit on being insulted.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by treeoflife3 View Post

 

why, you're practically mother Teresa!!  ROTFLMAO.gif

 

You shouldn't have to tell people 'No really!  I'm so nice I even HUGGED HER FOR A MINUTE!!' to prove you aren't just some jealous passively racist jerk who wants to use your kids as an excuse for excluding the new people.  That's like someone saying 'no really, I'm not sexist... I even let my wife get a short haircut!'

 

also?  I just love how the story keeps changing.  The situation just gets worse and worse the more people DON'T agree with you.  funny how that always seems to happen in threads where people just won't side with the OP.



 


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#96 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 09:04 PM
 
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Well then I'm wrong. And I apologize.
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#97 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 09:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflower.mama View Post

Mods...I am done.  I can't believe people have the time or interest to post things like this.  Was I really just accused of being a jealous passively racist jerk?  Wow. I thought people were not supposed to post such overt hostility.  I think I have reached my limit on being insulted. 

 



can't say i blame you one bit, OP. 

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#98 of 99 Old 10-17-2011, 10:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflower.mama View Post

Mods...I am done.  I can't believe people have the time or interest to post things like this.  Was I really just accused of being a jealous passively racist jerk?  Wow. I thought people were not supposed to post such overt hostility.  I think I have reached my limit on being insulted. 

 


You are, right now, in the same position as that mother. feeling misunderstood, alienated and sad about it all. Difference is, you can shut the browser and leave it. She can't leave her, as you put it, "McMansion", that easily, nor hope the new neighbors will be more welcoming and accepting.

 

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#99 of 99 Old 10-18-2011, 05:34 AM
 
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I'm locking this again because its devolved into attacks and name calling which is against the UA.

 

I'm not sure if it will be re opened or not at this point.

 

The OP said she was willing to listen to other viewpoints but unfortunately folks are having a hard time keeping it respectful and the fruits of that kind of behavior is thread closure.

 

Sorry.  

 

 

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