I am dying here! DH took DS1 (4) to a far away country to spend the second half of the holidays with his family. At the time he was booking, I had told him I didn't want to travel with two young children, but that he should go and be a bachelor, have fun, etc. Then, he said he wanted to take DS1 (4) to spend time with his cousins. It sounded reasonable enough at the time. I am staying home with the baby.
Well, on day 3, I lost it. I mean, complete and utter grief, as if I were back at the hospital at the birth, they had taken him away, and they would not let me see him. Now we are on day 6 and I just feel absolutely depressed. I mean, I love having the time with the baby, but it just seems so sad and empty without the vibrant, energetic activity of my 4 year old (oh, and of course, the tantrums). I still have to wait 2 more days before I see him and DH again. Before this, we had only been apart 2 nights total. I will never let plans like this happen again!! I miss him sooo much!!
DS1 (6) , DS2 (3) , DD is here!
I hadn't spent more than a few hours apart from my kids until they were 7 and 10 when I went away for work for a week. It's hard! You'll be so glad to see him when he gets home :)
~Mama to my boys~ to a teen, a tween & a toddler and surro-mama to twins and their sister
Livin' in the sticks with my chicks and lovin' it!
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Hugs mama. How wonderful your dh wants to spend time with his son! And how neat your son is getting exposed to another country and meet family like that! You can do it!
Since I became a single mom I have been away from my kids for up to two weeks at a time.... and it is hard but I just look at it as time for me to recharge my batteries and be better ready to take care of them when they get home. This started when my son was 4 and my dd was 2. It is what it is and I have to make the best of it.
I know it's hard to be away from your boy for so long. But remember, it's always harder for the person who's waiting than the person who's gone. You weren't ready for him to be gone. It's also hard to be home alone with an infant. So, next time,you can go with them.
I'd also keep a close eye on your mood. If it doesn't improve in a couple of weeks, you might want to get checked for postpartum depression. It can strike any time in the first year. Certainly you're depressed now, and hopefully when they return in 2 days, you'll feel a lot better.
Be careful of absolutes, though. Will you really not let him go away for a week to camp when he's 12?
For my 5-year-old, 4 days. I went on a business trip when she was 2.5 (timed to coincide with weaning) and a writing retreat when she was 3. I think it's a lot easier to do if you're the one going somewhere interesting and new--just sitting at home I would be terribly lonely. My 2-year-old I have not been away from for more than, oh, 5 hours.
DH took to the girls on a road trip when they were 4 and 6. They were gone 3 weeks, it sucked! I seriously cried myself to sleep most nights. I know they had a blast and still enjoy talking about driving up to Indiana with dad.
Hugs big time!
We just came from a 6 day trip to Bahamas; the kids stayed with my parents. They had such a great time. I didn't miss them because I knew they were in good hands, but I was glad to see them.
Try to relax and enjoy the quiet time. He is with his dad and I'm sure he's having a blast!
Dh has taken our oldest to Russia twice now (for 3 weeks each time), once when she was 3 and once when she was 4. I stayed home with the baby b/c A.) getting visas to Russia is a long, complicated process B.) tickets are expensive and C.) travelling with 2 small children for 12+ hours on planes is not enjoyable LOL.
I really missed her and it was hard on both of us but the time she got to spend with her grandparents and one on one time with dh was totally worth it.
I've also been apart from both girls every year for 2 weeks at a time when I go to France to visit friends and take a vacation. Dh has a job where I am home with the girls for 5 weeks at a time with no family around so a break is appreciated once and awhile and it's a good way for him to get to spend time with them without mommy interfering. he's also learned to appreciate what i do more. but i will no longer be going alone b/c it's just too dang hard for me and i miss them too bad. :( i miss them when they are at school..... lol so from now on i will alternate taking a kid with me when i go.... so dd#1 and i are going in march and i'm super excited to have some alone time with her.
Thanks! It is comforting to hear everyone's experiences! I am feeling much better about the situation. It is still depressing, but I know he has had fun most of the time. I am also sure DH will have a better appreciation of what it takes to be sole caregiver, and that DS will have benefited a ton from that time with family!!
Did I say never? I guess I meant never while he's little...I mean, he's only 4! 12 would probably be fine. :) But it does really help to hear other people's experiences. I am hoping it will all be worth it too! (And, I am very thankful I did not have to do the traveling or deal with the stress of having two young ones on a 12 hour plane ride!!)
DS1 (6) , DS2 (3) , DD is here!
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