Is she a talker and a thinker?
I realized that my own dd(6) doesn't fit in often because she acts and thinks more like a 12yo. Her older cousins adore her, and marvel at how she just fits right in with them. She's obviously lacking in worldly wisdom, and, well, puberty, but otherwise, her social skills are on par with them. I used to think that she was behind, until I really watched her one day, and realized that she wasn't behind, but actually interacting more like adults do. The other little girl couldn't relate the same. Dd has always, at parties, sought out adults or the older teenagers, and would only play with the other kids a little bit. ?
That was me as a little girl (long conversations with adults from age 4....)---- and eccentric and into wearing my own fashion as well. I was ostracized as weird and never in "the group" until I got to high school and I started joining in with the most mature 18 year olds (i got to know during marching band camp) as a 14 year old freshman and gradually found other teens throughout high school to get along with, including some of the ones who ostracized me in elementary school and high school, since they were finally mature enoigh to be friends with. From age 10 i loved babysitting little kids, i always loved younger kids, not only much older people) By the end of high school it had leveled out so much and I wasn't lonely at all. In fact, my unique style and personality made me stand out in a positive way, and I became a leader in almost every sphere at school (and extra curricular activities) and definitely accepted by my peers (& continued to bond outside my peer age, i.e. elderly people in my church choir, etc).
Nowadays I think being able to bond well with age blindness is a great attribute I'm glad to have been developing since age 3-4, and the social pain during elementary and middle school were worth it, as I always managed to have 1-2 friends in my class during those years anyways. There's usually another outsider to join forces with.
Now that I've read the whole thing I just wanted to offer the only advice I can:
Set up one on one playdate opportunities where she invites just ONE girl from school to go to a movie, bake cookies at your home to bring to the whole class, attend a cool local event, etc.
If DD inviting a desired friend candidate doesn't work, contact the parent directly and say there's room in the car for one more for __(fill in after school or weekend activity here)___ and DD would love for their child to join in and you're happy to provide transportation home after, whatever's convenient. (or "dd needs an extra set of hands for ____(baking project, whatever)___ and she would love it to be your daughter") hopefully enough attempts will yield a few unhurried opportunities for your daughter to bond one on one with a classmate. After awhile, if she's had success with two girls who have warned up and acted friendly with DD, then invite the two of them together for a threesome situation and see how that goes. If you can get to this stage where two friends at the same time are engaging pleasantly with her outside of school, they should be nice to her & include her at school, too.
Girls scouts is also a great idea!
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