Would you leave a 3-y-o with someone else for a week? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 02-02-2012, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey All!
 

I wonder if our 3-year-old child will be traumatized too much if me and his daddy go away for 8-9 days. We'll leave him with another couple that also has 3,5-year old boy. We've known them for 3 months meeting once a week, so our son knows them. He will go to the daycare 4 days out of those 8 or 9 we'll be gone. He will be in the daycare all day from 8 till 6. What do you think? Will our child be OK?

THANKS

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#2 of 23 Old 02-02-2012, 07:20 PM
 
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I don't even think my 6.5 year old would be ok with being left with someone he's only known for 3 months for that long.  I know that my 2.5 year old certainly wouldn't.

 

Can't you take him with you?


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#3 of 23 Old 02-02-2012, 07:22 PM
 
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I don't think I'd feel comfortable leaving my 3yo for 8-9 days with someone I'd only known for a few months.  I don't think either of my kids would have done very well with that.  I would consider leaving my 3yo with family (grandparents) or a very close friend (I'm thinking of friends my kids have known their entire lives).  So far the longest that my kids have been away from both dh and I is more like 2-3 days.


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#4 of 23 Old 02-02-2012, 08:14 PM
 
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I would definitely not be ok with leaving my dd's with someone I've only known for a few months. My 6.5 year old would be really unhappy with it and DD2 would not be ok. She's a little over 2 years old.
I hope you can take him.

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#5 of 23 Old 02-02-2012, 08:23 PM
 
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I wouldn't even consider it.  A weekend maybe, but not an entire week (or more). 

 

I don't expect to get a week to ourselves until our youngest is (at least) 5-ish, and even then I'd expect they'd be with family, not someone who is a relatively new presence in their life. 


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#6 of 23 Old 02-02-2012, 08:40 PM
 
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There are only 2 people I would consider and she has know both since she was a baby; my mother and my best friend. I left my DD with my mother for 8 days in Dec. I called her everyday but it still had an effect on her. She was really insecure for about a week afterward. She is alright and I definitely dont regret anything.


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#7 of 23 Old 02-03-2012, 02:53 PM
 
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I would try to take your DS with you if at all possible, or see if there was a family member or very close friend that he has known for a long time. DSS has only been away from DH and I when we went on our honeymoon and he was either with my parents or DH's sister the whole time. I couldn't leave him with anyone I had only known for three months, even if I had been around them every week during that time span. IMO it's just not enough time for you or your DS to know them.


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#8 of 23 Old 02-03-2012, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The doubts are not about how safe those people are. I worry about my son. Saturday and Suday he could be with them all day, then Monday through Thursday in the daycare, like he always is, then Friday with them and on Saturday we would be back. But I agree, we don't have anyone that has been with him since birth because we moved; hence it'sbest just to stay.
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#9 of 23 Old 02-04-2012, 08:13 AM
 
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I wouldn't, but I see vacations as a family affair.  


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#10 of 23 Old 02-04-2012, 09:45 AM
 
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No. I wouldn't.


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#11 of 23 Old 02-04-2012, 01:30 PM
 
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I think it really depends on your kid, how this family runs compared to your family, and what you do to prepare your child for your time away. 

 

I wouldn't personally do it.  I would be comfortable leaving my 3yo with people they've known a really long time and really well, but not friends we've had a few months.  I don't suppose the daycare people are an option?  They would be better known by your child.

 

If you do go, there are a lot of things you can do to help your child handle it well.  Record web messages to be watched on certain days from you.  Call.  Give a special toy from you.  Read a book on webcam for one night.  Have a place for your child to write with the caregiver about what they did each day, to report to you about it.  Send your child letters beforehand and while you are away. Etc.

 

Tjej

 

 

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#12 of 23 Old 02-05-2012, 08:21 AM
 
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I would only consider this, if my child was already used to being left with those particular friends for shorter periods of time, for example, if they already watched him for a day or so, so my child would be used to them and comfortable with them and in their house. I think if your child was used to the people, and their house, and their child, then maybe. I mean, do you go over to their house all the time? Does your child seem comfortable and happy there, eating, listening to them, playing with their child? I only have one friend (besides family) whom I would allow to watch my child if needed, but my kids ( 19 months and 4.5 years) spend a lot of time in her house, or her kids come over to my house, so we know each others routines, I would sort of know how to take care of her kids, and she knows my kids very well. 8 days seem like a long time. Would your child know how to sleep in their house? My kids have trouble enough sleeping in their own beds, my son used to wake up frequently at night until he was 3.. how would your friends deal with that? Do you spend a lot of time in their house, enough so that your child seems very comfortable there? 3 years old is very young, thery are not independent enough, and rely heavily on routine. I think 8 days for a 3 year old might seem like a lifetime. I would not do it personally. I wouldn't even consider one night unless it was an emergency.


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#13 of 23 Old 02-05-2012, 08:45 AM
 
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I would do it with my son's grandparents, but they watch him once a week as it is and he has stayed there overnight quite a few times, and worked up to staying the weekend twice.  I would do it for a honeymoon or something of that level of importance.

 

I wouldn't feel comfortable with a family friend that he didn't know as well as above.  And I *am* someone who likes to get away just the 2 of us every once in awhile, it does SO MUCH for our relationship. 

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#14 of 23 Old 02-05-2012, 09:57 AM
 
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I left for a trip to Boston when my son was nearly two and my daughter was five and a half.  They were staying with their dad and we had a friend stay to watch the kids during the day when their father was at work, so they still had their father there most of the time.  Their dad only worked for one of the two weeks I was gone, so they even had their dad for most of it.  When I got home my daughter had been great (though I don't know how she'd take it if her dad hadn't been there too), but my son was mad at me.  He didn't want anything to do with me for a whole week.  Normally he was my lovey boy and Mommy was all he ever needed.  If he reacted that extremely to not having me around for two weeks, I can't imagine how he'd feel to have both parents gone for a week.

 

Personally, I'd say you'd probably be better off leaving your little one with family, but that's just me.  It might be different if it was someone I'd known a good long while, but three months really isn't all that long to get to know someone, especially if they're not a part of your daily lives.  For a short trip I might consider it, but a week just seems like it's an awful long time for someone you're that familiar with.

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#15 of 23 Old 02-06-2012, 12:52 PM
 
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I would not do that even now with my five year old. Though every family and every kid is different, kids need to be with people they know extremely well and trust. Three is very young. Take him along or wait for the trip.

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#16 of 23 Old 02-06-2012, 08:54 PM
 
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I wouldn't do it, especially with someone I'd only known 3 months.   Provided your son is safe, I don't think there would actually be any long-term harm.  But it's still not something I would want to do.

 

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#17 of 23 Old 02-07-2012, 10:51 AM
 
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I would not.  A couple days with family, maybe, but not 8 days with new friends.  That is a very long time to a three year old and thinking of my soon to be three year old, there is no way.  He would feel abandoned.  It may not surface for awhile.  Little ones are so sensitive, even if it isn't manifested outwardly in a big way...it would leave a lasting impression on him if I left my son for an extended period like that.  Not a good idea.


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#18 of 23 Old 02-07-2012, 03:24 PM
 
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OP I get that you're not concerned with whether these people are safe, but I still echo everyone else: for me, 3 months is not long enough *at all* to know someone who you only see on playdates to then leave a child with them for a week straight.

 

And remember, those days your child is in daycare, he'd still be with them from 6pm all night through 8am the next day each day.

 

To me, 3 is too young to leave any child with someone for a week that they have not already spent 2 or 3 days at a time with before the week long trip.  And I'd want it to be someone I knew VERY well.  It is amazing how much more you learn about people when you spend an extended period of time with them, and when it comes to watching my kid?  I gotta know you way better and longer than for 3 months.

 

Is your only option an 8-9 day trip?  No 3-4 day trips and do you have family or friends your child is already used to spending the night with for those 3-4 days?

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#19 of 23 Old 02-07-2012, 07:35 PM
 
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Depends on the circumstances:

 

My gut reaction is no. He's had 12 meetings with this other family. That's not a lot. In addition, you'll be gone for a week, and he'll be out of his home. That's a lot to ask another family (I would think you'd have to pay them),

 

If I were desperate, I might consider it. But desperate would mean that I had no family that I trusted or who could come and the trip was non-negotiable (either for work, to care for a dying relative, or perhaps something as major as picking up an adopted child in a foreign country). If I were desperate, however, I'd strongly consider hiring a caregiver to be at home with my child when he's not in daycare. At least then you'd be able to check references and do a background check.

 

If it were for pleasure, no I wouldn't. A 3 year old isn't old enough to be left that long, especially not with virtual strangers.


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#20 of 23 Old 02-08-2012, 09:17 AM
 
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I am going to have to chime in with no, but with experience to back it up :-)

 

My Aunt and Uncle left their three and four year old children with some very good friends while they went on a two week vacation. I house-sat, and took care of their animals. Three days in, the kids where dropped of with me, as they were so far out of control and freaked out this friend couldn't handle it.

 

Major headache for me as I was 21 and going to college and working full time and it was finals and these poor stressed out kids hadn't slept in three days, so you can imagine how much fun they were to settle down and take care of for the rest of the time. They were stressed out in a way I hope my kids never have to be!

 

Kids can be so hard, and even really nice people can agree to help but could easily get in over their heads. I also live far away from family, and would not think of a vacation or trip away from the little for a long time.

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#21 of 23 Old 02-08-2012, 10:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LROM View Post

OP I get that you're not concerned with whether these people are safe, but I still echo everyone else: for me, 3 months is not long enough *at all* to know someone who you only see on playdates to then leave a child with them for a week straight.

 

And remember, those days your child is in daycare, he'd still be with them from 6pm all night through 8am the next day each day.

 

To me, 3 is too young to leave any child with someone for a week that they have not already spent 2 or 3 days at a time with before the week long trip.  And I'd want it to be someone I knew VERY well.  It is amazing how much more you learn about people when you spend an extended period of time with them, and when it comes to watching my kid?  I gotta know you way better and longer than for 3 months.

 

Is your only option an 8-9 day trip?  No 3-4 day trips and do you have family or friends your child is already used to spending the night with for those 3-4 days?


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#22 of 23 Old 02-09-2012, 04:10 AM
 
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My ds has spent a week away from me many times already and he just turned 3yo. It's ALWAYS very hard on him - and it's always with his dad whom he loves very much and has a great relationship with!!

I would not do it. 3 is too young to not be left with family.
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#23 of 23 Old 02-13-2012, 04:07 PM
 
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When DD was 2.5 we left her with my parents for a 3 days, 2 nights trip for our 10th anniversary.  But she's known them all her life and it was only 3 days.  But 8 days?  No way, not even with my parents (though I have friends who have left their youngish kids with parents that long -- but I wouldn't), and definitely not with people I'd known only a couple months. 


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