3 sometimes leaves odd man out - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-20-2002, 04:30 AM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
rainbow66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: new york
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hello. I'm looking for suggestions on helping our 3 boys get along better as a group. (5.5 yr old twins and 3.5 yrs) Two together is usually great, and even all 3 is more often than not pretty good. But lately we've been getting into a ganging up type of scenario, leaving one of them frustrated, angry and feeling entirely left out. Surprisingly, it's not always the twins that stick together (they're fraternal); most often it's the little guy whose left out, but it can go any way, and it just breaks my heart for the odd man out as well as the thought that they could be so mean to each other.

I try hard to create a very cooperative, non-competitive atmosphere and praise them often for their kind deeds. I tell them when they've hurt one another and we stop to talk about it, but it seems to start all over again a short time later. They are generally very sweet boys, and this is a fairly recent problem, but I'm afraid it may get worse before better.

Any ideas? (Aside from having a 4th!)

:
rainbow66 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-20-2002, 01:33 PM
 
khrisday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: High Desert of California
Posts: 3,913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just keep encouraging them to work together and pointing out what the ganging up does to the odd man out. You may want to get them playing some cooperative games to help stress the point (you can turn any game into a cooperative game by taking all but one marker away, and shaving them all share it) Hope this helps, you're doing the right stuff.
khrisday is offline  
Old 05-26-2002, 01:03 AM
 
sunmountain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: in a log cabin with Jamie Fraser
Posts: 2,657
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
nope. just have the fourth and don't look back...
sunmountain is offline  
Old 05-26-2002, 02:13 AM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
rainbow66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: new york
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Khrisday, thanks for your advice. We have some cooperative games that we haven't played in a while, and now I remember how nice it was to see them all helping each other as a goal . . . and now that I think about it, our twins have started playing soccer -- I wonder if that could be creating some competitive feelings (even though they don't keep score officially, the kids do in their minds). Some food for thought . . .

Sunmountain, I had to show your post to my dh, because we've just decided (after much agonizing) that we are not going for #4, so we had a private chuckle! Honestly, we would love to have another baby but I'll be 40 this year (dh will be 41), and having had 3 kids in 2 years a little later in life, as wonderful as it was, was also pretty tiring -- I'm not sure we have the energy. It feels, at this time in our family's life, that having a baby might not be the best thing. But I do appreciate the advice!
rainbow66 is offline  
Old 05-26-2002, 01:39 PM
 
3boysmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,651
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We have the same situation at our house. My guys are 11, 8 and almost 5. It is usually the middle one who is left out and he is very sensitive and easily hurt by it. Talking to them about it seems to help temporarily - none of them wants to be mean, it's just that the oldest and the youngest are the most alike and seem to gravitate to each other. They also seem to go through phases of getting along just great and then wanting not much to do with each other...usually it's somewhere in-between. I just keep preaching kindness, empathy and the always popular "you have two brothers who love you, not just one!" speech to whoever seems to need it at the moment. Family life is (in my experience) always a little bit sticky.
3boysmom is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off