ideas for consequences for 5 year old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 02-22-2012, 01:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I could use some ideas for consequences for my  5 y.o. twins.  They often do things that they know in their heads they are not supposed to do.  For instance, right now they are playing in the water outside, even though I just said not to because we are leaving in a few minutes to do some errands.  I explained to them that they can play with the water another time, but not right now because they need to stay neat and dry for our errands.  I am inside trying to get postage printed and checks signed and I hear them outside playing with water.  I went out  reminded them  but they are at it again.  This is very typical.  If they want to do something, they do it, even if they "know" I don't want them to.  Suggestions?

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#2 of 10 Old 02-22-2012, 03:20 PM
 
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Maybe something beyond a time out, less time, less time playing some sort of game, more reading, to bed earlier.  I'll think more and get back to you. 

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#3 of 10 Old 02-22-2012, 03:41 PM
 
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How about being all wet and uncomfortable for errands?

 

First, when possible, enforce the rules. Yes, it is a pita and you have to give up spending the time doing other things you need to do. Another take on this would be to say something like, I had to come out and correct you which took time away from my important task. So now you must pay back my time by going to bed 10 minutes early so I can do my task uninterrupted. When possible you could make them help with household stuff. I didn't finish folding the laundry because I had to correct you. Now you will come and help me fold and put away the laundry.

 

I've used what I would consider punishments before - take away a toy, can't watch a show, etc. But what I suggested above almost always works best.

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#4 of 10 Old 02-22-2012, 11:14 PM
 
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Being wet and uncomfortable during errands would be a good lesson to learn. And if it doesn't bother them, then maybe you need to rethink why they need to be neat while you go to the post office and get checks signed. Why do you care if they're not neat?

 

Alternatively, the next time you need to get ready to go, they get to stay right next to you. They don't get to play outside because you can't trust them to stay dry. In our house, if you abuse your privileges of being unsupervised, you get more supervision. Yeah, it sucks for us. But it works.


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#5 of 10 Old 02-22-2012, 11:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your suggestions.  I knew that someone would remark about my "neat and dry" comment. Believe me, I'm not a neat freak!  What I meant was not muddy and soaking wet because, yes, it does bother me if I'm going out shopping to have them look like that.  (They also would be happy to have messy hair and wear pjs all day, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take them to the store like that.)  But I understand your comment and possibly I could just try letting them be in their wet clothes if this happens again.  Maybe that's just the "consequence" that they need.  Obviously they are not concerned with my comfort, so their discomfort just might work.  Thanks!  You've started me thinking a different way.  Appreciate it!

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#6 of 10 Old 02-22-2012, 11:39 PM
 
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Honestly- my kid would go went and dirty to the errands.  Put a jacket on the kids and get going.    If it really bothered ME that much I would make sure the checks were done and the postage ready the night before so we could just GO.  (Many nights I'm up late loading the car,finishing paper work etc so things are ready for the next day).


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#7 of 10 Old 02-23-2012, 02:16 PM
 
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This is meant to empower you, so don't take it the wrong way.

 

My thought from this single example is that you might need to take more control.  Not in a punitive, consequences for misbehavior type way, though.  In your example, you told the kids not to play in the water, but then when you knew they were playing in the water anyway, you let them continue while you posted here.  Take back your power, mom!  If you're about to leave, don't let them go outside in the first place.  Once you realize they're playing in the water, tell them to come back inside immediately.  If they refuse, go outside, take them by the hand and lead them inside.  Don't yell, don't fuss, ignore any noise they might make and calmly go about the business of leaving the house.  IMO, all the timeouts and consequences in the world aren't as powerful as your kid knowing you're going to calmly take care of business whether they cooperate or not.


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#8 of 10 Old 02-23-2012, 02:27 PM
 
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Yeah, if you see them doing something they shouldn't do, just stop them. You don't need consequences, just follow-through. If they play in the water, just bring them inside.
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#9 of 10 Old 02-23-2012, 04:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by at-home View Post

Thank you for your suggestions.  I knew that someone would remark about my "neat and dry" comment. Believe me, I'm not a neat freak!  What I meant was not muddy and soaking wet because, yes, it does bother me if I'm going out shopping to have them look like that.  (They also would be happy to have messy hair and wear pjs all day, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take them to the store like that.)  But I understand your comment and possibly I could just try letting them be in their wet clothes if this happens again.  Maybe that's just the "consequence" that they need.  Obviously they are not concerned with my comfort, so their discomfort just might work.  Thanks!  You've started me thinking a different way.  Appreciate it!



Hummm  my 11 yr old goes to the store in his Pj's and messy hair.  Its not about me, its his choice.


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#10 of 10 Old 02-24-2012, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, thanks everyone.  I appreciate your input.  I understand all about physically going to get them when they are doing something they shouldn't be.  I do that all.day.long.  The reason I was in the house writing that while they were out playing in the water is because I was exasperated at going through this scenario yet once again.  And yes, I attempt to get things done the night before, too.  I am often up til the wee hours (I have more children than just the twins) getting things ready for the next day.  Sometimes, because things come up (my husband has his own business and often needs me to do a little something unexpected, such as write a couple of checks and get them into the mail, etc.) I have to do these things immediately.  Just an FYI, I have 6 other children and never had this type of problem before.  So that's why I was looking for ideas.  But I will take all that is said into consideration and thank you very much for taking the time to respond!

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