am I the only one who is stunned by people who post their kid's birthday party photos to Facebook -- even though obviousy they didn't invite every local kid they know? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-26-2012, 04:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SweetSilver View Post

 

But are you "stunned"?

 

 

No.
 

 


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Old 02-27-2012, 10:15 PM
 
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On a similar awkward-facebook-birthday note:  We invited all of the kids from daycare to my daughter's party.  It's more than we wanted to invite by far, but it seems wrong to exclude people.  We put paper invites in kids' cubbies, asked people to RSVP via email or by phone.  Today, in the parent group facebook page for our daycare, one mother posted that she'd lost the invite, and asked for the info.  Subsequently, four other people RSVP'd.  The problem with this, in my opinion, is that there are other former daycare members in the facebook group that no longer have cubbies and were therefore not invited.  Some are "graduates" who are in kindergarten.  My daughter knew them when they were at daycare last year.  There's a girl who only comes in the summer and not during the school year.  There are two girls who just recently stopped coming because their moms quit their jobs and can't/don't send them anymore.  Now these families, I'd guess six total, know there's a party and know who's invited and I feel awkward.

 

I don't like the picture thing at all.  Just this evening, (because I don't have a facebook account) I was looking at the daycare group on my husband's account.  His youngest cousin is a college freshman, and was tagged in a friend's picture.  The friend is wearing way too short shorts, and I'm getting much too much of a look at some girl's behind that I don't even know.

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Old 02-27-2012, 11:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by indigosky View Post

Goodness knows, I don't expect my kid (currently age 4) to get invited to the birthday party of every kid we know, or even of every kid she occasionally gets together to play with. But I do find it in poor taste for the parents of other kids to post birthday party photos to Facebook, so I can be reminded that we weren't invited. The next time we went to their house to play, they wouldn't pull out a photo album and thrust it in my lap, saying, "Here are the photos from X's last birthday party! Doesn't it look like they were having so much fun?" and then let me admire the photos of mutual acquaintance children. Seems to me that posting the photos to FB is awfully similar.
If people were more nuanced, they could block me (and other uninviteds) from seeing these photos. Or post them only to the parents of kids who are in them and out-of-town friends and relatives.
Again, I'm not hurt about not being invited. We all struggle to keep the size of our kids' parties manageable. But I thought the custom was that one didn't remind others of social gatherings they weren't invited to, unless you're a celebrity or something.
Am I crazy?


It doesn't particularly bother me to see pictures of parties that my child or myself weren't invited to.

 

I can see how seeing the pictures could be hurtful if you or your child were very, very close to the birthday child and felt excluded by not being invited. That's really the only situation where I could see a need to be extra sensitive about sharing photos.

 

 

 

 


Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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Old 02-28-2012, 06:54 AM
 
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Why feel awkward? Their kids don't go to the school any more. If they were close to your family, you would have likely invited them. And you can see someone in short shorts walking down the street.
 

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Originally Posted by Gooseberry View Post

On a similar awkward-facebook-birthday note:  We invited all of the kids from daycare to my daughter's party.  It's more than we wanted to invite by far, but it seems wrong to exclude people.  We put paper invites in kids' cubbies, asked people to RSVP via email or by phone.  Today, in the parent group facebook page for our daycare, one mother posted that she'd lost the invite, and asked for the info.  Subsequently, four other people RSVP'd.  The problem with this, in my opinion, is that there are other former daycare members in the facebook group that no longer have cubbies and were therefore not invited.  Some are "graduates" who are in kindergarten.  My daughter knew them when they were at daycare last year.  There's a girl who only comes in the summer and not during the school year.  There are two girls who just recently stopped coming because their moms quit their jobs and can't/don't send them anymore.  Now these families, I'd guess six total, know there's a party and know who's invited and I feel awkward.

 

I don't like the picture thing at all.  Just this evening, (because I don't have a facebook account) I was looking at the daycare group on my husband's account.  His youngest cousin is a college freshman, and was tagged in a friend's picture.  The friend is wearing way too short shorts, and I'm getting much too much of a look at some girl's behind that I don't even know.



 

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Old 02-28-2012, 08:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post

Why feel awkward? Their kids don't go to the school any more. If they were close to your family, you would have likely invited them. And you can see someone in short shorts walking down the street.
 



 


But her experience was the kiddie version of the teenage "PARTAY!!" where you think you are inviting a few friends and the whole town shows up.  This is not exclusive to FB.  I've never had my friends post or tag inappropriate pictures or embarrassing pictures, BTW, and I am careful not to post pictures of my friends without asking.

 


"Let me see you stripped down to the bone. Let me hear you speaking just for me."
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Old 02-28-2012, 07:57 PM
 
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You're not alone. I tend to feel hurt, or at least tempted to feel hurt, by similar things, hearing about who's doing what with who else and without me. I tend to forget about the times I *have* been invited or included. Sometimes it does seem that I am not as included as others are -- but I have not (often) counted to be sure about that.

I recognize that most people are not upset by this sort of thing, and have learned to not complain about it to just anyone.

But, however out of proportion ("stunned") or irrational or overreactive or hyper-sensitive (I dislike most of those terms, and they've all been applied to me) your feelings about it are, they are indeed your feelings, and merely recognizing that no snub was intended won't make the feelings disappear. Listen to your rational mind, AND to your emotions -- they're both giving you important information. Find an outlet for your feelings, whether venting to someone likeminded or at least someone who won't judge or be shocked by your reaction or give you advice or dismiss your feelings -- or through art, or something physical like banging on something safe or yelling in a safe place. AND listen to the rational part that knows that these folks aren't posting pictures AT you, aren't thinking about etiquette, and mean no harm.

You might also explore why this kind of thing is triggering for you... does it remind you of hurtful things from the past...

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Old 02-29-2012, 09:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As the OP, I'll happily and easily withdraw my use of the word "stunned" -- I think people are reading too much into it. Let's make it "surprised," shall we?

The first time this happened on FB, I was surprised. Now it seems to be becoming the norm in my social circle, though, which is what led me to be, shall we say, very surprised, about what I perceive to be a real lack of simple manners.
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Old 03-01-2012, 08:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indigosky View Post

As the OP, I'll happily and easily withdraw my use of the word "stunned" -- I think people are reading too much into it. Let's make it "surprised," shall we?
The first time this happened on FB, I was surprised. Now it seems to be becoming the norm in my social circle, though, which is what led me to be, shall we say, very surprised, about what I perceive to be a real lack of simple manners.


I agree.

 


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Old 03-01-2012, 01:41 PM
 
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I do think it should be available to only those that were invited. To me it's rude that it's simply posted for all to see. But that's me. And, you can't stop people from doing whatever they want. I think the first time (I'm not on FB) I heard from my brother that he saw pix of a party we weren't invited to on FB it hurt but after a few more snubs I have gotten over it.


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Old 03-03-2012, 11:11 PM
 
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I do not think that it is rude to post photos of your child's birthday party on Facebook. I would hope that the people who have bothered to friend me would be glad that my daughter had a nice party.

 

That said, I don't have a facebook account because I feel that it's a morass of privacy concerns. So, take my feedback with that grain of salt. I certainly do not mind being made aware of other peoples' parties to which we are not invited via other means. Sensitivity goes both ways - are you going to prioritize being offended by the honest sharing of pictures of a party to which you were not invited, or are you going to prioritize being happy for a child in your circle that you care for being happy?

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Old 03-04-2012, 05:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat View Post


It doesn't particularly bother me to see pictures of parties that my child or myself weren't invited to.

 

I can see how seeing the pictures could be hurtful if you or your child were very, very close to the birthday child and felt excluded by not being invited. That's really the only situation where I could see a need to be extra sensitive about sharing photos.

 

 

 

 





I totally agree.
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Old 03-04-2012, 08:34 PM
 
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It honestly wouldn't bug me.. Most of the people I know though use facebook as a way to keep in touch with family so posting pictures is more like saying "Hey mom and dad look how much fun your grandkids are having". It doesn't bug me not to have my kids invited to a party either, honestly just means one less thing I have to worry about. Only way it would bug me is if the person went out of their way NOT to invite the kids and make it know they weren't inviting them. Then Id be a bit ticked, I don't like games like that.


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Old 03-05-2012, 07:37 AM
 
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I think it's pretty easy to be thoughtless when you don't actually see the people you might be offending. That's a problem with the internet as a whole. I don't think it really lends itself to fostering manners and common courtesy but rather self-absorbion and incivility. Some people are of course still courteous, but I think it's easy not be. So basically, no, I'm not surprised that people are doing something they wouldn't do in person, but I don't think you're crazy for finding it to be in poor taste either.

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Old 03-05-2012, 07:55 AM
 
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Old 03-05-2012, 08:23 AM
 
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It would totally bother me.  But, Facebook makes me crazy.  I'm way too private about information to feel comfortable reading things about people or willing to share my info. 


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Old 03-22-2012, 06:39 PM
 
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Dear OP,    I know what you mean.  I wouldn't say "stunned" but I do think it's thoughtless and a little rude. I teach my child not to talk about parties she's having or is invited to with children who might not be invited. I think among my adult friends that is also the general ettiquette.  Yet adults who are sensitive to other's feelings in person choose to disregard this online. It seems like internet manners are still being defined!  We are by no means social outcasts but I can still feel left out occasionally.  But I am a little sensitive and also sensitive to others' feelings who may be having a hard time or not feeling very included in the community. 

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Old 03-30-2012, 09:16 PM
 
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While I don't think I would take it personally (I really don't care who invites my kids and who doesn't), it does indeed irk me that people don't seem to know (or care about) etiquette. You should never talk about a party unless you know for sure that every person in earshot was invited.  We should be teaching that rule to our children, but we should already be following it.  As an adult, I understand that you have to make choices when planning a party. As a former middle schooler who remembers sitting at lunch listening to my classmates talk about parties and feeling so rejected and left out, I get angry when people don't consider other children's feelings.

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Old 04-09-2012, 10:28 AM
 
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I'm surprised no one has mentioned how inappropriate it is to post photos of other peoples children online without permission first. No matter how "private" your settings on facebook, those photos are now in the public domain.  Rare as it is, there really ARE situations where a child's photo online can lead to dangers for that child.

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Old 04-09-2012, 10:03 PM
 
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I'm surprised no one has mentioned how inappropriate it is to post photos of other peoples children online without permission first. No matter how "private" your settings on facebook, those photos are now in the public domain.  Rare as it is, there really ARE situations where a child's photo online can lead to dangers for that child.



While I agree that it's inappropriate, most people don't seem to agree with us. People think it's okay to take pictures of people and do whatever. I stopped fighting my own mom about pictures of myself for the most part, as long as she doesn't make me pose or something.

 

The pictures aren't in the public domain though. "In the public domain" means works whose intellectual property rights are forfeited, expired, or inapplicable. Photos will be copyrighted to the photographer unless the photographer specifically says otherwise.

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Old 04-17-2012, 08:46 AM
 
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Okay, OP, so I was just on FB the other day, and one of my friends had posted pics of her child's 4 year old party. We had been invited to the first, second, and third birthdays, but apparently not the 4th. I was a little sad. :( We invited them to our son's 4th because she was part of this group of friends I have, and I felt I couldn't exclude one or two. But I guess she had no problem doing that!

 

But, I also get that maybe her DD just has a lot of other friends who are closer now. After all, it's her DD's party, and she shouldn't feel obligated to invite us because we've been friends. I guess. (!)


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Old 04-22-2012, 07:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Right -- she shouldn't feel obligated to invite you ... but she also shouldn't be posting photos where you can see them! That's just rude, plain and simple. It's easy enough on FB to "block" specific people from individual posts, or better yet, just share the photos with people who were at the party and/or specific relatives (the child's grandparents) with whom you want to share them.
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:10 AM
 
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OP, I absolutely agree with you. The problem is that the massive worldwide advertising we do via our social media is just something that most of us don't think twice about, so most people don't even realize that in non-virtual life that same thing would be completely rude! People post things with one click and don't really think about the fact that they're reaching a huge number of people. You can know this, however, and maybe try not to take it personally. It has happened to me, also.

 

I think it's a huge problem in our culture generally, and when our kids are old enough that they are using social media, it becomes an even worse problem.

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