Big age gap between older and younger sibling. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 02-29-2012, 10:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DS1 is 9 and DS2 is 2 months old. We had been trying for years to have another baby after DS1 was born but it just wasn't in our cards, until 9 years later. Today we have been blessed with 2 beautiful, amazing boys.

 

 

DS1 is so sweet, affectionate etc. I think right now he only knows how to show his brother that he loves him by kissing him constantly, which drives me crazy sometimes, why? because DS1 goes to public school and I have this irrational fear of DS2 getting sick because of something DS1 brings home from school.

I don't want to say anything because I don't want to stand in the middle of them getting used to eachother and bonding. But the germophobe in me is dying inside hahah!

 

DS1 reads to his little brother, sings to him, in the car in the backseat he comforts his little brother if he's fussy etc. But he is also jealous, ofcourse.

 

I am sure it'll take time for DS1 to adjust to not being the center of my universe anymore, now they are both the center of my universe. He has a hard time understanding sometimes that DS2 can't do anything on his own yet, so I will have to tend to him.

 

My question is for Mommy's (and Dad's;)) who have their children far apart in age. How did your older child adjust to having a younger sibling?? Were they also very affectionate towards their younger sib, or were they more distant to their younger sib? 

 


Happily married to DH stillheart.gif for 11 years. Proud Mama bf.jpg of DS1 jammin.gif (10) and DS2  babyf.gif(12 m/o)

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#2 of 7 Old 02-29-2012, 11:13 AM
 
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Mine are 7 years apart. They are very affectionate toward each other and love to play. The older one takes on a mentor type role but loves it.

Also, so long are you're breastfeeding, don't sweat the older one bringing germs home. Really even if you aren't breastfeeding- babies get over this stuff sometimes easier than older kids I think, so long as they don't have are full term, not medical conditions, etc. But particularly if you're breastfeeding, that will protect against an awful lot of stuff.
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#3 of 7 Old 02-29-2012, 11:28 AM
 
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Mine are 9.5 yrs apart. Like you it wasn't what I wanted, but what I got. Loving it. My first does get jealous. Has a hard time sharing stuff. Even her little potty:eyesroll. The biggest issue was when everyone comments on how cute the baby is.
Now dd1 is having issues over her friends gushing over the baby. Preteen girls just love toddlers.

Dd1 now does some babysitting for us and the girls really have a nice rhythm together.

The thing I need to do more of is spending time with just dd1

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#4 of 7 Old 02-29-2012, 12:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is where DS1 gets jealous. Everyone gushing over baby. But I remind him that everyone did the same thing with him when he was a baby.

I also need to find a way to just spend one on one time with DS1. I am EBF on demand so its kind of hard to go out with just him, but maybe at home I can find something special that we could do.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by chel View Post


Now dd1 is having issues over her friends gushing over the baby. Preteen girls just love toddlers.
Dd1 now does some babysitting for us and the girls really have a nice rhythm together.
The thing I need to do more of is spending time with just dd1


 


Happily married to DH stillheart.gif for 11 years. Proud Mama bf.jpg of DS1 jammin.gif (10) and DS2  babyf.gif(12 m/o)

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#5 of 7 Old 02-29-2012, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have to ask, your first born has a hard time sharing her potty? 

Quote:
Originally Posted by chel View Post

Mine are 9.5 yrs apart. Like you it wasn't what I wanted, but what I got. Loving it. My first does get jealous. Has a hard time sharing stuff. Even her little potty:eyesroll. The biggest issue was when everyone comments on how cute the baby is.
Now dd1 is having issues over her friends gushing over the baby. Preteen girls just love toddlers.
Dd1 now does some babysitting for us and the girls really have a nice rhythm together.
The thing I need to do more of is spending time with just dd1


 


Happily married to DH stillheart.gif for 11 years. Proud Mama bf.jpg of DS1 jammin.gif (10) and DS2  babyf.gif(12 m/o)

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#6 of 7 Old 03-04-2012, 04:50 PM
 
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My son is 9 and daughter 2. For the most part they get along well. During the day my son is affectionate and loving and plays with her. She adores her older brother. I love seeing that he was easily able to find a way to play with a baby and now a toddler. Night time was the most difficult, where some jealous tendency arose on both sides. I understand it to be difficult for my son...he sees me constantly holding, helping this other person, which  may make him feel like he is being replaced. I even forgot, or at least it became very apparent how much one holds / interacts with a baby/toddler. I do make time to spend with my son. I do feel torn or guilty that we cannot always do things all together as a family, but for my sons sake, he will remember and we need to spend time where it is just the two of us - we walk to school together or home together. A few times we have gone skiing together. These times are needed and appreciated. I also need to let him know he is loved and very important. It has also been an adjustment for me, as my son and I were doing everything together, bike riding, swimming, cross country skiing etc, and now, with a baby, these things are harder for me to do.

 

He was never distant towards her, but I certainly did see a sad face on him sometimes.

 

There has been stages; when she was a baby it may have been easier. Now that she is older, they do play although I have to remind him she is not a 9 year old boy, so he needs to be somewhat careful with his wrestling. And because she is curious and interested in everything, that sometimes interferes with his lego playing or when he is trying to concentrate on his home work. But just recently, the night time issues seem to have gotten better and they both go to bed happy. For awhile he would be a bit disgruntled. He is bemused by her and has decided that she is a good thing (rather then a threat or nuisance)
 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by EuroMama View Post

DS1 is 9 and DS2 is 2 months old. We had been trying for years to have another baby after DS1 was born but it just wasn't in our cards, until 9 years later. Today we have been blessed with 2 beautiful, amazing boys.

 

 

DS1 is so sweet, affectionate etc. I think right now he only knows how to show his brother that he loves him by kissing him constantly, which drives me crazy sometimes, why? because DS1 goes to public school and I have this irrational fear of DS2 getting sick because of something DS1 brings home from school.

I don't want to say anything because I don't want to stand in the middle of them getting used to eachother and bonding. But the germophobe in me is dying inside hahah!

 

DS1 reads to his little brother, sings to him, in the car in the backseat he comforts his little brother if he's fussy etc. But he is also jealous, ofcourse.

 

I am sure it'll take time for DS1 to adjust to not being the center of my universe anymore, now they are both the center of my universe. He has a hard time understanding sometimes that DS2 can't do anything on his own yet, so I will have to tend to him.

 

My question is for Mommy's (and Dad's;)) who have their children far apart in age. How did your older child adjust to having a younger sibling?? Were they also very affectionate towards their younger sib, or were they more distant to their younger sib? 

 



 


Sara - Mum to C (10/02) ; m/c 10/07; 7/08; 3/09; Lucy Olive Feb 28, 2010 !
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#7 of 7 Old 03-04-2012, 05:17 PM
 
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my two youngest are 9 years apart and the youngest is only 5 months. my 9 year old LOVES it. she adores being a big sister. she comes straight to the baby when she wakes up, when she comes home, she holds her and reads and sings to her. there has been no signs of jealousy whatsoever. actually the only jealousy she shows is when my teenagers can do things with the baby that she can't(like walk around with her). my #1 and #2 were 5 and 7 when #3 was born and they also adored her and never showed signs of jealousy. now they don't get along very well, but they all three love their baby-est sister.


drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

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