February '09 Mamas ~ Childhood Chat :) - Page 19 - Mothering Forums
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#541 of 1166 Old 08-20-2012, 01:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I forgot I wanted to vent about R lol!  Probably because he wasn't with me and now he's home again :P  So after spending the whole weekend with him I realized his meltdowns are ridiculously out of hand.  He flips out over so many little things and I feel like I'm constantly threatening or bribing him.  I wish I had a better way to get him to stop freaking out.  I wish he wouldn't freak out in the first place!  Example from last night:  I went to the park with my cousin and his 3 year old, the boys played for a long time, had lots of fun.  Then we decided it was time to go.  My cousin told his 3 year old to come along to the car, he followed immediately, no problems.  I say "come on R we're leaving too, let's go".  Well I get immediate screaming, crying, arguing.  I told him we were leaving and started walking to the car (he had also had 10 minute, 5 minute, and 1 minute warnings).  He did follow me (thankfully) but he screamed and cried the entire way to the car, while I buckled him in, the entire drive home.  OMG!!  I seriously wanted to strangle him.    Especially as I watched my cousin's 3 year old happily head to the car and not say a peep.  I know there is a big personality difference between the two of them but it's hard not to compare when R is always the difficult, loud, bossy, opinionated, tantrum-throwing one :/  I also had him at a family reunion a couple weeks ago and people were commenting on how much energy he had and how I must be exhausted all the time.  Uh, yeah!  I don't know.  I guess a lot of it is just who he is and his age.  But sometimes I just wish it could be a bit easier!


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#542 of 1166 Old 08-21-2012, 06:05 AM
 
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Everr: We are right there with you when it comes to the meltdowns. We went to Owyn's preschool orientation last night, then stopped by my mom's to pick up Greta on the way home. I don't even know what set her off, she wanted to go home, at least until we were headed out the door. She screamed all the way to the car, then stood at the top of the hill refusing to come down and get into the car. Greta had been sleeping until Owyn started screaming, so I was more than a little frustrated with her. She had the same sort of meltdown at my Grandma's after church on Sunday. I had to wrestle her into her car seat while she raged like a tiny wild animal. No advice here, just commiseration. winky.gif

 

About the house... looks like we are going to have to pass on it. We took a drive out there on our own and looked a little closer at the outside of the house. DH really thought the roof could wait while we got all the other projects done, but upon closer inspection he could tell it needs a new roof immediately. We might have been able to afford the couple of doors and windows it needed, as well as all the new flooring and we were pricing skylights to see if we could swing it. But throwing the roof on top of all that puts it out of our price range. Just too many things need to be done right off the bat. *sigh* Oh well, I guess we just wait for now. There isn't anything else for sale in our town that we want to look at for the moment, so back to focusing on just getting our house sold. 


Mallory. Happily married to Joe since 6/25/05. Loving my adventure with my girls, Owyn Samantha, born 3/1/09. dust.gif and Greta June, born 11/2/11  babygirl.gif

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#543 of 1166 Old 08-21-2012, 09:38 AM
 
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Mal: Do you think you could negotiate the cost of a new roof off the price? Can't hurt to ask if you really like the place. Did O start preschool yesterday??? If so, how'd it go?

 

Everr: Maybe you just aren't seeing the tantrums of the other little boy? Right now M is a total drama queen. Any tiny scratch or boo boo - even if it's from 3 days ago and she just all the sudden remembers it's there will elicit crying and whining about it for LOOOOONG stretches of time. Like yesterday - she remembered 2 boo boos on her toes from 2 days ago and cried pretty much all afternoon and evening about them. Except when she would forget and was dancing on them and laughing - so yeah, I don't even think they hurt her anymore. It drove me nuts. And I woke up to more of the same this morning, except it was her butt that hurt from sleeping in a wet cloth pullup all night. So she laid in my bed next to me and whined for about 15 minutes until the cat distracted her. And we do a playdate at her best friend's house every Monday - recently she she has started crying and and getting really upset when it's time to go - even after the warnings. She didn't used to get upset. It all goes in phases. 

 

Preschool starts for us 2 weeks from today. I'm feeling more sad about it than I anticipated. I know it's a good thing - she is constantly wanting to be with her friends now, every day. And most of her friends are in preschool a few days/week. Her best friend will be going to the same school on 2 of the 3 days she is there. I think she is going to have so much fun! And of course it will give me a little time w/the new baby (or to nap before baby!). But at the same time I'm sad to be losing having her with me all the time. Not that 10 hours/week away is all that much time. I'm probably just hormonal right now. LOL. I'm anticipating an adjustment period for sure since she is so attached these days!

 

Cindy


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#544 of 1166 Old 08-21-2012, 10:24 AM
 
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My husband got home last night, and K and I cooked him a dinner of roasted beets and cabbage/snap pea salad from the garden, and salmonberry pie from the berries on our driveway. K was especially fond of pulling beets. It's so nice to have him home. But it's also kind of "Hi Dear, nice to see you, now can you watch the kids for me so I can edit my book?" I hate this September deadline. Last time was the middle of winter, and I liked it better.

 

Meltdowns:  I'm sure they all have them. K is not too bad though, he is usually still trickable with a suggestion of something he can do.  (i.e. "No, you can't unstuff all the sleeping bags and repack them all by yourself right now, but maybe you can carry this one all the way up to the car for me. It's pretty heavy! Do you think you can do it?")  Soon, I suspect he will outsmart my redirection tricks.

 

School:  Head Start begins here in 2 weeks also. Same deal as last year, but I'm most worried about the logistics of Lituya's nap. We always used to bring her to pickup, which she liked, but she's always napping then (12:30). I guess she can be left with the at-home parent, but by splitting the kids up like that there will be no work time for either one of us. I don't really want her to outgrow naps as soon as K did, but I do find naps logistically a pain in the butt.

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#545 of 1166 Old 08-21-2012, 01:01 PM
 
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No preschool here but I did order some sandpaper letters and numbers today from an etsy site! 

 

Tantrums- yes! We have them a lot. I'm too tired to contribute more to that topic. :)

 

I've called the OT twice. Maybe she is out of town or something. I just want to get on with it and get her in there to see what she thinks. 

 

DH is home! He called this morning. They are busy unloading gear so we won't see him until tonight but I'm so glad! No more field work (well day trips, but nothing overnight anymore!). Phew! We made it. Not to look ahead too much but he was told to expect twice the amount of sea days next summer. Good grief. 


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#546 of 1166 Old 08-21-2012, 02:18 PM
 
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Yay for husbands being home!! Last night should have been DH's last night of overtime for the foreseeable future... for now anyway. Hooray! He didn't get home until 10, so he didn't get to see the girls and he missed Owyn's preschool orientation. But no more for now! 

 

Cindy-- She just had her orientation last night, she starts for real in the morning! I just love her school so much. Every time I'm there, I don't want to leave. Is it horrible that I'm a little jealous of the fact that Owyn gets to go there 4 days a week and I don't? Seriously though, we are so lucky to have such a fantastic school in this tiny town. I want to teach there so badly. I'm actually headed from here to email the teacher about helping out with their first fundraiser. No joke, every teacher there started out as an involved parent. That's my plan of action! Owyn also adored the school. The co-teacher gave the kids a demonstration and she was just glued to the teacher the whole time. I think she will do wonderful there. I've always thought she is a Montessori kid to a T. She loved the fish in their aquarium and the bird that lives there. She didn't want to leave, so I take that as a good sign! I have a feeling I'll be a little teary in the morning. I didn't think I would be, but now it's here and I just can't believe it.

 

House-- We've already been subtracting big projects from the asking price. It's doubtful we'd get the price as low as it needs to be. Especially considering it's a foreclosure. The house comes as-is in that situation. If we subtract the cost of the roof with everything else, we're looking at putting in an offer over $60k less than the asking price. The odds are not in our favor there. DH is also stuck on the lack of a basement. He said he didn't think it would bother him as much as it did. We would build a garage/shop/storage area, but with everything else that needs to be done it's hard to tell when we could afford that in the future. I'm bummed about it. We were so excited when we first looked at it, but once we started looking at the details, the work and the headache that comes with buying a foreclosure... well, it'd just be better to wait for something else.


Mallory. Happily married to Joe since 6/25/05. Loving my adventure with my girls, Owyn Samantha, born 3/1/09. dust.gif and Greta June, born 11/2/11  babygirl.gif

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#547 of 1166 Old 08-21-2012, 07:04 PM
 
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oh all these kids going off to school. It makes me a bit sad Junie isn't going to school, she'd so like to but the girls school doesn't have a 3 year old class right now, although they think by January they will. I REALLY need them to because I have applied to the community college in town hoping to go in January and I seriously doubt I'll be able to work out daycare for 2 kids. I was going to try and sign her up for head start but I think I might be too late now. Of course I'll look further into that as well as talking to the girls school to see if they will have the 3 year old class in January.

 

Mal, walking away front hat house seems like the better option. It's easy to let emotions take over but it's best to make these decisions with logic...after letting your emotions lead you to possibilities.

 

So glad your husbands came home!

 

tantrums- June is the Queen of them.  eyesroll.gif  They are epic.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

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#548 of 1166 Old 08-21-2012, 07:17 PM
 
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Mal: Yeah I hear you. We put offers on a few houses that we didn't get and I'm pretty thankful we didn't! They needed a lot of work and a lot of time and money! I too wish I could go to preschool. LOL. They are such fun, magical places. Makenna got a card in the mail today that looks like a Christmas card but it has pics of her 4 teachers on it. Next week is a meet the teachers day and another chance to play with all the toys there. We're both looking forward to it. Thankfully there have been a lot of chances where the school has had parties, etc and invited everyone to come play, so she has some familiarity with it already and memories of doing fun things there. I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow for Owyn! Sounds like she is going to do fantastic!

 

Courtney: How are you doing without your older 3 girls? I'd imagine it must feel really wierd! What classes are you hoping to take?

 

Erin: M's best friend is going to the same preschool and has a little brother L's age. He mom is super stressed about how she is going to manage drop off (at 1pm) and her littler one's nap. I suppose I won't have to worry about that for a while since newborns are portable. 

 

Glad the the hubbies are home!! My DH is starting to not work quite as late since he got some other people hired. Though tonight is still a later night. I think in a couple weeks I'm going to have him start working from home in the afternoons. His commute home in rush hour can easily be 2 hours. And I'm a little bit afraid I might end up with a 2 hour labor and he could miss it!

 

Cindy


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#549 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 12:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So exciting all the little ones heading to preschool :)  R has been in daycare full time for a year now (his daycare is very much like a preschool).  It does seem strange how much time he spends there.  On days I work he's there from 7:30am until 4pm.  And when I don't work it's usually 9am-4pm (sometimes I keep him home instead).  It makes me a bit sad when I think about how much time we used to spend together when I was home with him.  We were together 24/7!  Lately I find when I do have him with me for a day it's a disaster.  He drives me nuts and I yell at him more than I should.  I have a lot of guilt about how much time he spends in daycare.  And how crappy I am when I do have a day with him.  When I was home with him I had so much more patience and energy to do fun things.  I feel constantly worn out now which makes me suck as a parent.  

 

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone with the meltdowns.  It's so frustrating.  

 

And I'm awake typing this at 4am because I can't sleep.  I'm stressing over stupid little things.  I have to get up early for work tomorrow too so that will be fun :(


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#550 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 05:29 AM
 
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I have a lot of days where I feel like Aubs is better off at daycare/preschool than home with me. Its really hard to keep her happy without constantly having some new activity for her to do.  And all of the not-fun stuff has to get done around the house, too, which she finds incredibly frustrating. She's back down to two mornings per week--DH takes her at 7:00 on his way to work and I pick her up around 12:30.  Its great for me, but she would like more.  Unfortunately I can see spending any more money to send her. 

 

Aubrey still takes a long nap every afternoon--sometimes 2.5 hours on school days--and then still goes to sleep at 8:00! She needs it because she does everything with such intensity when she's awake.  Unfortunately it seems like Mallory needs a long nap in the morning and then two shorter ones in the afternoon, so someone is always in need of a nap.  I try to just let her nap in the wrap while I do things around the house, but its less than she needs.

 

Tantrums are constant here.  I'm still trying to just ignore them.  We do the 1-2-3 thing, and although she doesn't always go along with the program she definitely knows what to expect.  I also give her 5 and 1 minute warnings any time a fun activity is about to end.  Then when she's throwing her fit I try to ignore it and pretend like she's complying.  Thank her for doing X and Y well, talking about what we're going to do later, telling her that when she swings her arms it is hard for Mommy to get them in the seat belt.  Not that she cares, but sometimes telling her these things with a calm(ish) voice helps me avoid screaming at her.  It sucks.  Three is definitely harder than two.

 

Courtney, have you thought about going through the school board for June's speech evaluation?  Three year olds are entitled to free services if they're needed.  We sort of started through the pediatrician and through the school board, and got the process completely done before the developmental pediatrician could even schedule her for an eval.  It was a lot of meetings, but overall not too bad.  And her therapy will be at the local elementary school, which is only a mile away from us.  Aubs struggles with maybe 1/3 of the letter sounds, but the only ones they said she should be able to say and can't are /m/ and /b/.  L, K, P, R, S, T, V...those I think are not expected quite yet.  But regardless, she qualified for services, so hopefully it will help. 

 

Erin and Sue, glad the hubs are home!  I know its a relief. 

 

Mallie has a low fever for the third day in a row, so we won't be doing much today.  Tomorrow is DH's birthday, so we're going to think about birthday stuff for him.  We aren't doing anything special, but I did order a butterfinger blizzard cake from Dairy Queen. Maybe I can get Aubs to make decorations. :) 


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#551 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 05:47 AM
 
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i'l check the local school, i can literally see it from my front porch, so that would be handy, and now that you mentioned it I remember that my friends daughter tok speech at the school when she was 3 or 4.

 

school for me- the pre-req's to get into the community college's nursing program so eventually i can become a cnm so eventually i can midwife.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#552 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 07:59 AM
 
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Courtney ... school for you!  That's exciting!  I think you would make an AWESOME midwife, mama!  I'd hire you in an instant!  

 

Mal ... Definitely listen to your DP when it comes to the basement/workshop.  I bet it's even a bigger deal than he's letting on.  Both my stepfather and my father have had garages and basements and I think their lives are all the better for it.  

 

Cindy ... I saw your belly pic on FB.  You look gorgeous!  And you're getting so close!  Remind me what your due date is?  And did you go early with M?

 

Sue ... I hope you hear back from the OT soon, mama.  Hang in there!

 

Kate ... Hope Mallie feels better soon!  H has been feverish on and off while he works on cutting his four upper teeth at the front.  Wee bairns.

 

Erin ... I want to come for leftovers!  That dinner sounds scrumptious.  I have to laugh that your kids pick berries in the wild and mine pick them from the brambles in the alley behind the shops.  Not what I had envisioned for my children, but I'm trying to embrace it!

 

Preschool ... Not for us, but sounds awesome for the kids that are going!  I love the postcard in the mail idea, so sweet and helpful.  

 

Meltdowns ... We're fairly lucky when it comes to meltdowns.  I can count on one hand the number of doozies she's had.  Sometimes I think we're in for it with Hawksley as a cosmic payback for how easy E is, but then he's a lot like her so maybe we'll skirt that big deal and get hammered later on with something else.  Who knows?

 

Glad that everyone's partners are back home again or more!  

 

AFM: I can't stop worrying about going back to work.  I actually think I might go to the employee counsellor and talk about it there.  I think I've got some PTSD from years of trauma calls.  I can't stop thinking about the worst possible calls and obsessing about how much I'd rather not go back.  But the only other thing I'm really qualified for is more front-line work (transition house, crisis centres, homeless shelters, ect) which is also huge on burn out.  Meh.  I feel like I'm sabotaging my license, by leaving my annual upkeep requirements to the last minute and ignoring what I need to do.  My EI ran out last month, so we're getting a taste of what it would be like to live just on DP's income.  We could do it.  But we'd rather not.  And I want to keep my license in case anything ever happens to DP and she's unable to work.  Meh.  I'm so scared that I'm going to get a terrible call that will scare me for life, more than any before.  


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#553 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 08:56 AM
 
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Starling: Big hugs! The counselor is a good idea. I can't imagine showing up at some of the scenes you must be faced with!! Don't suppose they'd provide some sort of disability for being traumatized by it?? That would be nice. You'll just have to crank out more novels! Thanks for the compliments on the photo. I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow. Due 10/5. Makenna was born at 38 weeks exactly. So I'm totally preparing for this baby to come early - though my midwife has warned me I could still go late. However, I think my midwife is preparing for me to go early too. LOL. 

 

Ok, off for a busy day. Morning at Fairyland with M's best friend and then rushing home to play with another one of her good friends. I'm totally anticipating an over tired and cranky kid at the end of this. But at least she'll have fun until then!

 

Cindy


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#554 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 11:46 AM
 
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Starling: I can completely understand your hesitations with your job. For me, that would be a wonderful job before I had kids. The people you get to help, the adrenaline rushes. I would have loved it. But since having kids, my heart and my mind can't handle those kind of scares like they used to. I hear about tragedies or have a close call, and it keeps me up at night worrying. I didn't used to be that way, but I guess when I have more in my life that is precious to me, more to lose... it changes a person's perspective.

 

Cindy: You are SO close! I can't wait to see pics of your new little one!

 

Courtney: Good luck with school! How exciting! You will be a fantastic midwife, I just know it. I still have dreams of being a doula someday. I also have dreams of Montessori certification. I also have dreams of having my own learning center one day. I'm starting to think my 40s will be a perfect time to focus on my hopes and dreams when it comes to my career.

 

Kate: Hope Miss Mallory feels better soon. Greta has been doing the same thing the last few days. Very low grade fever, a little fussy and a little clingy. Nothing too worrisome, but she never runs a fever. And she is always upbeat and on the go. So, it's rough seeing that she doesn't feel well and knowing I still have to go to work since she isn't bad enough to stay home. I wish I could stay and snuggle with her.

 

Well, I took Owyn to school this morning. Bittersweet. I've dreamt of her attending there since before she was born and now she begins. She was SO excited. She was up and dressed with her back pack ready long before it was time to go. She went right with her teacher and never looked back. I feel like she just went and grew up on me when I wasn't looking.


Mallory. Happily married to Joe since 6/25/05. Loving my adventure with my girls, Owyn Samantha, born 3/1/09. dust.gif and Greta June, born 11/2/11  babygirl.gif

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#555 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 02:48 PM
 
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Aww,first day of school! I hope she loved it Mal! Sounds like you made the right decision on the house. I know how it is though when you start to picture being in the new place.

 

Starling: What is the plan for childcare for your kids? Do you have to go back full time? It sounds so hard. I would be having a really hard time too. Good luck Mama!

 

Courtney: Going back to school! So cool. You are going to rock as a midwife!!

 

Cindy: Looking forward to "meeting" baby Rose! :)

 

Kate: I'm glad Aubs loves preschool so much! Hope the babe is feeling better.

 

Everr: You have a lot on your plate Mama. When are you back to classes? Will your job continue or is this just a summer gig?

 

We are glad to have DH home. Maeve kept crying when he left the room last night which was pretty cute. She didn't want him out of sight. She also wouldn't go to bed until 11:30, little stinker! She just kept crawling all over him and cuddling with him. Pretty awesome. Fiona was also thrilled and had lots of questions for him about life on the boat. "was there a potty on there Papa?" :) I'm tired from solo duty but that was the end! I would like to book myself a lovely hotel room so I can take a bubble bath and a really long nap though. Wouldn't that be amazing?! With wine and good food that I didn't cook too...

 

DH and I plan to do some major cooking this weekend to feed the freezer. I feel like I'm constantly cooking and cleaning the kitchen all day. DH does dinner and we eat late and have no time for anything else. We are hoping that if we have freezer meals to pull out a few times a week it will ease the burden a bit. I'm thinking of trying to prep and freeze some crockpot meals too so I can just dump it in and let it go. Any favorite foods that freeze well?


Sue, Mama to Fiona Aileen (2/1/09) and  Maeve Penelope (10/7/11) familybed2.gif cd.gif
 

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#556 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 03:58 PM
 
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Sue: I've been pondering the freezer lately too. I didn't freeze a thing before M was born. But we lived in the city then, with 6 restaurants within 2 blocks of us and DH and I ate out tons and didn't really cook nice meals at home then. Now we are used to having home cooked meals most nights and we can't afford to be eating out all the time! I got a book from the library called "don't panic dinner's in the freezer". Also there is a cool website that has menus for a month of recipes that freeze well:

http://onceamonthmom.com/

 

I'm freezing soups (pea soup, lentil soup, etc), chili, some lentil dishes. I plan to do lasagna. I also plan to make up some crockpot ready things - brown the meat and chop the veggies and freeze so I can just dump in the crockpot. Beef stew for sure. My DH despises eating leftovers so I have to be really careful what I freeze or he won't eat it. Soup always tastes good once it sits and def I like the idea of crockpot ready bc you still get a freshly cooked meal without the trouble. I'm also doing muffins and the healthy oatmeal pancakes I make for M so I won't have to deal w/cooking breakfast all the time. 

 

I'd love to see more ideas!

 

Cindy


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#557 of 1166 Old 08-22-2012, 06:27 PM
 
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starling, i think talking to the counselor is a great idea. What do you have to do to keep your license? Can you just take the classes and stay off the road?


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

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#558 of 1166 Old 08-23-2012, 10:38 AM
 
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Starling - that does sound so hard. I know I'm more sensitive to stories of tragedy after having kids.

 

Courtney - awesome.  How long do you think it'll take to get all the way certified as a midwife?

 

Sue - so nice to have families all together again. L was skeptical of DH when he first got home, but warmed up quickly. K would have kept hugging him for an hour.

 

Mal - glad she did well on her first day!

 

Kate - nap schedules are so annoying. Though I must say I envy Aubs' nap a little. K hasn't napped in a year and a half!

 

 

Freezing food: My chest freezer is currently stuffed almost full - but 90% is just the harvest. Salmon, berries, garden veggies and pesto, no real meals. But that's OK. I actually love cooking dinner. And don't cook much for other meals, just toast or oatmeal for breakfast, snacks or leftovers of various kinds for lunch. This summer I've had such an awesome setup! My sister in law is currently living on the compound with us, my mom has been visiting for the last month or so, and we've had a steady stream of summer guests. (10+ people for dinner many days) So basically, I can harvest food and cook an awesome meal nearly every night, but have all the child care and dishes help I want, to make it stress free and easy. It'll be a shock when they all leave.

 

 

Preschool: Our preschool here is a good opportunity for K, I think. Though I am a little sad to lose the free form outside all day days of summer (which I suppose we'd lose anyway from weather). It's the idea of real, full day, sit-in-desks-school that frightens me. Luckily I have a couple years before I have to decide about that.

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#559 of 1166 Old 08-24-2012, 01:15 PM
 
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Cindy- thanks for that link! Looks awesome.


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#560 of 1166 Old 08-25-2012, 08:11 AM
 
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Hi all ... Thanks for all the kind words about my worries about going back to work. I am going to connect with the EAP counsellor through work, but I don't hold out a lot of hope for it helping.  I've had many talk therapists over the years, and I've never enjoyed them.  But I'm going to try to go with an open mind and see what he or she has to say.  

 

AFM: I just spent two nights at my parents house.  You all know how I feel about my parents and their toxic relationship, but I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned how toxic my stepdad is.  He's getting worse.  He hates children.  He drinks to falling down drunk nightly.  He's a grumpy, curmudgeonly, arrogant, selfish prick ... and he's going senile on top of it, which is making it all worse. He was so disrespectful and offensive to the kids and I that I had to bite my tongue more than once and my mom begged me to let it go and not call him on it and not make her choose between him and us.

 

Well.  I've had enough.

 

I came home so upset that I wrote her an email saying that I love her, but that we will not be visiting her house again so long as he's there, and that he's not welcome at our home either.  It breaks my heart to have to make that boundary, but I fear that my partner will not be as tolerant as I am and she would blow up at him and we'd leave after a confrontation, which is worse.  I don't want E and H to think that his behaviour is acceptable or that they have to put up with being so disrespected and offended.  My mom texted me that she needs to think about my email before responding, so now I'm waiting on that. I think it'd be best for her to leave him, but she's always said that she won't.  

 

I had DP buy me a big bottle of Rescue Remedy on her way home last night. Sigh.


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#561 of 1166 Old 08-25-2012, 11:55 AM
 
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Oh Starling, that is so horrible. I'm sorry you had to make that choice. But you made the right choice, imo. Your mother can still come visit but you don't have to expose them to your step dad. Hug Mama!


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#562 of 1166 Old 08-25-2012, 02:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Starling - I think you made the right decision, even if it is a tough one.  *hugs*  I'm sorry :(  I hope things go ok with the work counsellor.  I totally understand your concerns.  Parenting has made me so much more sensitive about some things.

 

Cindy - Thanks for the links!  I love the idea of filling a freezer with chopped ready-to-go meat/veggies to add to recipes.  I don't have room for much but for just R and I it wouldn't be too hard to have a couple weeks of chopped stuff.  Plus I often end up throwing stuff out because it goes bad before I use it.

 

Mal - I'm glad Owyn enjoyed her first day!  It's so nice when you love the teacher/school.  I feel that way with R's daycare, I feel so comfortable with him going there.

 

AFM - I'm still feeling stressed for no specific reason.  I guess just school coming up and I've been busy with work and trying to squeeze in summer-fun with R on my days off.  Last night I had crazy dreams and woke up with a horrible headache.  I think I'll actually feel less stressed once my classes start and I have a better sense of what they will be like.  


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#563 of 1166 Old 08-25-2012, 09:34 PM
 
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Starling so sorry you had to make that choice and that you had to experience it.

 

I also bought a big bottle of rescue remedy. I had a big blowout with my mom. She is manic right now and she said some really hurtful things through email. I spent the night in full blown anxiety/chest squeezing nausea and the morning after in hysterical tears. She often gets mean when she's manic. I've finally realized that the relationship is unhealthy and a cycle of emotional abuse for me. I am going to see a therapist about it and my relationship with my stepfather. I've switched the kids back to my cousin's I don't feel right with all the issues that I felt rise in me after this leaving them with her to be exposed to the same thing. The problem is now that I have asked her to leave she is making all nice and doesn't seem to want to go anywhere fast. I'm totally stressed over it and still very angry but I'm trying to keep the peace because my brother is getting married in a week and I don't want to start anything. I don't know if she is even looking for a place. In a moment of weakness I told her she could take her time and now I don't know how/if I can take it back. We can't afford childcare with school and without her rent we are financially strapped. To top it all off the university screwed up and didn't drop me from a class and now it's on my transcript and affecting my GPA and I just applied for scholarships :( I'm at my breaking point I think. 


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#564 of 1166 Old 08-26-2012, 06:11 AM
 
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h Starling that's tough, I totally think you did the right thing. Hopefully your Mom will respect what you have to say and come visit you without him and still be involved with you and the kids. I had to stop going to my MIL's house, these are such tough calls.

 

AFM my sister had her baby, she did amazing, the baby is super cute, her fiance was a champ labor companion and now I get to go see my babies in a week. Cross your fingers that Hurricane Isaac stays away from them. I think they are just supposed to get storms and not the hurricane, still our house isn't in great shape and partially open to the outside.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#565 of 1166 Old 08-26-2012, 06:13 AM
 
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Oh NIlla, I'm so sorry, that's another tough crappy situation.

 

freezer meals, I just pinned a new freezer crockpot post on pinterest and I am looking forward to  checking it out when I get home.


Courtney and Cree, baby made 3, added one more then there were 4, sakes alive, then we had 5, another in the mix now we have 6!

A Momma in love with her Little Women-Jewel Face, Jo Jo Bean, June Bug, and Sweet Coraline.

 

 

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#566 of 1166 Old 08-26-2012, 08:23 AM
 
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Courtney!  Congratulations, Auntie!  That's wonderful news!  Tell us more about the birth and the baby?

 

Ever ... Go get some Rescue Remedy for you too! This is a crazy time of year when schedules and work and school all seems to be ramping up while the natural world is slowing down.  It's a conundrum, for sure, and hard for us humans to navigate.  

 

Sue ... Have you heard back from the powers that be yet?

 

Cindy ... Are you getting excited?  Do you feel like you have all your ducks in a row?  

 

Nilla ... Oh, honey, how I feel for you!  And she's living with you?  Stress factor x 10.  Suck back that Rescue Remedy!  Family dynamics are so hard, especially when free childcare is wrapped up in it too.  Could you have a live-in nanny instead?  Room & board in exchange for childcare and small stipend?  Is the university doing anything to rectify their withdrawal mistake?  I hope so!  There is no good time for making difficult boundaries with your parents, is there?  I totally understand wanting to keep the peace leading up to the wedding.  So hard.  I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.  You have my utmost sympathy.  I'm here to commiserate too.

 

AFM: Thank you, everyone, for your support.  It means a lot to me.  My mom emailed me back to say that she's very upset, but not angry.  She says she will not 'abandon' him, so is going to stay in the marriage.  She understands my need for the boundary and will respect it.  I'm so sad that my children have no grandfather at all.  My stepdad is a kid-hating drunk whose getting senile, my dad is an a-hole who is out of the picture, and my partner's dad is estranged from his family.  My grandpa was such an important figure in my life.  He was gentle and strong and kind and loving, and that's what I want for my children.  My sister just started dating a lovely man after being with women for fifteen years, so I hope he's a keeper and can be a good male influence for our children.  I'm sad, too, that my kids won't know the experience of going to grandma's house.  It was so fun for me.  But that just isn't the case for us.  I'm glad that I made the boundary, and I will be keeping it.  Most definitely.  My mom wants me not to cut him out entirely, but being that my children and dp and I are a package, I can't see how that would work.  


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#567 of 1166 Old 08-26-2012, 10:43 AM
 
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Starling - That sounds so hard! Good for sticking up for your kids though. They don't need that sort of grandpa influence, even though it's sad they don't get the better kind.

 

Nilla - Wow, I can't imagine trying to deal with all that and living with her too.  Is there any sort of informal child care swap you could do, or something not your mom?  Find another roommate?  It sounds awful, but more awful that you don't really have the financial choice to get out of the situation.

 

 

Stress: Compared to everyone here, I have a very benign reason to feel stressed, which is that my book manuscript is due in 2 weeks - the point at which I think "Ah, now I understand all my horrible failings as a writer but don't have time to fix them." And I want to be outside to enjoy the rest of the summer, and to put away the harvest. Nothing to complain about, really, but I'll be glad when things calm down here.

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#568 of 1166 Old 08-26-2012, 04:24 PM
 
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Stress abounds, for sure! I like the way you put it, Starling, and you're right. It's unnatural to be so busy at this time of year. 

 

I came here to complain about my own MIL, but after reading I'm feeling like it's a first-world problem for sure and doesn't even compare... but I'm gonna whine a little anyway. My mil is a big time runner. She does marathons and stuff. She also helps plan a fundraising walk/run every year during our local country fair. So, when Owyn's school says they are doing their first annual 5k this year as a fundraising event, I thought "yay! my MIL can definitely help me with this and it's something we'll be able to do together!" (we've never been very close. far from a mother/daughter type of relationship, but we're cordial with each other) So, last year the Dept of Transportation donated a ton of orange cones to use to block off roads. It's not a huge thing, but I mentioned to her that maybe we could use those. She got all weird about it and said she's pretty particular about who she lends them out to. I'm a little insulted about the way she put it. I mean, I'm her daughter-in-law and they're being used for a fundraiser at her granddaughter's preschool, but she's going to be particular about who she is loaning them too. Especially considering they were donated to her in the first place. Pay it forward? So, anyway, I let that comment go. Then, yesterday she mentions offhand that she's putting her stand-up mixer on her church's garage sale... fully knowing that I've always wanted a stand-up mixer and don't have one. DH was standing there for that one and was also offended by that one. He said something to her about it too. Like, really? Why are selling it on a garage sale when you know we'd totally love to have it? I mean, it's not a huge deal, but things like that make me feel like she doesn't consider me family.


Mallory. Happily married to Joe since 6/25/05. Loving my adventure with my girls, Owyn Samantha, born 3/1/09. dust.gif and Greta June, born 11/2/11  babygirl.gif

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#569 of 1166 Old 08-29-2012, 01:57 PM
 
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Nilla, You are certainly in a tough spot with your mom living with you. I hope you are able to figure out childcare soon.

 

Mal: That would bug me too. How lame!

 

I've called the occupational therapist 3 times and haven't heard back from her. Today her message was changed to say that she is taking some time off and won't be able to see patients until the end of September. I did ask her to please call me so I can at least get on her calendar for the end of next month or ask her who else I could bring Fiona too. So we shall see... another month is going to kill us but it would have been nice if she could have returned my calls.


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#570 of 1166 Old 08-29-2012, 02:20 PM
 
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That is so disappointing, Sue.  I hope you at least get onto her calendar soon!  That's a big deal for an OT to be taking time off just as everyone else is gearing up for fall programs and resources.

 

Nilla ... How are you doing today?


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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