My son is 6 years old we live in an apartment complex..
like at around 5 pm everyday he wants to go outside and play , he does have friend
that are his same age , but if they are not able to come out and play and the
older kids ( 10 or 11 years old) come out to play he want to hang out with them
and he does .. the thing is that ive heard this kids language not being appropriate for a six year old boy
he doesnt repeat what he hears but still kids are sponges and what they hear they want to repeat...im worried
about this i dont know what to do.. and sometimes also he comes crying saying this
kid hit .. it was an accident and he said sorry , but i dont know what to
believe i feel like saying something to this kid , but i dont know if i should or just not let my son
be around them .. when i tell him i dont want him around these kids he cries and says that he wants to
... do i let him play with these kids ? what can i do?
My DS is not as old as yours (he's only 3.5 y/o), but I understand that it's hard. At our current apartment complex, I have decided DS simply cannot go outside and play with the kids here. It does make me feel bad, occasionally, but I just can't have him exposed to that kind of language and violence so repeatedly. He's way too young & impressionable. The kids that play together here are age ranges 2 - 12, and as far as I can see there is often no supervision at all. No one holds the older kids accountable for what they're saying around the younger ones, and no one is really even watching out for the safety of the younger ones (except the older kids to some extent). I often have to ask the kids to move off of the stairs or keep it down because I can hear them "I'll f-in take him out, one punch he'll be dead as a doornail" and blah, blah, blah, sitting on the stairs outside the door & I can hear it in my house! I take DS to the park every day so that he has other kids to play with, I also take him to the library, the Y, etc, etc, etc, so that he IS given room to stretch his legs and play with other kids and everything... however, I just feel the environment here is not something I am willing to let my child be a part of. Taking him elsewhere to play everyday is very taxing for me, but I feel it has been the best solution. We are moving next month, and I am very hopeful that the "community" of the new complex will be different. From what I have been able to gather so far, the parents are more knowledgeable about what their kids are up to at the new place.
If the parents are present/visible, you could try talk to their parents about their language around younger children. But I would be hesitant to allow my 6 y/o to play with kids so much more mature and tossing around violence in any way and crude language. Kids soak stuff in.
Sleepy, running, wife to DH 08/09 - Mama to DS 8/08 & DD 1/11
"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. " - Japanese Proverb
Although I'm all for different aged kids playing together, I wouldn't let him hang out with older kids in that situation without supervision. Chances are the older kids will get annoyed with him periodically and do or say mean things. Your ds might not take the hint when they are trying to get rid of him and the older kids might escalate what they say/do. In my experience, few 10-11 year boys hit "accidentally."
I have 5 and 6yo boys and we have neighbors who are 8 and 10 that are super immersed in the world of violent video games. When they do come out to play, they are often role-playing what they are used to seeing on their games. It's all violence and very dark scenarios. I tend to go outside when they are in our yard and just have an eye on them to see what they're doing. We have had several conversations with the 10yo about how the younger gets don't like all the violence, that my 5yo doesn't want to be killed anymore. I have tried to be inclusive and suggest that they come up with some new ways to play. He seems to be incapable of playing anything other than violent games. When I hear what he's doing, I give him a warning that if he can't change his play then he will have to go. But this all takes place in our yard, so I have the control there. I tell my kids that they may not go into the other kids' yard anymore because I just don't know what is going on. I think 10 and 6 is a big enough age gap to use that as an "excuse" to the kids if you're not comfortable with the friendship. I am all for kids having friends of any age, but the behavior has to be safe for my kids, mentally and physically.
We live in apartment complex with a lot of kids and my 10 year does play with the younger kids sometimes. I think it's fine BUT- he has younger siblings and is generally really good with younger kids. If these boys are acting inappropriately (and we have a group like that here so I know exactly what you mean) then I would probably not let him play with them. Is there something you could keep handy to distract him when he wants to go play with them? I bring out the play dough for dd when they boys are out with older kids, it's more of a special occasion thing. (gets into the carpet: hello fines!)
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