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#1 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 07:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DD frequently complains that we expect more of her in various ways than we do of her 4yo brother. Naturally, we respond that this is appropriate given the age difference, etc., and that she has other privileges that he doesn't because she is older. However...there aren't that many of them, to be honest. She stays up later (but...not that much later...she has to get up early for school) and she is allowed to stay home alone briefly and to scooter up and down the street solo. She has a few kitchen privileges he does not and can use art materials unsupervised. She gets an allowance and he doesn't. But see....this doesn't sound like much, right? I need some "better" big-kid perks. Ideas? She is the kind of kid who is DESPERATE to be an adult, not because she is interested in sophisticated "stuff," but because she wants freedom. Anything that involves independence is good.

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#2 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 08:30 AM
 
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My DS is also 8, although DD is almost six. DS stays up quite a bit later, although it's mostly b/c he doesn't require a lot of sleep. During that time, he sometimes watches a show with me, which is special. DS often watches movies (like Harry Potter) and plays video games that DD isn't allowed to see yet. We even take him to the theater separately to see movies he wants to see.

 

He also gets more allowance. I think that's it, though.

 

What about you and your husband alternating taking the kids on "dates" separately on the weekends. So your DH can take DD to do something more big kid, while you do something else with your little one?
 

But other than that, I don't know. I'd be curious -- if you ask her, what kind of privileges would she like to have?

-e


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#3 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 09:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, we do sometimes take her solo to movies DS is too young for. I keep meaning to do a big-kid movie night at home with her and forgetting. I'm not sure what privileges she would want that would be reasonable. I feel like I've asked her and her suggestions were not realistic.

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#4 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 11:29 AM
 
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I only have one child, but one of her privelages is staying up as late as she wants to on Friday and Saturday nights. Usually she only stays up until 10 or so because she is used to being asleep before nine but she loves having the choice.
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#5 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 02:38 PM
 
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You can teach her how to answer the phone and take messages, or to make phone calls.

 

Does she have any friends who live close by? My kids certainly could go over to friends' houses by themselves by 8 (dd does and she's not 8 for another 6 weeks).

 

How about helping you plan the meals for the week so she gets to decide what you eat 1-2 nights for dinner? You could then increase that as she gets older to giving her a budget and having her buy and prepare the food for those meals.


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#6 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, planning meals is a GREAT one! I'm not sure she will be interested in the phone, but I'll ask.

Unfortunately, she has only one friend in walking distance. I have considered letting her go over there solo but our neighborhood is a bit of a throughway for homeless people due to its location. Think slightly edgy urban area, even though where we live is not actually urban, really. (Small city, very close to downtown.) This is a continuing dilemma for me, since I'd like to be more freerange. I don't know what the actual danger level is, but on an average day I would say at least 5 homeless or semi homeless folks go past my house. At the same time, it is a family neighborhood and I don't know of any crimes other than occasional B&E.

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#7 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 07:46 PM
 
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are u kinda looking for everyday tasks at home?

 

 i have a dd just like yours.

 

same thing. desperately wants to be an adult.

 

how about splitting the grocery list and have her pick up some. give her a budget and the basic low downs of what is healthy and then have her make that decision (do u think she wants to be seen as an adult too who can take part in the same kind of decisions her parents do), while u do the other grocery.

 

ask her more for advice. even with planning the day. if you are not sure what to do ask her for her input and how to come up with a result that works for everyone. 

 

sorry lorax but your views of the homeless come across as a little ... prejudiced, esp. when you say there is no data to back ur fears. i have lived in ur kinda neighborhood myself but have looked upon the homeless as quite the opposite. 

 

i know with my dd part of the freedom is also being valued for her ideas.

 

it really helps giving her a lot of responsibility. making dinner. not just planning but actually making dinner.  making the grocery list. checking in the fridge to see what we have and what we need. 

 

do laundry. do the dishes. 

 


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#8 of 10 Old 04-19-2012, 11:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc View Post

Unfortunately, she has only one friend in walking distance. I have considered letting her go over there solo but our neighborhood is a bit of a throughway for homeless people due to its location. Think slightly edgy urban area, even though where we live is not actually urban, really. (Small city, very close to downtown.) This is a continuing dilemma for me, since I'd like to be more freerange. I don't know what the actual danger level is, but on an average day I would say at least 5 homeless or semi homeless folks go past my house. At the same time, it is a family neighborhood and I don't know of any crimes other than occasional B&E.

 

Two options I see to help YOUR comfort level:

1. Get some walkie talkies (the range they have these days is amazing) and send one with her. She can 'radio in' when she gets there.

2. Have her call home when she gets there and again when she leaves to go home.

 

How far is it? If it's under 2 blocks, I'd be OK with that. If it's over, I'd make sure she calls her friend to see if they're home first.


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#9 of 10 Old 04-20-2012, 06:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes meemee, she is just like you describe your daughter. Those are good ideas.

The homeless folks around here are sometimes visibly drunk or mentally ill. We did have a break-in at our house by a squatter before we fully moved in and I have had folks in my fenced back yard who were clearly casing the area for a break-in. There is sometimes a homeless camp present in the wooded area behind our yard. I doubt most are violent, but I think an encounter with one of them while alone could really scare my DD. I have had encounters that put me on my guard because the guy was obviously impaired and unpredictable and asked for money. This has happened maybe once every couple of years--most of the time there isn't an interaction of any note--but it has happened. I don't think it's prejudiced to be concerned about it. I would be less concerned if the area WERE more urban because there would be more eye son the street, but it could easily be just DD alone on the street with one of these folks, you know? Not like on a city street where people would notice if a child were being harassed.

Lynn, it is probably just over 2 blocks....2 long blocks, I guess (our blocks are weird). I have been meaning to talk to the other mom about it to see what she thinks about them walking solo back and forth. Our area is just kind hard to describe in terms of its safety/socioeconomic profile. I wonder if she would feel/be safer on a bike than walking? For one part, she would have to bike on a sidewalk that is narrow and not very bike friendly (main road, NOT bikeable by an 8yo).

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#10 of 10 Old 04-20-2012, 09:01 AM
 
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I'd be concerned about the homeless people too, and I don't think it's prejudiced at all to worry about them.  I would be inclined to not allow my kid to walk that route.  I'm sure there are other ways to make her feel more grown up. 

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