6 yo so disrespectful--rant and a plea for advice... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 33 Old 10-15-2013, 01:11 PM
 
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We have had this problem off and on since our son was 3 1/2; he is now 8 1/2.  Aargh.

 

The most important things I have learned are that I won't change his tone by using an unpleasant tone myself, and that it's crucial to stick to the original subject instead of digressing into an argument about who is or is not yelling, being disrespectful, etc.  I have learned this through many miserable experiences of hearing my partner bellow, "I AM NOT YELLING!!!" at the kid--it's much easier to see how wrong this approach is when someone else is doing it--but still it isn't easy to control my own behavior when I'm the one who is being jaw-droppingly disrespected.  The basic approach that works at least medium-well when I manage to use it is this: I consciously speak in the pleasant, polite tone that I would like to hear.  I say, "Use your nice voice.  You want X."  Once this is said, I can let him try again to explain why he deserves X, or I can explain that it will be just fine to do X, or I can tell him that the glue and scissors need to be put away before he can do X, or whatever.  But it's important to use MY nice voice, to keep my complaint about his tone brief, and to return to the subject of X.

 

I know that when I have strong feelings about something, it is difficult to modulate my voice and be polite.  I get very upset when I am trying to talk to my partner about something I really want or need and all he says to me is, "Stop whining," and, "Quietly!" and I feel that he's so focused on criticizing the WAY I'm saying it that he's not listening to WHAT I'm saying, and of course when I feel I'm not being heard I'm tempted to get louder and phrase things more strongly.  Children feel strongly about a lot of things, in the moment, that are not as important to adults.  So I try to let my son feel heard, while also speaking up a little when his approach hurts my feelings.


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#32 of 33 Old 10-25-2013, 07:54 PM
 
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My 6yo is like this too. I use time out ( if you are not respecting others then be alone) and remove privileges. I don't really think this is helping her behaviour though just establishing the boundary. I agree with those who said chores and physical activity. I also used Honey I Wrecked the Kids/Positive Discipline (same thing) to help me handle the situation.
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#33 of 33 Old 10-27-2013, 05:23 PM
 
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I recently read a book called Duct Tape parenting. There's lots of great advice about dealing with troublesome behaviors that annoy parents. Much of the advice centers around making children more responsible for what happens in her day. I really enjoyed it, although I'm not sure how well I've incorporated it into my life. 


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