My daughter is soon to be 7yo. She's been on this kick where she ignores me, talks to me disrespectfully and then isolates herself until some one comes and begs for her not to be mad anymore. This usually occurs when she's not getting what she wants.
Since I have a little temper and can be impatient I wind up lecturing her ear off and trying to force myself past my irritation and impatience to make peace with her. It eventually "works out" - I think.... Also, I think to myself that I have to get past this grudge feeling whenever she acts out like this. My mother would be mad at us for at least the whole day or longer whenever we'd do something wrong. And she'd do the whole withholding love/affection type of punishment. I don't want to be like that AT ALL. And even though I make peace with my dd, I wonder if the way I'm doing it is helping since it seems as though she responds more to me in that way, even after we have our talks.
Just this morning I woke up and she was running around the house doing something. I sat down to the computer and it had been at least 10 minutes until she came to me and said "I WAS USING THE COMPUTER" in that whiny, self entitled tone. I said that she wasn't here and I'm sitting here now and she can play with it later when I'm done. Then she ran to her father to "tell on me". LOL which is like a slap in the face to me because my husband and I aren't like that. If anything, I have to referee my children and husband cuz he can be like a child himself. So, I thought, What does she think she's doing? And because she did that, I told her no computer for the day now. She got mad and closed herself in the bedroom. Its been about 20 minutes maybe and she came out, playing like normal. She ran past me not even knowing I was there and asked her father where I was. And nothing after that. So, now I wonder if I say something, let it go or some thing else entirely.
PS. I have a 4.5mo ds that she gets along VERY well with. But as we mother of multiples know, babies require a lot of attention. I wonder if this may some how have something to do with that. Any ideas?
Did all this start after the birth of your second child? May be she is having a really hard time adjusting.
I personally think it is a mistake to attempt to reason with an angry child and try to talk them into being happy and pleasant. It's a bit like negotiating with a terrorist -- it just makes things worse latter.
She feels how she feels, and creating space for negative feelings and teaching children appropriate ways of expressing them is a better long term strategy. It isn't our job to make our children happy. It is our job let them feel how they feel while teaching them the difference between feelings and actions.
Spending times in one's room when in a foul mood really isn't such a bad thing.
"Since I have a little temper and can be impatient." For me, my own character flaws drive me bonkers in my children. I would prefer they be better people than me. Thinking through what would be helpful for ME has some times helped me work on my own weaknesses while helping my children become the best versions of themselves (if that makes sense)
but everything has pros and cons
Let it go. She's 7. She's found a way to calm herself down. That's a good thing. My 8 year old would have been standing next to me whining the entire time.
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