Is it normal for my 4-year-old to hate being with me? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 07-03-2012, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My 4.5 year old daughter is a social butterfly, and especially this spring/summer has really come into her own.  She's found some neighborhood friends she plays with in the evening, and she loves being with them.  She's with me during the day (I work evenings), and unless we are going to a park or a playdate with other kids she is constantly complaining that she's bored and she doesn't want to be "stuck with boring old mom".  I have a one-year-old who I also have to keep tabs on so I can't play with her uninterrupted like she wants, but even when my son is napping and I have time to spend 1:1 with her she usually does it grudgingly.  I'm so happy that she loves her friends and that she's so independent, but I can't help but feel a little bad about it!  Is this normal? 

I do try to get her out and involved with other kids during the day as much as possible, and in the fall she'll start 3-day preschool--so the opportunities will be there, we just have to get through the summer.

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#2 of 6 Old 07-05-2012, 09:41 AM
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My 6 year old is doing this now a bit as well.  It is a new thing.  Some of it is just that heading into being independent thing.  Some of it is the new baby coming in August.  

 

I'm trying to let her do her thing, and respect her wishes.  Some days she comes back to me and tells me she misses me, and that we should spend the day together. LOL (We spend every day together.)

 

I don't have any great answers though.  I'm sure this is going to get harder when the baby comes.:(


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#3 of 6 Old 07-05-2012, 12:06 PM
 
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totally normal. remember we humans are a social animal. just like you watch the lion cubs play and fight, our kids need other kids to figure out the same thing that the lion cubs are learning. 

 

i see this as a wonderful thing. (btw my 3 year old told me it was boring that it was just me and her that live together and that there is no one else to have around) she is comfortable with what you guys have. she KNOWS mama loves her and that mama is always going to be there.

 

so now from a safe nest its time to venture out and see what the big bad world is like. i know mama's world. i know how safe it it - but now i am curious about what is out there. 

 

this is the part that reassures me. that if i die my dd is going to make it, because while she needs me she no longer NEEDS me that much. 

 

welcome mama to the area of parenting i find no one really talks about. the beginning of leaving the nest. at least that's how i look at it. 

 

its time for you to figure out a new way of parenting. 


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#4 of 6 Old 07-06-2012, 11:50 PM
 
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My daughter was and is just like this.  She's an extrovert!  She wants to be around people allllll the time.  I am soooo not, so it has been hard getting used to it.  I love sitting around at home and baking and crafting stuff.  She started preschool and loved being around all the kids and was soooo happy there.  I would however let her know how you feel to be called "boring old mom".  I've learned to just appreciate how she greets the world with an open hug, mind and heart.  She jumps right in to things and is very independent but I know she still needs to come back and see me.  We talk best at night, just before she goes to bed, when her mind has finally slowed down enough to share.  

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#5 of 6 Old 07-07-2012, 06:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malayasmommy View Post

My 4.5 year old daughter is a social butterfly, and especially this spring/summer has really come into her own.  She's found some neighborhood friends she plays with in the evening, and she loves being with them.  She's with me during the day (I work evenings), and unless we are going to a park or a playdate with other kids she is constantly complaining that she's bored and she doesn't want to be "stuck with boring old mom".  I have a one-year-old who I also have to keep tabs on so I can't play with her uninterrupted like she wants, but even when my son is napping and I have time to spend 1:1 with her she usually does it grudgingly.  I'm so happy that she loves her friends and that she's so independent, but I can't help but feel a little bad about it!  Is this normal? 

I do try to get her out and involved with other kids during the day as much as possible, and in the fall she'll start 3-day preschool--so the opportunities will be there, we just have to get through the summer.

Yes it is normal.You know I am sad that your little ones acted like they don't need your care. It made you think that you are not worthy. Basically this is the time you need to explain and  feel them the value of time and love.Just spent time to be with them like before going bed, read them a book something interesting. Feel them that no matter what happened you were there to help them.

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#6 of 6 Old 07-07-2012, 10:20 PM
 
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this is a normal behavior for this age group

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