Is this normal? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 07-04-2012, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
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I am torn, I am not sure what to think of this scenereo, and have resorted to asking complete strangers what they would:






if they were put in the situation I have been put it. Or, if they have already been through this situation.

 Here goes:


My husband and I attended a wedding out of town, and got my mother and father in law to watch our 3 year old (turning 4 july 14th).


As we got to their house to pick him up. My husbands neice(turning 5 July 8th) was there being babysat, and we could hear my mother in law, in the basement, telling both children to was their hands and meet her upstairs as they were both in a lot of trouble.

As she noticed we were in the foyer, she looked at us both, and said.. "The children were caught, under a blanket, without clothes on, and they were touching each other."


My heart stopped, I knew that one day, this would happen. In some sort of way, the day would happen. I understand, children around this age are curiouse, and not to scold them, but take this an opportunity for teaching about private parts.



Now, this is where it gets odd.


As both kids sat on the couch, and we asked for an explanation, the 5 yr olds temper kept elevating.

We asked both of them, to explain what had happened.


Our son began and said "Lucy* asked me to take off my underwear".

To this Lucy* would reply with hate sentence such as: "I'm going to punch you in the face"


Then, Glenn* continued, "She made me touch her vagina"

This set Lucy* through a fit of rage. Saying she hated everyone, she didn't want to be around anyone. Once we got her settled, and asked if she wanted to explain what happened, she aggreed that she insitaged the situation.


Now, we explaind about private parts, private time ect. and how it is ok to say NO.


Glenn* bursted out and said, "I did, I said no no no no, and she did it anyways."


Again, my heart stopped, suddenly my son was a victim to his 5 year old cousin.


Again Lucy* went through a fit of rage thrashing and yelling.

We calmed her down, once again, and she once agian.. agreed that this was the truth.


A few moments of silence after explaining about body parts again, and privacy, and now respecting others. Lucy* blurted out that Glenn* had "bitten" her vagina.


Another moment where my heart dropped to the floor, but this time, there was a rock in my throat, I could feel my face getting hot, and the tears started pouring down my face. Where did we go wrong? My son has never acted like this before. I can't even picture him acting like this. He is an a great daycare/preschool facility where they have co-ed bathrooms, body parts are second nature. I have only ever heard of him being physical and hurting another child when he is defending himself. This was not my little boy.


As soon as the rush of emotions came up, they were brought back down by Glenn's* next refute : "That never happened, I did not bite a vagina",

All off us (My Husband and both his parents) stunned at the conversation at hand, then asked Lucy* are you lying?

She admited to lying.


By now, I had enough. We needed to leave now, to let my husbands parents deal with the rest. I needed some time alone with my son.

 The following day, I got in touch with the director of my sons preschool, to explain the situation, let them be informed incase he brought anything up. And also asked about  Lucy's* behaviour.


She explained that the "over powering gesture of Lucy* forcing Glenn* to take off his clothes, and touch HER is troubling," and also "5 year olds, can not make up "Bitting a vagina", they have either, seen it, heard it, and felt it themselves"


This is where I need advice. How you would react? How do you feel about Lucy*.

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#2 of 5 Old 07-05-2012, 05:31 AM
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I would make sure the Lucy's parents are aware of the situation and express my concerns about her possibly having been exposed to something inappropriate in some way (may not have been molested, but could have seen inappropriate material) and suggest that they might want to have her talk with someone qualified to determine what, if anything, is going on or has gone on. As a parent, her behavior would concern me immensely. As far as Glenn, I would do just as you have done (alerting day care, discussing private parts), let him know that you are available to talk about anything he is worried about but would try not to make a huge deal if he doesn't seem traumatized. My understanding is that these types of situations where it's a one-time occurrence with a similar-aged child are usually not nearly as devastating as a violent or long-term molestation situation with a older perpetrator. My concern would be not to *cause* trauma if there was not any present already by overreacting, while still remaining vigilant for signs that he has been negatively affected by the experience.

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#3 of 5 Old 07-05-2012, 06:26 AM
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I would tell her parents, but this notion that children cannot "make up" simple things they have not seen doesn't make any sense to me.  Neice knows she did something wrong to son, but is now trying to deflect by claiming he did something bad to her.  Well what's more taboo to a 4 year old who goes to school?  They know biting is taken very seriously in pre-K or day care; they probably know it is taboo.  And what's more developmentally normal when kids are being interrogated than for the child more in the blame to try to escalate the blameworthiness of the other child?  Now if she had described that he did some complicated and realistic sex act that would give me perhaps a different intuition about it.


Sorry you have to deal with this.  Yuck.

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#4 of 5 Old 07-05-2012, 06:27 AM
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Yet another odd first post.

Don't imagine the worst incidents in your emotional life -- keep a positive attitude.
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#5 of 5 Old 07-05-2012, 11:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Neera View Post

Yet another odd first post.


What an odd and unsupportive thing to say!


OP, I'm glad you're here and I agree with the posters who said that you are handling this the right way. Hugs!

Susan -- married WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005), who started out unschooling and have now embarked on the public school adventure.
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