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Old 08-13-2012, 07:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS is 3.5 and has finally mellowed out some but still much more volatile & intense (and clingy!) than most other kids his age. He is a terrible sleeper, rarely gets more than ~10 hours of sleep a night, wakes up multiple times a night needing cuddles or sleeping ON MY HEAD (owwww!) because he just *needs* to be super close to me. All day long he wants to be on me or touching me -- and of course not sitting quietly near me or cuddling in my lap, more like climbing all over and jumping on me (again, owwww!) I'm in pain all day, seriously, and completely tapped out, can't take so much physical contact and constant interaction. He always wants me to read to him (which I do, but after an hour I need a break) and play with him -- which I admittedly don't do much of, I hate hate hate playing!! But we do have lots of other quality interactions, he helps me cook meals or we go on walks, go places together, etc. It's just never enough.

So today we did nothing much, had no playdates scheduled, I wanted (needed) a low-key day after a busy & stressful weekend. We went to the grocery store (which he loves & helps out with) and a couple other errands but mostly we just hung around the house. It was miserable. I don't know why I bother trying to have down days because they always make me want to cry (or worse). When we stay out & about, lots of time with friends and park and zoo and whatever else I can do to keep our days jam-packed, he is soooo much better, but I can't do that every single day. Sometimes all our friends are busy, or I am too tired (chronic illness) or whatever.

I don't feel like the life I'm living bears any resemblance to the one I expected -- or the one other moms seem to live. He really doesn't play by himself. Even if I set up an activity for him, he won't do it alone. He won't even watch TV on his own. He only wants to be with me, near me, interacting with me, me talking to him, I can't talk that much!! I go back & forth between "something is wrong with me" and "something is wrong with DS" and "maybe I just have unrealistic expectations." I'm just sad and frustrated that nothing I do is enough for him. I feel inadequate and exhausted.

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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Old 08-13-2012, 07:58 PM
 
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(((HUGS)))

 

i dont know what to say. i dont know if there is really any advice i can offer you.

 

i know you work from home. and on top of that a chronic illness doesnt make it any easier for you either.  its really hard having such an active needy child.

 

i tell you as a person i was saved at 2 when i went to work. i used to say i come to work to play and go home to work. it also came with deep sadness as dd had a hard time separating and finally somewhat settling down in 5 months. it was big time trauma for her.

 

for me what worked to take care of myself was the park. being outside and basically coming home to sleep. dd finally started sleeping through the night at 3 1/2.

 

i am sorry you have been handed such a hard life as a mother. all i can say is that i have seen how the lack of mother affects the child.

 

life had not handed you an easy hand. and there is nothing in your life giving you any kind of break.

 

so ((((HUGS)))). i dont know what to say. it is really, REALLY hard to survive on a tight budget.
 


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Old 08-13-2012, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks meemee. I just got laid off not long ago... so budget is even tighter (though I am applying for temporary disability), but on the plus side at least I don't have to put energy into work too on top of everything else. But days like this I just think I'd be better off working. However I know how traumatic it would be for DS (and I really can't physically work right now anyway). Just frustrated. It really helps to vent & feel heard, thank you. We are trying some dietary changes too again to see if they help at all this time around.

Co-sleeping is really wonderful when your child actually SLEEPS!! familybed1.gif
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