3 yo son, problems with inlaws, disrespect, and bad behavior! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 08-27-2012, 12:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is a pretty major rant here, and looking for ANY advice what so ever. Im at my wits end.

Heres the situation, my husband, my 8month old, 3 yr old and i are living with my inlaws temporarily. My 3 yo sleeps down stairs in thier bedroom... i wasnt happy about that in the first place but they insisted, because there wasnt enough room upstairs. whatever. MY 3 year old son is OBSESSED with my father-in-laws "partner" (yes theyre gay). The partner has never had children, nor does he know the first thing about raising them. Him and i always get into it because hes always butting in where he doesnt belong, such as when im trying to discipline, he does the "rescue" manuver, and it pisses me off, and hes always telling me im doing everything wrong and going against my rules. So after some time with this weird":situation" my three year old is constantly disrespecting me, and always asking for "pee-paw" (fatherinlaws partner) hes constantly telling me he doesnt love me and going to peepaw, and wont have anything to do with me when either of them are around. its to the point where as soon as they come home everyday, my three year old kicks into brat mode, and i literally just walk off and go to another room because there is absolutely nothing i can do in the way of parenting while im under thier roof. and i guess its the icing on the cake that when he wants nothing to do with me and is up thier asses, they dont even watch him!!!! yesterday i walked into the laundry room and my three year old was on top of the dryer dumping out bottles of OFF* into a glass vase... and this was a time when they supposedly were "watching him" they werent even in the house, they had gone onto hte back porch and didnt say anything... i have no idea what to do.

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#2 of 5 Old 08-28-2012, 09:51 AM
 
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Oh, wow.  This sounds really stressful for everyone.  I don't really have any advice beyond talking to the other adults to make a parenting agreement with them (surely you've tried that?).  

 

Best of luck, and hopefully this comment will give your post a bump and spark more responses.  Hang in there!


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#3 of 5 Old 08-28-2012, 11:40 AM
 
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I don't have anything helpful to say, other than that sounds exactly like my mom except I don't live with her so I at least have break from the drama she causes. I hope you figure it out soon.

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#4 of 5 Old 08-28-2012, 01:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anytime I try and stand my ground it turns into a.screaming match about how its because I don't pay attention to my kids and that's why they don't like me...or how I don't know what I'm doing, or how I have to follow their rules under their roof, meaning I'm not allowed to discipline because the child screams as soon as hes told no, or put in time out... Etc.
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#5 of 5 Old 08-28-2012, 01:42 PM
 
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A couple of things (after living with various family members who but in routinely):

#1, my child would be OUT of their bedroom.  I'm big on family circles.  There are various circles in any person's life.  The most sacred one is that person and God.  After that, it is that person and their spouse, or, in the instance of a child, that child and their parents.  Sleeping in a room with another adult is far too intimate (not in a creepy sense, but in an emotional sense), and these other people (grandparents or not) are being allowed into a sacred circle that is reserved for YOUR family.  Don't allow that.

 

#2, Do NOT leave your child in their care.  If nothing else, to establish the boundary that YOU are his mother, and THEY are not a parent.  Grandfather had his chance (Partner might not have, but that's not your problem).  He doesn't get do-overs with the grandbabies.  Sorry.  That's a hard one my mom had to learn.

#3, find your own place.  ASAP.  I'm a big fan of multi-generational families, where the current generation (you and your partner) are supporting their parents.  (In other words, when THEY move in with YOU.)  But the other way around tends to make for too many parenting issues like this one.  Get YOUR own home established, as soon as you can. 
 


Kristi

Wife to 1 since 2000

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