The neighborhood bully/mean girl - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Thread Tools
#1 of 2 Old 11-19-2012, 11:29 AM - Thread Starter
Wild Lupine's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: New England
Posts: 2,132
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)

We live in a complex so it's hard to segregate the kids. When kids are out playing, they are altogether; there's no separate space or yards.


My DD is 6 and there's a girl several years older than her (10); I'll call her M. When no other older girls are around M is all over my daughter, wanting to play only with her, telling her they're best friends, etc... But when any other older girl is around, M will drop DD like a rock. I can understand her wanting to play with kids her own age, but M is really mean about it. She yells at DD, calls her names, and makes rude gestures at her. Even when the other older girls want to include DD, M refuses. Obviously, this is really upsetting to DD. M's parents witness this and say nothing, even when I and other adults talk to M about her behavior.


This is really upsetting to DD. I've tried to get DD to play with other kids but she still sees M as one of her best friends because of the times M is nice to her.


I've thought of flat out refusing to let DD play with M but I am not sure how I could enforce that practically. I try to keep DD inside whenever M is out, but sometimes M is out for a long time, and it's hard for us to sit in the house all day when a bunch of kids are playing right outside our window. We go to parks and other places as much as possible, and I try to invite other friends over.


Since M's parents are uninterested in getting involved, and none of what other adults have said to her is effective, I feel the best strategy is to teach DD how to stand up for herself. DD is having a hard time with this because she would much rather be playing with M than defending herself to her, so she keeps trying to be nice. Does anyone know any resources for helping kids this age (DD is a young 6, in kindergarten) stand up to this kind of behavior? All the resources I know are for older kids.

Mom to DD 8 and DS 6.
Wild Lupine is online now  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 2 Old 11-20-2012, 01:39 PM
gabklein's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm sorry you're both in that situation, it sounds really frustrating. If I had to handle that, and since your daughter is 6, I think maybe I would allow her to choose whether she wants to play with M after talking explicitly about the possible consequences. She can decide whether the occasional pleasure she gets when M is nice to her is worth the sadness she feels when M excludes her. If she decides to continue to play with her, I think you're right that this would be a good opportunity for her to practice setting boundaries. Maybe she could tell M that she will only play with her if M treats her like a friend all the time? (Of course, your daughter would need to be prepared to enforce that rule by no longer playing with her if M continues to exclude her.) Good luck!

gabklein is offline  

Quick Reply
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off