I was wondering if anyone here has any suggestions how to help or books to read about this. DS just turned 6. When he is hurt, upset, not feeling well he just cries. Cries and cries and cries. I am find with that but many times I don't even know what the problem IS to try and help. I don't want him to be another non-communicative male. My DD is 2 years younger and she can tell you who, what, where, when, why and how of ANYTHING. I know girls and bys process things differently but I really want to try and help him and be sure this isn't a life long thing for him.
No book suggestions, sorry, but in my experience boys and girls really *are* different, and not talking about feelings is something that is partially innate. My ds also used to whine a lot as a toddler and I kept offering hugs and sympathy until I realized all he needed was for me to say: get up, you're fine, and he just dusts himself off and is back to what he was doing. Also, I get very short answers to anything... how was school? "Fine" What did you do today? "Nothing" Did you like the lunch that I packed for you? "I forgot what I had for lunch"...
I've read somewhere that girls communicate face to face, while guys communicate while they are side by side, usually working on something. This works great when I want to talk to ds. We can bake something together, or shovel snow, or an activity where we both work with our hands, and we can talk about anything (well, a huge part of the conversation is about Beyblades and Pokemons, but I get to ask questions and he answers).
I don't think you can change your DS. You can give him words for his different feelings and try to describe them for him if you can guess what the issue is (if you saw the troubling thing happen, this should be relatively easy). But you can't make a talker out of a non-talker.
I have a 5yo DS who emphatically refuses to tell us things when he is upset (and when he is happy sometimes too - go figure). I have found that with him the more I TRY to pry it out of him, the less information I will get. The more I am just around and available (and willing to talk about other things or ask questions that are not directly about the issue), the more he tells me about whatever he was refusing to talk about.
Thanks both of you. I just so wish for us as parents now and for a future life partner, should there be one, that he could express his wants, needs and feelings. Also he has medical conditions that make in imperative that he tell us if there is an issue (or he COULD literally die). It's just hard to not be able to help him. :(
I book I really enjoyed about the emotional life of boys was "Raising Cain". They really go into emotional intelligence and how girls in our society are coached in emotional intelligence but boys, for the most part, aren't.
I wonder if you just held him and tried to voice his emotions for him if that would help. "Oh, you are so sad that you didn't win that game." "You seem frustrated you can't get your picture to look just right." "You're disappointed we couldn't go to the park today." Giving names to his emotions will make it easier for him to identify how he's feeling in the future.
SAHM to DS BuggaBoo 12/07, and DD Doozer 03/10. Sharing life with The Hubby since 01/05.
I don't have any advice but I can relate to this and my son is the same age. Especially this I just so wish for us as parents now and for a future life partner, should there be one, that he could express his wants, needs and feelings.
I've tried everything with my son. I guess one thing that did work for awhile was having him write or draw how he was feeling. It isn't working currently.