Intact 2yr old boy, masturbating excessively. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 36 Old 01-27-2013, 11:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,

It's 2:30 am and I've been reading threads trying to find an answer.

Interesting reading and great website, so I decided to join.


My son is 2.2 yrs, uncircumcised & has started "masturbating" in the past 2 weeks.

I read a thread here that didn't like the term "masturbating", but in this case there's no other word for it. He will lay on the floor on his front and vigorously hump the floor. He sweats and turns flushed, moans and lets out a sigh every now and then.

I am not a prude and don't have issues with his masturbation. It startled me because I wasn't expecting it at such a young age. He's verbal, but there's no way we can explain to him that he should go to his room. He just wouldn't understand, as we don't let him play in his room alone yet anyway. He does play in the living room sometimes while we are in the kitchen/bathroom....etc.. He's doing it in front of family, friends, he doesn't care he's a baby really. We try to distract him with toys and activities to overcome the social faux pas.... but whatchagonnado really?


He's not potty trained yet. He hasn't even begun to show any signs of retracting his foreskin. He had one infection (balinitis) 6 months ago (he got bathtub crayons as a present and I didn't realize they could cause an infection). While being seen by the Dr. for the infection, it was pointed out to us that he has a small praeputial sphincter. Two doctor's looked at it and recommended circumcision.


Here's my question:

While I'm rejecting the idea of circumcising.... is it possible that all this masturbating could cause paraphimosis?

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#2 of 36 Old 01-28-2013, 04:55 AM
 
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I'm gonna say normal & no. smile.gif
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#3 of 36 Old 01-28-2013, 05:32 AM
 
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I agree that it's rather normal. I disagree that 2+ years old is too young to understand "this is not something we do in public areas - of our home or elsewhere. I know it feels good, but we do this in private places, like your room."
 

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#4 of 36 Old 01-28-2013, 07:13 AM
 
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I have to disagree with the above two posters, a 2 year old boy "excessively" masturbating is not "normal" IMO. I am sorry I can't answer your question as I have no idea, but I would probably say no . I would be very concerned about this if it were my child were doing this.

 

Did he have adverse reactions to any vaccines, high fever, high pitched crying, excessive sleep for example? Or has he ever had an illness that resulted in severe acute symptoms?


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#5 of 36 Old 01-28-2013, 07:19 AM
 
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All children masturbate. My line was to smile and send them to their rooms. "Everybody does it , nobody likes to watch".... very similar to nose picking or other bad habits.
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#6 of 36 Old 01-28-2013, 08:34 AM
 
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Well, it sounds like he only discovered this recently so he's trying it out. I can redirect 3 year olds but two is a little young and I wouldn't my kid to be confused or feel shame. I'd just distract if its bothering me at that age, maybe whisper " not in front of grandma". My oldest wasn't too crazy with it but my youngest was constantly draped over furniture at that age smile.gif.
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#7 of 36 Old 01-28-2013, 09:08 AM
 
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My friend's son masturbated a lot when he was 18 months-2.5 years.  And she said it was A LOT.  I can't say specifically in your situation but it very well could be on the far end or "normal".

 

As for the playing alone in his room, unless his room isn't child-proofed I see no reason why he can't be in there alone.  IMO children do need some time away from constant parental supervision.

 

To add:  You son's foreskin is supposed to be like that at his age.  Retraction isn't supposed to take place until puberty, and phimosis is INCREDIBLY rare in young children.  Peaceful Parenting has a wonderful article on the matter.  Succinctly, phimosis cannot be diagnosed until post-puberty.  My son is five and still cannot retract.


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#8 of 36 Old 01-28-2013, 09:20 AM
 
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Hey, when you notice the signs of him about to do it, how about silently moving him to his room, so he gets the message?

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#9 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 05:04 AM
 
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I think that any amount of masturbation is fine, I would just expect him to do it by himself. My son occasionally wants "alone time" and I always know what it means. He goes up to his bunk bed and rests up there for awhile. I have no idea what level of touching he does, but I just leave him alone and let him have private time. I think he was three when he started doing this, and we always told him it was healthy and normal and told him it was something to do in private. I think it is healthy. Besides, if it is not "normal" (what the heck is normal anyway) what are you going to do? It is just what he does, so accept it and encourage him to be by himself. It is fine!


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#10 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 09:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirzam View Post

I have to disagree with the above two posters, a 2 year old boy "excessively" masturbating is not "normal" IMO. I am sorry I can't answer your question as I have no idea, but I would probably say no . I would be very concerned about this if it were my child were doing this.

Did he have adverse reactions to any vaccines, high fever, high pitched crying, excessive sleep for example? Or has he ever had an illness that resulted in severe acute symptoms?

I have never heard of masturbating being blamed on vaccine status, don't you think that's a bit of a stretch?

OP if you are uncomfortable with his behavior I see nothing wrong with telling him that his bedroom is the appropriate place for what he is doing.
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#11 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 10:00 AM
 
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I'm definitely scratching my head at the vaccine thing. I agree that it is probably normal, and that he is definitely old enough to understand that it is a private activity. 

 

How come he can't play in his room alone? 


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#12 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 10:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mirzam View Post

I have to disagree with the above two posters, a 2 year old boy "excessively" masturbating is not "normal" IMO. I am sorry I can't answer your question as I have no idea, but I would probably say no . I would be very concerned about this if it were my child were doing this.

 

Did he have adverse reactions to any vaccines, high fever, high pitched crying, excessive sleep for example? Or has he ever had an illness that resulted in severe acute symptoms?

 

Mirzam, you so silly!  How on earth would vaccines cause masturbation?  I'm pretty sure the only thing that causes masturbation is 'oh huh, I brushed up against my genitals and it felt good... I need to see if that happens again!'

 

at any rate, the OP never defined 'excessive' so you can't say for certain if what her son is doing is out of the range of normal.  Masturbating is... maybe there is an amount that isn't.  OP gives no indication other than that one undefined word that her son is masturbating any more than many many other little boys.  Maybe I'd be concerned if she said 'my son is masturbating nearly the entire day, over and over, and refuses to do other things he enjoys (park, eating treats, whatever) so that he can continue to masturbate more.  She didn't.  She simply said that in the last 2 weeks, he's been doing it quite a bit, including in front of others.  Normal for a two year old.

 

OP, your son isn't too young to learn that some things aren't appropriate in certain situations or places.  I recommend making his room safe for him to be in alone so that he can go there if need or want arises.  More than likely, he'll get bored of this and do it less often pretty quickly and if you do tell him to do it in another room alone, he may choose to not do it at all since kids his age generally prefer to be around others.  Eventually, how often he does it will be unknown to you :)

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#13 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 11:11 AM
 
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Please don't post about your child's personal experiences on the internet.  It is an invasion of privacy and it's unsafe and unethical.

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#14 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 12:41 PM
 
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Mamajama, if that is the case then we ought to shut down most of mothering.com!

I'm here to chime in with the "it's normal" crowd. We have also experienced this sort of thing with my little girl starting around 18 months or so. She used to try to do it in public, like at the park, and would get rrally mad and throw a tantrum when we made her stop. That was a really frustrating and difficult phase! But luckily she has come to understand that some things are for private time.

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#15 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 12:53 PM
 
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Mamajama, if that is the case then we ought to shut down most of mothering.com!

I'm here to chime in with the "it's normal" crowd. We have also experienced this sort of thing with my little girl starting around 18 months or so. She used to try to do it in public, like at the park, and would get rrally mad and throw a tantrum when we made her stop. That was a really frustrating and difficult phase! But luckily she has come to understand that some things are for private time.
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#16 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 12:57 PM
 
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Oh please. Should I also not post about our challenges with potty training, because that is for private time? No one is being explicit or obscene, we are just mamas looking for advice and support with these things. Nothing unethical or unsafe about it.

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#17 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 12:59 PM
 
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OK I should calrify and try to phrase this in an inoffensive way,.   There are people who come onto the internet looking for stories about children that involve sexuality.  they invite people to share stories of their own children that involve sexuality in some way or they browse around looking for those stories.  If you share stories about your own children in this way, you are exposing them to predators--even indirectly.     It's a good rule of thumb to not share anything about your child that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling your child you shared, or that you wouldn't allow your child to share him or herself.

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#18 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 01:54 PM
 
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It could be a yeast infection/thrush making him itchy  (an imbalance in his glut flora) Treat it with some plain probiotic filled yoghurt, dabbed literally on the area.  Kids do masturbate alot at that age though. They are discovering their bodied.They eventually develop a sense of privacy. You can let him know that that is something done in private., but dont get to worried about it, he is only 2 after all. At 4 i might do some redirection. I found my 7yo and 4yo figured out by that age that it was private on their own (i may have told  them once or twice)

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#19 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 01:59 PM
 
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OK I should calrify and try to phrase this in an inoffensive way,.   There are people who come onto the internet looking for stories about children that involve sexuality.  they invite people to share stories of their own children that involve sexuality in some way or they browse around looking for those stories.  If you share stories about your own children in this way, you are exposing them to predators--even indirectly.     It's a good rule of thumb to not share anything about your child that you wouldn't feel comfortable telling your child you shared, or that you wouldn't allow your child to share him or herself.

 

 

There are disgusting people out there.  But, (controversial opinion ahead!) if they don't do anything to my child, but instead peruse these stories in the confines of their own home, what damage does it do to my child?


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#20 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:10 PM
 
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There are disgusting people out there.  But, (controversial opinion ahead!) if they don't do anything to my child, but instead peruse these stories in the confines of their own home, what damage does it do to my child?

It is a violation of trust.   You have more power in the adult/child relationship and to publicy expose your child's personal info to predatory people is an abuse of that power. It perpetuates a false sense of security for others who may be naive enough to post info about their own children with identifying details accompanying those posts.   It sets a bad precedent for general internet safety in your household.  And it feed into the fantasies of people who can escalate beyond reading this stuff for pleasure (exploitive enough in itself) to more damaging actions.  It also makes for unhealthy boundaries.

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#21 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:20 PM
 
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Well, perhaps it could be taken into consideration by the site admins to create a part of the board that's only accessible by registered members when it comes to talking about personal things of our kids?

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#22 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:23 PM
 
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Well, perhaps it could be taken into consideration by the site admins to create a part of the board that's only accessible by registered members when it comes to talking about personal things of our kids?

Not good enough.   There is no need to specifically discuss your child's personal sexual experiences on the internet.  If you think there's a real problem, talk to a professional irl or research the issues using books, internet-published journals, etc.  

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#23 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:36 PM
 
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I just choose to respectfully disagree with you mamajama.

 

I have read and understand your viewpoint, but I do not think the discussion that we are having here is in any way harmful to any of our children, and it can be a real relief for a parent to hear from other parents in similar situations that what they are going through is normal. It's also really helpful to hear how others have chosen to deal with the issue. I don't have any friends IRL who have children my daughter's age right now, so I come to mothering for that. I respect your opinion and your right to choose what you discuss online, and I think that I have the right to make my own choice on the subject. I disagree that it is in any way unsafe or unethical for us to do so.


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#24 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:38 PM
 
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I just choose to respectfully disagree with you mamajama. I read and understand your viewpoint, but I do not think the discussion that we are having here is in any way harmful to any of our children, and it can be a real relief for a parent to hear from other parents in similar situations that what they are going through is normal. It's also really helpful to hear how others have chosen to deal with the issue. I don't have any friends IRL who have children my daughter's age right now, so I come to mothering for that. I respect your opinion and your right to choose what you discuss online, and I think that I have the right to make my own choice on the subject. 

IMO, your daughter should have that choice as well.  Since we're all making choices and stuff.  

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#25 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:39 PM
 
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I make a LOT of choices for my daughter. She is 3.

 

Also, I would have no problem discussing this stuff IRL, or telling her that I am discussing it. I think it is a totally innocent subject matter, and if others choose to read it differently then that's just not my responsibility.


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#26 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:46 PM
 
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No, we most certainly are not on the same page. But I don't think that is going to be possible, so I'm going to stop trying.

 

The actions described and discussed in this thread are innocent and normal behaviors of toddlers. If that makes you feel uncomfortable or dirty in any way (implied by your need to take a shower after reading it) then that is on you. I'm not going to take responsibility for your reaction. I'm also not going to engage further in this discussion, as I can see it's going nowhere.

 

OP, I hope that you have received enough good advice and help from the other mamas who have had similar experiences. Sorry your thread was derailed like this.


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#27 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 02:56 PM
 
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mamajama, your posts are beyond offensive. 

 

OP, it sounds normal to me.  Sorry someone came along to try to shame you for posting your question.  I had a kid who did that, and I agree that a young 2 year old might not understand the boundaries you'd want to set.  It's an awkward phase, but it passes :)


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#28 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 03:12 PM
 
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Nevermind. 

 

 

After reading the whole thread, Ive decided that I agree with mamajama. 


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#29 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 03:53 PM
 
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I don't think Mamajama is being offensive at all, I think she's spot-on.  At what age will you stop posting about your child's personal sexual experiences on the internet?  When they are 11?  16?  21?  It's really a horrible invasion of their privacy...especially to describe it in such detail.  How would you like it if someone did that to you? 
 

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#30 of 36 Old 02-02-2013, 04:48 PM
 
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I'm going to step in here and remind everyone of our user agreement. 

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We value the honest and supportive exchange of ideas and opinions, and we ask that members avoid negative characterizations and generalizations about others. Examples and calm explanation are more useful than condemnation of ideas that differ from Mothering's philosophies.

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