If you don't have a birthday party for your dc - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 30 Old 01-30-2013, 07:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you still get cake for your dc?


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#2 of 30 Old 01-30-2013, 12:26 PM
 
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Not sure I understand. How old is the child? is the child home? Why not celebrate? If not celebrating is for religious reasons, and culturally you don't "do" birthdays, I suppose that would extend to cake.

 

Would I? Yes, I'd still do a special meal and cake if I wasn't planning a party or get together. But that's me.


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#3 of 30 Old 01-30-2013, 02:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not sure I understand. How old is the child? is the child home? Why not celebrate? If not celebrating is for religious reasons, and culturally you don't "do" birthdays, I suppose that would extend to cake.

 

Would I? Yes, I'd still do a special meal and cake if I wasn't planning a party or get together. But that's me.

Thanks. That's what I meant. I am sorry, I have to edit my question. I meant if you're not having a party NOT if you're not celebrating. She is turning 6. We always get cake cause she lives for Cake. This year there's no party but there sure'll be cake.


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#4 of 30 Old 01-30-2013, 02:39 PM
 
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If we don't have a party (which we don't plan to do with the younger one this year as she doesn't really have a circle of friends yet) we still get a cake and sing happy birthday and do candles and all that. We have a little family party moment or something like that.
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#5 of 30 Old 01-30-2013, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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To elaborate a little and to whine a little, recently a cousin of dd's was at my inlaws place and so was dd and it was the cousin's birthday. Both were being baby sat for a bit. Dd mentioned to me about the cousin's birthday and said she had no cake. Of course it was grandma's place so I didn't expect that they'd have cake there. Dd loves cake so much she expects that if it's your birthday you gotta have cake. Ok. So, I mention that to grandma that dd was wondering about the cake. To me it was just funny. And grandma turns around and says with emphasis Oh you just get cake for the first birthday, implying that we are wasting money getting cake every year. So, I am wondering if we are weird.


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#6 of 30 Old 01-30-2013, 02:52 PM
 
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Uhm, no, you aren't weird. I can't imagine thinking celebrating my kid's birthday with a cake was "wasting money." We could not possibly have a child's birthday here without cake. If we were traveling, we'd find a cake somewhere. And candles.
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#7 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 12:32 AM
 
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How old was the cousin? Maybe Grandma was just covering up so the birthday child wouldn't feel bad just in case there wasn't cake at home?
I guess technically one of my kids doesn't because she's not a big cake fan but she does get her dessert of choice (usually a giant cookie) decorated with candles....mine all end up with 2 or more most years between friend parties the weekend before and family celebrations on the actual day.
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#8 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 04:54 AM
 
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Or maybe Grandma figured that the child's parents should be the ones to provide cake?
 

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#9 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 05:57 AM
 
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See for me cake is minimal money and effort. I get a cake mix, bake it while I'm making dinner anyway and let it cool. Then I get good whipping cream and fill the cake with that and berries, cover with the cream and done. Maybe $8-10 altogether and fairly low sugar - at least as far as the frosting goes. We do a little party for immediate family and maybe a couple of friends. I put out healthyish appetizers, fruit, veggies, hummus, etc and we just have an unstructured playdate with the cousins. Budget around $50, definitely under $100. It's just as much for us as it is for DD and if we couldn't make the party happen, I'd still make a cake because it is an occasion and a milestone.
I'm not sure of grandma's angle but if I tried to let DD's birthday go by without cake, she'd have one from each grandma lol
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#10 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 06:17 AM
 
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We just have cake and supper that the child picked out. Nothing fancy and it's just us. If extended family happens to be in town then they are invited.

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#11 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 01:11 PM
 
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We do only do parties for milestone bdays, 1st, 5th, 10th, ect...all other birthdays are celebrated by going out to dinner (choice of the birthday child) and cake to follow at home.  When our 12 year old was younger we always allowed him to choose a special day out and pick an activity he wanted to do.  As he got older the parties stopped and we would allow him to choose 3-4 friends and they we'd take them out and follow it up with lunch, but as a family we always do the dinner and cake thing.  I don't think your weird at all, who doesn't enjoy cake or some special treat on their bday??

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#12 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 01:16 PM
 
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The birthday person gets to pick what they'd like for dinner and dessert smile.gif We don't do parties anymore. I decorate the night before so birthday kid gets to wake up and feel special smile.gif
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#13 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 08:08 PM
 
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We do parties some years and not on others (mine are 9 & 4).  But I don't think we've ever had a year where our kids birthdays aren't recognized.  At minimum, we do something fun as a family and we absolutely have dessert (which we never have).  Usually, the birthday child picks that and my kids happen to like cake.  I'm pretty sure we've always done candles and singing, but I can't guarantee it.

 

Also wondering if maybe grandma meant that grandma only gets the first birthday cake and the parents take care of the rest.  Is this your SO's family?  If so, ask your SO how birthdays were handled when they were young for some perspective.


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#14 of 30 Old 02-17-2013, 09:06 PM
 
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We don't do parties often.  All three have birthdays at weird times for friend birthdays and we have no family nearby.  We always do immediate family meal of choice and dessert of choice.  For my ds!'s 10th we just so happened to be with family in nowhere'sville Alaska and his grandma whipped him up an apple pie!  I have no idea how.  I think she got crisco at the gas station.

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#15 of 30 Old 02-18-2013, 01:25 AM
 
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We do birthday parties but they've never had their party land on their actual birthday. I get them a cake for their actual birthday, and probably would if we didn't do parties as well :). 


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#16 of 30 Old 02-18-2013, 04:35 AM
 
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Yeah, I'm thinking about this already because my daughter's birthday is near Thanksgiving (this year, it will be ON Thanksgiving) and her "half-birthday" is near Memorial Day weekend.  So I fully expect, as she gets older, that most of her friends will be out of town, or will have other plans, for both dates / closest weekends. 

 

I have a summer birthday, and when I was growing up, we celebrated it with a day trip to the beach.  Maybe there's some November-ish equivalent? 

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#17 of 30 Old 02-18-2013, 04:54 AM
 
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Maybe the grandmother was covering for having forgotten the birthday.
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#18 of 30 Old 02-18-2013, 03:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How old was the cousin? Maybe Grandma was just covering up so the birthday child wouldn't feel bad just in case there wasn't cake at home?
I guess technically one of my kids doesn't because she's not a big cake fan but she does get her dessert of choice (usually a giant cookie) decorated with candles....mine all end up with 2 or more most years between friend parties the weekend before and family celebrations on the actual day.

The cousin is 4. Grandma never buys cake. That is the parents' thing to do.


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#19 of 30 Old 02-18-2013, 04:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have only done parties on 2 of dd's birthdays. Dd absolutely loves cake because she isin't allowed sugary delights the rest of the year. I don't even give it a second thought and buy a cream cake for her birthdays and we go out to a restaurant i.e. when we havent' had a party. This time dd picked where she wanted to eat. Grandparents have always joined us. Honestly, I don't know either, what grandmother meant or why she said what she said. Dd's birthday fell on a week day. I did not tell grandparents about our dinner plans because I know they have to be up early to go watch dd's cousins. But she called dh and proposed going to a restaurant. Up until now we have invited them. This time she called. I guess it was her way of making up??

 

If she hadn't called and invited herself I had no intention of inviting them. Dh isin't aware of this, but he would have understood that it is a week day and unneccessary to invite them.


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#20 of 30 Old 02-18-2013, 05:05 PM
 
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We haven't had a party since dd was 3 years old. She has cake every single year. I usually make her cake.  She chooses a special meal. We do special activities.

Her living grandparents mostly don't acknowledge her birthday when there isn't a party- no card, e-mail or phone call even usually- so they might not think she should have cake either but I don't care.

 

I didn't usually have birthday parties growing up but there was cake every year with my parents and siblings.
 


Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#21 of 30 Old 02-18-2013, 10:55 PM
 
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no i dont. 

 

dd is  not a big cake fan. we got cake at parties for the others. not for dd. 

 

if dd had her way she'd rather have a giant sushi roll 'cake' rather than cake itself. 

 

however she will go for gourmet cake. she'd gobble up a tiramisu since she was 4. 


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#22 of 30 Old 02-19-2013, 06:24 AM
 
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DS's sixth birthday was yesterday. Her party was on Saturday. We didn't have a cake or anything on her actual birthday. It never occurred to me. She picked out red glitter shoes (like Dorothy) at the mall and was happy.
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#23 of 30 Old 02-19-2013, 07:28 AM
 
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This is all so enlightening!  We celebrate our birthdays every year... yes, even the adults.  We have cake, we have friends, we have pressies!  Why would you want to miss that?

Husband, meanwhile, thinks even older children shouldn't get a "birthday".  So far, we've been content to just sit in opposite corners of the couch and mutter "Savage." at each other over the issue.

 

I had no idea not having birthdays was "a thing" people did.  Wow.

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#24 of 30 Old 02-19-2013, 08:46 AM
 
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This is all so enlightening!  We celebrate our birthdays every year... yes, even the adults.  We have cake, we have friends, we have pressies!  Why would you want to miss that?

Husband, meanwhile, thinks even older children shouldn't get a "birthday".  So far, we've been content to just sit in opposite corners of the couch and mutter "Savage." at each other over the issue.

 

I had no idea not having birthdays was "a thing" people did.  Wow.

We usually don't have birthday parties, just family celebration. We don't usually have cake because none of us like cake (or anything sweet). We don't have parties because we never wanted to turn our birthdays into a grabfest centered around presents.

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#25 of 30 Old 02-19-2013, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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 We don't have parties because we never wanted to turn our birthdays into a grabfest centered around presents.

That's one of the reasons I didn't want a party this year.


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#26 of 30 Old 02-19-2013, 06:21 PM
 
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We always celebrate family bdays. My parents and I are all w/in a week of one another, so we get together on a weekend around there (often Mother's Day, since that's also right then) for a dinner at home. I usually cook, Mom bakes a cake. With the kids, we also do a family dinner with my parents & brother on a convenient evening around the day, but never on the day. That is mine to spend with the kids. They each get to choose the meal (home or choice of restaurant), and they do get a gift from me. I go to great lengths to choose something meaningful for them.

 

When they were younger, they always had friend parties. As they got older, that morphed into getting together with a few friends, and either anging out here at home or going somewhere. For their 16th bdays... My daughter organized a surprise party for him here at home. I did throw her a Sweet 16 party (two months after LOL - I wanted the weather to be nice, as it was a beach theme). For their 18th? My son asked to go out to dinner on the day and to bring his g/f and best friend (which was convenient, as my daughter was dating him). The four of them sat on their own, and I sat with best friend's Mom - also my best friend. My daughter? She, her b/f and I went deep sea fishing. THAT was fun! (I get seasick...)

 

As a parent, my kids' birthdays are special to me.

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In defense of parties, the gifts we receive are meant to be small and heartfelt, or the whole idea of gifts is scrapped and in lieu of, some wonderful activity is undertaken.

 

I really, really...  no birthday parties?  bigeyes.gif

 

(I kid.  To each their own.)


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#28 of 30 Old 02-19-2013, 11:22 PM
 
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oh dont get me wrong. we partaaay . dd loves a partaaay - just doesnt have to always be a bday party. 

 

till dd kinda lost interest in the party as she grew older. whom to invite whom not to.

 

we had initial bdays for the family. after that it was for dd until she hit 7 and then ... oh dear. 

 

we've done alternate year parties.

 

but dd's parties have always been friends family and children party. so since many couldnt attend dd had a bunch of lunches and dinners to go to by those who missed the party. 

 

we definitely made sure she had her double digits and the day matching the age party.  her golden bday. 

 

however i did bdays shamelessly for the presents. that is the only time dd got any presents. her gparents passed away early and there was no one really else showering her with presents. so bday is the time she got any. except from me. we did things/presents thru out the year whenever i had extra $$$s so never got her presents ever on her bday. but then she lost interest in the presents coz she didnt like them. till we hit upon wrap something from your house that you dont play with. 

 

going back to cake. the only time dd really wanted cake was when a friend made a delicious pound cake with raspberry preserve filling. last bday dd and her friends got together and made a candy casserole. it was to date dd's most memorable bday coz she had carte blanche to candy and she threw up a million times during and after the party. that made her realise how she cant really handle candy (sadly her friends whom she had over are v. mainstream - so dd was eating candy to fit in). 

 

however i DO do something for her bday. last year dd chose to go to a tea house instead of dinner and she loved the whole experience of an english tea with sandwiches and crumpets 


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#29 of 30 Old 02-20-2013, 06:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess grandma was just being a party pooper. Up until a few years ago, maybe 5, we gave her a present for her bday, a tradition dh had from before we got married. They'd give me a gift on my bday. It kind of ended on it's own and we both stopped. So, it's not like she wasn't enjoying a gift for all these years on her own birthday. And really, dd didnt' even remeber presents. All she wanted was a cake with stars on it.


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#30 of 30 Old 02-20-2013, 10:40 AM
 
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The last party for my bithday, that I remember, was my twelfth. I'm the youngest, but I remember taking a cake to one of my sisters when we went to visit her near her birthday. Not me, though. My mother brought home a cake when we were getting together at her house for Memorial Day. It was a day old cake, on sale, and said Happy Birthday. My sister (different one) was upset that we were 'celebrating' my birthday, even though my mother brought it out saying she felt like having cake. I was home from college.

I passed that lack of birthday celebrating on to my son, I guess. We haven't had a birthday celebration for several years. We acknowledge the day, and might do something the birthday person wants to do, but it's all pretty low key. He gets migraines from sugar, and my alternative cakes always seemed pretty poor substitutes to me, that a cake is more work than it's worth, for us.
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