|View Poll Results: As a family with young kids, do you host your extended-family get-togethers?|
|I always host.||1||12.50%|
|I host more often than not.||0||0%|
|My parents (or my partner's parents) host more often than I do.||4||50.00%|
|Another relative (sibling, cousin, aunt, grandparent, etc.) hosts, most of the time.||2||25.00%|
|Hosting is shared more-or-less equally, among our family's households.||0||0%|
|We rarely celebrate holidays with relatives, beyond those we live with.||1||12.50%|
|Voters: 8. You may not vote on this poll|
Summary of recent call from my mother (who lives within walking distance, is retired, in reasonably good health and loves her grandkids):
"So, I've talked with all your siblings in the last day or so. The whole family - all 16 of us - will be at your house tomorrow for dinner, at a totally different time than you expected. Wow! I have so much to do before then! Sorry, but your 5-year-old can't possibly come over for a while today, so you can do housework without making him feel ignored. I'm just too busy! Bye!"
When I'm a grandmother, will that make sense to me? Just wondering...
My mother is not 'grandmotherly' at all and is never a help when around...I feel for your situation. My mother also lives four states away so I do not need to deal with it too often. I hope you can enjoy your Easter.
My sister hosts most holidays...and I used to get upset about it because I like hosting. My children used to get upset too; they like having people here. But the past year I have gotten over it and we've had our own little celebrations. e.g. the past two years we had an egg hunt for the neighborhood kids on Easter weekend, made our own little Thanksgiving to have later after arriving back from her house, etc.
My sister's children's' Bdays fall near Thanksgiving, Easter, and Memorial Day...so she 'calls' all the holidays because she likes to combine the birthday party with the holiday dinner. She became angry when I told her I wanted to host some of those holidays some years...told me I was selfish.
We alternate Christmas...unless/until she has a fourth child that is born near Christmas
Hahahaha. . . only I'm so sorry this isn't actually a joke for you, OP. Sometimes it is just so wacky what other people are thinking, when it comes to planning family gatherings. May this become the beginnings of some absurd family joke among you and yours (assuming your siblings are the poke-fun-at-mom types and reasonable people, as mine have tended to be).
We've actually tended to host things most frequently, because it's only 2 others nearby in dh's family, and my family has an easier time traveling for holidays and likes to visit us (with dh's job, we'll unlikely ever be able to travel for holidays - oh well).
I don't mind, except MIL has a weirder schedule than dh that we sometimes have to accommodate (plus often runs late, and its also sortof just her personal schedule - unrelated to when she works and all) and I hate eating too late when we all end up getting cranky. We do have the most people (4) all in one place and don't mind hosting at all, yeah. . . but I've had people go "so we'll be over at X time, what are we eating??" to me at least once before (while terribly sleep deprived with a high needs 1 y/o kiddo). I think I spend the morning crying and went to dh to 'handle' the situation when he got up at noon. I personally take revenge by preparing food I know the offending others not-so-secretly hate. . . . and then I chuckle to myself and enjoy my delicious food.
And, to be perfectly clear - yes I think it's weird of your mom to invite everyone to your house without okay'ing it with you first. I never do that to other people, I can't imagine finding it something that seems reasonable to do to anyone else either.
Major holidays are done over two days: one at my mom's and one at my MIL's. Both DH and I come from small families so including kiddos these gatherings are 9 and 10 people respectively. We host a party for DD's birthdays and hope to host more informal get togethers since we decluttered the house but to throw a party without consulting you at your house.... Wow.
I'm realizing how good we have it!
Did you already know you were hosting tomorrow or is that part of the surprise? Are they coming earlier or later?
Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds 10yo dd 8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds
I tend to host things and my mother also doesn't always understand life with children. Sometimes I wonder where I came from. I sure hope I don't forget when I am a grandmother!
I'd be tempted to order pizzas if a place is open and serve it with a snarky comment about lack of time...
out of the blue - SIXTEEN people?!!!!
AND she wont take your son? noooooooo. that is not good.
hope you are doing take out or pizza coz woah. i cant imagine putting on a dinner for 20 people at a moment's notice like that. an easter dinner too - not a one pot meal.
Hahahaha. . . only I'm so sorry this isn't actually a joke for you, OP... I think it's weird of your mom to invite everyone to your house without okay'ing it with you first. I never do that to other people, I can't imagine finding it something that seems reasonable to do to anyone else either.
So I don't overcomplain, let me clarify: I did expect everyone (just at a different time), because we have celebrated every holiday at my house, since I got out of college. (I'm the oldest sibling.) For my Mom, the preparations for having everyone over are super-stressful; less so, for me. Once the work is done, I really enjoy having everyone here and with little kids, it's easier to celebrate holidays where they have all their equipment, instead of having to anticipate what you might need/want and transport it.
I guess I expect my Mom's relief about no longer having to host everyone will translate into the thought, "Even when all my kids were older and our family was smaller (no grandkids and fewer significant others), it overwhelmed me to get ready for holidays. VocalMinority has more people to host and kids to parent, while she's getting ready. At least I could watch her little one, to help her out." Instead, she legitimately feels like it's still a big production, for her to prepare for a holiday (even though I feel like she merely has to show up). And I suppose her comfort with changing the schedule indicates that she feels like she's really the one planning things.
So, I legitimately wonder: Will I look at things the same way some day, when my kids are grown and a son and daughter-in-law host holidays?
I do realize I don't have an inherent right for my Mom to watch my kid. And everything got done, regardless. And I found out there's an even later Mass than I thought, so our morning is off to an easier start than expected!