I'm wondering... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-04-2013, 03:38 AM - Thread Starter
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If you are relaxed about nudity, bathing with your babies of the opposite gender, even getting sexual with your husband when the baby is around; at what age, or under what circumstances, in your mind, does it become a real problem when others do so with their children? As in "call the authorities if you know that so-and-so does it?"

I was reading a thread on babycenter, and though I am fully aware of societal norms and what people give as reasons for these norms, I was really SHOCKED at the attitudes of some of the posters. Made me resolve to make sure that neither I, my husband, or our little son ever talks to anyone about what we do or how in our home. It's "bad" enough that I freely and openly breastfed my son in public for years and last Nov. when my son was 28 months old I was asked to not nurse my son in the sanctuary because the breast is a sexual object and it's making someone uncomfortable. I was very shocked and have been back to that church, which I attended for some years, only twice since, attending elsewhere now with my son. Why does everything, in public opinion, have to be sexual in nature in an inappropriate way when parents are just trying to get through the day and take care of their offspring? Any thoughts?

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#2 of 5 Old 04-10-2013, 02:24 PM
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Didn't you know breasts were made for selling bathing suits? Certainly not for breast feeding, how perverted. In modern society we are all now "above" that.eyesroll.gif


I just keep my thoughts to myself. It's not worth it, because I am not going to convert anyone who is radically different than me, and they likewise are not going to convert me. The nakedness just naturally evolved in our house when our 8 yo, and then his 6 yo sister, started wanting to dress alone and take baths and showers alone. So we don't run around the house naked anymore, though if someone sees something, so be it. They are sort of modest on random. My kids sleep together, down the hall, so sex in our own room is no problem. One time DD caught us, twice in the same day. We were trying to finish up second time what we couldn't the first time, but that time when she came in, we asked her to leave and she said "no, I'll just wait here until you are finished." Annoying then, very funny now. 

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#3 of 5 Old 04-10-2013, 07:30 PM
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My oldest is 10, we have both genders of children, it still hasn't been an issue yet. Not entirely sure why honestly because we do everything "wrong"! As a family of 6, 3 females, 3 males, all in a 3 bedroom house with children in every bed, space is at a premium every where. Baths end up shared, beds. All the kids get dressed in a line in the living room in the morning because it is the most efficient for me. My older kids have not developed a sense of modesty yet so perhaps that is why it has not been an issue. With limited bedroom and bathroom space, parental nudity happens. DH and I do not have our own bathroom nor bedroom, everyone shares, it is just the way it has to be. It isn't forced upon kids, I have always had this idea when a kid complained, more clothing would be put on, but no one has yet to complain. So it's continued. They don't care, yet still. . Our kids have almost caught us quite a few times, remember we have no bedroom since we actually sleep with kids separately... We just have to be creative about planning and locations.

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#4 of 5 Old 04-10-2013, 08:33 PM
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My son turned 9 in January, and just about since then has become more concerned with being modest/having privacy, as well as not wanting to see DH or I naked...and since little sister (will be 7 in June) does everything he does, now she is more concerned, too.  lol.   So we mostly keep doors closed while going to the bathroom (previously open or closed didn't matter much), and we have robes available too.  This coincides with DS really "getting" sex, and asking more questions, and talking about his own feelings, so it makes sense to me that it's evolving this way.


We have always had incidental nudity like going from shower to bedroom or bedroom to shower, or otherwise changing and never went to great pains to always be covered - but other than those times we always have some kind of clothes on, we don't hang out undressed (and didn't have the kids do it when they were little, either).


We coslept part time and full time with them in varying stages, up until the oldest was about 7 and the youngest 5, so they were no strangers to our bed - they slept with us pretty much until they were each 2-ish, then would start thenight in their own room but could join us whenever, and that lasted until 7/5....we would just move them, or go to one of their rooms if they were in our room and we were in the mood.  I don't think we did it in front of them sleeping much past 6 months or so, it just felt weird to us.  

So as far as sex goes, when DS busted in on us at like 1am when he was around 7, looked confused, turned around and walked out, turned around, came back in, and mumbled, "THAT was WEIRD." then turned around AGAIN and went back to his room and fell asleep immediately, we decided it was time to get a lock on our door.  lol.gif.


PS:  I never got into the bathing with your baby thing, for some reason...neither kid, and I have a boy and a girl.  I dunno why - I just always showered in the morning, and bathtime at night was playtime and then me scrubbing them, it never occurred to me to hop in because then I'd have to get myself dried off, etc and it just added another layer to manage at that point when I was just trying to get them both the heck to sleep.  LOL.  I am not mcuh a bath person anyway, so it wouldn't be particularly relaxing to me to have a small human roaming around a tub of water with me, potentially slippery from soap, and needing to be kept safe while we were both nekkid.  


As far as when I'd personally think it was a "problem"?
Changing in front of kids:  Never a problem, really - that's pretty utilitarian.  I can see becoming more discreet about it as they get above 6, 7, 8...but not being rigidly modest.  

Open door pee/poop policy:  Never a problem, everybody poops after all.  lol.  Some of my best conversations with girlfriends occurred while one of us was on the toilet.  orngtongue.gif

Bathing with kids:  Would start to bother me as the kiddo got past the 5/6-ish mark.

Kids bathing together:  Depends on the kids and their genders; mine are mixed gender and started getting a little weird pawing at each other when the oldest was 7, so we switched to separate baths at that point (we didn't shame them about it or even point out that part, really). Same sex siblings I'd be more comfy longer.

Sleeping with kids:  Never creepy, it's sleep.  We still do it on occasion but they mostly sleep all night now so nobody is wandering in anymore...we figured it would phase out that way anyway.  Hell, I still nap in my mom's bed with her when I visit my parents, and I'll be 40 in September!

Having sex in front of kids:  This is the one I'm most conservative about, and get creeped out thinking about with kids much above 3 or so.  But I fully own that's my deal. And I wouldn't necessarily "report" anyone for it, but I would be weirded out in a big way thinking about a 5/6/7/8+ year old being in the same room/bed and hearing that, and either wondering WTF was happening or knowing and being grossed out....I would never be able to really enjoy myself...and yes, I know traditionally before people had separate bedrooms it happened all the time. But that's not the world I grew up in, so...not in my realm of experience at all. 

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#5 of 5 Old 04-11-2013, 09:38 AM - Thread Starter
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Hey thanks ladies! You all sound far more reasonable than those posters in Babycenter. Like I said, neither my husband or I go blathering about what we do in our own home and hopefully our son will quickly learn not to either. If he (or us) ever want more privacy, etc. or if we see that how we're doing things is causing problems for our son  then we'll definitely change. Until then, I just really hope that the judgemental public never finds out!

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