6-year-old bully - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-05-2013, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
brooks6's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My daughter came home this afternoon pretty upset about another little girl who had made fun of her clothes at lunchtime....  This isn't the first time this girl has been mean to my daughter -- has even called her "ugly" in front of other kids -- and it's very upsetting...To my daughter's credit, she told her teacher about the incident  (a couple if times now, actually) but even with the teacher reprimanding this girl, she's still acting like a "bully"...

I'm thinking I need to say something to the mother.  I'm passing acquaintances with her, but wouldn't feel comfortable calling her up and making a big scene, as we'll probably be at this school for the next few years --   What would you do?  Send a short but pointed email?    I've sort of let this go up till now, but this girl seems to be targeting my daughter and I 'd like to "nip it in the bud" before it gets much worse... I can't believe I'm dealing with this kind of thing in first grade... !   :(   

brooks6 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-05-2013, 05:04 PM
 
Escaping's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 659
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

First I'd make sure you daughter didn't say or do anything to the other girl to provoke her and make sure the other girl really is "bullying" her, and if your daughter is completely innocent and being harassed for no reason, I'd send an email. 

Kids have their own politics and there might be a reason your daughter is getting picked on, like she's friends with another kid which causes a problem for some reason or maybe the other girl is just trying to be cool in front of other kids and didn't realize what she was saying was as hurtful as it was. 

I'd ask the other mom to talk to her daughter about why she is making those comments or behaving that way and what you and your daughter could do to help solve the problem. 

I know the other girl has no right to say those things to your daughter in the first place, but you'll probably save a lot of time and it will just generally be a more productive exchange if the other mom doesn't have to waste time defending her daughter's actions. 

Escaping is offline  
Old 04-05-2013, 08:40 PM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,668
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
I would send an email to the teacher and principal stating your concern about your concern since it happens at school. I also suggest asking her what she said and did right after and considering teaching her a different response if it is necessary. My DD had a very amusing response that really just made things worse and helping her change that cut the bullying down a lot. I was resistant to her having to change at all but when it was one child after another picking on her I decided it was worth a try. The book The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander helped me help her understand what motivates bullies and how to react effectively.
One_Girl is offline  
Old 04-05-2013, 09:36 PM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My daughter did the bullying thing twice.  Once was the little sister of her friend.  (it was more the sister that was bullying, but that's not the point)  Their mom came over to the house to talk to us about it.  My daughter NEVER said another mean thing to Bailey again.  After that day, my daughter was her biggest defender.

 

Then in sixth grade, she told her best friend what her other friend said about her clothes.  That hit the fan immediately.  Those girls took care of that little problem that day.  It was that "this is the worst day of my life" type of ordeal for her.  But, as hard as it was on her, I'd ALWAYS told her to keep her mouth closed.  If it's going to hurt someone's feelings, just zip your lips and either walk away, or defend the underdog.  She didn't do either, and it really backfired on her.  So, she learned her final lesson about bullying.  

 

Anyway, my point is, if  your daughter is not ready to defend herself AND have a lot of backup (because without backup, she can't do it) then maybe it's time to gently, and lovingly confront this little girl with her parents there.   Be as kind as you possibly can so the parents know you aren't just "Picking on" their little precious.  

Most parents can't even imagine their child would ever be mean.  Especially at this age... even if they witness it with their own eyes, they will not believe she did anything wrong.  But, if  you are honestly being fair, they will be ready to work on it....but, also, the little girl will hear you, and take it  more seriously.  

nextcommercial is offline  
Old 04-06-2013, 12:33 PM
 
babygrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 221
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escaping View Post

First I'd make sure you daughter didn't say or do anything to the other girl to provoke her and make sure the other girl really is "bullying" her, and if your daughter is completely innocent and being harassed for no reason, I'd send an email. 

Kids have their own politics and there might be a reason your daughter is getting picked on, like she's friends with another kid which causes a problem for some reason or maybe the other girl is just trying to be cool in front of other kids and didn't realize what she was saying was as hurtful as it was

 


 

 

she is making fun of the other girl's clothes and calling her ugly. bullies intend to be hurtful and know the power of their words. so, it's doubtful she doing this unintentionally.

 

hope it gets sorted out quickly, OP!

babygrace is offline  
Old 04-06-2013, 01:28 PM
 
Escaping's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 659
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by babygrace View Post

she is making fun of the other girl's clothes and calling her ugly. bullies intend to be hurtful and know the power of their words. so, it's doubtful she doing this unintentionally.

 

 

Bullies tend to be hurtful, yes, but first it's important to establish that the other kid is, in fact, a bully. Without knowing the context of the comment, it's difficult to conclude that the other girl is just making these comments unprovoked to make another child miserable. Kids call each other "ugly" all the time, to some of them it's the only adjective they know and that's not even what they mean... half of the time it's just a response to being offended themselves ie. "your picture is ugly"-"your face is ugly!" when what they really meant was "the fact that you were unimpressed with my drawing was offensive to me"... but what kid says that?

 

I don't want to blame the victim, however if two kids are both equally guilty, it doesn't automatically make the one who isn't crying, the bully.

Escaping is offline  
Old 04-06-2013, 01:48 PM
 
babygrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 221
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i have never heard kids calling each other 'ugly' "all the time". do they behave in mean ways from time to time in particular situations? sure, they do. but, it's not a commonplace occurrence and definitely not something we take lightly.

 

in this case, OP has given it some time and seen consistency in bullying behavior wrt to this kid. bullies want to make another child miserable without reason because they find certain kids to be easy targets. singling out, snide remarks, continued taunts despite teacher's reprimands- sounds like a bully.

 

anyway, i have said what i needed to on this topic. hope OP can get to the heart of the matter and get this under control.
 

babygrace is offline  
Old 04-06-2013, 06:36 PM
 
meemee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Norther California
Posts: 12,623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)

i am with escaping on this. 

 

OP has not done enough leg work. she does not really know what's going on. she only knows what her dd told her. that imho is not enough. 

 

i have been on both sides of this issue. and first hearing the other side really tells the complete story. its been easy for me coz i've known the kids since grade 1 and i was intimately involved with all the kids to know who was capable of what. and so if one used the term ugly - did not mean they were bullies. it just mean they needed to use kinder words. 

 

i also think we have gone overboard with the bully thing. i really dont buy there are so many kids who are bullies. i would say half the bullies are children who are still learning social graces and have no idea what hurtful behaviour is. unknowingly children can be very hurtful. 

 

children say things without realising the impact of their words. ugly is not a bully term. 


 treehugger.gif Co-parent, joy.gifcold.gifbrand new homeschooling middle schoolerjoy.gif, and an attackcat.gif 
meemee is offline  
Old 04-07-2013, 11:43 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,752
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

ITA with meemee. 6 yos don't have the developmental capacity to be bullies. But they do like to experiment with the power of words. I think it's really problematic that our society has become so quick to label young children who are learning social skills "Bullies." 

 

Girls who have hurt feelings tend to say mean things as a reaction. Boys who have hurt feelings tend to react physically. It's hard for parents to figure out what went wrong with their children's social interactions when they didn't observe what happened. Half the time the parents don't know what happened even when they were right there.

 

Ideally, children who are interacting poorly with each other would get a lot of guidance so that they don't get into ruts with how they behave with each other. But unfortunately school isn't the best environment for that since the adult:child ratio is so low.


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
 

Tags
Children , Bully Tools
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off