I'm a lucky mama to 2 sweet boys, 1 and 4. It's been a real transition for us going from a family or 3 to a family of 4, and I'm still finding that I'm carrying a lot of guilt/anxiety about parenting 2 kids 'properly'. I often feel that there is not enough of me to go around, and that both my kids are suffering because I can't give them what they need/want. My older son has had a lot of transitional issues, and lately doesn't seem to want me around. He prefers daddy to play with him, put him to bed, and console him when he's sad. When he's angry he won't let me comfort him, telling me to get away, that he doesn't want to see me etc. I've really tried to give him the attention he needs, and often feel like I'm sort of passively neglecting the baby because I've been so intent on making sure my older son didn't feel displaced by him. I now feel like the baby hasn't gotten enough of me because of it and on and on it goes. I'd love to have another baby one day, but don't know how I could possibly give a third child what it needs when I have such issues doing it for 2. Do these guilty feelings ever go away? How do you moms with multiple children do it?
I was in your shoes, not wanting to neglect dd2 but wanting dd1 to feel like to wasn't being shortchanged, and dd1 made it so hard and the road so long. Some kids make things more difficult-- my older daughter is such a child. Even at 8, she has never gotten past her feeling of betrayal when I presented dd2. And both are forever needing things to be "even" and "fair" and all this seems like an extension of all the difficulties we've had before.
I'm not predicting the same outcome for you, but I know that some kids make it easy to know when you are doing things right, and some kids make it harder. And I know firsthand that there exist children who make things difficult to do anything right--mine!
I'm not sure if my post is reassuring or not! I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in feeling the way you do.
Give me a few minutes while I caffeinate.
"When he's angry he won't let me comfort him, telling me to get away, that he doesn't want to see me etc. "
When he tells you to go away, maybe he needs some space? Give him the space, let him know where you'll be and be there for him when he decides he needs you. And don't feel guilty when he doesn't want you to comfort him, his feelings aren't necessarily your responsibility. While it's important to treat your children well, you can't control how they feel.
Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds 10yo dd 8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds
Partner to R ('03); Parent to T ('07), A ('10), and E ('13)
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