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#1 of 10 Old 05-29-2013, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Would you ever consider asking your 6 year old to stop playing with a friend if you felt that this friendship was having a negative impact on your child's behavior/personality? If your child was limiting their friendship to this one kid almost exclusively? to further complicate matters, you don't particularly like the other mom's pushy and nosy ways. all in all, it's really not a good fit, how would you handle it if the kids also happen to be in the same class?

 

i look forward to and appreciate your inputs!

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#2 of 10 Old 05-29-2013, 07:01 PM
 
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Ask or talk to my 6 year old about it?  No.  It would just be confusing and may even tell the other child/mother what you said -- which will start some drama!  

 

However, you could indirectly limit contact.  You can't control their interactions in the classroom/school but else where you can.

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#3 of 10 Old 05-29-2013, 08:30 PM
 
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I did cut off contact with my friend and her son for my dd's sake when the kids were six.  My friend and I had a co-dependent relationship and her depression was pulling her into decisions that affected her son in increasingly negative ways causing him to become a very neurotic child.  We had conversations about this, mostly when she brought it up, she saw what was happening but didn't want to change it.  The relationship got very negative and my dd and I were both feeling on edge after each visit. 

 

It all came to a breaking point when we went on vacation together and things were so bad I decided we needed a little space.  I used work and illness as an excuse but it felt so nice to not be near them I limited our time together.  When that didn't help how we felt afterwards I stopped extending or accepting invitations at all.  I hear she is doing much better now and I am happy for her, but it has been four years and I am still happy that we don't see each other and hope we never do again still.  It was just such a draining relationship emotionally and I am terrified of being pulled back in to a very bad situation.

 

I talked to my dd about how we felt after each visit and about how being with friends should make us feel.  She was very aware of how much happier she was not to visit this friend so it wasn't hard at all for her to understand and accept without complaint. 

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#4 of 10 Old 05-29-2013, 09:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for emaye and one_girl!

 

I don't know quite how to put it, but I've had misgivings about the dynamics of this friendship almost from the start and had been gently trying to get my child to make some other friends. i also did not enjoy having to spend more time with the other mom as a result of this 'exclusive friendship'.

 

Interestingly, we too, had matters come to breaking point recently which is when I decided I've had enough. I limited/stopped most outside time together. my child has mostly moved on but the other mom insists hers has been acting out over them not playing together at recess anymore and she is asking to get things sorted out at a playdate. I have been non-committal. However, class is where everything gets a bit complicated. It seems the teacher (the mom is on the school board) was quite insistent that the two work together on a puzzle today and was cross when my child politely refused. Really now! Meanwhile another common friend called me last week mentioning how upset this mom is about her kid's reaction to this change. I do understand but i feel this has gone on long enough and things were not getting better. I was hoping she would work with hers and i with mine about moving on. At least as much as is possible with 6 year olds!

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#5 of 10 Old 05-30-2013, 10:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Bump.

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#6 of 10 Old 05-30-2013, 02:34 PM
 
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We have created some distance in two friendships this year.  I didn't like how the kids were interacting and I didn't like where things were going with the parents. 

 

Sometimes you make "friends" with someone before you really know who you're dealing with and you have to back off.  I have been "too busy" for anything outside of school and I've tried to make plans with other kids so my daughter can form stronger bonds with other children in her class. 

 

These aren't healthy relationships and I want to model for my daughter that it is OK to set up boundaries in unhealthy relationships, even drop them if necessary.  I know too many adults in HORRIBLE friendships/relationships because of this culture of a "be a good friend" - it takes TWO people to be good friends.  If one of you is a life-sucking parasite, bully, or user, the other isn't obligated to just deal with it.
 

I do try very hard not to be unkind because everyone has a story and I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings, but if a friendship isn't healthy then I just take a deep breath and start making excuses and other plans.

 

It's not easy...but it's not that hard.

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#7 of 10 Old 05-31-2013, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am trying to be kind about this but don't appreciate being pushed to do something because the other person thinks that's what i ought to do. It's all turning into a bit of a drama!
 

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#8 of 10 Old 05-31-2013, 07:32 PM
 
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Does it seem like the other mom talked to the teacher about having your 2 kids work together?  I think that's really stepping over a boundary.  I'm not sure what the solution is because if the other mom is on a school board, not sure what impact that can have on your child, but perhaps just have a little talk to the teacher that you feel that your child should be able to pick who he does work with based on his own interest...not external pressures.

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#9 of 10 Old 05-31-2013, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lmk1 View Post

Does it seem like the other mom talked to the teacher about having your 2 kids work together?  I think that's really stepping over a boundary.  I'm not sure what the solution is because if the other mom is on a school board, not sure what impact that can have on your child, but perhaps just have a little talk to the teacher that you feel that your child should be able to pick who he does work with based on his own interest...not external pressures.

Yes, that is what the mom did.

 

I did talk to the teacher after I came to know and to my surprise she was pretty miffed that my child refused to do this. She was also quick to imply that my child is causing this to be a problem by not cooperating! I feel there is a unnecessary escalation of matters.

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#10 of 10 Old 06-01-2013, 01:26 PM
 
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Idk if it's to then point of having your DC moved to another class, or at least submitting a request for them to not be in then same class next school year.
It sounds really sticky becuz they're in the same class. I mean you basically have no control over what goes on in school. And it sounds like your Childs wishes are not being respected or taken seriously by the teacher. Kids should have a right to pick and choose their friends, or who they want to do a puzzle with kwim.
There's nothing wrong with having acquaintances. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I had someone (very negative, draining, and super needy) freak out on me for just being acquaintances. I truly do not believe that you have to be best friends with everyone you meet. Acquaintances are part of life too.
So if they choose to play together at recess once in awhile, then fine. But, it doesn't mean they are bound for life.
So sorry you and you DC are having to go through this, I know how messy it can get. Just try to take one day at a time.

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