how to get your child to listen the first time you say something - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 09-10-2013, 01:01 PM - Thread Starter
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I have a 7 year old daughter that refuses to do what i tell her to do and will sit their and blame everything on her younger brother she has spells where i can tell her to do something and she will do it or some days its quite the opposite and she will not do anything at all she doesn't pay attention in school when it comes to taking test the teacher has to separate her from her fellow classmates or she will bring home really low F's and i know she can pass her test cause i give her test at home what she has to do at school and she makes 100's how do i handle this with her cause time outs spankings talking to her nothing works

Now i have a 6 year old son that does not mind at all i tell him to do something and he looks at me like im crazy for even asking he gets in trouble at school almost everyday and he doesn't pay attention either he is all boy and like to play and work but here lately i cant seem to get him out from in front of the TV all he wants to do is watch it he don't want to do school work he don't want to play outside anymore he doesn't want to do any of his chores which is to keep his room clean and take the trash out that's all i ask of him i also tried on him what i did my oldest daughter and it also doesn't work they mind their daddy just fine its just me that they don't mind how can i correct this with him and her which could possibly help me correct it with my younger 2 daughters TIA for helping me
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#2 of 5 Old 09-13-2013, 03:37 PM
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Welcome to Mothering! It looks like your post might have been missed, so I wanted to bump it up for attention. :bump: Anyone have suggestions to share?

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#3 of 5 Old 09-13-2013, 04:03 PM
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When screen addictions get out of hand we all take a week off from it, at least until the kids are asleep. Keep them busy in fun productive ways and stay involved and leading it.


I'll bet it's not an attitude problem your oldest is having with tests. Maybe it's trouble focusing, or anxiety, or something like that. Without punishing, and giving her a lot of time to talk, see if you can get an answer from her why it's harder to take the test in class than at home. Don't talk TO her, ask her. If she lets you know the problem you can help fix it, learn the skills she needs or talk to the teacher about fixing a distraction. You can ask specifically (is it this, is it that?) if given a long time she can't explain it but open ended is better.


To your main question in the subject line, I have a lot more success with 1st time instructions if I get their attention first, say it briefly and clearly, and make sure going back to what they want to do depends on finishing the task. It also helps a lot if I supervise the whole thing.

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#4 of 5 Old 09-14-2013, 01:20 PM
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Agree with above statement about being brief and clear - I can see the difference between myself and my neighbor - My instructions are usually 5-8 words or less and include please and get results she spouts off a full paragraph including why it's important to do something and even I tune her out midway.  If it's a multi-step process, and my daughter completes the first part of the task, then I ask - "what's next?"


For cleaning up - I started this with my daughter very young, probably about 2 - either you clean it up or I do.  If I clean it up, it will go in the trash.  Not as a punishment, but apologetically, that I will clean up the mess once, but I don't want to do it all the time, so I'll make it easier for everyone and just throw it out.  Again, not as punishment, but regretfully - that you're sorry it got to this point, but tomorrow it will be much easier to clean up.  My daughter still makes a lot of messes - but, she's very aware of:  "Either you clean it up or I will" And if she starts lagging, I usually bring out the broom and start sweeping things in a pile - amazing how fast that girl can move when XX toy is being swept into the dustpan.  Oh the drama of finding a certain toy in the trash -


"Oh, but I thought you didn't want it, it was left on the floor for 2 days and I tripped on it"


You can also define the environment - TV after homework.  Unplug the TV if you have to.  Hide the remote.  Flip a breaker switch.  When confronted with this dastardly deed, a basic:  


"I'm sorry, but TV's off until XXX is done"

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#5 of 5 Old 10-02-2013, 04:03 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you ladies I will try the above
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