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Old 10-07-2013, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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How to raise your child/ren to be confident, assertive and able to stand up for themselves? I see a lot of kids struggling with these very things and wonder if there are any specific things we can do to help prevent these issues in our child? There is a lot of love, stability, etc the usual things they say a child needs, but especially with a more sensitive/serious/reserved child, should there be more effort put into helping them be more confident, assertive and able to stand up for themselves? Especially as they approach the older childhood years and going into the preteen/teen years. I see children who have confidence but are unable to stand up for themselves and be assertive, this concerns me as they get older.

 

What do you think about this? Anything you think helps children in these ways? 


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Old 10-09-2013, 01:27 PM
 
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I am interested to see what others have to say about this as well.  I have a sensitive 5 yr. old boy, who doesn't have trouble making friends, but he doesn't know how to act when someone isn't nice too him.  He gets really upset and usually ends up crying.  I kinda feel like he might be an easy target for bullying and it worries me and my DH.  We are wondering what to do as well.  We try to talk to him about feelings and labeling those feelings, but I don't know how to make him more assertive with his classmates, or how to teach him not to care when someone says hurtful things to him...I of course don't want him to lose his sensitive side, but I do worry about the bullying aspect and peer pressure.


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Old 10-10-2013, 01:28 PM
 
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My child has no trouble with this--in fact, his dad and I are constantly struggling against his willingness to stand up for himself rather than do what we want him to do!

 

But I was a shy and compliant child with a big fear of disappointing others, so people with clear and confident expectations could easily walk all over me.  I think the single most helpful thing my parents and other adults ever did about this was to notice when I DID stick up for myself and talk about how good that feels and how glad they were that I did it.  Honestly, even now that helps me, for example when I was very nervous about telling my boss that the way he was speaking to me sometimes was really upsetting me--my partner firmly encouraged me to believe that as a longtime valued employee I have a right to be treated compassionately, and then after I had the conversation with my boss and it went really well, my partner reiterated that this is the respect and understanding I deserve, and he has since reminded me of that positive experience when I am nervous about speaking up about something. 


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Old 10-11-2013, 03:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
 

My child has no trouble with this--in fact, his dad and I are constantly struggling against his willingness to stand up for himself rather than do what we want him to do!

 

But I was a shy and compliant child with a big fear of disappointing others, so people with clear and confident expectations could easily walk all over me.  I think the single most helpful thing my parents and other adults ever did about this was to notice when I DID stick up for myself and talk about how good that feels and how glad they were that I did it.  Honestly, even now that helps me, for example when I was very nervous about telling my boss that the way he was speaking to me sometimes was really upsetting me--my partner firmly encouraged me to believe that as a longtime valued employee I have a right to be treated compassionately, and then after I had the conversation with my boss and it went really well, my partner reiterated that this is the respect and understanding I deserve, and he has since reminded me of that positive experience when I am nervous about speaking up about something. 

 

That's a good point -making sure to praise them when they do stand up for themselves, I will keep that in mind.

 

I was just going to add that although your child might have no trouble with this subject when he is with his mom and dad, that doesn't mean it's the same when he is around other people such as kids at school. I know kids like this who are extremely confident in the home but outside they are not.


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Old 10-11-2013, 08:13 PM
 
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You sound like a great mommy to be! :-)

 

One of the number one things I can think of right now is to let children learn from their mistakes, and let them work things out for themselves. Be supportive, instruct when a new task is being taught, but then step back and let them do it themselves for better or for worse. Praise when they do a good job. Offer support and hugs when it doesn't turn out well, and encourage them to try again.

 

I see too many parents sticking their hands into their kids' business. They help them too much with homework. It's one thing if the kid is struggling, sit down and help them. But if the kid is not being responsible, let them get a bad grade or two rather than rushing it to school because they forgot to pack it. I remember in Kindergarten the kids were given gingerbread men cutouts and were asked to decorate them at home with normal household objects and bring them back in. Some of them looked professionally done-- too perfect! What kind of confidence does that build?
 

My 12 year old has failed at several cooking experiments because she didn't follow the recipe right or the directions on the back of the box of mix. I saw her make those mistakes and let her make them and learn from them. I could have caught her mistakes but then she would not have confidence that she could ever do it alone. Instead when it turned out badly, I would hug her and tell her a story of my own cooking disasters. She now makes some good food and follows the directions carefully. :-) 

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