How do you respond to "You're the meanest/bossiest/worst Mom in the world!" ? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-17-2013, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wondering how you all react to this.  Any catch phrases I can borrow :)  I know this is probably just a normal part of challenging authority(DS is 4), but it gets to me nonetheless.

 

When I'm calm I manage to say "It's my job to make sure you are safe and healthy.  When you make safe and healthy decisions for yourself, I will stop telling you what to do."  

 

When I'm not calm it comes out something like " Ohhh,  You don't even know what mean is!"  hide.gif  OK, that probably isn't the best way to handle this.  Nothing I say in this situation seems to make a bit of difference.  


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Old 10-17-2013, 01:11 PM
 
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I know it's hard for a 4yo to understand a lot of things. But telling him it's your job to keep you safe is a good thing to tell him! It's hard not to take things personally. You can also perhaps give voice to his feelings, like, "I know you are frustrated that you can't have that. It must make you feel really upset."

 

And in the midst of it, try to create enough happy, special memories that you can refer him back to when he tells this to you. Talk to them while you are making those memories, like, "I really enjoy spending time with you. We had fun making cookies together, didn't we? You are my favorite little cook."


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Old 10-17-2013, 01:37 PM
 
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Probably with something like "Well, you're the stinkiest child in the universe!"  :)

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Old 10-17-2013, 01:40 PM
 
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I often just go with "Yup."

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Old 10-17-2013, 01:43 PM
 
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I never gave much of a response and it rarely happened. I focus on feelings behind statements.
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Old 10-17-2013, 02:08 PM
 
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"What?  You are only just now realizing that?"

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Old 10-17-2013, 03:08 PM
 
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In the moment, I don't bother responding and just focus on the original issue. Out of the moment, I make it clear that it's okay to be angry at me: all kids get angry at their parents, but it's not okay to talk to me like that, and then we talk about more acceptable ways to express and calm that anger.


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Old 10-17-2013, 05:43 PM
 
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So far only my middle child has ever said anything remotely close to this and if and when she does she goes to time away to have time to think about it. And I love her anyway! Because I remember many times hating my own mother (but never telling her). My daughter tells me she loves me way more than she ever would say this so I'm okay when she does say it out of frustration.


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Old 10-17-2013, 06:46 PM
 
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I always say, "I understand. But I still can't let you blah, blah, blah"

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Old 10-17-2013, 07:02 PM
 
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I usually ask them to write me a nomination letter for the "mean mom of the year" award.

Then they start arguing with me about if the mean mom award is real and weather or not I have a real shot at the award.


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Old 10-18-2013, 07:38 AM
 
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I own it, embrace it even. I find it removes the wind from the sails of that argument. Sometimes it's even funny. I've been the first one to say it in a discussion if I hear something like "Johnny's mom lets him.....". My response - "Well, then, Johnny is lucky, but since you've got the meanest mom in the world...." We'll go on and discuss my reasons..."I'm the meanest mom because these standards/expectations etc. apply in our family.....". But we will also discuss their side too. Since I try to understand their point of view and since they know I will be reasonable if they give me good reasons, the mean mom label doesn't really stick and it doesn't bother me in the least. Sometimes it's my job to be the meanest mom in the world.    

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Old 10-18-2013, 08:17 AM
 
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I say "Yep." Everyone, every child, has said it. It is just classic.


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Old 10-18-2013, 08:55 AM
 
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Some days I have a good response. Some days I say "Thanks, I'm finally the best at something!" 

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Old 10-18-2013, 09:41 AM
 
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"You're angry at me, I know"


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Old 10-21-2013, 05:59 PM
 
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"You sound really angry.  Would you like to talk about it?"

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Old 10-22-2013, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missnoodlesmom View Post
 

"You sound really angry.  Would you like to talk about it?"

 

Oh, would he ever like to talk about it !  :bgbounce  It's all I hear about for the next 24 hours, lol!! 

 

Thanks for all the support and funny responses!


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Old 10-23-2013, 11:16 PM
 
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I'll shrug and say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I think you're one of the coolest kids in the world and that's why I have to keep you safe/healthy/well rested/well mannered/whatever"
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Old 11-01-2013, 03:01 PM
 
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"I get that a lot."

 

All joking aside, I remember saying things of that sort to my mom.  She took it VERY personally and allowed me to really hurt her feelings when I was only 6 or 7.  I really think that's crazy!   I am thankful that I'm not that insecure!

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