Obedience, compliance, following rules... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-24-2013, 04:15 AM - Thread Starter
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I have no idea where my DS gets it from, but he is such an obedient child. Whatever an adult says, he listens and complies. He is eager to please just about anybody and finds other people's opinions about him very important. It breaks his heart when someone doesn't like him or calls him names (he is the only foreign child in his entire school). We do not have behavioural issues or tantrums or aggression in this house and frankly... it worries me.


When I was little, I questioned everything and everyone, every rule. Did not care much about other people's opinions and did what I thought was right, even when it wasn't, that is how I learned. 


Shouldn't he by now be able to question things and break the rules a little? He is eight, he is a bright little boy. I want him to find his own way, his own opinion and not just go with everyone else's. He has been like that since he was a newborn, really. I wanted to feed on demand, he decided on a four-hour schedule and slept through the night within weeks. I wanted to co-sleep, he never shut an eye in our bed and arched his little body into hit cot. Only slept when we left the room, otherwise wouldn't shut an eye. He is still like that, but now he can put it in words. I wanted a gifted, talented, spirited boy. He is average and loves his school work and does everything on time. I could not love this little child more, but I am worried about this, there just doesn't seem to be an inch of rebellion in him? 


Some people say "oh, you are so lucky". It is heartbreaking to see him so, so eager to please everybody and then have some other kids call him a Nazi at school, because he is German. A bit tougher and he would not be so affected by all this. 


Anywhere you look, everywhere you talk to, parents seem to have the exact opposite problem and sometimes I envy them....


Are there mum here with similar experiences?

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#2 of 3 Old 10-24-2013, 09:08 AM
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I think you need to just embrace who he is.  That bold, confident child is another child.  Who he is is good enough.  There are worse things than being a rule follower.  The world needs cautious, thoughtful, hard workers.  There is NOTHING wrong with being any of those things.


As he gets older, you can work on not looking so much for outside approval and handling teasing, but he's eight.  He has a whole lifetime to work on those things.


As for the name calling, I can think of adults who would be provoked to tears or a fight over being called a "Nazi." That is really awful and I assume you've talked to someone in the school about it? 

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#3 of 3 Old 11-25-2013, 10:10 AM - Thread Starter
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I don't want to change him. I don't want him to change, he is so kind and loving and sweet. I guess, I am scared of the world breaking and crushing him because he is so dependent on what others think about him. 


The school is handling the nazi thing pretty well, in fact, they have contacted the police for racism and there has been a big talk about this. It has abated, luckily. 

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