My 5yo "confessed" he wants to be a girl - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 04-13-2014, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So my beautiful 5 year old asked me this morning if there is such a thing as a wizard who can change people into other things.  When I asked him what he wanted to be he told me that he wants to be a woman and that he has wanted to be a woman for a long time.  We had a talk about transgendered people and I told him about one of my closest friends from childhood who now is male (and who had indentified as male since the time we were six).  He seemed relieved that I didn't think what he'd said was at all unusual and he brought the conversation up a few other times throughout the day...so I could tell he was thinking about it.

 

This didn't come as a surprise to me.  He's been telling us on and off (as in maybe twice or three times a year) that he wants to be a girl since he was old enough to talk and he sometimes asks me to change "boy" into "girl" when I sing him songs or lullabies.  Aside from the fact that his favorite color has always been pink, which I don't see as much of an indication of anything, he has interests that we typically consider "boyish" in our culture (wrestling play, sports, fishing, anything with wheels ;-) ).  In imaginative play he is male about 75% of the time.

 

My question is, how much of this is typical for a young child?  At what point do I need to give some extra attention to educating myself in raising a trans kid?  I'm totally unconcerned about it...just want to be sure I'm doing right by him.  Love the little bugger.

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#2 of 21 Old 04-13-2014, 07:09 PM
 
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I don't know, but I always wanted to be a boy. For as long as I can remember, I would try to make my voice deep and do things all the boys in my family did. I remember crying for over an hour because I didn't want to wear a dress to school in first grade. My mom finally gave up.

As an adult, I am happy to be a woman. There was some frustration at not being a boy through my teen years, but because of my religious upbringing, thats as far as it went. I never has counseling or something to convince me I should be a girl, but I did realize that my wanting to be a boy wasnt because I wanted to be one, but because I wanted to be treated like they were...respected and strong.

So, I understand now that I can be both. I don't have to be a floofy sissy girl portrayed by the media, nor do I have to be a boy to be me. I'm happy in my own skin, and thankful no one told me I had to change my outer to match my inner. I am thankful to know that I am complete already, just as I am.

I think there is a quick jump in our culture to want to support our kids in being whatever gender they choose, without supporting firstly and much more thoroughly WHY they want to be something else.
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#3 of 21 Old 04-14-2014, 08:29 AM
 
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I think there is a quick jump in our culture to want to support our kids in being whatever gender they choose, without supporting firstly and much more thoroughly WHY they want to be something else.
 

 

I wonder what it is about women and girls that he likes so much.  I'm not trying to deny this might be the beginning of a lifetime interest.  But I'm thinking of kids this age and their immature concept of gender.  Kids this age can think playing with a certain toy might make them change into a boy or girl.  They don't quite understand that gender is, biologically speaking, permanent.  What makes a boy or a girl is rather mysterious, even if they understand about genitalia-- the *immutability* of gender won't stick until just a little later.

 

So, instead of bringing up the transgender conversation so much, I would be asking what it means to him to be a girl or boy.  I would be listening to his ideas and not bringing up issues beyond that, unless he asks something like "do boys ever grow up to be women".  In that case, I would start with the biological answer, because I think what he might asking is "is it as normal as my teeth falling out and getting new ones."  I'm not opposed to bringing up the transgender issue, but I don't think this is what most kids are really asking about.  

 

FWIW, my grandnephew showed every sign from the time he was 2yo that he was more interested in girl stuff that boy stuff.  You think I'm going to say he grew up to be every bit a "boy"?  Nope.  He never changed his trajectory.  He is a well-grounded, very effeminate young man.  Sometimes it really is who they are, and not the stage they are going through.  

 

But still, though I would be sensitive to the possibility, I wouldn't assume anything at this point.  

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#4 of 21 Old 04-14-2014, 08:36 AM
 
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At what point do you start educating yourself?  As long as you don't start looking for what might not be there, you might get some useful information even now.  I'm sure there is a lot about supporting choices and *listening* that might be encouraging and helpful.  But it's when kids are 7yo or so that the immutability of gender starts really sticking and they can differentiate between *becoming* a girl and doing thing girls like.  

 

Even so, liking those things doesn't= transgender.  Not every person with issues like these chooses or even considers that path. There are many ways of embracing a different identity than the ones society expects.


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#5 of 21 Old 04-17-2014, 08:15 PM
 
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#6 of 21 Old 04-18-2014, 08:52 AM
 
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You have gotten some amazing replies.  I don't have much wisdom on this topic, except to add that I am dealing with an almost opposite problem with my 5 year old boy in that he is seriously disdainful of anything girly or feminine to the point of being practically misogynistic.  He only plays with boys.  He is only into "boy stuff" (according to him).  He loves his older sister, but almost resents her interest in typical girl stuff like dolls, My Little Pony, etc.  I figure it's normal, but I can't help but being a bit offended by the extent of his negative reaction towards femininity.  

 

Anyway, I don't want to hijack.  I agree it's probably too early to start thinking seriously about the possibility of your child being a transkid.  It's great that you are such an open and supportive mom. 

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#7 of 21 Old 04-21-2014, 11:59 AM
 
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I think at this point, you just keep listening.  I think it's fairly common for children that age to wonder what it's like to be someone else.  Or maybe it's the start of something bigger.

 

A friend of mine has a son who is now in middle school who has been dressing up in princess costumes, playing with Barbies, etc since toddlerhood.  The advice she got from a trusted expert is that until puberty when things become much clearer, you just let them be who they are, even if that changes from day to day.  Guide them to be a good *person* - it doesn't matter then if you're a boy, a girl, or somewhere in between.  (And I think that's good advice for any kid, really.)


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#8 of 21 Old 04-25-2014, 07:32 PM
 
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This was really interesting to read. My son is 3.5 now and says stuff like "when I grow up and I'm a woman" or "I want a dress like that when I'm a woman". I'm not concerned. I also have no problem with trans gender besides knowing it might make his life more difficult. But I've never heard anyone else say anything similar about their son. I'll just continue to leave it alone or occasionally question the why behind it as mentioned above. But it's good to know they don't really get it until later.

Thanks for this topic.

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#9 of 21 Old 04-25-2014, 08:07 PM
 
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Considering the things I've heard kids that age say (including an old aquaintance who wanted to be a fire truck when she grew up) I think some of it has to be chalked up to fantastical thinking. Maybe he doesn't know he can be sensitive and feel pretty and so on without rejecting his maleness.

I would focus on emphasizing that his choices and ways can be feminine things even if he is a boy. Sometimes I wonder how much of the negative elements of the trans* experience could just be avoided if we loosened up on gender norms. Like, no, you don't need a penis to be powerful and respected and such.

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#10 of 21 Old 05-02-2014, 05:06 PM
 
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My son at the age of 4 was hart broken to find out that he could never get pregnant! Now he accepted that it's just the way our bodies work and we can't change that he never talks about it anymore. Still talks about his kids, but also a wife wink1.gif just saying sometimes its just discovering who you are and your limitations. Good luck!
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#11 of 21 Old 05-23-2014, 12:48 PM
 
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My ds was and is much the same. After talking to him his idea of gender was most hair, clothes and types of toys kids play with. He just happened to like " girls " hair and clothes but is still all into " boys " toys and play. It's different but he is happy so I am fine with it. Not sure where it will end up long term will just deal with things as they come up.
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#12 of 21 Old 05-23-2014, 04:48 PM
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I always wanted to be a boy. I hated everything about being a girl, esp the stupid clothes.

 

I'm 55. I wear jeans and t-shirts and hate dressing up, but I LOVE being a mother. My two youngest, twin girls, were late to talk. One of the first things they told me was that their names were really Mike and John. We were supportive. In first grade they chose to cut their hair very short and kept it that way for about 18 months. Not a boys hair cut, but a very, very short woman's cut. When we went roller skating, people lined up along the sides of the rink (hard to believe) and screamed at them to get off the floor during the girls only skate.

 

(I snapped. Bad day. Totally non-violent me actually pushed some woman I was so mad. But there were my babies, boyish looking babies, but who cares, tears streaming down their faces as they went round and round, refusing to leave the floor, while 3+ dozen kids and their parents screamed at them to get off the floor. When I tried to explain, the woman I later  pushed gave me some crap about dressing them more like little girls. I wanted to punch her. My brave babies! They were 7, there were about 150 onlookers. They were both, BTW, wearing earrings. One had hearts, one stars. And we lived 20 miles From Northampton, MA, which is touted as the lesbian capital of the world.)

 

When they were in the second grade we were having a big meeting about their learning disabilities-we should all worry less, they're fine now-that was completely overtaken by the school psych talking to me about how we were going to deal with the fact that our daughters were gay. (Better than her, I thought, since we so no reason to be discussing it at a meeting about their education.)

 

Those babies, and their older sister who gave her father, my first husband, crap at every turn about his desire to see her in a dress, all are quite clearly women now. They like men just fine and are planning to settle down and become stay at home Mamas with big gardens and loads of pets. And husbands.

 

I think for girls, some of it is all that princess crap. Some girls love it. I hated it. My DDs all hated it. They loved adventure stories and all the heroes were men. Maybe some boys love the princess stories and identify with the princesses, not because they're transgender, but because they're curious or enthralled by the cool shoes or the tiaras! (As a kid I desperately wanted to be a boy so I could go to war and shoot guns. :/ I didn't want to kill anyone. Well...maybe just the bad guys.)

 

My point, I think, it that some of us like to explore all the angles, others are just curious, still others confused. There is no clear answer. Some kids know in kindergarten who they're attracted to. Other not until their late teens or later. It's a long and bumpy ride! It's wonderful that you recognize that your child might be ...anything, and that you are willing to stand behind his or her decisions. It matters.

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#13 of 21 Old 05-23-2014, 05:05 PM
 
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I just thought having a penis would be so darn cool when I was a little girl. Total penis envy. I probably outgrew this by age 6 or so. 

 

I was never very girly. My friends weren't that girly either. We did play with dolls, and we played "house" and "school", etc. I remember one of my favorite toys was a matchbox car track and I had a big collection of cars to go with it. I also loved my science kit and microscope, etc. I don't remember my girlfriends playing cars or science stuff with me...I think I played with that alone.

 

I didn't have brothers, but the most fun I had growing up was with my male cousins. I guess it was a nice break from dolls and such!

 

I grew up in the 70s when most girls still wanted to be nurses, teachers or housewives, so my choice of career was a bit unusual back then. I wanted to be an archeologist. When I was about 10, I became interested in architecture. I was a bit "different" as a child, for sure. 

 

I say it could still be a phase with your son. Most kids will say stuff like this sometimes, but it is curious that it has gone on for some time. I wonder if your son is very fond of your friend who chose to change their sex. Does he know her? My daughter LOVES my hairstylist, who happens to be a vegan. We are not a vegan or vegetarian family, but I don't eat meat very often (my husband and son do). My daughter would ask about my hairstylist and why she doesn't eat meat, etc. My daughter was young and impressionable (5) when I explained honestly that she loves animals and doesn't want to eat them. By age 7 my daughter declared she was a vegetarian (3 months in now and still going strong), and I have to wonder how much of that is because she loves our stylist with the purple hair and wants to be just like her! 

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#14 of 21 Old 05-23-2014, 05:12 PM
 
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Another thought...I had a friend with the same problem with her son. She thinks she knows why it happened. Her husband was giving him a bath, and retracted his uncircumcised penis and hurt him. He bled. It was very traumatic. The father claims that his relatives did this to him in the bath when he was a little boy too. She claims that ever since that happened, he has been acting "like a girl" and saying he doesn't want a penis.

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#15 of 21 Old 05-25-2014, 11:45 AM
 
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My question is, how much of this is typical for a young child?  At what point do I need to give some extra attention to educating myself in raising a trans kid?  I'm totally unconcerned about it...just want to be sure I'm doing right by him.  Love the little bugger.

unfortunately there is nothing 'typical'. while some children fantasize and do imaginary play, others know their mind and are serious about how they feel. you already have trans friends so you already quite ahead. 

 

as a mother you have to stay open. figure out how you would feel if he wanted to go out in a dress and how you would handle your biases to deal with that. its these little things that will be what is going to 'stretch' you. how would you feel if he wanted pink sparkely slippers. and just coz he does that does not mean trans at all for sure. 

 

i think if you are open and be supportive you will be fine. my friend's adult dd is going thru the change. if you stay with the core - that no matter what you love your child and do express your struggle (friend did - and dd understood that it was hard for her mom to take initially. but she knew her mom loved her and was just struggling to having a son - getting the personal pronoun mixed up - and ultimately her mom was able to work thru her own issues and be by her son 100%)

 

the struggle for a mom is when their child goes against sociatal norms. it can be anything. makeup at 11. walking to the store alone at 9.... how you handle it is what matters. how open are you to the possibility - HOW you handle it makes the biggest difference. 


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#16 of 21 Old 05-26-2014, 06:36 PM
 
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(I snapped. Bad day. Totally non-violent me actually pushed some woman I was so mad. But there were my babies, boyish looking babies, but who cares, tears streaming down their faces as they went round and round, refusing to leave the floor, while 3+ dozen kids and their parents screamed at them to get off the floor. When I tried to explain, the woman I later  pushed gave me some crap about dressing them more like little girls. I wanted to punch her. My brave babies! They were 7, there were about 150 onlookers. They were both, BTW, wearing earrings. One had hearts, one stars. And we lived 20 miles From Northampton, MA, which is touted as the lesbian capital of the world.)

 

I think I would have to! this story just turned my stomach. I hate people sometimes. 


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#17 of 21 Old 06-05-2014, 09:14 AM
 
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I don't have much/any really experience with this, but I recently watched this video about a transgender 5 or 6 year old and thought I would share it in case you hadn't come across it.

In no way do I mean to imply that your situation is the same, just that I found this video inspiring and think you would too.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...comm_ref=false

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#18 of 21 Old 06-05-2014, 11:00 AM
 
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I knew parents who asked their child every morning whether they wanted to be a girl or a boy. It was almost always "girl", but they made it clear the choice was still there. I think this is a really good idea, especially when you aren't sure if it's a phase or their true self. I'd look at it as similar to a kid who wears the same batman shirt every single day, the parents ask if they want to wear that or something else- and one day it may change, one day they may just need a bigger batman shirt.

I don't think there's any harm in letting kids play with gender. It's just playing a role. It's the same as playing and saying that you're a doctor or an astronaut or a lion tamer- most kids, it's just a game, even if they spend weeks or months running around in a cape insisting they're Superman it's still just a game, but some kids, it is who they truly want to be and they will grow up and do everything in their power to become a doctor or astronaut or lion tamer or whatever else. Same with gender, the more free people are willing to let kids be with gender roles, the more they play with them. It's how they learn, it's how they explore. You get boys dressing up in tutus and heels and girls playing with trucks- it doesn't mean they're all transgender or even queer. However, some of them are. How do you tell? You wait.

Even if we raise kids trying to teach open gender roles, they can still internalize gender roles from others. So, yes, you definitely will get a boy who is inherently, gender-wise, male saying "I want to be a girl" to actually mean "I want to wear pretty dresses" or "I want to marry a boy when I grow up" or "I like cooking"- because that boy believes these are things only women can do. And you certainly get girls who say "I want to be a boy" because of the power and respect. I've also seen at least one, heartbreaking, case of a girl who wanted to be a boy- it turned out that she was sexually assaulted, and thought that being a boy would protect her.

Another thing to consider is that not all transgender people transition. Transition is DAMN hard, it's expensive, it closes doors, it's dangerous. For many people, not transitioning is a death sentence, but not all trans people are that severe.

As a trans person, and one who kind of has my feet in two worlds in terms of transitioning/not, here's my advice:

-Let kids play with gender. Be respectful of the gender they say they are, aware that they may change their mind one day or they may have shown you their true self. The biggest issue is in telling others and school. Unless you're in an amazingly progressive school/community, jumping between gender identities isn't going to go over well. As long as your child is happy going to school as a boy, it's safer not to try transitioning outside of the house.

-Do try to see if there's an underlying reasoning. Reinforce that gender roles are just suggestions, make sure he knows about boys who do girl things and girls who do boy things. You can even show that there are cis men who breastfeed, one of the most "female" things to do.

-Introduce the idea of OTHER genders. A lot of people are genderqueer/non-binary/gender non-conforming/whatever you want to call it, not everyone is a man or a woman. Some kids who strongly feel "not [birth sex]" are only able to express this with "I'm [opposite sex]", even though it's more accurate to say "I'm a mix" or "Sometimes it changes".
-Consider finding a gender therapist if this goes on enough for you to think it may be serious. Be careful, as you can still get some who believe in reparative therapy,

-Be incredibly careful with how you talk about bodies. I honestly think that far more trans people would be comfortable not transitioning if we didn't have such toxic narratives about bodies. A lot of trans people, as adults, realize that they dont' need to transition when they realize that its THEIR body and they can define it how they want. Right now, there's this idea that "having a penis makes you a boy" or "you may be a girl, but you have a boy's body". I see so many well-meaning parents of trans kids going "I accept you as a girl! But you are in a BOY'S body it's MALE not yours". Not really conducive to self-acceptance. Please don't do that. Let him know that most people do feel that way, but that it is your child's body and your child is the only one who can define it.
Some essays that might be helpful if my last suggestion sounds totally kukoo, all by trans people: http://nonop.zxq.net/homology.html http://nonop.zxq.net/body.html http://tteaequality.wordpress.com/20...body-my-words/ http://binarysubverter.wordpress.com...01/wrong-body/ http://tumblesophie.blogspot.com/201...nged-from.html
You may notice a recurring theme that reclaiming our bodies is a big way for trans people to handle self-hate and even dysphoria. Save your child the journey of self-loathing and just start out with "You have what is called a penis, while some people think that makes you a boy, it does not, while some people call your body male, you don't have to, it is your body to define".

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#19 of 21 Old 06-06-2014, 08:17 AM
 
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Wow, silly sapling, thanks for your post. It's nice to hear about this issue from the trans community directly.

I had a question about your last point. Do you think that if society hadn't burdened us with brittle notions of gender that making that point would still carry a sting? I ask because when it comes down to it (and I want to point out that I wouldn't make a point of it unless asked) I would probably mention that there is such a thing as basic biological maleness. Society has decided--and I reject it-- that this carries with it other identifying markers.

So I'm afraid I might be one of those well-meaning parents, though I don't think I would want to drive home the point of "I accept you but.....". What would I say? That one part of their biology has determined that their bodies will look and function as male, defined as fulfilling the male role in reproduction. But that our sense of "maleness" is based on much more than that, and either way doesn't functionally dictate what other roles we take on and identify with. Again, no need to make a point unless pulled right into it, but my accepting my son as a girl, or my girls as boys (I have 2 girls, no boys) will not change the reproductive roles their DNA has given them. There are ways to fulfill that desire, but not in the body they were born with.

To summarize in case I've rambled, is this issue of body acceptance more painful because of other pressures? Is there another way parents can approach this when the conversation turns in this direction?

Again, I want to emphasize that I see no need to broach the subject unless necessary, but then again, bodies are very much the topic at this age, when kids think that playing cheerleader with their friends will turn them into a girl and growing up to be a dog is still entirely possible.

ETA: I think this is yet one more area when parents want to help change behavior now to avoid more painful lessons down the road. I try my best not to be motivated by that, but the drive is there.
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#20 of 21 Old 06-06-2014, 07:17 PM
 
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I had a question about your last point. Do you think that if society hadn't burdened us with brittle notions of gender that making that point would still carry a sting? I ask because when it comes down to it (and I want to point out that I wouldn't make a point of it unless asked) I would probably mention that there is such a thing as basic biological maleness. Society has decided--and I reject it-- that this carries with it other identifying markers.
Before I start: I don't think I made it clear that the issue is with forcing labels, not with acknowledging differences. Some trans people embrace "I have a female body, I'm working to make it male" and find that empowering, while others find that deeply hurtful.

Now, to your question:
Frankly, yes. The biggest problem with "biological maleness/femaleness" is used to oppress transgender people. If a person could say "I'm a woman and I'm male" and be fully respected as a woman- it wouldn't be an issue.

Something like 90% of the time a trans man is told "You're female", the person is not saying "this is a biologic reality that I think you're unaware of, but has no impact on your gender identity and in no way makes you less worthy of respect". Some 90% of the time, the person is saying "So you're really a woman" "So you're a freak" "There's something wrong with you" "You'll never be a REAL man". If it were the other way around, these words wouldn't matter, but it's not.

It's actually incredibly hard to have a damn conversation about gender while being totally trans-sensitive. I had a moderately popular blog about it and wanted to tear my hair out a lot with the verbal backflips I had to make. I hate that this is the case, I wish it weren't, I wish that we lived in a world where male women could be accepted as easily as female women, but we don't we live in a world where "male women" are brutally attacked and killed at a higher rate than any other group, no wonder those women don't want to be called "male"!

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So I'm afraid I might be one of those well-meaning parents, though I don't think I would want to drive home the point of "I accept you but.....". What would I say? That one part of their biology has determined that their bodies will look and function as male, defined as fulfilling the male role in reproduction. But that our sense of "maleness" is based on much more than that, and either way doesn't functionally dictate what other roles we take on and identify with. Again, no need to make a point unless pulled right into it, but my accepting my son as a girl, or my girls as boys (I have 2 girls, no boys) will not change the reproductive roles their DNA has given them. There are ways to fulfill that desire, but not in the body they were born with.
The problem is not acknowledging the difference between bodies. The problem is the words.

It may help to think of "male" and "female" as a little akin to the word "c*nt" (as in, to refer to female genitalia). There are women, and some non-women trans folk, who use this term as a badge of honor, embracing it. They either embrace it as who they are or embrace it as what their genitals are, reclaiming the word, making it powerful in a positive way. But a lot of people don't because this word is used as an insult, as an attack, to reduce people to their genitals and say that this makes them bad. Not wanting to be called "c*nt" or having any part of your body referred to as a "c*nt" isn't saying that you ignore the physical and biological realities, it's the word. "Male" and "female" are both used in very much the same way for trans people. As I mentioned, they are used to attack us and justify hurting us. We're reduced to our genitals when they're a body part that many of us would rather forget we had in the first place. I realize that there's a bit of a difference in that "male" and "female" are common, inoffensive words to the rest of the population- but, when applied to trans people, these words have teeth.

Trans people aren't the only ones that you sometimes need to avoid the clinical terms with. People with a history of rape/sexual abuse, people with a highly sheltered upbringing, I think even some religions and cultures can effect how comfortable people are with the clinical terms. I am well aware that, ideally, you can use the proper words because it encourages acceptance and avoids shame- but sometimes, self-loathing and shame are already there. You'll communicate a lot more effectively if you accept that, use the words the person can handle, and let them accept the clinical terms (or not) in their own time.

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To summarize in case I've rambled, is this issue of body acceptance more painful because of other pressures? Is there another way parents can approach this when the conversation turns in this direction?
The words issue is 100% other pressures. Okay, maybe not 100%, but way up there. I can't say with full confidence that if we were at a point of high trans-acceptance, where we didn't equate male=man/female=woman, that trans people wouldn't care about their bodies being called by the clinical terms- but I'm pretty dang sure that a LOT wouldn't mind.

For how to talk about it... http://ourfeministplayschool.ca/2013...s-transissues/ That seems to have good advice.

I think the biggest thing is to point out that penis/male=man and vagina/female=girl isn't accurate all the time and to respect who people say they are. You can use female/male, or even girl/boy, as long as your kid is comfortable with it (and if they aren't, find out why) as more of a shorthand. You don't have to make a huge deal about it, I don't think, just introduce the idea casually. It is a little easier if you have a prominent person in your kids' life who is trans, first to have a reason to bring it up and second to have someone they can talk to, but it's not necessary.

I have no idea how much is "enough", and I'm guessing it varies from child to child. Some kids will understand it and remember it from just one conversation, some won't get it until you bring it up every day for a month. I hope that the kids who are trans won't need much, or who will be more likely to ask about it, but it's hard to know.

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Again, I want to emphasize that I see no need to broach the subject unless necessary, but then again, bodies are very much the topic at this age, when kids think that playing cheerleader with their friends will turn them into a girl and growing up to be a dog is still entirely possible.
I don't really think that there's any reason not to, and there could very well be reason to without you knowing it. I knew parents who walked in on their then-2 year old taking scissors to her penis because she thought cutting it off would make her a girl. I really want to be able to say "don't worry about it until they're older", but after seeing that... yeah.

Also, the number of kids who are transitioning younger is increasing, so it's possible that your kids will meet someone in school (or, if you're homeschooling, at the homeschool group) that is trans, and if they know what it is before meeting the kids, it'll be more likely that they'll react well and have an easier time understanding it.

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ETA: I think this is yet one more area when parents want to help change behavior now to avoid more painful lessons down the road. I try my best not to be motivated by that, but the drive is there.
Honestly, I think it's a good thing to be motivated by, within reason. Again- I don't think there's need for more than casually bringing it up occasionally.

It sounds like you thought I was saying to cut 'male' and 'female' out of your vocabulary entirely- yeah, that'd be extreme. I imagine some trans folk who are particularly dysphoric do need that, but most people don't.
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Last edited by sillysapling; 06-06-2014 at 07:34 PM.
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#21 of 21 Old 07-10-2014, 10:45 PM
 
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I see that this hasn't been active for a little while, but I just wanted to say thanks to you all who shared your thoughts and experiences here. My son/daughter? is still young but has persistently been expressing that he is a girl at various points over the last year...I won't get into all of the details here, but it was helpful for me to read through this. Just for further reference to anyone else who might come across this thread in the future, I found this article to be helpful too https://www.genderspectrum.org/image...ransgender.pdf

It really emphasizes the whole part about allowing your child to self-express and supporting how they identify and that the difference between fantasy play and being transgender is the persistent expression of a transgender identity over time (several years).
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