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-   -   disturbing nicknames for the new baby. please help! (http://www.mothering.com/forum/65-childhood-years/1424610-disturbing-nicknames-new-baby-please-help.html)

maragrace 06-18-2014 05:02 AM

disturbing nicknames for the new baby. please help!
 
hi, my 4 yr old DD has started calling her new sister Aspin names such as Ass, Assie, and Ass-ass, which I find very disturbing, especially coming from a child so young, but I know that if I tell her its a very bad word, she'll just start saying it more! maybe I should have seen this coming, and named the baby Sara, or something, but now I have a problem! help, please!

JamieCatheryn 06-18-2014 05:43 AM

I don't know how contrary she is, but I would tell mine that's a rude word that either means donkey or bottom, and they aren't to say it. Then I would suggest and model Pinny (Penny) as a nickname instead.

maragrace 06-18-2014 07:39 AM

i would, but DD has been feeling very rebellious since the baby was born, and would use it just to get a rise from me.

pumabearclan 06-18-2014 12:01 PM

If you think your child would do this / is doing this to provoke you then you can ignore it rather than escalate it through punishing or reprimand. I suspect that punishing the child (at 4 yrs) will "demonstrate" to her that you are "taking sides" against her and with the baby.

If you think that you regret the name in general due to current and potential misuse you can legally change it, make up an nickname of your own, or use the middle name, of course. Frankly, I think that changing the baby's name (legally or by using a different name) would send a powerful message that the child is not the label assigned to it by a resentful sibling. I kind of suspect that this nicknaming will never go away entirely if there is already resentment in the sibling relationship. I would hope that I'm wrong. However, now would be the time to set the tone and a name is an easy thing to change.

I think it's a lovely name but I've known people with first or last names that didn't work for whatever reason and they just changed them.

maragrace 06-18-2014 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumabearclan (Post 17708250)
If you think your child would do this / is doing this to provoke you then you can ignore it rather than escalate it through punishing or reprimand. I suspect that punishing the child (at 4 yrs) will "demonstrate" to her that you are "taking sides" against her and with the baby.

If you think that you regret the name in general due to current and potential misuse you can legally change it, make up an nickname of your own, or use the middle name, of course. Frankly, I think that changing the baby's name (legally or by using a different name) would send a powerful message that the child is not the label assigned to it by a resentful sibling. I kind of suspect that this nicknaming will never go away entirely if there is already resentment in the sibling relationship. I would hope that I'm wrong. However, now would be the time to set the tone and a name is an easy thing to change.

I think it's a lovely name but I've known people with first or last names that didn't work for whatever reason and they just changed them.

well, I think i'll try the middle name, until they develop a better relationship. DD hasn't been I new dig sister for about a year, and its quite hard for her, but she's getting better, and I'm giving her extra attention.

stormborn 06-18-2014 03:11 PM

Does she know what "ass" means or is she just shortening the name? That would make all the difference in how I would handle it, but I guess " use her whole name, please" would work either way.

ocelotmom 06-18-2014 03:15 PM

I was a little hesitant about naming my daughter Astrid for that reason. Thankfully, it hasn't been a problem. People have thought her name was Asteroid, though.

I realized well after the naming that my youngest's name rhymes with tuna. I think I might have figured out a different name if I'd realized that beforehand.

homeschoolingmama 06-18-2014 06:28 PM

It is a beautiful name. You can find things about any name if you try! I wouldn't go changing it because her sis is making up nicknames. It is bound to happen on the playground somehow with any name. ;) What worked for us was instead of using our baby's name I would say "your sister/brother." That way it was something of theirs instead of something that is mine. It kind of shifted their feelings about their siblings. It is something small but it worked for all of ours. We also talked up the big sis role and how helpful they are. We tried to focus on the older child when we could because the baby didn't get it yet anyway. We didn't go overboard but we tried to tune in to how older sis/bro were feeling.

maragrace 06-19-2014 04:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stormborn (Post 17708698)
Does she know what "ass" means or is she just shortening the name? That would make all the difference in how I would handle it, but I guess " use her whole name, please" would work either way.

no, she's just shortening the name. I hope...

Polliwog 06-19-2014 07:01 AM

I'm surprised that you're surprised. Those seem like pretty natural nicknames. I can see why they are bothersome, but even when you "fix" this, it's going to happen again.

JamieCatheryn 06-19-2014 10:35 AM

Astrid being mispronounced reminds me of Fringe

swede 06-19-2014 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polliwog (Post 17710522)
I'm surprised that you're surprised. Those seem like pretty natural nicknames. I can see why they are bothersome, but even when you "fix" this, it's going to happen again.

I agree - even Aspy - sounds like what many refer to their children with Aspergers as having....

maragrace 06-20-2014 05:53 AM

well, I guess that she's Willow now. that's her middle name.

stormborn 06-20-2014 07:00 AM

Aw, too bad, Aspin's a pretty name. Better now than later though and she could always go back to it later. FWIW my dd's friend Astrid said no one ever teased her about her name or shortened it, and she's just out of middle school. Willow's nice, too. At least she's have a good name story to tell when she's older. :)

Dd2's baby-name from big sister was Cookie, and when her cousin first started to talk it came out as "c*ck"! We got some strange looks at the park for awhile when he bellowed it; glad that one didn't stick.

pumabearclan 06-20-2014 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maragrace (Post 17713105)
well, I guess that she's Willow now. that's her middle name.

That is a beautiful name! And gives the little lady a unique signature: "A. Willow" Lastname :)

maragrace 06-20-2014 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumabearclan (Post 17713401)
That is a beautiful name! And gives the little lady a unique signature: "A. Willow" Lastname :)

A. Willow McKenzie. I like it!

ocelotmom 06-20-2014 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamieCatheryn (Post 17710994)
Astrid being mispronounced reminds me of Fringe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWx_bCPRNmY

The episode of The Office where they think the baby's name is Astird instead of Astrid came out not long after my Astrid was born. I had some regret for a while, but thankfully people forgot about that one quickly.

How To Train Your Dragon made the name a little more mainstream, and people have been less confused by it since then.

crazyms 06-20-2014 07:37 PM

I'm sure it'll pass. I didn't realize until after the birth that my youngest could be called "Nat" from Natalie... luckily no one else has bothered to use it! The worst nickname problem we've had here was DS calling DD "Mae" although that's no where near anything related to her name and it drove her crazy! For years that's all he would call her and we couldn't figure it out. What's worse is younger DD picked it up too. Ugh... poor DD!

Mom2010 06-24-2014 03:40 PM

My DD can be combative as well, so I have to make it her idea... and if she were doing this I might wait till I heard her do it, then try something like this...

What is your name again? Are you sock-sock? Ummm what about fish-fish? Nooooo... "Your name is ***? Oh I LOVE that name. It's such a beautiful name. Are you sure your not fish-fish? Hmmmm.. What about your sister, what is her name..(right or wrong her works)

Nick name: That's not her name. Do you remember what her name is, (help if needed) I bet she really loves it when you call her that, I bet she loves hearing you say her name, and you are so good at it...(you know, talk it and her up).

right name...Oh, she must love that name...maybe she would really like it if we called her that, it might confuse her if we are all saying names that aren't her's, we have to teach it to her. You are going to teach her soooo much. :wink:

Miracleswin 06-26-2014 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maragrace (Post 17706866)
hi, my 4 yr old DD has started calling her new sister Aspin names such as Ass, Assie, and Ass-ass, which I find very disturbing, especially coming from a child so young, but I know that if I tell her its a very bad word, she'll just start saying it more! maybe I should have seen this coming, and named the baby Sara, or something, but now I have a problem! help, please!

try getting her interested into a new nickname based on cartoons

JudiAU 06-26-2014 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maragrace (Post 17706866)
hi, my 4 yr old DD has started calling her new sister Aspin names such as Ass, Assie, and Ass-ass, which I find very disturbing, especially coming from a child so young, but I know that if I tell her its a very bad word, she'll just start saying it more! maybe I should have seen this coming, and named the baby Sara, or something, but now I have a problem! help, please!

Hum. It is the first thing that sprang to mind when I saw nick manes and your child's name. Sorry. It probably will be something she deals with for many years. I'd suggest you tackle it head on because she, and your daughter, will hear it now and forever.

I really like Penny as a nickname.


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